Am I being selfish?

[TheOtherVillainess]

We've seen nobody but family and friends just about since the day we brought James home from the hospital. We haven't gone ANYWHERE we didn't have to and now both DH and I are feeling the strain. He suggested that we turn DS over to his DM one night this week so that we can go out to dinner and a movie. I pooh-poohed the idea as being too selfish. He's only 2 1/2 wks old for crying out loud. Good parents don't leave their less than a month old babies with their parents to go out, do they?

TOV

 

[Serena]

Personally, I couldn't. Not that it's selfish, but I would be thinking and worrying about the baby all the time I was gone.

For a marriage, I think having a date every once in a while is a good thing, or so I hear, and you could probably use the break.

 

[mrsv98]

A little break won't hurt and would probably give you a little rest, even if it just for an hour.

After DD was born by c-section, I was a bit of a prisoner in our condo (stairs) and I would go crazy waiting for DH to come home so we could go out for just a little bit and walk around.

Don't plan anything big, go to Starbucks for coffee, go to the library, something local and quick the first time. Plan on calling at least twice in an hour, even tho you will swear you won't!

Part of being a good mom/dad is taking care of yourself so you have the energy adn resources for baby James, it is not selfish!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Not selfish at all! I was coaching softball (after c-section) when DS was about a week old, and I left DS with DMIL during practice.

Enjoy your time with DH!

 

[Kermit]

I don't think it's necessarily selfish, as long as you have a good plan in place. Has James spent a lot of time with your MIL, and does he comfort well when he's with her? Do you feel comfortable with him with her? Does she honor your wishes, or does she do things the way she did them with her kids? Does he take a bottle? We never gave Jacob bottles, so we never left him with anybody. In fact, we still haven't. I've left him with DH, of course, but never with anyone else. (We don't have family in the area, though, so it would be really different in our case.)

Personally, I couldn't do it at that age. I would be a nervous wreck.

Have you considered taking him with you? I do think you should get out. Fortunately, babies that age are extremely portable, most of the time. Unless he's a baby who's prone to crying and who gets out of sorts when things aren't normal, you can take him almost anywhere. A movie might be too loud at this age, but dinner should be extremely doable. We took Jacob to a lot of the nicest restaurants in town, and no one ever heard a peep out of him. A lot of people didn't even realize we had a baby with us. Your main problem at this age is that you probably can't nurse very discreetly. I know it took me a few months to get the hang of that. It will probably work best if you get completely ready to go, wait for him to want to nurse, and then walk out the door the minute he's done.

 

[Ella2]

No, you're being the mom of a newborn.

That said, you really should get out for at least a dinner with your husband...dinner and a movie may be pushing it, especially if you are nursing your son.

One of the BIGGEST strains on any marriage...albeit a JOYFUL strain ...is the addition of a new baby. You and your husband do need to make the time to be together. New babies become all encompassing (and rightly so) but it is REALLY important to remember that you were a couple first, before your son.

Go out for a couple of hours with your husband and let grandma enjoy her grandson.

 

[Gupsmom]

If you're feeling it, then 1-2 hours for a quiet dinner is certainly NOT selfish. It's not like you're taking off for a week. I say go for it. The baby will be in good hands and you'll be back, refreshed, before you know it.

Jess

 

[Pooh93]

When 2nd dd was born, I didn't go anywhere for about 2 weeks and I was about to climb the walls. One night, after her 2 am feeding, I got in the car and went for a drive. Not smart, looking back on it and I never even told dh I was leaving and when I came back everyone was still sound asleep. You won't tell on me after all these years, will you? Seriously, give yourselves a little break and if someone will watch your little one for a couple hours take that opportunity, because I never had anyone make me that offer with either dd. You will both feel better.

 

[Aimeedyan]

Certainly not selfish at all! I would wonder if you jetted off to WDW for a week without him, but whats a dinner out for an hour? You won't miss too much in just an hour or so, and your MIL will probably love the experience. And I promise that baby won't notice much difference in care =)

Have fun!!!!!!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

A little break won't hurt and would probably give you a little rest, even if it just for an hour.

That's what DH keeps saying, too. And it's not like we exactly have to twist DMIL's arm to get her to babysit. She keeps asking us when she can..even though she'll get to soon enough when we both go back to work in a couple of weeks.

I think DH just proposed the idea at the wrong time. I've been really stressed this weekend because last Thurs we went in for DS's 2 wk check up at the pedi's and he hadn't gained his birthweight back yet. We'd been only BFing up until that time, feeding him every couple three hours (using the Babywise books as a guidline) and he'd been pooping/peeing well. His color is great and he's not jaundiced the way he was when he first came home. His pedi said everything was fine except his weight and suggested we add formula to the mix and that I see a lactation consultant. I've decided against seeing the lac consultant because I've decided to pump whatever I can (which I'd be doing once I go back to work anyway) and give him formula, which seems to be keeping him full and making him happy. I have been stressed because at first I wanted to ONLY BF him and it really upset me the first couple of days after his pedi visit that I can't seem to make enough milk to get him to gain weight and keep him happy. Plus all those middle of the night feedings and my not wanting to sleep when he's napping because I am going a bit
over the house not being perfect or laundry not getting done is making me a bit cranky and my raging post-pregnancy hormones are NOT helping.

TOV

 

[DSNY FN]

Go have fun enjoy the evening you deserve it you did after all do all teh work of carryig the kid for 9 months then gave birth. We left our now 7 year old for a week with my mother when she was 3 months old so we could go to Disney.

 

[Kermit]

Just a word of warning, Babywise is notorious for not allowing babies to gain enough weight. Some babies do okay on the plan, but many don't. In fact, there has been legal action against Ezzo for the book, and the book is no longer being printed because his publisher was afraid of being sued. If you're happy with using some formula, that's fine, but if you want to use more breastmilk, you probably don't need to see a LC. Just nurse more often. Most babies need to nurse AT LEAST every 2-3 hours, especially during the day. Sometimes they nurse every hour. It's not as bad as that sounds. They don't nurse for nearly as long when they do it that way, and they only nurse constantly for a little while. In a few months, you'll have forgotten all about this phase because he'll have settled into his own schedule that doesn't require nearly as many feeding sessions.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

I know this is going to sound strange, but...

DD1 (now 5 1/2) was 8 weeks when I put her in daycare, but 3 1/2 months before DH and I went on a "date" after she was born (dinner for our 4th annivesary). And she was 9-10 months old before we started going out at night with any regularity.

DD2 (now 2 1/2) was 20 months before she hit daycare, but I left her with my parents (DH was deployed overseas) for an evening when she was about 2 months. She was regularly with a "date" type sitter from about 3 months on.

My advice to you is do what you are comfortable with. We still turn down things becuase we would rather spend time with DDs than friends. But we rarely turn down invitations that include DDs. Fortunately most of our friends have kids the same age as our DDs!! So we are one BIG happy family that have no blood relations! lol

 

[slo]

I absolutly don't feel it's selfish. DH and I went out around the same time as you w/ DD#1 but not w/ DD#2. We didn't with DD#2 because I just didn't feel like it. But w/ DD#1 I did and we went to the movies.

I believe that it is also important for grandparents to have some quality time w/ their grandchildren alone so this is one reason I don't believe you going out is selfish.

Go out and have a good time

 

[luv2nascar]

personally I think 2 1/2 weeks old is too little to be left with anyone
I'd wait until he was older
trust me it isn't going to get any easier
my 2nd dd will be 10 mos old next week and we've only gone out twice since she was born

you will have time for yourselves as your baby gets older
you can never get this precious bonding time back

 

[Mimi Q]

Go and have a good time!!

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Kermit--I had planned on using Babywise as a loose guidline but ever since DH got his hands on the book (a gift from DSIL), he's been trying to stick strictly to the schedule.

I just feel that leaving DS with DMIL this soon might be a bad idea. He's not a big cryer (unless his diaper is dirty/wet) and he seems to do ok with MIL (since she insists on being around him constantly..not that that's a bad thing! ). I just feel like leaving him with DMIL/DFIL this soon would make other people think we are horrible, selfish parents. Not that I should CARE what other people think, I know, but I can't help it.

TOV

 

[Serena]

TOV, as long as you don't make a habit of leaving your child elsewhere while you are out "having fun", then no one has the right to say anything

However, you asked for opinions and you know you will get some that you don't like. You have to decide for yourself what is the right thing to do.

If you need a night out with your husband, then take it. Having dinner is not over the top. Frankly, I wish I had someone that could have done that for me. But I'm pretty sure I would have fallen asleep waiting for my food.

 

[Kallison]

I posted before about breastfeeding on your first baby thread. Don't make yourself crazy, if he needs formula to thrive he will be fine. I obsessed over firstborn, they all survived fine with a combo of breast milk and formula. I just couldn't make enough milk for him.

As for movie we didn't go out for 2 1/2 months with firstborn. I picked Dances with Wolves, longest movie I could find! Don't remember what we did with the other two. Like I said, you tend to obsess with that first one. If DH needs a few hours out, then go and enjoy.

 

[GEM]

I was going to post the same thing about the "BabyWise" book. It's not only misinformed, but down right dangerous! Do a search for it on the web and you should find tons of information. It's pretty much impossible (and not a good idea anyway) to try to put a breastfed baby on a schedule. Nursing "on demand" is the best way to go, and, at least at first, that usually means nursing pretty much 24-7! It does get easier, though! If you want to stick with nursing, Kermit's advice about just breastfeeding as much as possible as often as possible is right on target! Supplementing with formula won't be good for your supply at all, and you will probably find out your little guy doesn't really need it. Of course, if that's what you want to do, that's fine, too! If you need any breastfeeding help or advice, feel free to pm or email me.

But, since this isn't a BFing thread, I'll get back on target . . .

I would say that if you feel comfortable with the situation, go ahead. I probably wouldn't have done it that soon, especially since we wanted to wait longer than that to introduce bottles, but I wouldn't think bad of you for doing it.

Our little guy was extremely early and very, very tiny. This was his first winter, so we were pretty much on house arrest because of the risk of RSV. We really didnt' go anywhere from October through the end of March. So, I know what it's like to feel a little cooped up! Good luck!