Am I being selfish?

[java]

Oh I hope you spoke with your brother. I get it. My brother's graduation was the same year we were getting married. I never even considered doing it the same month in fact we switched seasons and had a beautiful Fall wedding. So he got his celebration and we got ours. Your date is set in stone. There is no changing it. Their date is flexible. I wouldn't get too upset until they talk to you about it.
Plus once they start pricing out halls they may change their timeframe. I don't think you are being selfish.

 

[N&B'smom]

The sad things is, degrees are forever...marriages aren't. Go to your graduation and be proud. A 2 yr engagement tells me that one of them isn't even sure what the future holds so there is always a possibility the wedding never takes place.

A 2 year engagement does NOT mean that one of them isn't sure about it. I was engaged for 2 years because my husband was studying for a huge licensing exam and he wanted our wedding to be after the exam so he wouldn't have a care in the world. So, don't assume that there are issues just because it's a long engagement.....it could be OR it could be they have other reasons!

OP - I get not wanting it on the same day, that would be poor planning on their part. I can't imagine them choosing that day if they know NOW that you will graduate then. I don't however understand your desire to have an entire month around that date.

 

[tlbwriter]

I can see the brother's fiance posting: " Future SIL pouting & acting like she owns the whole month. Trying to plan our wedding, date has significance to us but she wants the whole month reserved for her graduation. And she has had struggles in the past so who knows if she will even graduate then."

To be fair to the OP, she doesn't want the whole month reserved for her graduation because she wants all the attention that month. She's just concerned that her grandparents won't be able to make two long distance trips in the same month.

 

[mdsoccermom]

The sad things is, degrees are forever...marriages aren't. Go to your graduation and be proud. A 2 yr engagement tells me that one of them isn't even sure what the future holds so there is always a possibility the wedding never takes place.

Hmmmm...what a ridiculous remark. There are all kinds of reasons people have long engagements. We had an almost 2 year engagement which was decided upon at the outset and will be married 18 years next month.

 

[snowywhite89]

Sorry but you are beng very selfish!!! A college graduation is no big deal. I got my diploma went out to dinner and that was it.

Nobody wants a month to celebrate!!!

What we all wanted to do was move on with our lives.

This is your brother's wedding. That is a far bigger deal and if you go you can see your grandparents.

Aren't you still at a community college and aren't you planning on getting your doctorate?

Your parents do so much for you with all of your medical problems and now you want to put them in a tough place.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Welcome to being the baby of the family!

Things that were wonderful and important to your parents the first couple of times around just aren't that shiny and important to them any more as they've had to reflect and realize. Also, they're older and more tired now, so things that they did for your older sibs they're simply not going to do for you.

The first wedding will be a bigger deal to them than the 3rd college graduation.

Yeah, it sucks.

On the plus side, your parents weren't as uptight or as nervous when you were growing up and were likely in a better place financially when you turned up. They had experience with the whole kid thing by the time they had you, so you got parents who knew their stuff, not the bumbling amateurs your older sibs got.

Shrug it off to birth order, enjoy your day (it may be the 3rd college graduation of their kids for your parents, but it's your first college graduation!) and, if necessary, send your brother a nice wedding present - if, and only if, it turns out in 2 years that graduation and his wedding fall on the same day, then go visit your grandparents and show them your shiny new diploma.

To keep from burning any bridges, make every effort to work with everyone, always keep your words sweet enough to eat, but be firm, if it's important to you, that this is a momentous milestone to you and you'll be at your own college gradution!

 

[crashbb]

To be fair to the OP, she doesn't want the whole month reserved for her graduation because she wants all the attention that month. She's just concerned that her grandparents won't be able to make two long distance trips in the same month.

Actually, at least in part, it IS because she wants all the attention (at least, based on what was original).

Truncated from OP:

Now it will be my turn to graduate and I feel like I am getting shafted and being completely ignored because of the wedding. I know that since we will have to fly across the country for the wedding, my parents will be at my graduation and than leaving like 2 days later so I know that their focus will be on the wedding.

I understand that his wedding is a big deal. I really do. ANd I am definitley looking foward to the wedding. but what I dont understand and what no one seems to want to answer is WHY it has to be at the same time as my graduation.

I WANT my parents at my graduation and NOT thinking about the weddingI WANT my grandparents to be at my graduation just like they were for my brother and cousin
I WANT my graduation to be mine....not just the weekend before my brothers wedding

OP - I absolutely don't think are selfish for not wanting the wedding to be the day of your graduation, but I do think that asking for the weekends around the wedding to also remain clear. I'm assuming if the weekend after your graduation is bad, you'd also have a problem if they had it the weekend before your graduation. So, you are asking for almost a month during which they are not allowed to have their wedding. To me, that is selfish.

 

[BeefJerky]

The sad things is, degrees are forever...marriages aren't. Go to your graduation and be proud. A 2 yr engagement tells me that one of them isn't even sure what the future holds so there is always a possibility the wedding never takes place.

Maybe it's that mentality that doesn't make marriage a forever thing.

As for the OP, does your brother even know about the date? I am sure if you tell him he will understand. Don't fly off the handle until you know for sure that he knows.

 

[allison443]

To be fair to the OP, she doesn't want the whole month reserved for her graduation because she wants all the attention that month. She's just concerned that her grandparents won't be able to make two long distance trips in the same month.

I don't understand the part about the two long distance trips...OP said her grandparents are on the other side of the country so to come to graduation would be a big trip, but then she said her parents have to travel cross country to go to the brother's wedding. It sounds like the graduation and the wedding are on opposite sides of the country. So where do the grandparents live-near the OP or near the wedding location, or somewhere else?