Am I being overly cautious and/or stressing too much? I'm back! UPDATE- post 23

[luvflorida]

Tomorrow I leave for Florida. My husband left this morning in order to get set up for a business show he does every year in Orlando. I usually go with him and I've always taken our daughter. This is the first time that we've ever gone anywhere at the same time without taking her with us.

Daughter is fifteen, so it's not like she's a young child, but STILL. My mother is staying with her, but doesn't drive, so our oldest son came out from Arizona to stay here also. He will be the one to get her to and from school and dance classes all week.

I can't stop thinking about all the things that could happen while we're gone, (we'll be about three and half hours away by plane). Injuries, sickness, etc. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry and to just go and have a good time. Easier said than done.

I've made sure the school knows we'll be gone and the dance studio. I've left numerous contact numbers with both places, copies of daughter's medical insurance card, and signed consent forms for medical treatment in the case of an emergency. I've taken a bit of good natured ribbing from friends at the dance studio because they think I'm stressing too much about leaving for a few days, but wow, I'm finding it hard to not worry about all the what-ifs.

I probably wouldn't worry quite as much, but I know daughter has some anxiety/sensitivity issues that can sometimes get the best of her.

For parents who have left a child or young teen behind, how do you do it? How do you and your spouse go and enjoy yourself and not worry?

 

[Servants of Evan]

Since my little one is only 4 we're not exactly in the same boat, but my parents went out of town occasionally when I was a teen and it boiled down to this: They had spent a decent portion of their lives teaching me right from wrong, instilling their values, and making me think to use the 'ol melon for more than a hat rack. This was like the practical test... If you've done the above, it's time to see how she does. Later as I went to college, I was always amazed at some of the shear stupidity shown by some classmates. Then it dawned on me -- they had never been out of the house or away from their parents. They never had to be responsible, and judging by their behavior -- they didn't intend on starting just yet! Granted it happens, but instilling a sense of responsibility early will be much better than late!

 

[luvflorida]

... my parents went out of town occasionally when I was a teen and it boiled down to this: They had spent a decent portion of their lives teaching me right from wrong, instilling their values, and making me think to use the 'ol melon for more than a hat rack.

I'm not worried about right/wrong choices, but more worried about her getting sick or injured, (she dances four days a week), or needing me because of some problem or conflict at school, etc.

I agree she is probably more dependent on us than most kids her age. She's a well traveled kid and has been places and done things that most kids her age haven't, so it's not like she hasn't been out in the world. It's just that she's always been with family.

I know she needs to be more independent and I guess this is a step in the right direction, but it sure is tough. I was excited about going and having time to myself, but now that I leave tomorrow, I'm getting cold feet.

 

[Cruisin]

I know exactly how you feel and my kids are 22 and 18

It's always scary leaving them behind but so far they've seemed to manage just fine on their own. I just booked a flight for a Florida vacation from April 22 to May 1, so I certainly understand.

Still, I always get nervous before I go away without them. Once I'm gone, I'm usually fine, and forget they even exist , just kidding of course.

You have put all of the precautions in place that you possibly can. She will have Grandma and big brother there to look out for her.

Go and enjoy yourself.

 

[laura001]

We have left our children quite often. The hardest part for me is when we go and left the 17 year old and 21 year old alone at the house....ewww! Nothing has ever happened and they both go along with their lives as if we were there. My youngest who is 14 usually stays with my MIL but will spend the odd night at home with my 21 yr old. I have learned over the years that all I can do is my best and hope that I have instilled the responsible values into my children.

You need to get away without your children and on more than one occasion, the more you do it the easier it seems to be. You should have seen me when my 21 (then 20) year old went to London, England to attend University there...... It is tough being a parent.

 

[Planogirl]

Chances are that she'll be going away to college in a few years so you might want to loosen up a little bit before those days get here. She will be with family that I assume you trust so I don't see that there's much to worry about.

You say that she tends to be rather dependent on you so this might be good for her too. Just go have fun and let these other family members see to your daughter.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My DH and I went to WDW almost 1 1/2 years ago for 5 days without the kids. I worried about plenty before we left (my in-laws came from CA to take care of the kids) and I remember being plenty stressed before leaving, but once we were gone we had a great time. My then 11yo son was carpooling to a baseball game and the car he was in was rear ended. He was fine and we were not too worried, but it shows that things can happen. My in-laws had medical consent, not that Zachary even had to go to the doctor, but at least I knew he could easily be treated if need be. The worst part was my MIL calling and leaving a message on our cell that was cryptic and got us worrying. Once my DH talked with her we realized everything was fine, and she could have been a little calmer in her message. Other that that, we had a great time together.

Go, have a good time, and know that things will be fine!

 

[luvflorida]

Chances are that she'll be going away to college in a few years so you might want to loosen up a little bit before those days get here. She will be with family that I assume you trust so I don't see that there's much to worry about.

You say that she tends to be rather dependent on you so this might be good for her too. Just go have fun and let these other family members see to your daughter.

This is exactly what I keep telling myself, but it's not working.

 

[luvflorida]

...My then 11yo son was carpooling to a baseball game and the car he was in was rear ended. He was fine and we were not too worried, but it shows that things can happen. My in-laws had medical consent, not that Zachary even had to go to the doctor, but at least I knew he could easily be treated if need be.

This is the kind of thing I'm worrying about. I'm so afraid something like this, or worse, might happen while I'm gone, and I'd feel terrible if it did. I'd feel like I was being neglectful for not being here. It's not like I HAVE to go to Florida.

I'm a nervous wreck, but I'm going to do it. I know it'll be good in the long run, for me and my daughter. I've got most of the day to prepare myself since my flight isn't until four.

I'm going to do it...I'm going to do it...

 

[grlpwrd]

My oldest dd is 14yo and I even have separation anxiety when she just goes on a sleepover. lol

I try to remind myself that we give them roots and wings. The roots which is the strong foundation we give them as children and wings to soar and fly independently from us eventually when they become adults. I think it's good for both concerned even if it is bittersweet. Yes, soon they fly from the nest so this is good "practice."

Hang in there!

 

[NMAmy]

It's really hard to do but like anything else, it just takes some practice for both you and your dd.

I have a 15 yo dd, too. It's always very difficult for me when she has to stay with her dad who lives in New Mexico. It's gotten easier each time, though. We stay in touch by phone and she knows I'm there to listen if she needs me.

Go, have a great time! I know it's hard but try not to think about it. It's usually much more difficult for me than it is for dd.

 

[Lynn CC]

It's just natural that you would worry so much, my DS is 18 and DH and I worry when we aren't with him. Just think it will be good practice for college, when she goes off you may just hear from her once a week! When you are in Disney call her once a day or before school and after, and before bed. I don't think it's silly at all, just do what makes you feel comfortable. I'm sure you'll feel better after hearing her voice each time! It's not easy, but I'm sure you will enjoy yourself, it's Disney!

 

[DisTeach1]

My husband and I have always made a point of going away by ourselves at least once a year without our son. Personally, I don't understand why more couples don't do this. I feel our marriage has always been the better for it, and our son has always been fine. We leave him with either set of grandparents and I don't worry once I drop him off. It's refreshing and relaxing to have a break from my child and remember all the great things about my husband.

 

[luvflorida]

It's really hard to do but like anything else, it just takes some practice for both you and your dd.

I have a 15 yo dd, too. It's always very difficult for me when she has to stay with her dad who lives in New Mexico. It's gotten easier each time, though. We stay in touch by phone and she knows I'm there to listen if she needs me.

Go, have a great time! I know it's hard but try not to think about it. It's usually much more difficult for me than it is for dd.

Up until this morning, it was ME who was having all the separation issues, but this morning my daughter was already upset before she even left for school. I think it's going to be a long four days for both of us!

 

[luvflorida]

My husband and I have always made a point of going away by ourselves at least once a year without our son. Personally, I don't understand why more couples don't do this. I feel our marriage has always been the better for it, and our son has always been fine. We leave him with either set of grandparents and I don't worry once I drop him off. It's refreshing and relaxing to have a break from my child and remember all the great things about my husband.

I agree with you, and I know it would be a lot easier on all of us now if we had done this with her at an earlier age. I just keep telling myself that we will get through this first separation!

 

[Chim Chiminy]

Dealing with the same issue, only kids are 12 and 6.
DBIL is coming to stay with them, but he doesn't drive! He is supposed to be getting his license, but....................something about NJ law and having to wait 20 days before taking the test. He has until the 24th.
So, thank goodness a good friend has volunteered to step in if they need to go anywhere.

But that doesn't stop the anxiety on my part or the kids part. I feel really guilty about going away. DS is very sensitive as well and missed six days of school because of severe stomach pains. After bloodwork, urine and xray we finally came to the conclusion that it was psychosomatic........... (guilt, guilt, guilt)

 

[jim and meesie]

Although it is clear that your concern for your daughter is motivated by love you are doing her a huge disservice by letting her feel maybe you shouldn't go. She needs to know that just because you aren't right there for her every minute it doesn't mean that you love her any less. My kid's (11,14,& 18) have been left with family when my DH and I have gone away and they have also gone away to overnite summer camp (without us). There have been minor emergencies (earaches, sprained ankles) which were easily resolved by whoever was taking care of them. Last summer my youngest fell, hit his head and blacked out in an accident at camp and unfortunately was taken to the hospital by ambulance. We were called but had an hour and a half drive to the hospital. When we arrived he was glad we got there but surprised we had driven all that way, his counselor had been with him the whole time and was taking great care of him. Fortunately he was discharged that night and insisted he wanted to go back to camp (doctor said it would be fine) for the remaining couple of nights of the session. The important lesson is that we and our children need to know that other people can love and care for our kids. It gives our kids the confidence to take risks knowing that there is a world of people who can love and care for them, not just mom & dad. It's a tough lesson for moms especially because we like reinforcement of the feeling that our children need us most of all (and they do)!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

This is the kind of thing I'm worrying about. I'm so afraid something like this, or worse, might happen while I'm gone, and I'd feel terrible if it did. I'd feel like I was being neglectful for not being here. It's not like I HAVE to go to Florida.

I'm a nervous wreck, but I'm going to do it. I know it'll be good in the long run, for me and my daughter. I've got most of the day to prepare myself since my flight isn't until four.

I'm going to do it...I'm going to do it...

Of course you're going to do it!

It's true that it will do your DD good to know that she can handle this and will be fine. You need to tell her this and not let her see you be so uncertain. Tell her that you will miss each other and that you'll both have a good time. And ask her what she'd like you to bring her back from WDW.

When I went to WDW a few weeks ago with my 18yo DD and left my 3 boys at home with my DH my 6yo was upset by it. I was excited about going, but wished that I had of brought all my kids. Turns out my 6yo stayed up the night I got home, but not to see me--he wanted to see what I'd bought for him.

Please go and have a fun time. Otherwise this is all in vain!

 

[Planogirl]

I think that this will be good primarily to build up your daughter's confidence. She's going to need that in a few years.

Right now, she's probably anxious mostly because you are. Kids pick up on those things!

 

[Hannathy]

But she will be with Family ! I hope your Son and Granma don't read this board.
Relax, I know you will miss her but even if you were home things could still happen. My son broke his nose this summer at baseball practice with his Dad standing there. Accidents happen no matter what.
At least you can call her. (but not too much) I put my barely 14 yr. old daughter on a school bus yesterday morning to go to outdoor environmental camp and won't hear from her till Wed. night. No big deal she has been away from home but she is not just going to dance she will be outside all but sleeping and this Am the temp was -2 with a wind chill of at least -17. I'm not worried she is smart and is with trained counselors. You can't keep them in cocoons, She will be fine and just may even appreciate you more after being away a few days.

Enjoy !