Am I being a hypocrite. Young adult spending question?

[rock_doctor]

Anyhoo,
He brought a nook book reader. problem is he is not a big reader in fact because of his syndrome he really doesn't like reading except for a few books.

I personally don't think it is a bad thing. Check you local library and he should check his collage library. Some will let you borrow ebooks that you can download for free onto an ereader. He needs to do some research and see if he can put on it other reading software or other programs that will increase its usability. He will love the concept of "hacking it". Even if he does not like to read he may like some of the graphic novels that are out there. I have an ereader that i may pick up once a month but carry it around with me everyplace i go. I like the idea that if i have a few minutes of down time i can do a little reading. Sad that few extra minutes never happen...although when i get to DW i will crank though a book every 2 days... So i make up for it. This is your opportunity to get him into reading. You just need to find that "gateway" book. I would suggest a graphic novel. Some of them are extremely good.

 

[MrsPete]

At 20, a young adult still needs guidance. Not many people take to budgeting and financial planning like ducks to water. No, they don't need help nearly as often as they did when they were younger, but they're still learning to navigate their way through the world and will occasionally mess up. At the same time, it's natural for parents to comment on what they see: Good or bad. Commenting on his purchase was fine. If you'd hounded him and berated him about it, that'd be another thing altogether.

Even if this was a rather foolish purchase, it's not a horrible mistake -- especially if it causes him to stop and think twice about his next splurge-purchase. It's not nearly so bad as having bought a sports car or rented an apartment he can't afford. None of us spend wisely 100% of the time, and this lesson may well have been worth the cost of the Nook.

It sounds like he's doing well overall financially. I wouldn't think twice about this.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think it's fine to have an opinion on purchases made like that. Sometimes I wish my mom had been a little more in my face about things like that (wouldn't have felt that way at the time, of course).

Maybe you've now realized your house rules need a little tweaking. Since you are worried about him, and since it seems he responds well to house rules, why not help him more? Savings (might want to label what that savings is for, so he knows that it can be spent in certain emergency circumstances), but also "put this aside for future rent, put this aside for food purchases, put this aside for future insurance", etc etc? That way he has REAL knowledge of what is left for "fun" spending? Assuming you're not doing that, of course.


And I have to mention...

He brought a nook book reader. problem is he is not a big reader in fact because of his syndrome he really doesn't like reading except for a few books.

DH works for the Kindle team, and they are finding that there is something about the e-book readers that REALLY works for people who have a hard time reading. DH is actually an excellent example of it; he graduated from high school with nearly a 4.0, but had basically only ever read one book, and used and re-used that book for English every year, for History, etc. Reading is very very slow for him, and it's hard for him to get into a book enough that he WANTS to keep going.

But ever since he got a Kindle, he has slowly started reading faster. Not sure why, but he's become a "reader" at 40, when he never was one before. So it's entirely possible your son will be one of the new, good "statistics" with the e-book readers.

Perhaps if the device, which i'm assuming he purchased, is truly only used for a few days it could be either returned for credit or sold to recoup some value, as opposed to being placed in a junk drawer.

Good point.

This is your opportunity to get him into reading. You just need to find that "gateway" book. I would suggest a graphic novel. Some of them are extremely good.

Good gateway! And in case the OP doesn't know, "graphic" doesn't mean naughty, LOL. It's somewhere between a comic book and a book-book.

 

[Swmr359]

Just a thought....

When I was young my dad had a "rule" where we had to wait 30 days before making a purchase. (non-necessary things,like American Girl dolls and letterman jackets, not food) While I don't follow this to the letter today, that experiance definalty showed me the value of thinking before buying and has probably stopped me from buying things I don't need.
I wonder if a rule like this would help your son? It might help in the future and give him time to think things out before buying.

 

[Earstou]

I'm the mother of an aspie, and probably would have done the exact same thing you did! Our kids are a few years behind their peers in maturity, plus they just don't 'get' some things.
I'm still working with my 19 yr old!

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Mom of 3 aspies (apple doesn't fall far from the tree lets say ) My kids are total savers especially my eldest, 17 yo. If he can't find a reason to buy it or another way to make do with out it, he doesn't buy it. I am the same way if there isn't a logical reason to have it I don't bother to get it and my kids are readers big time. So aspies can be very different At an rate I would have pointed out that he could have asked dad to borrow his e reader and noted that college text books can be downloaded on to e readers (if the title is available) for a fraction of the price of a regular book. So maybe he will gain some savings by having the nook after all.

 

[MrsPete]

When I was young my dad had a "rule" where we had to wait 30 days before making a purchase. (non-necessary things,like American Girl dolls and letterman jackets, not food) While I don't follow this to the letter today, that experiance definalty showed me the value of thinking before buying and has probably stopped me from buying things I don't need.
I wonder if a rule like this would help your son? It might help in the future and give him time to think things out before buying.

I often do something similar with clothing: When I buy something for myself, I often put the bag into my closet (receipts carefully tucked inside) and wait two weeks. If after two weeks I try on the outfit and I still like it, I take off the tags and keep it. However, as often as not, I find that it isn't as appealing as it was in the store, it doesn't really match the jacket I already own, I already have a rather similar dress in that color, or whatever.

I like this method because I can return the item . . . but I get a second chance to try it on rather than just thinking about it, and I won't go back to the store to discover that they're sold out of my size. And unlike many of my friends, I don't have a closet full of things I don't wear.

 

[danceintherain]

I don't think it's a bad idea to talk about these purchases, but then let it go. This particular decision obviously didn't break him financially, so simply make sure that he understands that it was a WANT not a NEED and that sometimes he will have NEEDs that outweigh his WANTs, so he needs to know the difference.
The point is to have a non-judgmental conversation about it. Teaching moments can oftentimes be much more difficult to master than punishing moments.

Maybe he does understand. We're all entitled to our whim purchases occasionally, so it could be years before he makes another one. Just watch for a pattern.

 

[momxx5]

I think you did a great job talking to him about his purchases.

That said, how about using this opportunity to start a Nook library together. He may turn out to like reading more than even he knew. Start out with simple, totally interesting to him type books and then through in a few classics....Tom Sawyer, etc.

It may turn out to be a blessing of a purchase.
Best Wishes.