Am I an uptight mother?

[SydSim]

I've started putting it in 2 french braids on friday nights. It lasts until sat, sometimes sunday. However this sat one of the bands came out, and so did dd's hair. So dh will have a mandatory 'hair do' session in how to do a ponytail, whether he likes it or not!

Do you put elastic bands at the end of the braids? Does she have a scarf or bonnet she can wear to bed? I see you're also in South Jersey - tell DH to bring that child over here on those weekends, I'll help her

 

[hentob]

Dsil intended to have her hair relaxed with chemicals to make it straighter, without asking me.?

OMG! What a horrible thing to do. SIL has some nerve

I've never had my eyebrows waxed & I don't get my nails done. I will never agree to let my daughter have her eyebrows waxed, and have fake nails put on (senior prom, maybe if she asks for the nails). To me, there is so much more I'd rather spend my money on and I don't see the point. If someone is judging me because my eyebrows are too thick for their liking, then I don't care to associate with them.

Why no eyebrow waxing? I could not imagine going without good brows

Also, you are judged by many people. If you (or your daughter one day) go to a job interview and don't look polished, you will be judged. Eyebrows are a quick and easy way to soften your face and look like you care about how you present yourself.

 

[mamajoan]

Nope, you're not uptight. Nope, permanent relaxing shouldn't be considered. Nope, SIL shouldn't have any say into Dd's look.

If DH is taking DD to grandma's for weekends, and neither DH, grandma nor SIL know how to care for Dd's hair, then you may need to style it in some sort of way that lasts throughout the weekend - and may start teaching DD how to use a scarf each night to maintain the look.

A bi-racial girl's hair doesn't have to be straightened to look nice - but when it's not taken care of (as in styled some sort of way - even if the curls are just finger combed), it can look quite unkept.

Moms are always going to disagree on when their daughters should be allowed to wear make-up, nail polish, hair coloring, etc. I think that things can be allowed gradually over time. I'm not going to allow a 10 year old to wear make-up because she'll probably rebel if I don't. Just like I'm not gonna allow a 15 year old to drink beer in my house because if I don't, he's gonna go somewhere else and do it.

So, you have choices. You can teach DH, grandma and SIL how to care for DD's type of hair, or you can style it to last for the visits.

Good luck!

My sentiments exactly! ITA....

 

[SydSim]

I think many self esteem issues among teen girls come from environment and the expectations within that environment. When I was 12, none of my friends had fake nails, highlighted hair, waxed eyebrows etc. Why? Because our parents would never have allowed it and it wasn't important. Sadly, many parents think they key to high self esteem is to make sure that their children look good on the outside instead of raising them to realize that there are more important attributes that come from within. If society in general and the media in particular continue to focus so heavily on outward beauty this vicious cycle will continue. Young girls who rely on manicures/pedicures, highlights etc have not build anything expect a false sense of security. I'm not saying personal hygiene and appearance should not be important but there needs to be a balance. I'm sure many of you will say "oh please" this is nonsense, but based on observations in previous work I did, I can tell you this is the truth.

Interesting note, I have two cousins who attend an all girls private high school. They wear uniforms and have strict guidelines regarding personal appearance (i.e. no fake nails, body piercings etc.) I have attended several events at this school and met many of their friends and they are the most self assured, confident young women I have ever met. They are not all outwardly beautiful, they come in all shapes in sizes but they have learned that they have so much more to offer than a pretty face.....

Can't tell you how many times I've had a woman who just had a baby, and what are they most concerned about - "OMG! I look a mess, I didn't have time to shave my legs, I don't want the baby seeing me like this". Forget how you look - feel empowered! You just gave birth to a brand new human being! You are Superwoman!

But I will hand you your toothbrush, though!