Am I allowed to be upset?

[bjgrazi]

Or am I being stupid? My DD received from her Dad (my ex-husband of 14 years) beautiful diamond (major bling-bling) earrings. In all the years of marriage he never gave me a gift like that. I divorced him for many reasons one was I never was appreciated in anything I did. She also got a few other major gifts from him. My son, got a brand new pool table and not a kiddie toy either.

I'm sitting here stunned and hurt (but not showing the kids) am I wrong. Oh can I add, I got nothing for Christmas, he didn't take them shopping.

 

[DocRafiki]

Sounds very insensitive. How old are your kids? They didn't get you anything? Don't feel guilty about being mad. Sure, Christmas IS about giving, but it really is a slap in the face to be left with empty hands on Christmas morning. I'm sorry that happened. Go splurge on yourself!

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Of course you're allowed to be upset. EX partners often behave that way......that's WHY they're EX's! LOL

I agree with DocRafiki. Go buy yourself something nice. REALLY nice, if that's what you want.

 

[C.Ann]

I think my biggest problem with this would be that I would wonder if he had gone totally overboard on the kids to make you look like a jerk - or if he was truly genuine in wanting his kids to have these nice gifts..

As for your kids not getting you anything, how old are they? Seems to me they could have at least MADE you something - just to acknowledge your existence..

I'm with the go-buy-yourself-something-awesome group..

Heck - take a weekend trip to Disney World and let the overly generous Dad babysit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Robinrs]

I wouldn't let it bother me. A gift to my child is a gift to me.

Maybe he did give it with wrong intentions. Don't accept it, that'll make his nastiness the victor. Especially don't let your kids know, it may appear like sour grapes. Be gracious and consider the source and thank your lucky stars you got away from him.

Things don't define who we are. The kids are with you so consider yourself the winner, I know I always will.

My son got NOTHING from his Dad or his family, not even a phone call. I consider the source and so does he and we had a wonderful Christmas.

You have one, too.

 

[KathyTX]

Of course you're allowed to feel anyway you want to. But I must ask you - why are you letting a man you divorced 14 years ago still make you unhappy?

I assume your kids are older than 14... if they did not make an effort to recognize you on Christmas or present you with a small gift, I would be disappointed in them. They are old enough to be responsible for themselves. I would not expect the ex to take them shopping and purchase a gift to you from them.

It sounds like there are some long-unresolved issues and disappointments between you and the ex. You can let those issues make you miserable, or you can laugh them off as HIS problems and move on.

I agree with the others: If no one else is doing wonderful things for you right now, you can do them for yourself. You deserve to be happy!

 

[bjgrazi]

My children are 12 & 15, they felt horrible because they had nothing to give me. My daughter did bake cookies for us. Their dad was suppose to take them shopping but never "got around to it". We've only been divorced for a couple of years and were married 14.

I'm over being upset, at first it stung, but I figure I know he's a jerk and will always be one. The reason he gave my daughter the earrings was to upset me, the other reason he knows I was laid off in October and couldn't do what I normally would do for Christmas, so it was his chance to show me up. My daughter said to me after the first post, you know Mom, he's only trying to buy my love, you have it no matter what. I got my Christmas present right there and then. She's only 15, but already understands what her dad is all about.

Merry Christmas everyone and here's looking to a Happy New Year!

 

[KathyTX]

bj- I'm so sorry! I misread your first post and thought you'd been divorced for 14 years!!

It does sound like he's being a jerk. But it sounds like you and the kids see his behavior for what it is.

It sounds like you have a gem in your daughter.

Just know that the way you handle the hurtful and difficult situations with the ex will demonstrate to the kids what being an adult is all about. Your example will have a much bigger impact on their lives than his stupid games will. Lucky for you and for them!

I hope the rest of your holiday is filled with love and smiles, and hugs from your sweet kids.

 

[Robinrs]

Wow! What a wonderful thing for your daughter to tell you. Now that is true love!

A child who is sensitive to the feelings of a parent at 15... now THAT'S a present!

You are truly blessed.

Have a wonderful, happy and merry holiday!

 

[Lanshark]

Sounds like you've raised a very insightful daughter. What his money is attempting to buy she has given to you freely. You're very blessed.

 

[Kallison]

I agree with everyone else, he was clearly trying to show you up. But so what, let the kids take the big money items and run with them. I do think big diamond earrings for a girl that age is kind of inappropriate. I also wouldn't find it surprising that he conveniently forgot to take the kids shopping for his ex-wife. You take the high road and don't even acknowledge what a jerk he is. BTW I graduated from Centenary! Your DD sounds like a gem.

 

[bjgrazi]

Kallison - I graduate from Centenary in January, or should I say my final class ends in January and Graduation is in May.

 

[Kallison]

I graduated in the 1980!!! I grew up in Washington. I used to work at the Burger King in high school and Rockaway Sales in college. Is it still there on the Main St. How about Dad and Lad?? My parents eat at Charlie Brown's all the time. I always liked Hackettstown, it's a cute little town.

 

[Pop Daddy]

with all the non dads out there, I think you should at least be happy he wants his little girl to love him

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Threads like this get me upset. First you don't know that he was trying to buy your DDs love. You think that and you projected your feelings on to her, thus her response. You know that EXs don't always go around trying to rub things in the other EXs face I believe there are some still unresolved issues here.

Because you aren't able to buy big ticketed items, you think he should hold back as well because it makes you look bad????

I feel for divorced fathers, I really do. People come down on them so hard, even when they try. I'm so glad DH and I don't have to deal with this with his Ex-wife. We coordinate all our gifts, and yes she usually gets them "bigger" items than us, but it's not a competition.

I am sorry you feel pain over this, but I don't think it's really worth it to worry over him. And the only ones who get hurt with these bad feelings are the kids.

 

[RUDisney]

I've got a question... who has to pay for the insurance on these earrings? As someone who lost one of hers this year, the insurance was mighty nice to have so I didn't have to pay full price to replace it. I wear mine every day and felt odd having to wear other earrings when the one was being replaced. Heck, I'm far from 15, too. When I was 15 I lost earrings all the time.... just something to consider. If they are of the bling bling variety, you'll want to have insurance on them.