Allergies and tablemates question

[yndygo]

WOW! - I really tried not to get angry as I read this thread but geeeez! - would it really hurt someone to forgo a sandwich if it threatens someones life?????

I am not talking about a mild reaction here - its life or death people!

((((hug))))

There will always be some who are more concerned with their own comfort than being concerned about a child's life...

I sometimes wonder what they would do if they had to walk a mile in the shoes of the person with the life-and-death allergy... or had to even once see their child possibly dying in front of them on the ER gurney...
But who knows? Maybe they are incapable of that sort of empathy.

I'm sorry your son falls in the same category as my daughter - but the good news is that science is coming farther and farther in helping us to not have to worry *quite* so often that 'accidental contamination' will occur.

Allergen free peanut. Scares me truth be told. I think it will only serve to further muddy the water. Chances are that the allergen free peanuts will be pricier. So, I don't see the general public runnign out to buy allergen free peanut butter. Thus you are still dealing with the exact same problems, only now you hav NO idea if a peanut product is safe or not. So, just like that vanilla sheet cake from the bakery you must continue to assume that all are not safe.

You know, I had NO idea that FAAN didn't have the allergen free peanut news on their site. Interesting. I thought I had followed a blurb from another allergy family to the FAAN site originally to read about. If it's not there I wonder if FAAN is tempered by the same thoughts I have.

How awful for you child to have to go back to the ER a few tims last year. I would be RUNNNING from a preschool that didn't do a better job than that.

My son had his first anaphylactic reaction when he was 3.5 at home with Hurrican Katrina churning her way towards us. It was terrifying to see him covered head to toe in hives, wheezing, screaming...

He had just started preschool 3 days a week from 9-1. Once things began to open back up I wanted to unenroll him from school right away. But dh talked me into giving it a go. Amazingly we had no problems. The teacher every meal reminded the children about no sharing. And my son is TERRIFIED of another big reaction. He will accept NOTHING unless he knows point blank I have approved it. We also did 'SAFE!' stickers for foods I had approved for the classroom.


In the end we parents of food allergic kids have to make the best choices we can. I hate food allergies, and I hate 'debates' about them. We all just want our kids safe. I would have NO problem not eating a food if a parent asked me not to, of course.

Best wishes to all... food allergies or not.

I don't think it's a matter of "allergen free" peanut butter vs. non-allergen free. They are trying hard to find a way to make the process commercially viable so that *all manufactures* (in the U.S. anyways) use the allergen-free process.

That said, I don't think anyone with a life-threatening peanut allergy is going to start eating peanuts intentionally (I can't imagine they'd taste good to them) but it will reduce the number of 'accidental contamination' accidents that happen (the peanut butter residue on the slide, the 'processed in a plant' issues mostly labeled, but not always, the hand-railing on the steps outside the library...)

I'm thrilled about it. Not because it will suddenly make my daughter able to eat PBJs (she wouldn't anyway, doesn't eat bread) or because it means we can be less vigilant... but because it means that the number of potentially deadly accidents (which will happen no matter how vigilant you are) will be reduced.

Hopefully, they'll find a way to actually cure the allergy at some point - so the body doesn't send the wrong signals to the immune system!

Science rocks!

 

[DMMarla07860]

this thread reminds me of senior year of high school, not that is has to do anything with cruising, but someone was Allergic to peanut butter, she is my friend, and we had study skills together so every time me and my other friend bridget wanted to get out of class we would buy peanut m&m's so the teacher would send us to the senior lounge, haha it was sweet. and study skills was like study hall and I had two of them 2 and 3 and study skills last period, and just took study skills as a easy A.

if anyone asked me not to eat something with peanuts on a cruise because of these things I would choose something else. If they didn't ask me polite I would get ticked off. I have seen some people who are rude, but that is just around here. if someone asked nice and explained why I totally wouldn't get ticked off

 

[Funfoody]

There will always be some who are more concerned with their own comfort than being concerned about a child's life...

It's not "normal" to ask strangers around you not to eat foods because you could die. That's what you do in an emergency.

This isn't an emergency. There are plenty of options that Disney is willing to pre-plan, from private tables to choosing diners who aren't inconvienced by this rather than springing it on random diners.

So, while most honorable people will refrain from eating the peanut butter, it's still impolite to inconvenience them by asking. Or at least, by asking them with the threat, "You'll kill my child if you don't do what I say!" That's not really asking- it's demanding. And, like the last poster said, it can anger people.

 

[NCRedding]

I probably will not say this well, but, if I were eating at a table where my tablemates asked me to refrain from eating something because of any allergy they had, I would probably do so, BUT would then beat a path to the head server to be reassigned a new table. I wouldn't want the responsibility of making sure my requests complied with another person's needs, especially as it relates to something about which I know very little.

 

[DMMarla07860]

I probably will not say this well, but, if I were eating at a table where my tablemates asked me to refrain from eating something because of any allergy they had, I would probably do so, BUT would then beat a path to the head server to be reassigned a new table. I wouldn't want the responsibility of making sure my requests complied with another person's needs, especially as it relates to something about which I know very little.

that's what I would do too. I love to meet people. But I think it is my cruise too. I might want to try something that has peanuts or something in it. If you know what I mean. But of course I wouldn't eat it around someone who was allgeric to it

 

[safetymom]

My late husband had very severe asthma, and had problems with Yellow 5 and sulfites in food. For many many years we coped with it. We didn't expect everyone to change their eating because of his allergies and problems. I guess we did it all wrong.

To the poster that mentioned National Jewish in Denver, we took him there. They worked a miracle for my husband. They are the best.

I realize that everyone wants to have a great time on their cruise but if you have allergies or life threatening issues then you should be the one that should move. Just my opinion as someone who has experienced this.

 

[karibritt01]

Didn't read the whole post... so apologies if this was already suggested. OP- why not request DCL to sit you at a table with another family with peanut allergies? As common as it is nowadays, I'm am sure there are multiple families on board facing your same issues. If you could be seated together, it would definitely take a load off both of your minds!

 

[TDC Nala]

PLEASE if you are in this situation call DCL and ask for a table to accommodate just your party, before you start restricting the choices of another party that is paying for a cruise.

 

[yndygo]

It's not "normal" to ask strangers around you not to eat foods because you could die. That's what you do in an emergency.

This isn't an emergency. There are plenty of options that Disney is willing to pre-plan, from private tables to choosing diners who aren't inconvienced by this rather than springing it on random diners.

So, while most honorable people will refrain from eating the peanut butter, it's still impolite to inconvenience them by asking. Or at least, by asking them with the threat, "You'll kill my child if you don't do what I say!" That's not really asking- it's demanding. And, like the last poster said, it can anger people.

Thank you for proving my point.

It's never impolite to ask someone - it's impolite to expect someone else to do something... whether that be to expect someone else to refrain from eating something OR to expect them to isolate themselves because you think it might inconvenience you...
You seem to expect the latter.

As for the "last poster" you seemed to have missed the part where she said "if someone asked nice and explained why I totally wouldn't get ticked off"...

Not everyone is hostile at the mere question... Just people who fit the category you quoted. And it seems pretty clear where you fall.

 

[yndygo]

I probably will not say this well, but, if I were eating at a table where my tablemates asked me to refrain from eating something because of any allergy they had, I would probably do so, BUT would then beat a path to the head server to be reassigned a new table. I wouldn't want the responsibility of making sure my requests complied with another person's needs, especially as it relates to something about which I know very little.

That makes perfect sense to me... but I'd really kind of hope that if someone like me were to ask you'd say something like what you did... "you know, I'm don't think I'm comfortable with that, I don't really want the responsibility or risk" would be a sign for me to be the one to have to fix the situation, not you... I'm the one with the issue, so it's on me to fix it!
I'd hate for you to have to move when I could resolve it by either saying "okay, no problem! Would you be offended if we asked for a different seating assignment?" or to work it out elsewise.

 

[yndygo]

PLEASE if you are in this situation call DCL and ask for a table to accommodate just your party, before you start restricting the choices of another party that is paying for a cruise.

"Please isolate and segregate yourself lest you inconvenience someone else!! Never mind if you might have met interesting people at dinner... we don't want your kind around us!"

Honestly... do you not get that that is what you just said?

Would you say that to someone who was sitting at your table in a wheelchair because it might "restrict" your ability to get in and out of your seat easily?
Would you say it to someone who was blind because they might ask to have someone read the menu to them and you might have to listen to it?

Argh. Honestly. If you'd read the entire thread you would see that I and others have consistently written that we would not "restrict" anyone else. Nowhere did anyone demand that someone else NOT ever eat anything with peanuts or nuts.

This post is sad.

 

[yndygo]

Didn't read the whole post... so apologies if this was already suggested. OP- why not request DCL to sit you at a table with another family with peanut allergies? As common as it is nowadays, I'm am sure there are multiple families on board facing your same issues. If you could be seated together, it would definitely take a load off both of your minds!

That is a great idea!! and much nicer than the "why don't you not sail?" or "why don't you hide in your room?" or "why don't you isolate yourself from everyone else?" suggestions of many posters...

Personally, we put a note in our res... but I don't know how DCL will handle it.

Thank you tho, for posting this!

 

[TDC Nala]

"Please isolate and segregate yourself lest you inconvenience someone else!! Never mind if you might have met interesting people at dinner... we don't want your kind around us!"

Honestly... do you not get that that is what you just said?

Would you say that to someone who was sitting at your table in a wheelchair because it might "restrict" your ability to get in and out of your seat easily?
Would you say it to someone who was blind because they might ask to have someone read the menu to them and you might have to listen to it?

Argh. Honestly. If you'd read the entire thread you would see that I and others have consistently written that we would not "restrict" anyone else. Nowhere did anyone demand that someone else NOT ever eat anything with peanuts or nuts.

This post is sad.

No, someone in a wheelchair is not going to tell me what I can and can't order.

And if you say "wait until we leave" then you will make the other people at the table feel bad, like they are pushing you out so they can order dessert. And what will you do if there are nuts in the main course?

If it is so imperative to avoid certain ingredients anywhere near the child, why not ask for your own table as a medical necessity.

 

[yndygo]

No, someone in a wheelchair is not going to tell me what I can and can't order.

And if you say "wait until we leave" then you will make the other people at the table feel bad, like they are pushing you out so they can order dessert. And what will you do if there are nuts in the main course?

If it is so imperative to avoid certain ingredients anywhere near the child, why not ask for your own table as a medical necessity.

Because it's not a medical necessity. Not everyone reacts the way you do - and I'm not going to teach my DD that she needs to isolate herself, as that's not how the real world works.

And on that note, I'm done responding to the "why don't you just isolate yourself because it might make someone feel bad if you asked them something??" posts in this thread...
The answer is BECAUSE that is discriminatory and I'm not going to.
You have the right to say "no, thanks, we're not comfortable with that" and WE have the right to ask in the first place.

 

[Debbie H]

I'm coming in here late and I will try to play devil's advocate. If your daughter has a peanut allergy, then she needs to exclude herself. It is not up to everybody else to try to accomadate her. You want everyone to inconvience themself to accomadate your daughter when it should be the other way around. If everybody has to accomadate your daughters unfortunate problem, then it becomes the tyranny of the minority. The best option would be to ask people if it is ok if they refrain from eating peanuts, but if they balk, then you need to find another place to sit. I would suggest calling DCL and explaining your situation before you or anyone else is confronted ot inconvenienced by the situation.

I have an allergy to perfume, I get severe headaches and my chest tightens up but I do not go around asking people not to wear it. I've been able to figure out ways to deal with it without bothering anyone else with it. It does restrict my breathing and if it really strong, I have a real problem. Like I said though, I remove myself if it gets that bad. I would never ask anyone not to wear it. It is their right.

It is a touchy situation.....good luck!

 

[karibritt01]

I'm sorry you've had to put up with ignorant posters... and you know who you are. How hard is it really to refrian from a piece of pie for a few moments? For that matter, by the time you order it, and it arrives, the bubble children will have been swept from the room, and you may eat to your hearts content. If peanuts were the main course... do you really think a single one of those families will be anywhere near the dining room that evening?

I am lucky that we do not have allergy issues, but I provide home daycare, and do have a child with moderate peanut allergies. We serve no peanuts or peanut products during the week because it just isn't worth the risk to 1 child out of 6. I have never had a parent mind when I tell them we eat no peanuts or peanut based products in my home. Luckily, I do not have to worry about "proceesed where peanuts are processed" type foods, because that would have me paranoid! Point is, this directly impacts my family and 5 others, and everyone understands the seriousness. If you cruise next Oct... come sit with us... we won't mind one little bit refraining from peanut butter for you! Pixie dust for understanding cruises and a safe/happy cruise!

 

[Evil Princess]

I'm sorry you've had to put up with ignorant posters... and you know who you are. How hard is it really to refrian from a piece of pie for a few moments? For that matter, by the time you order it, and it arrives, the bubble children will have been swept from the room, and you may eat to your hearts content. If peanuts were the main course... do you really think a single one of those families will be anywhere near the dining room that evening?

I am lucky that we do not have allergy issues, but I provide home daycare, and do have a child with moderate peanut allergies. We serve no peanuts or peanut products during the week because it just isn't worth the risk to 1 child out of 6. I have never had a parent mind when I tell them we eat no peanuts or peanut based products in my home. Luckily, I do not have to worry about "proceesed where peanuts are processed" type foods, because that would have me paranoid! Point is, this directly impacts my family and 5 others, and everyone understands the seriousness. If you cruise next Oct... come sit with us... we won't mind one little bit refraining from peanut butter for you! Pixie dust for understanding cruises and a safe/happy cruise!

I work at a daycamp, and I attended this very same camp as a child. When I was little, I only ate peanut butter sandwiches (plain peanut butter, no jelly, every day, with the crust cut off). That's all I ate when it came to bagged lunches up until the age of 10.

Now the camp doesn't even offer peanut butter as a choice when you order lunch. This doesn't bother me so much, since kids are still allowed to bring peanut products in their lunches.

I have had girls in my group who had peanut allergies. Should peanuts be banned from my group of 25 girls because of one child? Baking and cooking is an activity at camp, and there are always alternative snacks for the campers with any type of allergy you could imagine. The entire camp doesn't conform to the few kids with peanut allergies. Rather, the kids with the allergies have other alternatives without being ostracized.

It's not fair to regulate the food intake of those 24 girls because of the special needs of one...just as I don't believe it's fair to regulate what one eats on vacation because their tablemate has an allergy when there is an easier solution that doesn't involve restraint of anyones food.

 

[yndygo]

I'm sorry you've had to put up with ignorant posters... and you know who you are. How hard is it really to refrian from a piece of pie for a few moments? For that matter, by the time you order it, and it arrives, the bubble children will have been swept from the room, and you may eat to your hearts content. If peanuts were the main course... do you really think a single one of those families will be anywhere near the dining room that evening?

I am lucky that we do not have allergy issues, but I provide home daycare, and do have a child with moderate peanut allergies. We serve no peanuts or peanut products during the week because it just isn't worth the risk to 1 child out of 6. I have never had a parent mind when I tell them we eat no peanuts or peanut based products in my home. Luckily, I do not have to worry about "proceesed where peanuts are processed" type foods, because that would have me paranoid! Point is, this directly impacts my family and 5 others, and everyone understands the seriousness. If you cruise next Oct... come sit with us... we won't mind one little bit refraining from peanut butter for you! Pixie dust for understanding cruises and a safe/happy cruise!

(((((Thanks!)))))

It's weird that this turned into one of "those" threads. I guess we can add 'allergies' to tipping, smoking, and other 'hot button' topics on the board

I keep reminding myself that for every person who is outraged at the thought that we might *ask* (not demand... ask... there's a difference) there's 10 people out there who would handle it with grace and empathy - even if they were to say "thanks for asking, but it kind of would be a problem for us - we're passionate about (whatever food the person is allergic to) and we really don't feel comfortable with the issues" giving us a chance to find another solution.

If we cruise in October (is that 08? how can you stand the wait!!! ) I will absolutely PM you... Not because we'd expect you to never order peanuts or nuts (the funny part is that everyone keeps focusing on peanuts - there ARE other food allergies! ) but because I know that you'd be the kind of person to say "Oh! Man!! Peanut butter pie/Walnut torts/whatever!! We totally have to have that... do you mind?" to which I'd say "no worries! We'll cut out a few minutes early and do dessert in the room!"

Thanks again for posting.
But don't worry about the other posters - someone else reminded me not to take extreme DISers too seriously... so I won't either!

 

[lbgraves]

Unfortunantly this thread has turned into one of those hot top debates that has gone beyond the polite posting that we request on the DIS so I am locking this thread. Please remember that there are guidelines for posting here.

3. NO FIGHTING/SARCASM: While we'd like to think that a Disney fan site is always lighthearted, there are times when there are disagreements. Let's face it, there are certain topics that can transform any of us into a raging "Donald Duck." When you sense this is happening, we ask that you step away from the discussion before it escalates into a fight. Just like Mom always said about fighting, we don't care who started the argument and we don't want it on the DIS. (Okay, she didn't say the part about the DIS, but you know what we mean.) No attacking others and no sarcasm please. Either will result in an infraction.