Advice... =\

[DEA]

I think that everyone here has given very good advice to you. I can only add that you do not owe anyone access to what is a very intimate part of your identity. That being said, your closest relationships will be less close if you have to keep secrets within them. It may be stressful to you to keep those secrets, as well. I would say let people in on the information when it makes sense for you, not because you feel like you are obligated to tell them anything.

All the best.

 

[Sarabi's Cubs]

I don't have alot of experience with this, but I think you will find that once you are "out" it will be much easier to deal with your feelings, because you will open yourself to a much wider and supportive circle of people. You are certainly entitled to keep your secret, but I think that your angst shows that you are reaching a point where that no longer works for you. Yes, there will be those few narrow minded people who may not take it well and be hurtful. But maybe knowing your truth will open their hearts. Alot of bigotry is just ignorance. As for your brother, he may surprise you. He's young and has not had much life experience. It may take some time, but he'll get there.

Laurie

 

[tmli]

I don't have personal experience with what you are going through. I am the Mom of a 14 year old young man and it would break my heart to think of him living with the pain of trying to keep a secret such as this.

I am sure you will get a variety of reactions, some positive, some not. But I can only imagine how much better you will feel inside when you can show people your authentic self!

 

[simonkodousek]

Thank you so much for your responses! They mean SO, SO, SO much to me, you have no idea! Just reading this thread on my phone during free periods really helped me get through the day.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do at this point. Probably tell my mom first before my dad gets home on Saturday night.

Thank you so much! I <3 these boards!

 

[LilGMom]

I'm guessing that your family and your true friends will have little or no issue with you coming out to them. I think it is a sad reflection on today's world that people even feel the need to hide their true self but unfortunately it is still like that but I believe that it has and will continue to get better. I wish you the best of luck with it all.

 

[*NikkiBell*]

Hi Simon,

I just want to offer my hugs and support. Please know that we are always, always here for you. Never feel ashamed of yourself or for asking for support (here on the boards or in life).

Nikki

 

[Tinkerkell123]

Hi Simon! Hugs and support going out to you! I definitely think you should tell your mom first and maybe even have her with you when you tell your dad & brother. I think your brother will surprise you too! Being 14, he is probably going along with the "party line" at school and feels like he has to pretend to be a hater... You are his brother and I am sure he will love you no matter what.

You are going to be so much happier to not have to hide anything anymore! Freedom is a wonderful thing...

 

[UrsulasShadow]

My brother waited too long before he came out to our family. I think he was so frightened by what might happen, that he thought it was easier to just keep it inside. So instead, he pushed away and alienated one brother who he had been very close to in childhood, and missed his opportunity with our dad, who died at age 57.

After our dad's funeral, he came out to us all...one at a time. Each of us said the same thing, "Yeah, we know. We've always known." He's still trying to repair the damage done to his relationship with our brother, and he has to live with wondering whether Dad would have accepted him or not. I can't help but think he waited too long, and suffered much longer than he had to.

Be open, be yourself. Keeping this a secret will spare no one.

 

[Mouse Skywalker]

Simon, I am so impressed with your post, and just wanted to wish you all the best as you go through a tough period. You are among friends here, and will always be appreciated for who you are.

 

[exwdwcm]

Simon, sending big hugs of support!

When i was on the college program in 1996, one of my roommates was gay. None of us knew it at the time though. She only told us months later after our program ended when we went back for a big 15yr CP reunion Disney had.

I felt so sad that she hadn't felt comfortable enough to tell us while we lived with her. I know, it sounds funny, but it really hurt us in a way that she felt she couldn't tell us. But then again, we thought about all the hurt and pain and fear she was probably feeling.

i was so glad she did finally find the strength and trust to tell us, even later. It was a year or two later that she finally came out to her parents- her family was Catholic. She was so fearful of how they would handle it. She had been living with her partner for over a year and her parents only thought they were 'roommates'. I remember her worrying so much when her parents were coming to visit and trying to plan and be careful that they didn't see the 'spark' there or that they were more than just friends. She struggled with living that lie and putting on that show.

Thankfully, it all turned out great in the end with her parents (and brother) and I know she has a fabulous relationship with her family in AZ and even moved back after spending almost 10 years in orlando working for disney. Now she is out to the world and I can tell how comfortable she is in her own skin and how happy she is. She has a great partner too. and i am thrilled to see her finally happy and not having to live a charade.

Funny enough, one of our other roommates, who she had done a previous CP program with the prior year......well this other girl was quite the comedian and actress (still works for the mouse).......and of course the first thing out of her mouth was "Well did you ever think i was hot?"...... that broke the ice and we all died laughing.

I can only hope that you have a similar story one day- if and when you come out to your family or the rest of the world. I can't pretend to know what it is like, but all i can do is send love and hugs and prayers!!

 

[SFBayDon]

Simon,

As an openly gay man here are a few of my thoughts. Remember over time things get better. You come out, you grow up, people mature, life is always moving forward. This is not an "all or nothing" decision with the family. Take the time and tell Mom and then see where it goes, you might be presently surprised. As far as your brother it might just take some time. Be sure you are ready when you come out to someone it is like a one way door, it is not easy to go back to the way it was. You know your situation best and if you follow your heart you will know what to do.

Not sure if you are familiar with the HRC, but they have some good materials about coming out. Here is a link http://www.hrc.org/issues/10773.htm?utm_source=hrc.org&utm_medium=content&utm_campaign=NCOD There is a great brochure linked with perspectives on coming out.

One important point to keep in mind. You have been processing what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and everything else about the coming out conversation for some time. For the recipient of this news this is all new and they have not had any time to process what is being said. In some cases the initial reaction may be different than the longer terms reactions. So when you do choose to have that conversation be aware that it may take some time for them to process what you said, it might take as long as you took in getting ready to tell them.

Big hugs and lots of support from this DIS’er,
Don

 

[simonkodousek]

I can't really say too much more than this (because describing my other emotions would take up pages, LOL) but your responses mean the world to me! It's so nice to know that I'm involved in a group of loving and understanding people, even though I've never met any of you face-to-face. Thank you so much for your support during this difficult time. I really, really appreciate it.

XO
Simon

 

[simonkodousek]

Listening the podcast now. Words can't describe...

Thank you so much!

 

[HawkeyeThad]

Kevin,

Your story made me laugh here at my cubicle. It reminded me of my best friend from high school coming out to me when we were in college. I'm straight, but I've always had gay friends, and usually known that they were gay years before they officially came out. When he came out to me, I just said, "I know", much like your brother did. He was so mad at me for not being upset about it. I still can't believe that he didn't think I knew all those years.

Simon, I can't give you any advice, other than to trust that they're your family and they already know who you are, and will love you regardless of your sexual orientation. Good luck!

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Simon
As a mother,I can tell you that I love my children beyond words and beyond anything that I can even explain. That wouldn't, it simply couldn't change- ever. I will always love my children whether they are gay or straight or bi. What is most important to me is that they are happy and healthy. I never want them to be somone they aren't. I love them for who they are, that is their beauty! I'll be honest, my husband would struggle with accepting the news that one of our children is gay. BUT I know that his love for them exceeds any other feelings that he would have and though it might be uncomfortable for him initially, I also know that he only wants what is best for our kids and he would never want for them to be unhappy trying to be someone he or she isn't.

I have actually talked to my kids and told them that no matter their sexual orientation, I am always going to be their Mom and I will always, always love them. I've told them I would never want for them to miss out on the kind of love I found with their dad. I would never venture to wish them to deny themselves that experience. If that love is with someone of the same sex then I'll be happy that they found that someone to share their life with. Their happiness is all that matters to me.

Simon just know that you have lots of support here as you allow yourself to be the wonderful you that you are!

 

[Sphyrna]

Simon,

Everyone's given you great advice already, I just want to echo those thoughts. In my late-30's I'm still in the process of coming out. You've already had a taste of how much of a weight it can be lifted off your shoulders once you tell someone. It definitely is a much better feeling being able to be your full self and not hide who you are. You may lose some friends, but if that's the case then they were never truly your friend anyway. You may also gain new friends. As for your brother, I think he may surprise you and be OK with it. It sounds like you have a good family and were brought up right.

I'd like to end by echoing Don's advice. You've had time to prepare for what you want to say. Keep in mind that those you tell have had no time to prepare. Don't be discouraged if their reaction isn't what you would like. Give them time to process it and come around. Also feel free to come down to the LGBT board here on the DIS.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[dkostel]

Hey Simon,

It's pretty unnerving stuff, I remember. In my experience, of all my gay friends, if their parents were going to react very badly (i.e., disown them) they were pretty sure of that in advance. Most people were just unsure but everything ended up OK. I know it has made my relationship with my parents much better. I felt like I didn't have to lie to them anymore. They've met some of my girlfriends and treated them like family. I actually think they were kind of hurt that I didn't think that I could tell them (although it was only a couple of years from the time I knew until I told them).
Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you.

Donna

 

[auroralark]

Simon, I don't really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to lend my support. When I was in high school, I had several friends who were in the closet because they worried about what people would think if they knew they were gay. This was about 10 years ago, and now they've all come to terms with who they are and are doing really well. So, to echo with so many others have said, it does get better.

 

[froggy5657]

Simon,

I came out to my parents a few days ago, and it felt really good. Our relationship is a lot more open. I'll be honest, it felt weird for the first few days, telling a secret that you have held for so long.

I don't claim to be an expert on coming out, as I am still in the process, but I can tell you that your parents will still love you.

I can also tell you that YouTube and the internet is a great resource, so use it wisely. Good Luck!

Also, If you ever want to talk to someone who is going through the same thing at the same time PM me

-Gibson

 

[corky441]

Even though these aren't my words, they are great words to live by. Thank you Shakespeare -
"this above all else, to thy own self be true"

be strong
---------------------
Marilee