advice - second hand invitation

[Lionqueen2]

How would you handle this? We and another couple (friends of ours) just received an 'invitation' to attend a holiday dinner party. Supposedly, the host asked our friend to extend the 'invitation' to us. The invitation did not come directly from the person hosting the party, but from their friend who is also a friend of ours. We do know the day, but don't even know the time.

We do know the person hosting the party, but we are not close although the hostess does know our address, phone number, email, etc. We do know other people who will be attending. This is more of a dress up event (suit for DH)not a casual drop in thing and the event will be catered.

What would you do? Would you go or think it is a token invitation and decline? If we accept/decline, do we phone the hostess with our decision since we didn't get a direct invitation from the hostess? Wouldn't the hostess want to know how many would be coming/not coming for dinner?

I know this is not one of life's great problems, but just a confusing and maybe awkward situation. It doesn't matter to us if we attend or not, but I don't want to offend anyone. I'd appreciate any thoughts.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

I don't think I would go without a direct invitation from the host/hostess. Even contacting them to decline could be awkward since they did not actually extend an invitation directly! I'd just mention to the mutual friend that you won't be able to attend and leave it at that.

 

[lizabu]

I wouldn't go either. If they wanted me there I'm sure they would have sent me an invite too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How would you handle this? We and another couple (friends of ours) just received an 'invitation' to attend a holiday dinner party. Supposedly, the host asked our friend to extend the 'invitation' to us. The invitation did not come directly from the person hosting the party, but from their friend who is also a friend of ours. We do know the day, but don't even know the time.

We do know the person hosting the party, but we are not close although the hostess does know our address, phone number, email, etc. We do know other people who will be attending. This is more of a dress up event (suit for DH)not a casual drop in thing and the event will be catered.

What would you do? Would you go or think it is a token invitation and decline? If we accept/decline, do we phone the hostess with our decision since we didn't get a direct invitation from the hostess? Wouldn't the hostess want to know how many would be coming/not coming for dinner?

I know this is not one of life's great problems, but just a confusing and maybe awkward situation. It doesn't matter to us if we attend or not, but I don't want to offend anyone. I'd appreciate any thoughts.

I would call the hostess and explain that "friend" extended an invite and you wanted to touch base and confirm the invite.

I would not just show up without doing that, esp. with a formal catered event.

I would imagine seating is an issue and I would HATE to just show up and be without a seat, you know? That would be REALLY awkward!

Or tell friend that you decline.

 

[aprilchem]

I would tell the friend to ask the host/hostess to send me an invite if they want us to come. I don't ever accept second-hand invites. I would think it might put the host in an awkward position if you call them up and ask if you are invited.

 

[Kellydelly]

I have a sister (half, if that matters) who always does this to me . Expects me to feel welcome and wanted when she tells another sister to tell me the details of an invite, but can't be bothered to call me herself . I personally am not into going to someone's home under those conditions.

In your case it seems odd that the hostess didn't contact you herself . I wouldn't even think of calling her and asking about it. I would consider myself not really invited. I think it is rude on her part to have another friend invite you on her behalf. How interested are you in attending?

 

[Lionqueen2]

This is the problem I was having. I felt so awkward, but was looking for a way to deal with the issue. I don't want to offend the hostess or our friend that delivered the 'invitation', but don't want to just ignore the 'invitation'.

I know this woman has done this kind of thing before, just not to me. I don't want it to seem as if I am snubbing her either, but just want to deal with it as tactfully as possible.

 

[littlejimmy]

I would go with the friend that invited you, and have a super great time, and not give it another thought.

 

[anniemae]

I don't know, I guess I feel differently. She is probably busy, wants to be nice, extends the invite via the friend. Everything does not have to be so formal. If you are able to go, I would go, if not don't. No need to rsvp directly since she did not call you. Just tell your friend who did invite you that you cannot attend and she can relay it to the hostess. No need to stress.

If you want to go, I would drop her an e-mail saying, "Hi Sue, Jane let me know about the party and we would love to come, can I bring anything?" This way she is expecting you and knows you got the invite.

Yes, it would be nice to get a call or e-mail invite directly from the hostess, but I have learned not everyone does things the same way. Life is so much easier to just accept people the way they come.

I have a neighbor like this, she just throws out invites if she sees you. If you bump into her she may say, "hey, we are having people over on Sunday, come on over if you can! Feel free to bring your sister and her boyfriend too!"

 

[littlejimmy]

I don't know, I guess I feel differently. She is probably busy, wants to be nice, extends the invite via the friend. Everything does not have to be so formal. If you are able to go, I would go, if not don't. No need to rsvp directly since she did not call you. Just tell your friend who did invite you that you cannot attend and she can relay it to the hostess. No need to stress.

If you want to go, I would drop her an e-mail saying, "Hi Sue, Jane let me know about the party and we would love to come, can I bring anything?" This way she is expecting you and knows you got the invite.

Yes, it would be nice to get a call or e-mail invite directly from the hostess, but I have learned not everyone does things the same way. Life is so much easier to just accept people the way they come.

I have a neighbor like this, she just throws out invites if she sees you. If you bump into her she may say, "hey, we are having people over on Sunday, come on over if you can! Feel free to bring your sister and her boyfriend too!"

love this approach. you are wise, grasshopper

 

[anniemae]

I like to think so!

 

[AnAmericanInDisney]

My friends do this- just have me tell the neighbor to come, too. I never thought it was a big deal.

 

[Skywalker]

How were the other invites issued? Did everyone else get a formal written invitation, or was the whole thing just a sort of "spread the word"? I don't think its any big deal. Unless the friend that told me about it was a known compulsive liar, I would consider myself invited and I would RSVP directly to the host. Then I would go and have fun.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I don't know, I guess I feel differently. She is probably busy, wants to be nice, extends the invite via the friend. Everything does not have to be so formal. If you are able to go, I would go, if not don't. No need to rsvp directly since she did not call you. Just tell your friend who did invite you that you cannot attend and she can relay it to the hostess. No need to stress.

If you want to go, I would drop her an e-mail saying, "Hi Sue, Jane let me know about the party and we would love to come, can I bring anything?" This way she is expecting you and knows you got the invite.

Yes, it would be nice to get a call or e-mail invite directly from the hostess, but I have learned not everyone does things the same way. Life is so much easier to just accept people the way they come.

I have a neighbor like this, she just throws out invites if she sees you. If you bump into her she may say, "hey, we are having people over on Sunday, come on over if you can! Feel free to bring your sister and her boyfriend too!"

This is an interesting thought. Seems like a good approach to make a call and start a conversation.

 

[disykat]

I don't know, I guess I feel differently. She is probably busy, wants to be nice, extends the invite via the friend. Everything does not have to be so formal. If you are able to go, I would go, if not don't. No need to rsvp directly since she did not call you. Just tell your friend who did invite you that you cannot attend and she can relay it to the hostess. No need to stress.

If you want to go, I would drop her an e-mail saying, "Hi Sue, Jane let me know about the party and we would love to come, can I bring anything?" This way she is expecting you and knows you got the invite.

Yes, it would be nice to get a call or e-mail invite directly from the hostess, but I have learned not everyone does things the same way. Life is so much easier to just accept people the way they come.

I have a neighbor like this, she just throws out invites if she sees you. If you bump into her she may say, "hey, we are having people over on Sunday, come on over if you can! Feel free to bring your sister and her boyfriend too!"

I can see taking this advice if it were a casual gathering, but this is a catered event. I would assume I was not invited and do nothing. If the host wanted me there, they'd invite me.

 

[sk!mom]

I wouldn't go nor respond.

Without an invitation from the host, I wouldn't feel that I'd been invited. Since I had no invitation, there's nothing to respond to. "I won't be coming to the party that you didn't invite me to."

I realize that some people are casual but a catered event is not casual. I'd assume that maybe the mutual friend asked if I was coming so the host said, "invite her."

f the mutual friend asked if I was going, I'd just say no. No explanation needed.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I would go with the friend that invited you, and have a super great time, and not give it another thought.

Yes I agree with this. This is how i'd do it too. Honestly it's not a big deal. Sheesh, so many uptight ppl in this thread.

 

[Bluestars]

If it is a dress-up, catered affair, it seems like the hostess would want people to RSVP. I can't imagine having a party like that and inviting some guests by word of mouth. If some of the guests received personal invitations, then all of the guests should have received them. I've never heard of sending invitations to some people and not others. You said she knows your address and email. How big of a deal would it have been for her to take two minutes and send you an email?

I would tell the friend that I couldn't go and ask the friend to please let the hostess know. I would respond the same way I was invited, second-hand.

 

[sk!mom]

Yes I agree with this. This is how i'd do it too. Honestly it's not a big deal. Sheesh, so many uptight ppl in this thread.

Hmmm...maybe I am uptight.

I wouldn't be offended in any way by the scenario given. I just wouldn't go.

I realize that things are much more casual these days. I've gone to parties where I was invited by text, or Facebook, or email. I view all those as just fine. I just wouldn't go if invited secondhand.

This reminds me of a scenario I posted about a year or so ago, when two people I work with posted a wedding invitation to the bulletin board. I honestly didn't know if it meant we were invited or it was more of an announcement. I didn't attend either as I couldn't imagine inviting people to a wedding that way. How would you not how much food to prepare for?

So anyway, maybe I am uptight?

 

[NewRVLady]

I have attended with a second handed invite to my SIL's grown kids bar-B -q-things like that where all the immediate family is included

But a catered affair when the man has to wear a suit? nope--sounds like a "oh yeah I forgot to ask them, just ask them yourself if you want" sort of thing?????