advice - second hand invitation

[ronandannette]

Hmmm...maybe I am uptight.

I wouldn't be offended in any way by the scenario given. I just wouldn't go.

I realize that things are much more casual these days. I've gone to parties where I was invited by text, or Facebook, or email. I view all those as just fine. I just wouldn't go if invited secondhand.

This reminds me of a scenario I posted about a year or so ago, when two people I work with posted a wedding invitation to the bulletin board. I honestly didn't know if it meant we were invited or it was more of an announcement. I didn't attend either as I couldn't imagine inviting people to a wedding that way. How would you not how much food to prepare for?

So anyway, maybe I am uptight?

LOL - good memories! In my small hometown during my childhood all wedding invitations were posted on the board at the general store with a hand-lettered "y'all come" sign!

As for this party, if I was close enough to the host for it to be an event I wanted to attend, I'd simply call her and tee things up. If not, I'd ignore it. I agree with goodyintoronto that life doesn't need to be so complicated.

 

[JanaDee]

I wouldn't go nor respond.

Without an invitation from the host, I wouldn't feel that I'd been invited. Since I had no invitation, there's nothing to respond to. "I won't be coming to the party that you didn't invite me to."

I realize that some people are casual but a catered event is not casual. I'd assume that maybe the mutual friend asked if I was coming so the host said, "invite her."

f the mutual friend asked if I was going, I'd just say no. No explanation needed.

Same here.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Hmmm...maybe I am uptight.

I wouldn't be offended in any way by the scenario given. I just wouldn't go.

I realize that things are much more casual these days. I've gone to parties where I was invited by text, or Facebook, or email. I view all those as just fine. I just wouldn't go if invited secondhand.

This reminds me of a scenario I posted about a year or so ago, when two people I work with posted a wedding invitation to the bulletin board. I honestly didn't know if it meant we were invited or it was more of an announcement. I didn't attend either as I couldn't imagine inviting people to a wedding that way. How would you not how much food to prepare for?

So anyway, maybe I am uptight?

If the person hosting finds it acceptable to post an invitation on a bulletin board or invite friends to their house via word of mouth, then so be it...doesnt matter if its catered or casual. As a guest, who am I to judge? The invitation is there, if im interested, I go! Those that insist on a formal piece of paper are free to decline. I dont see the big deal thou. If the host is ok with it, then thats more than enough for me.

 

[U2_rocks!]

Some people have a "more the merrier" approach to things and are happy for others to show up via word of mouth. Others may wish to invite more but can't due to space/budget limitations, but then may receive enough declines that they can afford to invite a few more last minute people that they would probably have formally invited in the first place if they could have. There are reasons why people invite others this way. If it's a party that sounds like fun and lots of my good friends will be there, I don't mind showing up on a second hand invitation if I'm sure it was extended to me (I don't care about the reason). If I'm in any way unsure of the crowd or unsure that the invitation was truly extended to me, I won't go.

 

[sk!mom]

If the person hosting finds it acceptable to post an invitation on a bulletin board or invite friends to their house via word of mouth, then so be it...doesnt matter if its catered or casual. As a guest, who am I to judge? The invitation is there, if im interested, I go! Those that insist on a formal piece of paper are free to decline. I dont see the big deal thou. If the host is ok with it, then thats more than enough for me.

In the case of the posted invite it wasn't that I found it unacceptable or was judging them. It was just unclear- were they inviting all 60 people who work here or just announcing a marriage?

I'm ok with informal invites. I just need them to be first hand.

 

[Wishing on a star]

For a catered, more formal, type of dinner party, I would assume that the Hostess would feel like she needed to issue specific invites, so that she had some idea of a head-count.

I would not go about this by contacting the Hostess...
This invite was a verbal invite, thru your friend... So, you should probably bring this up with your friend.

IF I WANTED TO GO, I would let my friend know that "It sounds wonderful! But, I don't feel comfortable accepting a word of mouth invitation to this kind if thing. That's just me..." If your friend insists that she knows you will be welcome. You could say, "That's great/lovely/wonderful... maybe you can mention to Ms. Hostess that she can drop me an email or something...." (Notice the use of the words 'I' and 'Me'.)

I would not expect or require a formal personal invitation. But for a catered dinner, I would not want to accept a second-hand invite.

If you are afraid that this kind of thing might offend your friend, then I might be second guessing the status quo of the friendship.

 

[barkley]

Hmmm...maybe I am uptight.

I wouldn't be offended in any way by the scenario given. I just wouldn't go.

I realize that things are much more casual these days. I've gone to parties where I was invited by text, or Facebook, or email. I view all those as just fine. I just wouldn't go if invited secondhand.

This reminds me of a scenario I posted about a year or so ago, when two people I work with posted a wedding invitation to the bulletin board. I honestly didn't know if it meant we were invited or it was more of an announcement. I didn't attend either as I couldn't imagine inviting people to a wedding that way. How would you not how much food to prepare for?

So anyway, maybe I am uptight?

I don't think you're uptight-I think you are being courteous and considerate of someone hosting, and as someone who has been put into the position of someone else extending second-hand invitations w/o my knowledge I appreciate it. it's not a big deal if it's a bbq or something informal, but when I've planned a specific meal around a specific number of people attending, it can be a huge embarrassment (on both my/second hand invitees part) let alone inconvenience when people unplanned for show up.

 

[msjprincess]

For me it would depend on whether or not it's a sit down dinner where the hostess would need to know how many people are going to be at the table.

 

[U2_rocks!]

For me it would depend on whether or not it's a sit down dinner where the hostess would need to know how many people are going to be at the table.

Yes, a seated event would be different, as would a very small, intimate one. Anything larger or more "cocktail" vs "sit-down" wouldn't be as embarrassing if wires got crossed somewhere along the line and the hostess wasn't expecting you.

 

[NFLDERS]

Some people have a "more the merrier" approach to things and are happy for others to show up via word of mouth. Others may wish to invite more but can't due to space/budget limitations, but then may receive enough declines that they can afford to invite a few more last minute people that they would probably have formally invited in the first place if they could have. There are reasons why people invite others this way. If it's a party that sounds like fun and lots of my good friends will be there, I don't mind showing up on a second hand invitation if I'm sure it was extended to me (I don't care about the reason). If I'm in any way unsure of the crowd or unsure that the invitation was truly extended to me, I won't go.

I'd like to hear it directly from the *"horse's mouth!" as opposed to word of mouth.

*Is this expression known here or regionally?

 

[LBIJim]

For a BBQ or an open house type of affair, sure, I'd go if the invitation was sent this way and I felt like going. But not for a fancier catered sit-down dress-up dinner. There's the possibility that the mutual friend had a misunderstanding or miscommunication about me being invited and I wouldn't feel comfortable attending without hearing from the hostess herself. Doesn't have to be a formal written invitation. A call, e-mail, or text from the hostess would suffice.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I'd like to hear it directly from the *"horse's mouth!" as opposed to word of mouth.

*Is this expression known here or regionally?

Sure, that's always preferable. But there are some circumstances in which I'd go even without that, and others I wouldn't.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I mean no disrespect OP, but when I read this thread I was thinking that the host had enough declines from their "A" list that they then started informally inviting their "B" list, which was the reason for this type of invitation.