Advice please...

[splashmountain86]

I came across the DIS this past december while looking for information for my next trip to WDW. I joined the boards and spent a lot of time lurking before i got up the courage to post. It took me a while to wander to the DIS Unplugged forum because it always amazed me as to how close everyone that posted was to each other, and i felt like an outsider looking in. The more i lurked, the more i realized how strong these relationships were (and the more frightened i became when it came to posting). However, as the days passed, and my DIS obsession grew; i became a bit more comfortable posting on the unplugged board, hoping to share any small bits of advice i could come up with.

Not too long ago, there was a post about a fellow diser that had recently endured a break up. I felt i could respond to his post with some advice because, at the time, my DGF and i were going through some problems and i knew where he was coming from. In the post i stated that things were looking up for my girlfriend and i and to not loose hope, but i guess i spoke too soon.

After two years of being together, we broke up last night. I have never been this devastated. The worst part of the break up was that i now have to cancel the trip we planned to WDW for her birthday in August. I dont even know where to begin with that, and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

I figured posting this may help me accept what has happened over the course of 24 hours, and hope to gain some valuable advice as to how to go about this hurtful situation.

Thanks for listening,

Dan

 

[Carolinagal]

What a terrible thing to go through! I am sure you are feeling like your world has collapsed, and I am really sorry. I don't have any real words of wisdom, other than to say "hang in there" and it really will be better soon. Try focusing on small goals and accomplishments and avoid making big decisions.

I won't try and suggest you go anyway, because your trip might be filled with regret that you are not sharing together. Just concentrate in the things you absolutely have to - cancelling airline and travel plans with the least amount of financial damage. Remember that a lot of times if you can't cancel outright, you can sometimes reschedule and avoid big fees.

Most of us have been where you are now and know the pain you are in.... just take it day by day and soon enough it will seem better.

I am really sorry you are going through this - take care!

 

[LMO429]

I'm so sorry to hear about your heart break and having to cancel your trip to WDW. Is there any chance a friend might want to go with you to WDW in August.

 

[*NikkiBell*]

I'm so sorry to hear this. My best and much pd to you. Oh and don't feel like an outsider here. I felt intimidated myself but soon realized how welcoming everyone is. You'll fit right in in no time.

 

[BriarRosie]

Sorry to hear about the breakup. You can get lots of pixie dust from us, because many of us have been where you are right now.




Hang in there.

 

[mrzrich]

I'm so sorry about your break up!

As for your trip, while I think it best that you don't go in August around her birthday. Doing so might increase your sadness and take away from the fun you should be having.

However, you may want to try to rescedule the trip for a time when a friend or family member could join you. Planning a trip may give you something to look foward to. Perhaps Disapolooza in December.

 

[wishspirit]

I can't imagine the hurt you are feeling right now.

I agree with the fellow posters, going in August might not be great for you, but do whatever your gut tells you to do.

Sending all my love and pixie dust!

 

[katscradle]

My advice is the same as the others.
I think rather than cancelling that you should try to reschedule your trip.
I also happen to think a December trip for disa. would be great.
This gives you something to plan for.
Also when you meet us it will be like meeting up with a bunch of old friends.
I am sorry that you are going through this, but it will get better. Sending some pd your way the more the better.
Come in December, you won't regret it.

 

[elemusing]

I am so sorry. I agree - rather than canceling, maybe reschedule for a different date and enjoy the planning. . .

 

[TXYankee]

I am so sorry to hear of your breakup.

I agree that you should plan your trip another time. Maybe in Dec for the Diz-A-paluzza. (I am not sure how to spell that) then you could meet some of your online friends!

 

[eeyorethegreat]

I am so sorry. I agree - rather than canceling, maybe reschedule for a different date and enjoy the planning. . .

Sorry about your break up it is always difficult to work through those things. I do agree with the others on rescheduling your trip and enjoy yourself with a friend or family member whom you would enjoy spending time with - and celebrate YOU!!

 

[corky441]

Sorry to hear of your breakup. You've come to the right place for support.

I also agree with the others, cancel the August trip and then spend some quality time here on The DIS planning a trip to take with a good friend.

 

[splashmountain86]

Thank you to all that have posted such kind words, it was the best thing i could wake up to at a time like this. I would say "you have no idea how good it made me feel", but i am sure some of you have been in some type of predicament and have experienced this kind of love and support from fellow disers. So again, thank you.

I can't even bring myself to call her and figure things out. The way i have always handled break ups was to forget that persons existence, cut off all ties. But this relationship was different and more serious than any of my other relationships. Am i being foolish by not calling? Or is this something i should give time and then perhaps give her a call?

Thanks for the advice,

Dan

 

[Carolinagal]

Calling this soon will almost certainly end up with harsh words or you begging her to give you another chance. Neither of these will help you.

Give it time and distance, and do not call until you are sure that you are in the right frame of mind and will not be begging to try again. In my experience, it will never work and only serves to push her away further.

Fill your day with different things - exercise, movies, books, anything that can redirect your thinking. Stay away from alcohol, and take care of yourself. It is OK to cry - but set a timeline for when you will be "finished" grieving (the active, sobbing kind). Every hour that passes you heal and get stronger.

Maybe someday you will get back together - maybe not. Time will tell.... But right now, at this time, you need to heal and get stronger.



Take care

 

[splashmountain86]

Calling this soon will almost certainly end up with harsh words or you begging her to give you another chance. Neither of these will help you.

Give it time and distance, and do not call until you are sure that you are in the right frame of mind and will not be begging to try again. In my experience, it will never work and only serves to push her away further.

Fill your day with different things - exercise, movies, books, anything that can redirect your thinking. Stay away from alcohol, and take care of yourself. It is OK to cry - but set a timeline for when you will be "finished" grieving (the active, sobbing kind). Every hour that passes you heal and get stronger.

Maybe someday you will get back together - maybe not. Time will tell.... But right now, at this time, you need to heal and get stronger.



Take care

You are an angel, i am quite sure of that. She just texted me, the first time either of us has contacted the other.

"I know you dont want to talk. I just want you to know that when i promised you i'd wear this ring forever , i ment it. and i still do. i wont bug you again."

We got each other rings for v-day this year. It was a very emotional experience because we both considered it a serious step in our relationship. Do i text her back? this is killing me.

Thanks,

Dan

 

[Natasha&Matt]

Thank you to all that have posted such kind words, it was the best thing i could wake up to at a time like this. I would say "you have no idea how good it made me feel", but i am sure some of you have been in some type of predicament and have experienced this kind of love and support from fellow disers. So again, thank you.

I can't even bring myself to call her and figure things out. The way i have always handled break ups was to forget that persons existence, cut off all ties. But this relationship was different and more serious than any of my other relationships. Am i being foolish by not calling? Or is this something i should give time and then perhaps give her a call?

Thanks for the advice,

Dan

Did she break up with you for a reason? or did you break up with her? If you broke up with her i would call and explain how sorry you are and that your not thinkin straight? x

 

[mikelan6]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Something similar happened to me a few months ago. Give things time and they will sort themselves out.

As for the Disney trip - I'd still go or reschedule. You should to on with your life and do what YOU want to do.

Good luck!!!

 

[Jamie77]

Sorry about your breakup. I cosign with the others about rescheduling your trip. Perhaps with the extra planning time you could treat yourself to the concierge level of a deluxe resort. You deserve it.

 

[Carolinagal]

She just texted me, the first time either of us has contacted the other.

"I know you dont want to talk. I just want you to know that when i promised you i'd wear this ring forever , i ment it. and i still do. i wont bug you again."

We got each other rings for v-day this year. It was a very emotional experience because we both considered it a serious step in our relationship. Do i text her back? this is killing me.

Thanks,

Dan

Absolutely, text her back. Treat her with love and kindness, no matter what has happened. Avoid causing additional pain.

It sounds as though you are both conflicted over the breakup, which is understandable. I would suggest you take some time to try and avoid having the same conflicts again and again.

Good luck!

 

[wishspirit]

Think it through carefully.

Do you still want to be with this girl? Is all the heartache really worth it? Can you see a future together as a happy one? Do you both love and respect each other?

If you see something positive in the relationship, maybe it's worth working through the rough bits. If it is making ether of you seriously unhappy, it is not worth it. Life is too short to spending it waiting and hoping.

Seriously address how you feel, then respond to her with the kindness of a gentleman, and tell her how you honestly feel. Sometimes it is time to move on to bigger and better things, even though it feels horrible at the time.

Sending all my best!