Advice please -$$ issue if DS15 is bringing a friend

[mickeymom629]

I have plans for us to be in WDW this summer (myself, DH, DS15, DS13, DD11 and DS9). I told my DS15 that if he wanted to bring a friend this trip, I thought it might be okay. Without going into a long explanation, let's just say that I think it will make the trip more enjoyable for all of us (he's at that age).

Anyway, we are driving to Florida and will have to get two rooms for the night (if the friend wasn't coming, I might just get one room and bring in sleeping bags like we've done sometimes before. The following night, I have two rooms at CBR booked, so no problem there. Then we are staying 4 nights with our DVC at OKW. Then two nights with relatives.

Transportation and accomodations are not the problem, obviously, but I was wondering how to handle food and tickets. The friend has never been to WDW and probably won't be back anytime soon, so I thought that I would tell the parents to purchase a 4 day hopper and I would buy back what she doesn't use, since we always go. I usually bring breakfast foods and snacks. I would assume that she will bring $ for fast food stands. But I have made p.s. at some restaurants and I really can't afford to pay for her too.

I was wondering how any of you handle bringing a friend for your child and how the money is handled.

I'm sorry this is so long.

 

[beansmom]

Mickey Mom,

If I understand correctly, you will be bringing a female companion for your son? First, I would check with CBR, many hotels will not register a guest who is under 18. And, then, being a parent of grown and teen children, I would definitely NOT let them sleep in the same room. Kids get crazy ideas. Frankly, in your shoes, I would tell ds that it's a family vacation and he could like it or not. But then I'm the meanest mom in the world---just ask my kids. AND you will be responsible for the health and safety of this child as well...I personally would not take this on unless the parents were people I knew very well and then I would think twice about it.

Now that I've made my moral judgment (sorry), I will say that I would immediately call the girl's parents and discuss the finances with them. Since she was invited, they may think it's an expense paid vacation. I would clarify it immediately.

When we went in 2000, I had offered to take a friend for dd...and I was fully aware that I would be responsible for making sure that all the child's needs were met. She didn't get to go (bad grades) and I still have the ticket I bought for her. I think you have to be prepared to pay for everything, just in case. You certainly can't let her starve if she runs out of money--which kids also do.

 

[HunnyPots]

Sounds like a sticky situation from several standpoints, but since you only asked about money, that's what I'll address.

Talk to the parents right away and tell them exactly what you expect. "Susie is welcome to come along with us but she will need to pay for her own park tickets, which will come to _____ Dollars. She will also need food and spending money for each day, which will be at least ________ dollars." Dont be surprised if the parents decide the trip isn't such a good idea after all!

If I were you I'd skip the expensive ps meals and stick to counter service for this trip. That way, if your guest runs short it won't be that hard to help her out.

You're a brave mom - good luck!

 

[sci-fi-dreamer!]

Unfortunately, I planned this trip during the war and on short notice, so our DD (12) is stuck going with Mom and Dad DH and I had discussed it and we were willing to pay for 1. airfare 2. All meals 3. hotel - Friend would need money for passes and souvenirs! We thought that was fair enough, however we do not do alot of "table service" PS meals - usually only 1 or 2? I would discuss it with the parents and kind of "feel them out" as to what their $$ expectations are for this trip! If they are expecting you to pay for her food - you may need to cut out a few of the more expensive meals and stick to the food courts. Have fun and Enjoy!

 

[marymrg]

I have a friend who has. She just asked that the guest buy a park hopper (in advance) and have spending money for souvenirs or anything extra for when the girls were off on their own. All meals were provided/paid for.

 

[prncess674]

Since you DS is 15 and you are bringing a friend along for his enjoyment I would make a deal with the kid. I don't think it would be nice to the friend to make her pay separately for sit down meals. How would you handle this. Would you tell the waiter please put the 15yr old girls dinner on a separate ticket??
Perhaps to offset the costs you could tell your son that he would be responsible for his own counter service meals from his allowance so that this would help deferring the cost of the additional person at the sit down meals. The two teens will probably be on their own alot during the day anyway.

I think it is fair to make the guest pay her own park admission but if you can't afford to have the additional expense at the sit down meals just don't invite the friend on the trip.

As a teenager I was invited on a few family vacations of my friends. It was never really discussed but the parents always paid for my meals on vacation but similar things were done by my parents for activities we invited my friends to. It was very give and take.

 

[Gillian]

I haven't a clue how you should handle this, but I do agree that sooner is better as far as talking to the parents. Disney is very expensive and they may not want her to go, or may want her to pay for more than she wants to.

As for splitting the check, I'm sure you can avoid it. You'll know about how much the meals will cost. It doesn't have to be the exact amount, does it? If it does, it certainly could get awkward.

Before you approach the parents about cost, get together some info on the cost of tickets, food (both counter service & sit down) and see what they say. Maybe you could agree on a fixed amount from them for her expenses?

When I still went on vacations with my parents, they often brought a friend for me and paid for everything. But I am an only child, so they didn't have 4 of their own to pay for!

Good luck!

 

[mickeymom629]

When I told my son he could invite a friend, I thought it would be one of the boys he's been friends with for years. If that had been the case, I would definitely feel like treating him like a guest. I love the thought of showing WDW to someone for the first time and most of his friends have never been.

I do realize the responsibility (I've done daycare for 12 years) and I am not really happy about it.

I really expect these parents to say no (I would). She is an only child and they are planning their own family vacation with relatives. (She was over the other night and I told her she should be with her family on vacation; that I wouldn't let my son go with her if vise versa).I do not know them well, except that they are nice people and their daughter is very nice. But, obviously, the two of them may not even be friends by the end of the summer (which is why I don't want to spend the extra money that I can't afford.)

As far as the sleeping, the other room was NOT for her or THEM!!! We are already a family of 6---we will all be together!

I think you are all right; I was nuts to even consider this if I didn't want the added expense.

Thanks. I'll talk to my son.

 

[ceecee]

Maybe your DS and friend could do counter serve while you did the sit downs. Maybe pay for one nice dinner or so. You could give your son an equal amount of $ to spend per day on food, etc and clear it with her parents to make sure they know in advance how much $ she actually will need. Buy the park pass BEFORE you get there.
My parent's always paid for the friend when I took them with us (not WDW, but shorter overnights) They even got adjoining rooms a few times so we'd feel more grown up! But I always took a girlfriend and I was the only child (2 older sisters were basically grown when I reached the teens).
Big responsibility for 9 nights, make sure you're up for it.

 

[prncess674]

Next time you plan on letting one of your kids invite a friend. YOU pick the friend, ask the parent of the child before ever mentioning it to the child so you can rationally talk about before getting the kids involved.

 

[Aurora3]

This is really tough if you aren't close friends with her parents. If you were I'm sure you would have already been chatting with them, planning expenses and going over lists. With acquaintences, unless your son has discussed the costs with the friend directly, an invitation could esily be understood as a gift of the entire vacation expenses except personal souveniers and items on that only the teen would want or need. I agree with everyone else that you'll have to talk with the girl's parents, immediately and clarify the invitation. I'm sure they would want the invitation to come directly from you anyway even to consider it as a valid invitation. This way you can talk not only about the money but other logistics, sleeping arrangements, how much supervision there will be etc...
Best of luck to you!

 

[jcanary]

Bringing a friend is great. I have two daughters who are 6 1/2 years apart so we have generally let them bring someone. What we do is have the parents pay for 1/2 the air fare, and the whole park ticket. Then we plan a few sit down meals. We are DVC members so we cook alot of meals in our room and they are responsible for their meals if they do not eat in the room, including daughters. This year we are taking 3 friends of my youngest to celebrate her 16th. I am getting medical permission forms from the school nurse to have the parents fill out so I will have permission in case anything should happen. that was the top most priority, you never know and being from upstate NY the parents couldn't just drive there. Then I am having each girl buy some of the quick and casual vouchers, parents really liked this idea. We will be there for 2 weeks and I figured I will have them get maybe 4 each. they are small petite girls so they will probably split meals so these would be good for 8 meals. I am buying the passes and paying for most of the special meals, including my daughters birthday meal at V&A for everyone( I do a lot of reward programs so this will be almost free).
I have also made a booklet for each family as to where we will be, with phone numbers both hotel and cell phones for all girls and us. There will be set check in times, etc, otherwise privlidges will be lost. WE are staying atBCV so we are close to the parks. My daughter is the only one who has recently been there. the others haven't been for atleast 8-10 years so we are really excited about showing them a good time.
It really takes a lot of planning and paperwork when you are bringing a child guest, but I think in the long run it is worth it.
Good luck with your planning and maybe you can convince your son to invite one of his boy friends, I know I wouldn't let my daughter go that far with someone I wasn't close friends with.

 

[mickeymom629]

Thanks for the opinions. I will call her parents today and discuss it with them. My son had only casually mentioned it to her last week to see what she thought of the idea and what she thought her parents would say. I didn't really know he did that until after. Now that I think she has mentioned it to her parents, I don't want them to feel like they have to be pressured into letting her go if she is making them feel like that.

I definitely would give them itinerary and telephone #'s, and the medical release form is a great idea. As far as sleeping, I had planned on her sharing a bed with my DD11 and my other two sons would share the other bed. My DS15 would be in the adjoining room with my husband and I on the drive down and back to Florida and at CBR. At OKW, we have the two-bdrm villa and the sleeping arrangements would be much the same, but my DS15 will be in the pull-out sofa bed in the family area. I am VERY overprotective and I have already told my son that they will go everywhere with us, but in the parks (where we will all be) I might let them have a little time to wander where they want (with our pager to communicate). We all have such a fun time at WDW that I really think that we will all want to stick together and enjoy the attractions. My daughter and I are the only ones who really chicken out at some rides, so we are usually doing something else when the guys are on a ride we don't care for.

Anyway, IF her parents even think they will let her go with us, I will tell them to purchase the hopper pass before we go and maybe give us some (reasonable) amount of money to cover some of the food expenses for her. That way, I won't mind paying for her as part of the family where ever we go. (I would NEVER expect to tell a waiter to give her a separate check.)

I wanted opinions and I knew you all would help. This was not really a special invitation, yet, it was just a casual offer from my son to this girl. Now that I know she would like to go and that she has discussed it with her parents, I will call them to see what they really think. I would not let my child go so far without me at this age and for so long with people I don't really know, and my son knows this. It will really surprise me if they think otherwise.

 

[Mic]

For my oldest daughter's 14th birthday, we allowed her to invite 3 friends to go to WDW with us(all girls...she knows how I feel about the boys!) last June. We paid for 4-day hopper Plusses for all 3 girls(my credit card is STILL smoking!) and lodging(we are DVC members, so the girls had a studio while the rest of us were in the 1-bedroom half). I printed up invitations to give to the parents explaining what money was needed, so everyone knew up-front what the cost would be. We live 10 hours away, so we drove, and stopped at Winn Dixie as soon as we arrived for groceries. We had breakfast in the room every morning, dinner in the room several nights, and we were prepared to pay for the dinners we did not cook or have a PS for. Since we knew we would be doing 'Ohana's the first evening, we asked the girls to bring $25 each for that, and $10 a day for lunch($50 total), since we planned to let them "dine alone" sometimes. As it turns out, they chose to eat with us every day but 1(when we left them at AK), and I made sure everyone had enough money. As long as you are up-front about the cost, you should not feel guilty about asking the parents to pay for it if you cannot afford it. Also, be honest about your surprise that your son chose to bring a girl...my guess is they feel as uncomfortable about it as you do, and may tell her "No" without you having to do anything.

 

[prncess674]

There was some great advice on this subject on www.wdwig.com. Here is the link

http://www.wdwig.com/authors_sehl2.htm

 

[erinch]

I have several times taken youth groups of 30 kids to WDW. (In my younger, stupider days).

We gave the parents, in writing, a list of expenses the kids were expected to cover. We collected their money, and put each kid's money in 2 separate envelopes, one for souvenirs, the other for food, laundry and other essentials.

We doled out their day's share from each envelope, per day. They could "borrow" from their souvenir money, and once that was gone, it was gone. We kept an agreed upon amount in reserve for the last day, so we didn't have to worry about them spending all their last day food money on last minute souvenirs.

But they could not borrow their food money. That went by the day so we didn't have to worry about them running out and either having to bail them out or let them go hungry. We also kept some in reserve for the candy/chips/drinks on the way home.

 

[Robinrs]

Yikes! A girl??

I'm surprised her parents okayed this!

Okay, off my sounding board...

I have an only child also and I have brought "a little friend" with us about 4 times. One child was the adopted daughter of my former babysitter. Since we already had a "business" relationship, it was easy to discuss "fees" with her mother. She had come with us once and knew how expensive it can be so we came up with a very fair amount based on what I knew it would cost.

I usually get very good deals on lodging so I always volunteer that. The only food I ask for is for lunch and dinner. Breakfast I can handle.

After two NOT TOO HAPPY trips with "little friends" I had my son look me in the eye, I'm very short, and said "if you want to take a "little friend", you're LOOKING AT HER!"

Yes, from now on I'M THE LITTLE FRIEND!

 

[prncess674]

mickeymom629

Please keep us posted on how things work out once you talk to the parents like you said you would. I am sure others could learn from experiences. Good luck!

 

[dgaston]

Thanks for posting this question, and to all the folks who replied. I'm thinking about a camping trip next April and about offering to bring along DS's best friend. DS is the youngest of 3 and now is like an only child. We've taken this friend with us camping in NH in the summer and know it improves family time. I guess it's just hard for me to broach the $ issues with his family. I appreciate all the points folks raised.

 

[mickeymom629]

Well, I called today and left a message. She called me back and said that she had heard about the vacation offer and was wondering why I would want another child along. Anyway, I told her that wasn't a problem (not THAT anyway), but that I had expected my son to invite a guy, but he wanted her. She said that because her daughter is an only child, they have taken friends on trips, but they have been girls and she was wondering how I felt about it. She said, "Maybe I'm naive, but I totally trust these two kids" and that she is considering the offer. I also trust them, but they won't be much out of my sight (not because of what they might do together as much as what could happen to them in the world today) anyway because I'm a worrier by nature. This mom said she is not a worrier and that they have sent this girl on a plane by herself to visit people since she was 4! I could only laugh and tell her how opposite we were and no wonder my son said I wouldn't understand her parents. Her only concern was that she would miss so much time from the summer job she got at the local golf course (she's an excellent athlete and not a girly-girl at all--which is another reason her mom trusts her, she said).

SOOO, she thought it might be best if her daughter flew to Orlando and met up with us during our 4 nights at OKW!

Well, I said if that's what you want to do, that would be great. (That's the best part of the trip to have her!) She said, "I'll talk to my daughter and get back to you in a couple of days."

I was so surprised by this whole conversation that I hardly had thought of how to mention the tickets and food, but when I did mumble something, she said, "Oh of course we'll give her plenty of money". Actually, if she only comes for 4 nights, we may only be doing 2 or 3 days of parks and I almost feel generous to treat for that.

I will keep you posted on how it all turns out! Thanks for all the comments!