Advice on aspergers ???

[buzz for boys]

Hi Guys
I know i could post this on the disabilties board but i find the usa have different ways of dealing with aspergers to us and am desperate for some advice that ill understand. ( no offence to them at all )I know several dissers have children with aspergers and i would love to hear your views if you dont mind please x

My ds is 8 and has aspergers but seems to all of a sudden have a really aggressive streak that im struggling to control I have tried making him sit on his bed and also trying to talk to calm him down but I am now sporting an impressive black eye for my trouble.
I know his life at the moment lacks routine because he cant go into school but his temper has spiralled out of control and I cant seem to do anything right!
He is not compliant when I ask him to come out with me just getting him out of the house has turned into a major chore and always seems to be accompanied by a meltdown !! Should I bk down or fight him ??
with teh 6 weeks holiday just round the corner i need to try and sort this now as when all 4 of mine are at home if he is like this it is going to be hell !!
Thanks in advance for any advice
Louise x

 

[joolz1910]

I only deal with Aspergers when I'm at work, so I can't be much help. I know that we are advised to give the child advance warning of any break in routine and to avoid 'rushing' the child as this can cause panic and reluctance to comply. Would your DS respond to a sticker chart to get him out of the house? My instinct is that fighting his aggression will make it worse and result in you both getting stressed. I hope the situation improves.

 

[Pegasus928]

Aah the famous meltdown - it's a frequent event in our household. Our DS is 14½ now (teenage hormones and Aspergers now there is something to look forward too).

I have found that when it is not possible to reason with DS it is best to leave him to have 'time out'. He hasn't completely lost it many times but when he does I steer well clear, allowing him to calm down. He shocks himself when he gets really bad so it doesn't usually take him long to calm down and be able to face a conversation again.

Trying not to bombard him with too many things at once often works for us - one or two things to concentrate on at any one time or it gets too much for him. Lists for bedroom tidying, trips out or shopping so he knows exactly what is planned.

Our routine is always changing with Kenny here and then away so often and each time there is a change it takes a while to get back some sense of 'coping' (can't say order because there never is any in our household )

One piece of advice I got from our local Outreach service once was to not try and 'bottle up' the frustrations that AS kids are always going to have. They need to let of steam sometimes (OK often) and if they don't they are like a coiled spring. If I sat DS down when he was like that or tried to talk to him (or at him as he would say) it would be like lighting a firework. This is where we use the time out which comes in especially helpful when DS is arguing with DD.

Each day in the ASD world is a struggle for all involved and you can only do one day at a time, albiet as routinely as possible.

Big hugs for you I am also dreading the summer break (but then I always do)

MRS Pegasus

 

[buzz for boys]

Thank you
You have both put what I know in my heart but I cant give him notice of change to routine as with his other health issues they are subject to change all thetime !! He copes well at hospital visits but then seems to et off steam when e get home and at the moment he seems to want to live as a hermit & im scared that if i allow him to never come out with us he will eventually retreat to never going anywhere
You r right pegasus life with ds has never got any order I do sometimes feel like im drowing in routine and life is is a constant battle with him - but thanks for the advice x
Really appreciate it !

 

[leise]

Hugs to you Buzz. I know what you mean, I have two on the spectrum, and my DS2 (almost 8) is frequently on the verge of meltdown, it's like walking on eggshells. It really helps to give him time and space at home to do his own thing, be it playing in his room or on the PS2. He comes home from school in a rage every day, having behaved impeccably there, and we get it in the neck. But I just leave him to it, give him a drink and let him wind down before even attempting to ask him anything.
Getting him out of the house can be a challenge too, especially if he thinks there's nothing in it for him. We have to be so positive all the time about everything or he just won't do it. I'm finding a reward chart is working really well at the moment to control the violent outbursts - he gets a sticker every couple of hours if there has been no violence, building up to a prize he has chosen. This time its the Harry Potter PS2 game, and I have printed off a picture with a great long grid of boxes underneath so he can see over the weeks as he gets closer.
In the morning we use visual supports to get through the morning nightmare (both mine have ADHD too) , so they tear the velcro symbols off the chart when they have done each step of getting up. They also like checklists. It so helps me not having to nag them.
My older one (10) is quite severely autistic and while he is quite compliant most of the time, if he doesn't want to do something, that's it. You have to find another way around it. Generally if he can do it, he will after one stern word. If he can't do it, he can't do it. I can only try to break things down into smaller bits and try and get him to take smaller steps.
I hope we have a good summer, *** the only thing that keeps us sane is the trampoline!

 

[FiFi Rose]

Hi
I work with young children with ASD so unfortunately can't give you a personal perspective. Can you speak to your sons school or outreach worker to support you in implementing a visual timetable. Its hard to predict everything in life but making things as predictable as possible may reduce his anxiety and aggression. It might help him to understand why you need to go to the shops etc without him feeling bombarded by language. The boardmaker symbol programme has a huge range of lovely clear visuals. I use these at work and as another poster said put velcro on the back to create a sequence. Possibly developing social stories related to difficult times. Comic life software allows you to create story boards and lets you put in pictures of your own child completing tasks.

I agree that I think confronting him may be giving you both a harder time. Sometimes as mums we just have to take a step back and leave him to have time. Perhaps giving him a space in the house where its ok to go if you're feeling angry (bean bag or something) Much better to hit that than you.

Have you read the book All Cats have Aspergers (I think thats the title) It sounds odd but is lovely with lots of real pictures and very little print. I know my friend found this useful for her son and was also good to let others read to help them understand.

 

[Aardvarks]

When our son started to go towards meltdown, we took the route of getting outside help to distance us as parents so that he would see us as part of the solution and not part of the problem.

We paid for a private therapist who would spend time asking questions of our son and getting him to prioritise what his issues were. She then helped him creat a wish list and a negotion route so he could communicate his concerns to us and to his teachers.

Grandparents chipped in and in total we spent about £600 but it was money very well spent indeed. The NHS had at that time done nothing for us and our then GP didnt even have the time to understand Aspergers or ASD and held the belief that we needed to be better parents.

My son turned out to be a great adult and now holds down a top job.

 

[buzz for boys]

Really everyone thank you soooo much I can relate to sooo much of the comments so at least I know im not cracking up !!!! I am going to phone and ask advice from his psychologist - i just hate phoning makes me feel so useless !! I do feel like im cracking up at the moment life is just all about ds and want he wants and if im honest im running out of energy now x
Thanks for your input guys ill let u know what the experts have to say - dont hold your breath for a miracle though x

 

[joolz1910]

Good luck. I hope you get some practical advice. Is there an Autism support group in your area - I find other mums are the best source of support as the professionals are usually going on 'theory' rather than 'practice' if you know what I mean!

 

[buzz for boys]

There is Joolz but I only went once because i felt the other moms pityed me becuse of ds other health issues and then it was hard to be on a level with them if you know what i mean !! Maybe i should go back there again - i do think parents of other kids have more practical advice and they know what its like evryday x