Advice on another mother?

[twinmomplus2new]

OK... My boys are in a preK class. with a group I am not fond of the kids are nasty and the mom's are real big feeling jerks.

Anyway, we combined a differant class with this one I do not like... and went on a field trip today with a class of friends of mine. They split actvities a few times and at the end we all asssembled to make salad, (we were at a farm.)

The teachers were wrangling the kids, and wanted them all to sit at teh table on the left. 4 of our kids were at the right table. And playing with these salad spinners. All of a sudden one of the other mothers came over and snatched the salad spinner my son was holding. And started to yelll. The kind of yelling you would do If you lost it on your kids and would be mortified that you acted that way after you did it? You know the way I mean?

SHe starts yelling while about 5 inches from my 5 year olds face. DO YOU LISTEN????? GO TO THE OTHER TABLE? MOVE!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY DON"T YOU LISTEN?????? shrieking. I started towards the table and honestly it was so wildly inappropriate it wasn't even funny. I bit my tpunge she never apologized never even acted like she was embarrased for her outburst. And I am furious. Furious that I kept my tounge. Honestly I did only because I was afraid of what I would say infront of the children.
However I am FUMING. I am going to confront her any advice on what I can say without losing my cool?

 

[momrek06]

YES, I would def say something to her OR if no one steps up and tells her
how unappropriate her actions were than she will continue to be this way.

I am exactly like you, I would be SHOCKED into silence and after it is all over I am mad at myself for not saying something then and there....so be it, it happened the way it did...you can't change your actions (or lack of) SO make
sure you do yourself and your DS a favor and call this other mom and ask
her if she was having a BAD day prior to this field trip and that you would appreciate in the future her NOT screaming at the kids.

And OP: don't put this off waiting for tons of replies....for your kids sake call this woman FRIDAY and tell her...it is all part of life...we have to hear the bad sometimes instead of the good.

Screamers are NOT good role models for our children

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and your son.

People like that should not be anywhere near children. I was a pre-school teacher and it was basically understood that any parents helping out on trips or in the classroom did not have the 'authority' (I can't think of a better word for it at this moment) to discipline the children. I don't mean that the children didn't have to respect them, but if there was anything to be dealt with, it was really the teacher who would need to intercede.

Yelling like you described would be unacceptable in the school I worked in, period. A pre-k really is about being positive, redirecting, and learning more acceptable behaviors.

This mother acted very inappropriately. My advice is to alert the teacher(s) and the director of what happened. They really need to speak to this mother about how that it is not her place to discipline the children, and in that case the children weren't doing anything wrong.

We had an incident once where a mother yelled at someone's child (and this child's mother was not present). The child started crying, and it was witnessed by two teachers. (The mother was way off base like in your school's case). First, the school explained that if there was a problem, the teachers were to handle it. That it was unacceptable to yell at the children, and that it was unacceptable that a parent dealt with any discipline of other children in the classroom. Then the other child's parent was called, and a mini conference was set up to address the situation and to let her know how it was handled.

The one mom had her husband call and apologize for the incident. And the other child's mom was very appreciative at how it was handled.

This is just how we did it. I hope this all works out and that your children have a positive pre-k experience. Maybe you can change the class that they are in.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Did any of the other parents or teachers say anything to her or to you? What did everyone else think of this wild display? She sounds like she's out of control!

I would give her the benefit of the doubt only once - and in the meantime tell her if she ever speaks to me or my child in that manner again, I will file a formal complaint with the director of the school. In fact, I might consider doing so anyway.

School should be a pleasant experience at this age. You are setting the groundwork for upcoming K and elementary school. Don't let her or anyone else there spoil it for you and your child. Find another school if you must.

Good luck.

 

[Snow Brite]

This mother acted very inappropriately. My advice is to alert the teacher(s) and the director of what happened. They really need to speak to this mother about how that it is not her place to discipline the children, and in that case the children weren't doing anything wrong.

This is how I would handle it as well. That is if I managed to hang on to my temper at the time. When you appeared at your sons side what did she do? Wow. You have to wonder how she talks to her own child in private if she talks to other peoples children like that in public.

But, I think it is better and will be more effective if you have the school deal with it, especially if the teacher saw it.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

All of the Mothers of both classes were present. and 2 teachers.... every single person including the 2 teachers stopped dead in thier tracks and stared open-mouthed. There was dead shocked silence.
this mother had no position of authority over anyone except her own child.

This was 2 of my son's classes combined, cooking and preK. some kids are in one some in both. (mine are in both classes.)
The preK are the kids that are very fresh. This womans child is in the preK part of the equation. My son's haven't been to the preK class in 2 weeks because the kids are mean....

This class is at the childrens Museam and the mom is on the board of the programs. Next weeke we don't go to cooking because we will be at Disney. And they don't want to go back to preK at all. This is somthing I am going to have to deal with at T-ball on saturday.

I do think I am writing the prek teeacher a letter and letting her know how upset I am and that they won't be returning to the class.( in addition to speaking to the mother)

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Good luck with this. I'm so sorry this has happened, and that this is affecting your children. Let us know how it works out.

 

[DISUNC]

OK... My boys are in a preK class. with a group I am not fond of the kids are nasty and the mom's are real big feeling jerks.

Anyway, we combined a differant class with this one I do not like... and went on a field trip today with a class of friends of mine. They split actvities a few times and at the end we all asssembled to make salad, (we were at a farm.)

The teachers were wrangling the kids, and wanted them all to sit at teh table on the left. 4 of our kids were at the right table. And playing with these salad spinners. All of a sudden one of the other mothers came over and snatched the salad spinner my son was holding. And started to yelll. The kind of yelling you would do If you lost it on your kids and would be mortified that you acted that way after you did it? You know the way I mean?

SHe starts yelling while about 5 inches from my 5 year olds face. DO YOU LISTEN????? GO TO THE OTHER TABLE? MOVE!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY DON"T YOU LISTEN?????? shrieking. I started towards the table and honestly it was so wildly inappropriate it wasn't even funny. I bit my tpunge she never apologized never even acted like she was embarrased for her outburst. And I am furious. Furious that I kept my tounge. Honestly I did only because I was afraid of what I would say infront of the children.
However I am FUMING. I am going to confront her any advice on what I can say without losing my cool?

I truly understand why you kept your tounge! And I truly understand why you are Fuming! This was a horrible thing for anyone to do to a kid, never mind someone elses kid.

Firstly how is your son? Was he ok? Did he cry or just shoo shoo it?

This screaming mother sounds a little too me. It may be best just to step back, for a moment. I would confer with your sons teacher on this issue. Maybe she can meadiate the situation, by saying to the woman..."You know the other day your behavior was inappropriate.......yadda yadda." Teachers have a good way of doing this. The teacher may know something you dont about the woman...etc.

This is hard, because your first reaction would be to attack. It's very commendable of you to compose yourself...I wouldnt be able to do that at all.

 

[disykat]

I do think I am writing the prek teeacher a letter and letting her know how upset I am and that they won't be returning to the class.( in addition to speaking to the mother)

I think you're doing the right thing. I would also write a letter directly to the board asking that policies for parent involvement be written and/or enforced to prevent this kind of thing from happening again.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

when I stepped over to the 4 boys 2 of mine and friends little ones. I said to teh 4 of them, My 4 guys go over to the other table ok? She said nothing I took the salad spinner from her hand and placed it on the table.
I walked over towards the other table and the mothers of my group said. Oh my god!!!!! I can NOT believe you are not pulling a flip out. I said If I open my mouth it will not be good. And I will not do that infront of the children.

about 5 minutes later the screaming mom comes up to me and points at my son and says. "I am not sure whose little guy that is in the brown shirt?" But he dropped his lettuce and doesn't want me to help him?" I said Gee I can't imagine why? And he's mine. isn't that why you approached me?

My son said it all he has told everyone about this his Nana is ready to take the lady down! He said well her daughter is really mean. I guess she gets it from her mother. So there you have it out of the mouthes of babes.
And I am sure you know the very first child in line at the salad spinner table was her daughter.

 

[Evil Queen]

I'm so sorry this happened to your child, I feel very sorry for her kids too. Could you imagine living with that?? That's horrible.

Yes, I would say something.

 

[Marseeya]

OMG, you have a much cooler head than I would have! I would have physically inserted myself between her and my child, and that would have been IT.

Good luck with this.

 

[XYSRUS]

Oh My! Definately let this mom know she has no authority to do this on a filed trip. Discipline is the teacher's forte. A mom is just there to make sure noone kills themselves!!! Anyway, if you're that miserable that your kid is missing school, I would find another preschool. Or really express your concerns to the teacher. School is not the place to feel miserable-especially at that age. Parents these days are out of whack-they mess up their own lives and then mess up the kids. Slow down, take a breath, they are only kids. Good luck. Don't let it get messy and don't let the turkeys get you down!