Advice needed on teenagers, dating and curfews!

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Sophomore in high school is plenty old to be dating. 10:00 is really not an appropriate curfew at that age, midnight is probably more reasonable. Sophomore and senior dating isn't unheard of and it really isn't your choice if they break up when he turns 18. When he goes off to college, the likelihood of that relationship lasting is about 0% so I wouldn't worry about that. She's growing up and as hard as it is, you need to let her.

I agree with this.

I had boys but the car dating alone rule was 16 and then the driving age changed to 16 yrs 3 months and they couldn't drive others for the first 5 months which did NOT hurt my feelings at all. Ha, so maybe almost 17. Earlier exposure leads to earlier sexual situations. You may choose differently. I am happy to say we have had no teen pregnancies or diseases and they've all hit 18 without incident.

The first isn't really a fair statement. It really depends on the kids no?

And the second...

Wouldn't worry about the age gap or when he goes to college. Highly unlikely it'll make it that far.

Curfew was 12a on weekends and I think 8 or 9p on school nights. As long as she's trustworthy and getting good grades is give her some freedom.

Same for me.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Wouldn't worry about the age gap or when he goes to college. Highly unlikely it'll make it that far.

Curfew was 12a on weekends and I think 8 or 9p on school nights. As long as she's trustworthy and getting good grades is give her some freedom.

weeknight curfew is the same for my DS14, 8/9pm. Weekends thou, all depends where he goes/what he does. But usually 11/12.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

When I was a sophomore, I was dating a senior. My curfew was 12, but his was, too, so I was always home by 11:45. My week curfew was 10, but I don't think he and I ever really went out during the week. I remember that being more my junior/senior year.

He's now my DH. Our 20 year anniversary is in July! However, when he went to college, we tried to stay dating, but it didn't really work. We broke up for four years. After he graduated, he got a job in Indianapolis which is where I was going to college, and then we started dating again my senior year of college.

 

[Happy Snowman]

I can't get past the fact that a 17 year old has a 10:00 bedtime. Once my daughter hit high school it was up to her to decide when to go to sleep. Want to stay up till 2am, that's fine but you are still getting up at 6 and going to school. In fact there are many nights she is up until well after midnight just doing homework! At 17 she will be away at college and hopefully have learned over the past few years how much sleep she will be needing and when to put herself to bed!

As far as curfews we really don't have one, she never goes out on weeknights due to the many hours and hours of homework every night. Weekends go by a "depends what you are doing" basis. If they are taking in a midnight movie then obviously after the movie is over I will be there picking you up, otherwise if its an 8pm movie then they may catch dinner after it. It all depends, concerts in the city then its more like 1am.

I don't get "bedtimes" for high school kids either. Our kids knew when they need to get to sleep and sometimes they were up way later than than wanted to be but because of homework or a late competition, it was what it was. Our town had a curfew so all the kids had to be in at the same time, midnight, otherwise we would have done a case by case. Also we NEVER discussed when they had to be home in front of friend, dates or otherwise. It was always a way for them to get out of a situation if they felt they needed to.

Either you trust your kids or you don't but having a curfew of 10:00 or 1:00 won't change what they do on their dates. If they want to have sex, they can have it at 11:00 on Saturday morning. Setting "rules" doesn't make you a better parent either, but if you hold the leash too tight, you will run into problems. This is the age where they NEED to test their independence...with a nice safety net. Allowing them to do so does make you a better parent and will allow your child to grow up.

 

[NewRVLady]

I think the age difference is a bit much-unless he's a tad immature
My boys only "dated" or just hung out with girls in their grade-in HS
And at their private School=ONLY Jr's and Sr's could attend the Senior prom-could she attend his prom?

 

[Happy Snowman]

I think the age difference is a bit much-unless he's a tad immature
My boys only "dated" or just hung out with girls in their grade-in HS
And at their private School=ONLY Jr's and Sr's could attend the Senior prom-could she attend his prom?

Our kids hung out with kids from all different grades, I don't find it unusual. Many schools have the same prom rule, doesn't mean that it should be used as a gauge for dating ages.

 

[Sabeking]

We have a DD who is 15. Her "friend boy" we call him because it really isn't official yet is 16. At this point they have done all their socializing either at our house, his house or group activities. He seems like a super nice kid as we have gotten to know him. Our weekend curfew will probably be 11 and 9 on the weekdays (IF the homework is completed. I think the curfew really has more to do with the comfort level you feel with the boy. That was why we wanted to really get to know him first before w made that decision.

Adding: I think the age difference is more about the boy and whether you like/trust him than just the age itself. There are plenty of stinky boys the same age as my DD and plenty of nice boys that are older. Again, I think you need to get to know the boy.

 

[luvsJack]

Now see, even the age thing is different from kid to kid or school or school. Most of the kids at dd's school hang out with people from every grade. Especially those that are involved in a sport or other activity. And they can ask anyone to prom as long as they are under 21.

 

[NewRVLady]

If someone asks a non student (at their school) to prom HERE-Private or Public schools, they now have to fill out a form and that person is "looked into"(arrest record etc)

Having a 21 year old at my kid's prom is just odd

 

[NHdisneylover]

My teens are 16 and 18. Neither has ever dated, by their own choice but i wouldn't mind if thy did (and would not have minded when they were 15 either).

I also wouldn't worry if they were dating someone a couple of years older; especially if they were all in highschool.

I never had a curfew growing up and my kids do not have one either. The same bad things that can happen at 3 in the afternoon can happen at midnight.
I just want to know where the kids are and when they expect to be home--same as my parents did with me.

They don'T go out a lot, and mostly if they do it is to a specific event with an end time (pub quiz on MOnday nights, ballroom dance classes at the university, comedy night, board game night etc) and they'd check in if they were going to be later than expected or decide to go for an ice cream, etc afterwards).

Can I ask why your husband would be ok with your DD dating the boy until he turns 18, but not after? The age difference will be the same. And as the parent of the girl, I doubt he is motivate by protecting the boy from a statutory rape charge (not knowing if you live in a "bright line" state).

 

[kellyg403]

I think school nights 10 at the latest, school is a priority. I would also mention that sometimes you will have to limit the days. When my dd's had their first boyfriends I had to intervene between young love and responsibility..
Weekends, definitely would be 11. If there comes a time when there is a reason to lower/change that I would do so.

I didn't really have different curfew rules between 'dates' and 'friends', i.e. same sex/group outings. You know your dd best and what you think should happen. I know its a hard thing for parents, but they have to learn to navigate this dating thing and relationships. There will be times you will not like their choice and there will be times you will be sadder than them over a break up.

And as another mentioned, the likelihood of the relationship lasting after the bf goes to college is usually slim. Two different worlds altogether and depending on how far away, long distance no less. But, that's a learning too.

Kelly

 

[kidshop]

If someone asks a non student (at their school) to prom HERE-Private or Public schools, they now have to fill out a form and that person is "looked into"(arrest record etc)

Having a 21 year old at my kid's prom is just odd

This just reminded of my friend in hs. Her boyfriend was 29 When she was a senior. He did not attend prom! (They did get married, and last I heard, about 5 years ago were still married. )

 

[Happy Snowman]

Where do your high school aged kids go out on school nights? Our kids never really had time to "go out" between sports, band, homework, etc. They would go to basketball games and such but usually were there for pep band and were excused after half-time. Most kids would go home to finish homework and such.

 

[traces7]

Thank you for all the replies, they are very helpful. It's nice to see how everyone else handles these situations. I guess I can see that our curfew times are a little early. Our DD is a good student - A's and B's, gets her homework done, but she is a little difficult to get going in the morning, which is why I don't like her being out on school nights so much, plus I just worry that her homework would slide too. Think I will try and talk DH into letting her curfew be 11 on weekends at least.

Yes DD could go to his prom even if she is a sophomore if he asked her, since he is a senior.

Not exactly sure why my DH is concerned about him turning 18, just because he's considered an adult than I guess.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[traces7]

Where do your high school aged kids go out on school nights? Our kids never really had time to "go out" between sports, band, homework, etc. They would go to basketball games and such but usually were there for pep band and were excused after half-time. Most kids would go home to finish homework and such.

They just go out to eat or shopping. She's not in sports or band or any other activities (wish she was). I think she could spend more time on homework though. But she does get A's and B's

 

[traces7]

I would NEVER forbid it, because my Mother played that game, and I know how I ran behind her back... I would open a huge line of communication, regardless of the age of the BF, which I did already, regarding EVERYTHING, and that she can and WILL come to be before anything.. I never had that, and my daughter has huge dreams and aspirations, and I told her how easily things can change...

That's what I told DH last night, I don't want to mess up and have her start lying to us and doing things behind our backs. Right now she tells me everything and I trust her and believe she will do what's right, but I don't want to lose that.

 

[NewRVLady]

Not exactly sure why my DH is concerned about him turning 18, just because he's considered an adult than I guess.

Thanks again everyone!

There have been stories of irate parent of underage girl reporting older (18+) boyfriend for rape if they had sex...maybe?

 

[luvsJack]

If someone asks a non student (at their school) to prom HERE-Private or Public schools, they now have to fill out a form and that person is "looked into"(arrest record etc)

Having a 21 year old at my kid's prom is just odd

Our kids have a form their non-student date has to sign and have their pricipal sign of in school. I am not sure who signs it if the date is not in school.

Some of the senior girls may be dating guys that graduated in the past couple of years so 19 or 20.

 

[AustinTink]

My son is 16 and dates a girl in his grade who turns 16 in a month. He just got his license and a new truck for his birthday. The girl's father won't let her ride in his truck with him for a full year unitl he turns 17. His kid, his rules. This I know. But it really pushes my buttons. Who does he think my boy is?

Like a previous poster said there will be as many responses to the op's question as there are teens in the world. All I know is, we trust our boy. He gets straight A's in all honors classes, plays varsity sports, plays in the band, etc. We trust him to abide by our family's rules when he is away from us. Curfew is 10 on weekdays and 12 on weekends. He can take his truck on dates... but he would have to find a new girlfriend for that.

 

[Happy Snowman]

Thank you for all the replies, they are very helpful. It's nice to see how everyone else handles these situations. I guess I can see that our curfew times are a little early. Our DD is a good student - A's and B's, gets her homework done, but she is a little difficult to get going in the morning, which is why I don't like her being out on school nights so much, plus I just worry that her homework would slide too. Think I will try and talk DH into letting her curfew be 11 on weekends at least.

Yes DD could go to his prom even if she is a sophomore if he asked her, since he is a senior.

Not exactly sure why my DH is concerned about him turning 18, just because he's considered an adult than I guess.

Thanks again everyone!

Almost all teens are hard to get moving in the morning....

My son is 16 and dates a girl in his grade who turns 16 in a month. He just got his license and a new truck for his birthday. The girl's father won't let her ride in his truck with him for a full year unitl he turns 17. His kid, his rules. This I know. But it really pushes my buttons. Who does he think my boy is?

Like a previous poster said there will be as many responses to the op's question as there are teens in the world. All I know is, we trust our boy. He gets straight A's in all honors classes, plays varsity sports, plays in the band, etc. We trust him to abide by our family's rules when he is away from us. Curfew is 10 on weekdays and 12 on weekends. He can take his truck on dates... but he would have to find a new girlfriend for that.

He thinks your son is a new driver, with a new car and he is concerned about his daughter