Advice needed from parents of teens.

[crazymomof4]

I'm new to this "parenting a teen" stuff. My oldest DS just turned 14." Yesterday he went to a guitar store to buy some picks (maybe $6) and came home wanting a $325. used guitar! It is worth over $2000. new so he feels we are "missing out on a bargain". He is totally giving me attitude bc. I said "No". I'm not that old (38) but it seems as if kids today expect this kind of money to be spent on them. My parents could have afforded it but I NEVER would have dreamed of asking for something that cost over $300.!! We have always been conservative with our spending on material things for our children ( so they are not "spoiled") but we cannot shield them from the influence of the outside world. He sees kids his age with laptops, cell phones, their own video cameras, etc. and thinks this is the norm!!! The thing is, he has an accoustic guitar and an electric guitar w/ amp. This guitar he wants is "better", some kind of brand-name whatever. In my mind you give a kid learning an instrument the basic type and when they are old enough to work and buy (or at least chip in for) their own stuff, then they can get the "professional grade" stuff. What can I say to him to make him understand that I'm not simply being stingy, there is a principle here that must be taught.
I'd appreciate sincere advice on the kids/materialism topic from parents who have "been there", not flames from guitar enthusiasts who eat mac and cheese 4 nights a week so they can afford to spend thousands on their hobby.

 

[damo]

We usually try to work in a deal where they have to work it off somehow by doing extra chores, etc. Is the guitar a Fender? If it is a good used one, when he sells it he will probably get all his money back.

 

[Pam]

I have an almost 18 yr. old DD and a 15 yr. DS so I can relate. My DD bought her own car and pays for 1/2 of the insurance, she also is responsible for all maintenance and gas.

DS is a big camper (Eagle Scout), hunter, archer, and fisherman. He has to save up and pay for at least 1/2 of his new outdoors equipment - if he wants a new gun or bow, he sells or trades in his old one. That sounds like a good option for your son to consider. Also - does the store take layaways? Have your son layaway the guitar and mow lawns, etc. and make payments.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Believe me, been there and can so relate. I don't give my kids everything and won't. I have twin sons who will be 16 in a week. They both play guitar, surf, skateboard, and are in sports at school. All these things cost $$$$
And what was really killing me was the $5. thing. Mom can I have five bucks to go to breakfast with my track team, our youth group is getting wings, all the guys are chipping in for pizza, etc....
This summer I made them both get jobs (one already had one) and said, no more. I just can't do it. But now one son has spent all his money on a new surfboard and thinks I should still give him the $5. all the time. The other day he called me into his room to look at a wetsuit on e-bay. He said it's the best deal in the world (it is a really good price) and why don't we split the cost for his birthday.
Hello, I just paid for running camp and am buying the shoes you need for camp and some shorts, I am giving you the extra $$ you need to get supplies for youth surf conference in cali, and since you have been saving for a new board and the trip to cali, I have been giving you all the $5. you need for miscellaneous weekly expenses. Uh, no.
My boys sometimes forget they also have a sister who is in college, who I like to get some things for and help with stuff. And that sometimes mom and dad like to replace their holey underwear. Aargh.
The best thing to do is guide him to getting a summer job, even if you have to drive him to work. Then he can learn the value of money a bit. And have self imposed limits.

 

[Bouncy]

I have three kids aged 6,10 and 14.The eldest like most teenagers likes to keep up with her pals in designer clothes brand names etc.I buy her what she needs e.g school clothes,school shoes etc but if she wants something she doesn't really need she has to save the money herself.My motto with my children is "you'll always have everything you need but you'll never have everything you want"This works with them,so far anyway!!

 

[Harley Chick]

When I was 12, I wanted a $850 used Gibson guitar. My dad bought it for me (he was extremely frugal, I still don't know why he did this), but it came out of my allowance. I got $6 a week for allowance and gave it up until it was paid for. I'm 39 now, and I still have it. It's my most prized possession. Until 2 years ago, it was the only guitar I owned.

Do some research to see if it's a good buy, then decide if your son REALLY wants it, or if it's just an impulse decision.

Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does he have money to spend for it? If it is a "want" and not a "need" then I have my dd earn the money or she can use babysitting money she earns. Provided I think that the purchase is appropriate of course.
For example, DD wanted to buy $40 'Bongo' big heeled shoes for school and she does have the money BUT I know she wouldn't really wear them to school and would be a waste of money.
Her response is when she is driving at 16 she will go to the mall and buy whatever shoes she wants. I tell her OK but until then you have to go thru me.

Anyway this is how I have to handle things. And with a girl the "wants" have no end in sight esp. with school shopping.
Good Luck

 

[grinningghost]

I know what you mean. My DD is 14 and thinks money is growing on the proverbial tree in the backyard. During the school year, she's in dancing which is getting more expensive every year. Summer used to be great - I never spent as much. Not so anymore. Now that she's old enough to go to the movies and the mall with her friends, I feel like an ATM. Can I have $10 for this, $20 for that, etc.? Drives me nuts. I've recently started her on more chores around the house to pay off some of these handouts.

She has a weekly paper route which helps out, but doesn't come close to covering what she'd like to spend.

 

[Tiggeroo]

In addition my sons spend all they earn from their jobs. Not necessarily foolishly, but they are spending it. I keep telling them that they will not be getting their licenses until they have some money to contribute to car insurance. We live in a small beach town and they can walk everywhere. They think they won't ever want their licenses. I keep saying that one day there will be a special girl who they want to go to the movies with, and they won't want mom and dad to drive them. Getting nowhere.
Next summer they will be on a forced savings plan from mom.

 

[tigercat]

Here in Ontario we used to get a baby bonus. It was so much per child. What I did was give each child the whole bonus on their week. I had 3 children so each one got the bonus every 3rd week. That was their money to buy all their clothes, school supplies and anything else. They weren't to ask us for anything else. They also got a small allowance. Boy did it teach the 2 oldest (the youngest I kept and used it for him because he was too young) how to budget money. The first time or 2 they spent it then had no money. After that it was really funny watching them with the money. Before I did that they thought nothing of asking and getting upset when I said no to clothes that were expensive. After, they would look at the clothes and then say that they could get something else a lot cheaper somewhere else. It really helped me and taught them a great lesson.
tigercat

 

[mom2boys]

My guys are expecting me to drive them to blockbuster when they get home from camp at 12:30. They are planning to pool their money and buy a used video game. They are 8 & 9. The older one is pretty good with his money. Money burns a hole in my younger one's pocket. It is truly frieghtening.
I like Bouncy's approach:

you'll always have everything you need but you'll never have everything you want

Hope you don't mind if I borrow it.

My standard line is "put it on your Christmas/birthday list" I do feel guilty sometimes because my older one has a January birthday so he gets almost nothing for 11 months. It hasn't killed him yet.

 

[MICKEY88]

I find it hard to beleive that the store would sell it that cheaply if it were worth anywhere near 2000..it may have been that new, but what condition is it in,,, private sales might yield such bargains, but stores rarely sell anything for less than they are worth...

I agree with the idea of having him earn it, my experience has been that making a teen earn money and spend it, makes them think a lot more about how money is spent...teaches them the value of the dollar..

 

[crazymomof4]

Thanks for everyone's replies. Too many great points here to quote! It's comforting to know that you also face this dilema and all seem to have the same approach as my DH and I. Makes me feel like we're on the right track. We've had the kids do chores from an early age and they only get paid for what they do. They learn that you don't get something for nothing, good money management skills and they value things more than if it were just handed to them. Since my OP, my DS has calmed down over the guitar issue. We sat down and thought of some ways that he could earn more money since his "wants" seem to be outgrowing the amount of $$ he gets for his chores. We're going to make up a flyer to leave on doors around the neighborhood. He can do odd jobs such as dog walking, pet/plant sitting, lawn mowing, leaf raking, & snow shoveling. He has experience in these things since he has been doing them around our house already (another advantage to starting chores early!). He is excited about becoming an "entrepreneur" and has found what he considers better deals on guitars than the one he saw in the store (now that it will be HIS money he is spending!)