Advice needed Chemo/wigs

[Philagoofy]

A co-worker who I only see occasionally is getting chemo. I passed by her this morning while she was talking to a couple of other people & I said hello. I barely recognized her because she was wearing a wig, which I'm supposing is because of the chemo. She looks very different.

For those who may have gone through this, is it best not to mention it? I don't know what purpose it would serve to say anything. The only thing I thought of was to say Gee, I thought we had a new employee, in a lighthearted kind of way. But I don't know what reason I would have to mention it, she knows she has it on & why, there's no need for me to acknowledge it is there?

But then by ignoring it, I feel like it's an insult, like when someone gets a totally different hairdo, it's just common courtesy to say how nice (or if I don't particularly like it, how different) it is.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Tough call. I think it all depends on the person in question. My DW was the type that preferred that nobody made any mention of her wig (but she went to a lot of trouble to try to find something that matched up with her hair before she started losing it). But others are more light-hearted about that sort of thing. If you're unsure how she'll react, I would wait and not say anything until you can see how she feels about it. If you see her joking and talking about the wig to other co-workers, it should be fine to make some comment, otherwise I would assume that she doesn't want to talk about it.

 

[Luv2Roam]

I think it depends on the person. Some are very open about it. Some rather try to forget it as much as they can.
I had a SIL who went through that phase manytimes over several years. She bought wigs that were VERY close to her real hair so it was very hard to tell. (Except each time her hair grew back it turned salt and papper, when she use to be a dark brunette naturally.)
I have a co worker going through that now. She had long hair and kept cutting it shorter, but shaved her head when before it REALLY fell out.
She tried the wig and hat route and just did not like it and went for the bald, and now the close crop look. She obviously is very open about it.
My SIL was a very private person and reserved anyway.

I would at least compliment how she and/or her hair looks good, etc. Anyone would feel better hearing that. And I am sure it would lift her spirits.

 

[Laura]

I think if it was a radical change to the hairstyle she had before the hair started coming out, then I would just compliment her on the hair as if she'd gone to the hairdresser.

My mother didn't want it to be obvious that she'd had anything wrong, so she actually bought a wig that was very very similar to her hair color and style.

 

[golfgal]

I agree, it depends on the person. I know one woman that went to a wig maker and had a picture of her hair taken before it fell out so they could make a wig that matched her current style. I know another woman that wore a hot pink wig until her hair started growing back. Everyone is going to be different.

 

[Pigeon]

Yup, we are all different, and it depends on the relationship you have with the person.

For me, I got through chemo by trying to find the humor in everything. I had two wigs. Wearing a wig felt like I had a cat on my head, so I named them Ginger and Fluffy. Fluffy actually looked pretty good. Not like my own hair, but I've never gotten that many compliments on my hair from total strangers who didn't know it was a wig and wanted to know who cut my hair!

I didn't mind when colleagues mentioned it. If you don't know the person that well, I would suggest a compliment, not a comment about a new employee.

 

[Philagoofy]

The good news is she just stopped by my desk to give me something & the first thing she said was How do you like my wig? She wasn't really asking though, she's a matter of fact type person so I think it was her way to help people get past it. Then she continued talking about it & the experiences she's gone through. I like the way she handled it, makes other people feel at ease.

 

[missypie]

That was thoughtful of her to mention it, to put others at ease.

Here's my question (hopefully I won't hijack the thread too badly.) Are wigs terribly uncomfortable for those going through chemo? If you talk to medical folks, they'll say that the first question almost everyone asks about cancer treatment is "am I going to lose my hair?", yet lots of ladies wear turbans/scarves/hats rather than a wig.

I think most people want to look as "normal" as possible, so the only thing I can think of is that wigs are uncomfortable...Are they more uncomfortable when put on a totally bald head, rather than over hair?

 

[UrsulasShadow]

I would say something like, "you look lovely today." Just a little pick-me-up. I'm sure she's reading your expressions and knows you've noticed, so why not say something positive?

 

[Philagoofy]

That was thoughtful of her to mention it, to put others at ease.

Here's my question (hopefully I won't hijack the thread too badly.) Are wigs terribly uncomfortable for those going through chemo? If you talk to medical folks, they'll say that the first question almost everyone asks about cancer treatment is "am I going to lose my hair?", yet lots of ladies wear turbans/scarves/hats rather than a wig.

I think most people want to look as "normal" as possible, so the only thing I can think of is that wigs are uncomfortable...Are they more uncomfortable when put on a totally bald head, rather than over hair?

She said she wore a different one on Tuesday and after a few hours she had to take it off because it was too hot. She said the one she's wearing today is a real cheap one - $30.00 and isn't too comfortable because the tabs & her glasses get in each other's way. Actually, it's a pretty one but is so totally different than her regular hairstyle.

I'm just glad that she's taking this all so well. She lost her husband unexpectedly a couple months before she found the cancer. She's a very strong person. I guess you don't know what you can really handle until it happens.

She's going to try a very expensive human hair one that someone offered her.

 

[Pigeon]

Yes, they are uncomfortable. They are itchy and hot. I had my chemo during a very hot summer and it was miserable. I felt too weird just walking around with a scarf at work, so I did the wig thing. But the minute I hit the door at home, Fluffy came off my head.

 

[Bob Slydell]

The wigs that they make these days are pretty good, but even then, according to my DW, they're kind of uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, especially in warmer months (my wife fortunately did her chemo in the winter) when your head sweats. There were times when my wife just ditched the wig (especially when not at a client) and put on a hat.

 

[missypie]

The wigs that they make these days are pretty good, but even then, according to my DW, they're kind of uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time, especially in warmer months (my wife fortunately did her chemo in the winter) when your head sweats. There were times when my wife just ditched the wig (especially when not at a client) and put on a hat.

Okay, seeing as how I'm in Texas, I bet they DO get hot for a good part of the year.

There is a mom in our neighborhood who was treated for breast cancer about 5 years ago. She had always worn her hair about shoulder length. When her hair first started growing back after chemo, she looked FABULOUS with super-short hair. She had the kind of bone structure that could really pull that kind of look off. Of course, she's back to the shoulder length hair. I assume she'll never go super-short again because it probably brings back bad memories, but when I told her that her short hair looked terrific, I really meant it!