Advice needed - 13yr old boy/girl party trouble

[busyshrew]

I have talked with my daughter and explained that some times people change and hopefully one day the party girl will realize who her real friends are and apologize for her rude behavior. She and my DD have been through so much together and should get over this in time but I don't like the direction things are heading in.

I think your gut instincts about what direction your friend's family is heading in is absolutely correct. But it is hard to let go of a friendship that involves both parents and children.

I just want to ask, from your friend's behaviour (as well as that of her daughter), it almost seems to me that they are using this situation as an excuse to break with you & your family. Perhaps your different moral viewpoints make your friend more uncomfortable than you have realized. Because certainly a true friend would try to work through this situation instead of rudely blowing off and shooting off blame.

As difficult as it might be for everyone involved, it sounds like a definite cooling-off period would be in order. Especially if the girls don't even go to school together.

Good luck. And my compliments to your DD. She showed good judgement and moral strength. That's not easy in this day and age.

 

[jayally]

In regards to the don't tell threat I don't think the girl that was told she would be beat up really thought that would happen but it was understood by all of them they were not to go and tell the Mom what was going on. The only recourse they felt they had was to call their parents and leave.

My daughter tried to explain herself to the party girl today via text and wanted to call and talk with her but party girl would not take her call. I came into the room to see her sobbing uncontrollably because party girl does not want to be friends with her since she is too inmature. I tried to be the grown up and let her know there are many fish in the sea and it might be time to find new friends but that is never easy, especially since I don't want to lose my friendship either.

As someone mentioned above my friend may be trying to break off our friendship as things have seemed somewhat strained lately. I moved about 25 miles away and my friend has only been to my house twice in a year. I always make the effort to go to her house and call her up etc. She has been out of work for awhile and getting disability for a back problem. Someone suggested she may be on too many pain pills which could account for her odd behavior.

I have been paying for everything for her kids the last couple of years and taking them to amusement parks, resturaunts and other outings and never asked her to help pay even though it was a strain on my budget. I have started to become resentful of it and maybe she has picked up on it. She helped me out in 2005 when I got my divorce and didn't have a lot of money so I felt obligated to help her when she needed it but I think I have gone above and beyond but I feel that is what friends are for. I even loaned her money from my vacation fund in 2008 and almost didn't get it back by the time I needed it and when she promised.

The other parents saw the Mom today and collectivly decided to not say anything unless she brings it up. We have a girl scout outing on Saturday so it should be interesting to see what happens and my daughter and I are going to do what we normally do and not let anthing bother us but I am sure it will. Hopefully by then things will have calmed down.

 

[disykat]

The problem with a parent getting involved that I see is when the other mom tried to cover up for her lack of supervision by calling the girls who wanted to leave names. Wake up and smell the coffee!

Your dd did the right thing and you can be very proud of her. I'd say just back off and let it die down. If any other parents come to you, don't engage, but encourage them to talk to the mom themselves. I feel disappointed for you that they left you and your dd out to hang if they are upset as well.

Sometimes you just have to believe you did the right thing. While it probably wasn't the best thing to get into it the next day, the OP didn't say anything worse than what the other mom had already said about her own dd. Call it a wash and move on.

I'm very sad that it looks like you will be losing a friend over this, OP. However, I can't see any reason you'd want to be friends with this woman anymore. The kids might be able to get over this and move on, but I'm doubtful you'll be able to trust her again.