Advanced band/woodwind parents-need encouragement

[momoftwins]

Aren't kids just funny! My DS started band in 5th grade (he's now in 6th). He really wanted to play the oboe and his teacher felt since he was brand new to music, the oboe would be too hard (For my DS, he wanted the oboe because Squidward on SpongeBob plays the oboe). Well, the little guy has talent - certainly does not get that from DH or me.

So, here we are in 6th grade and he started off the year on his clarinet, but still wanted to play the oboe. Finally, his teacher said he was ready for oboe. He is thrilled.

As Cindy B. indicated, a good oboe is very, very expensive and those reeds at $10 each are a killer. We are renting his clarinet and oboe until we are all sure (us and him) the oboe is the way to go. His teachers told him if he kept up with the oboe, he could probably get a college scholarship playing the oboe. Whether that ends up true, I don't know - but he was excited about that.

OP, you didn't say whether you had bought the oboe yet, but I can understand if you did why you would be upset. If you have not yet purchased the instrument, honestly I would let him try another band instrument. Hey, even as adults even after we are so sure about something when we start out on a path , we often change our minds later.

For me, I wish I could play any instrument. I think music itself is beautiful and it doesn't matter in the end what instrument it is played on. You want him to love the instrument he plays so when he older, he will still appreciate what a wonderful skill he has.

 

[minkydog]

Oboe isn't a band instrument. Its an advanced woodwind ensemble and/or orchestra piece. You can't march with an oboe. You would choke yourself.

He can't really change instruments in middle school. There is too much time and money invested in the instrument. The oboe itself is very expensive (good ones run five figures), and reeds are expensive as well.

He has an electric guitar and goofs around with it. He said he would keep up with the oboe as well as the elec. guitar. Guess which one is suddenly more cooler? Not the oboe.

As a former HS and college oboe play I agree with everything you are saying. As the parent of a 21yo guitar/piano/composer and a 14yo singer/oboe player I want to scream BACK OFF!

I totally understand your concern. When my oldest was in HS I really pushed for him to be in the band. He had been playing trumpet and piano for several years. No go. He was completely uninterested. However, a friend introduced him to Chorus--who knew, the kid could actually sing! He discovered his talents there in small men's groups, musical theater, and madrigals. As a result, he decided he wanted to play acoustic guitar and write music, which he does to this day. As much as I wanted him to have the experience of being in the band, it really wasn't what he needed. I had to let it go.

Good thing, because his little sister is just like him. Only she's a singer/dancer who also happens to be a decent oboe player, like me. I tried not to get my feelings hurt when she decided this semester that she had had enough. She wants to take theater. She wants to be on the dance team. She has no interest in going to State Festival or being on the color guard and she couldn't care less that they're going to the Rose Bowl. She loves musical theater.

So for now the paid-for oboe sits in the closet with her reed materials and I try not to think about it. It's her life and her choices. She may or may not go back to oboe. Maybe she'll change instruments(like I did--they needed a tenor sax in the jazz band and there was a scholarship attached so...voila! I became a sax player!)

My loooong story has a point--it's not up to you mom. It's up to him. He's in middle school. This is the time in his life when he's trying to figure who he is and what he wants.Get him a guitar and let him go for it. There's nothing wrong with letting him try it. Who knows, maybe guitar will be "his" instrument?

 

[captjackswench91]

I'm no parent but I'm your basic somewhat beginner oboeist. There are actually alot of male oboeists out there. Your son has nothing to worry about him being called a sissy because of his instrument. I am very lucky to have found a private teacher for a beginner like me. I am the only person in my section. I know its nothing like middle school but high school is so different. Honestly the biggest benefit of being an oboe player in high school is that colleges start looking at you. Oboe players are actually quite limited in numbers because alot of people quit. The thing about people and oboes is that people really hate the sound. I have gotten into arguements with people over my instrument. People have told me to quit saying I suck and whatnot but I didn't let it get to me. Just encourage your son. If he likes the oboe, then let him keep it. He may say he hates it now but when he goes to high school he might love it.

Now about the marching thing. I have little knowledge of marching oboe due to the fact I play flute for marching band(flute is my main instrument). But in order to march oboe without breaking reeds left and right is to find a plastic reed. It sounds like a dying animal but if anyone would like to march without spending a bunch of money on oboe reeds its just what you have to do.

Hope you can help your son. It would be great to hear about another player .

 

[Briarmom]

Aren't kids just funny! My DS started band in 5th grade (he's now in 6th). He really wanted to play the oboe and his teacher felt since he was brand new to music, the oboe would be too hard (For my DS, he wanted the oboe because Squidward on SpongeBob plays the oboe). Well, the little guy has talent - certainly does not get that from DH or me.

Squidward plays the clarinet.

As a former HS and college oboe play I agree with everything you are saying. As the parent of a 21yo guitar/piano/composer and a 14yo singer/oboe player I want to scream BACK OFF!

I totally understand your concern. When my oldest was in HS I really pushed for him to be in the band. He had been playing trumpet and piano for several years. No go. He was completely uninterested. However, a friend introduced him to Chorus--who knew, the kid could actually sing! He discovered his talents there in small men's groups, musical theater, and madrigals. As a result, he decided he wanted to play acoustic guitar and write music, which he does to this day. As much as I wanted him to have the experience of being in the band, it really wasn't what he needed. I had to let it go.

Good thing, because his little sister is just like him. Only she's a singer/dancer who also happens to be a decent oboe player, like me. I tried not to get my feelings hurt when she decided this semester that she had had enough. She wants to take theater. She wants to be on the dance team. She has no interest in going to State Festival or being on the color guard and she couldn't care less that they're going to the Rose Bowl. She loves musical theater.

So for now the paid-for oboe sits in the closet with her reed materials and I try not to think about it. It's her life and her choices. She may or may not go back to oboe. Maybe she'll change instruments(like I did--they needed a tenor sax in the jazz band and there was a scholarship attached so...voila! I became a sax player!)

My loooong story has a point--it's not up to you mom. It's up to him. He's in middle school. This is the time in his life when he's trying to figure who he is and what he wants.Get him a guitar and let him go for it. There's nothing wrong with letting him try it. Who knows, maybe guitar will be "his" instrument?

Yeah, I agree with you as well. I played the flute for 5 years before I decided to try oboe. Our little easy band in 8th grade was not a challenge at all for me, so a new instrument sounded like a good thing. I'd learned to play sax that summer, so I picked up oboe as well. Flute was always my 'main' instrument, I always played a flute solo for state and did State bands on flute, but in the band I played oboe on and off until graduation (and 2X in WDW). I liked playing several instruments, I must admit.

Oh, I marched piccolo.

 

[KirklandTutu]

Former Oboe player here.

I was one of those few who started in elementary school. I could only get a sound out of the oboe and the french horn, my parents (both music majors) told me how important the oboe was to the orchestra and I decided that I would go with it. I happened to have a natural tone, everything was always easy for me, the music that we played in school bored me to tears because it was so easy. I did private lessons, still bored because I wanted to truly PLAY. I wasn't having any of the scales. I grew up around classical music and anything less than the greats was just boring for me.

I kept at it through 9th grade, at which point I really had to decide wether to keep on the music track, or to devote the hours required to train in ballet. Ballet won out because it was my passion. Oboe lost because I was bored with it. Here I am years later, and working in my passion. If I had stayed with music, I would have eventually burned completely out and end up doing nothing that I love. My parents were dissapointed, sure, but now they're proud of me.

When I was in college I got injured and couldn't dance for a few months, I got a hankering to pick up the oboe again and the Director of the music program at the arts school that I went to helped me out with practice space, books, etc. Very quickly I realized that I didn't just not enjoy the oboe, but I truly hated playing it. I dreaded going to the practice slots, I stuck out the semester, but I hated it. I also quickly remembered how bad the headaches I got from the oboe were. Just not worth it for me.

I'm very glad I stopped playing, it's a beautiful instrument, but it's just not for everyone. Maybe if I were challenged earlier I would feel differently, but that never happened.

....Just wanted to share a side of someone who gave up the oboe during the teenage years...

Oh, also, I've seen them marched...and marveled at the fact. I can't imagine being able to keep a decent tone while marching, and without a good tone, it does sound like a dying duck. My one year in high school I marched cymbals, lots of fun to hang out with the drum line after being around the winds for years! oh yeah...good times, good times...

 

[Cindy B]

Aren't kids just funny! My DS started band in 5th grade (he's now in 6th). He really wanted to play the oboe and his teacher felt since he was brand new to music, the oboe would be too hard (For my DS, he wanted the oboe because Squidward on SpongeBob plays the oboe). Well, the little guy has talent - certainly does not get that from DH or me.

So, here we are in 6th grade and he started off the year on his clarinet, but still wanted to play the oboe. Finally, his teacher said he was ready for oboe. He is thrilled.

As Cindy B. indicated, a good oboe is very, very expensive and those reeds at $10 each are a killer. We are renting his clarinet and oboe until we are all sure (us and him) the oboe is the way to go. His teachers told him if he kept up with the oboe, he could probably get a college scholarship playing the oboe. Whether that ends up true, I don't know - but he was excited about that.

OP, you didn't say whether you had bought the oboe yet, but I can understand if you did why you would be upset. If you have not yet purchased the instrument, honestly I would let him try another band instrument. Hey, even as adults even after we are so sure about something when we start out on a path , we often change our minds later.

For me, I wish I could play any instrument. I think music itself is beautiful and it doesn't matter in the end what instrument it is played on. You want him to love the instrument he plays so when he older, he will still appreciate what a wonderful skill he has.

Squidward plays the clarinet.. not the oboe. He talks about playing the oboe in the Band Geeks episode, but the sound and shape is clarinet.

We have a paid for instrument. He's had his own for four years. He got his own oboe at the end of 4th grade. $10 reeds are actually pretty cheap. We have the stuff to make our own reeds, but he's not great at it . We wind up buying the hard reeds (not soft or medium) and they are about $15-20 a reed.

The things is he is too good to quit. He has been told he is college material.

 

[Cindy B]

Former Oboe player here.

I was one of those few who started in elementary school. I could only get a sound out of the oboe and the french horn, my parents (both music majors) told me how important the oboe was to the orchestra and I decided that I would go with it. I happened to have a natural tone, everything was always easy for me, the music that we played in school bored me to tears because it was so easy. I did private lessons, still bored because I wanted to truly PLAY. I wasn't having any of the scales. I grew up around classical music and anything less than the greats was just boring for me.

..

Thats exactly what my son is saying now. It's boring. It's all boring. It's too easy. I hate it. The music is lame. No one else knows how to play well. It drives me crazy that no one else knows the music.

He's one of those kids that can read music and get it basically the first time. Other kids take a while!

In our school the band does books 1-3 with the goal that book 3 is done by the time you finish 8th grade. He finished book 1 in 4th grade, book 2 in 5th grade and book 3 he's just about done and he's only in 7th grade. He's in accelerated band in school as well as the district band right now.

 

[golfgal]

Thats exactly what my son is saying now. It's boring. It's all boring. It's too easy. I hate it. The music is lame. No one else knows how to play well. It drives me crazy that no one else knows the music.

He's one of those kids that can read music and get it basically the first time. Other kids take a while!

In our school the band does books 1-3 with the goal that book 3 is done by the time you finish 8th grade. He finished book 1 in 4th grade, book 2 in 5th grade and book 3 he's just about done and he's only in 7th grade. He's in accelerated band in school as well as the district band right now.

I am sure your son is talented and all that but honestly, where he is at isn't all that unusual, perhaps for your area is is but here it isn't and for other strong band programs. Our 7th graders are on book 5, well they just finished book 5 even. They are on the high side of average for the band player here. DD is second chair, DS is 4th out of 13 alto sax's. In our old town, another very strong band program, the 8th grade jazz band has won 2 HIGH SCHOOL level jazz band competitions, competitions with over 100 high school jazz bands, some from VERY strong band programs too.

I think the point you are missing is that while he may be college material, HE doesn't want to continue with the oboe. Let him try something else for a while. He can always come back to the oboe. Playing another instrument will only make him a better college player if he goes that route. If he is good, he will pick up a second instrument in no time. Kids do it all the time. One of the trombone players in our marching band was asked to play mellophone this past season and ended up with a solo 1/2 way through the summer practice schedule.

 

[Galahad]

Oboe isn't a band instrument. Its an advanced woodwind ensemble and/or orchestra piece. You can't march with an oboe. You would choke yourself.

He can't really change instruments in middle school. There is too much time and money invested in the instrument. The oboe itself is very expensive (good ones run five figures), and reeds are expensive as well.

He has an electric guitar and goofs around with it. He said he would keep up with the oboe as well as the elec. guitar. Guess which one is suddenly more cooler? Not the oboe.

I am a professional woodwind player (I didn't read the other posts in the thread). I play all woodwind instruments. First, while oboe isn't a marching instrument, typically oboe and bassoon players play percussion, flute or sax to march with. Most schools will provide these. Oboe is most definitely a concert band instrument and very important. But, it's better that he switch to another instrument than give it up. Musically, I'd suggest clarinet. It is still sufficiently challenging (Sax and Flute are easy to blow, for example. Oboe and Bassoon are difficult to blow. Clarinet is in the middle - leaning toward oboe in that regard). But if clarinet is still too "girly" for him then see if he would want to do sax. Staying with a woodwind means he could go back to oboe later. It is an enormously cool instrument to play after you get over the peer thing. Very key to orchestral music - (The band director of my son's high school, when talking to a parent, will point to the orchestra room as say " we have a great band, but that's where they play real music").

Being surrounded by girls is one of the best parts of being a woodwind player! I got way more dates being a clarinet player than a lot of my jock friends could ever dream of. My oldest son played the violin at age 9 and 10 and quit because he was made fun of. He eventually changed to cello. My youngest son plays the violin. He's a senior now, the concertmaster of his orchestra and very popular with the girls.