Adoptive Parents-how to announce to friends/extended family?

[teacherlisa1978]

I know there are many families here who have adopted. DH and I are finishing our homestudy to adopt from Korea. Our closest friends and family know about this journey we've been on and have been extremely supportive. We are wondering when to tell others such as co-workers (although our bosses know because they've provided references and employment verfifications for us), extended family, friends we don't see often such as those we are in touch with on facebook, etc...do we wait until we are officially approved and waiting? Should we wait until we receive a referral? Until we know the date we are traveling? There are benefits and disadvantages to each of these and we're looking for what others have done.

Thanks for any advice you can give!

 

[Chernabog#1fan]

Coming from a person who has been waiting 3 1/2 years for our adoption to China - I would say wait until you know when you are traveling. We told everyone when we started the process and thought it would only be 9 months. Well the adoptions slowed down big time and we hear all too often, how is it going? I would love to give an honest answer sometimes, but I have been told not to bring personal difficulties into the workplace, so I just smile and say still waiting.

Best wishes to you. I really hope everything goes smoothly. The paperwork can be brutal, but it will be worth it (I have heard) in the end!

 

[Lucky'sMom]

I agree with PP. Our oldest 2 were adopted from Russia 2 1/2 years ago. Once people know, they ask constantly for updates, when are you getting the child, what happened to the child's parents, etc. The adoption process is a roller coaster ride. You have days where you get good news and everything is great, but then there are days when you find out more paperwork needs redone or that there has been another delay and you feel really low and overwhelmed. Having lots of people know and asking questions can drive you crazy. Congratulations on your soon-to-be new arrival!

 

[quentina]

We announced when we were applying.....I can't keep a secret to save my life! I couldn't imagine holding all the news and excitment in.

We adopted from foster care...much quicker than international.

We applied in May, approved in July, got information on our daughter in August, she was placed in October, got phone call in January about her baby brother....will we take him also, he came along in February...adoption in July of following year. It was 1.5 years from start to finish. It would of been quicker however; adoption is only done 1 x per month, it had a 7 month wait list.

Good luck....when you are doing your announcement, PM me......I LOVED ours....I would love to share!

 

[teacherlisa1978]

Thank you all! You have confirmed what I was thinking...part of me wants to tell everyone to get the "and when will you two have a family" questions and not so covert glances at my stomach to stop...we've been married almost 5 years and I teach elementary school so many people think it's up to them to tell me these kinds of things. I can definitely see how while those questions might end all sorts of new ones would come up. Hard as it may be, we'll try to wait until we're ready to travel.

 

[Experiment_626]

I was adopted as a three-week-old. My parents had "birth" announcements they mailed out which read: "We've adopted a darling baby!" That was 42 years ago. I suspect that if those were available then, similar products would be around today.

And yes -- I'm still darling after all these years!

 

[quasar4legs]

We waited till we brought our infant son home and then had a big drop-in weekend where friends and family came and went when they could.
We were not comfortable telling people in advance when we had no idea how long we would be waiting. In the end we got a phone call at 10pm one night and had to pick up our son in the morning
The welcome party was so much fun and it meant that we were not swamped with visits on a daily basis in the first couple of weeks as we got settled.

Best wishes to you for the future, it has been a blessing to have our son in our lives.

 

[cbmstephanie]

Congratulations on your decision to adopt. It is a wonderful way to build a family. We adopted twice and while I couldn't have waited to tell people, I do think the process is a bit easier if you can. It gets really hard trying to explain the process, the delays, answer questions that you have no answer to! Although I have to also say it was nice to have the support of others while we were waiting, so maybe there are some that you can tell so that you can have an ear to bend when you need it!
Again, Congratulations....once your journey is complete you will completely forget about the wait!!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

When we adopted, we told everyone we were in regular contact with that we were going through the approval process and then that we were waiting. It can get a little annoying, because no one seems to hear when you say "it'll be at least a year". A week later, they're asking "have you heard anything yet?"

But they mean well, it's OK.

We didn't make a formal announcement to more distant friends and relatives until after we brought our dd home. We adopted a newborn, so we just sent out regular announcements that said, instead of "announce the birth of", said "announce the arrival of".

Some friends who adopted internationally had announcements that said "born 1-1-2000 in China, came home 2-2-2002", or something like that. They were very nice.

Good luck!

 

[kbheap]

My DH and I adopted our daughter 3 years ago. We told everyone. I am like other PP's. I cannot keep a secret. Now we did not tell anyone except parents when we got a referral b/c we didn't know how long until we would travel. Turns out we travelled the next week so that secret wasn't so hard to keep. Like the PP's said though, the questions are sometimes a little tough. It is different with a pregnancy. You know when to expect the baby to arrive. With an adoption, you do not. The questions would come at us from everywhere all of the time. Everyone means well and they think they are doing the right thing by asking, but when you get 30 of the same question each day, it gets a little old.

 

[Jynohn]

I'm glad you asked this question. DH and I are just starting our homestudy to adopt from Taiwan, and we've also struggled with when to start telling people. Our immediate family and a few very close friends know, but we haven't mentioned it yet to anyone else. A part of me feels strange not letting people know, almost like we're hiding some huge secret, while the other part of me is relieved not to be answering questions about it every day. Interesting to see how other families have handled the same situation!

 

[teacherlisa1978]

I'm glad you asked this question. DH and I are just starting our homestudy to adopt from Taiwan, and we've also struggled with when to start telling people. Our immediate family and a few very close friends know, but we haven't mentioned it yet to anyone else. A part of me feels strange not letting people know, almost like we're hiding some huge secret, while the other part of me is relieved not to be answering questions about it every day. Interesting to see how other families have handled the same situation!

This is exactly it. I feel like I'm hiding something sometimes-we are going through so much working to make this adoption a reality and it's taking up such a large part of our emotional, financial, and daily lives...it just seems strange not to have people (other than our closest friends and family) know about what we spend all of our time doing, thinking about, and working on. And yet...I know we'd get constant questions and would like to avoid that.

I love the announcement idea from a PP, saying "born _-_-__, arrived home
_-_-__" and will include that for sure.

It's just so hard when there are people having babies all around you and MOST (not all) are smart enough and polite enough not to say "and when will it be your turn?" and not be able to let them know that we are pursuing this. But, in the end, it's between DH and myself and I am so glad to know, as so many have said, that once we have our little one the wait won't matter anymore.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

The first time around we didn't tell anybody at all until our homestudy was done. Then we slowly started telling close family and friends that we were "expecting" a baby. We were adopting domestically and always made it clear that we had no idea when we would get "the" call. People did occasionally ask how it was going, but I think the whole topic scared people off! 3 months after we finished our homestudy we were given a shower by our moms. We made the invites ourselves and I wrote a funny poem explaining there would be no big belly to touch, and we have no idea when the baby is coming, but please share our excitement with us. The time we had before our first son was born - 9 months actually - gave us a chance to "educate" our family and friends on adoption, so I am glad we told them.

The second time around, she pretty much fell out of the sky with 3 days notice, and the third time we kept it to ourselves for the first 4 months because we were worried about getting our kids too excited for something that may or may not happen. I am an excellent secret keeper, but that killed me! I wanted the whole world to know

Go with your gut - there is no right or wrong. You will get questions for years to come, this may be a good time to practice answering them.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I am an adoptive mother too. My son came home from Korea in 2007. Congratulations! It is an amazing journey. After we accepted our referal and had a travel date we sent out arrival announcements to everyone.

I would advise waiting until you have some solid time frames to make the announcements. Since Korea sets a limited amount of Visas issued each year, delays can happen with little notice My DS was suppose to come home originally in fall of 2006 but because of the Visa limitations he didnt arrive until early 2007.

Congratulations to you! Please post your wonderful news when you receive it!

 

[SOnotLayuh]

I have two little sisters from Korea! My Dad and his wife were lucky and got girls both times (which they really wanted), and neither time was their wait horrendously long. Once they got the referral for a child and accepted it, they made "it's a girl!" announcements with her picture on it and mailed them out. They were very cute!

 

[mykidslovesdisney]

We we adopted our DS2 at 6 wks old. I used a regular baby announcement from Target. I listed his date of birth and then there was a section for Little Details. I added his weight and height and then put 'Welcomed into our Arms' with the date we bought him home.

Waiting is the hardest part. We were lucky that for 3 of our children the wait was very minimal if any at all. When we finished the homestudy we were matched w/ a toddler - after a few months of going back and forth. It fell thru. Only a few wks later we found out about DS11. We had a 3 month wait once we were certified. He came home at 24 days old.

DS9 we really didn't even wait. I called the agency to start the paperwork for another adoption and told them we were off to Disney. We got home on a Wed and Friday the agency was calling us to see if we would consider an all Jamaican baby. Of course was my response. (we org were looking for mixed race). 18 days later he came home. Our paperwork wasn't even done yet!.

Fastforward 2 yrs and we decided at adopt again after an 8wk m/c. We told them again we are off to Disney and start the paperwork. They had something in the works before we left but it fell thru by the time we got home. We were matched with a Birthmom 5 months later. She said she was due end of March. Let me tell you I am NOT one for waiting. Every time that phone rang I thought it was THE call. It actually ended up being a much longer wait. DD6 wasn't born till the end of April. (somehow Birthmom messed up the dates.) I am surprised I lasted that long w/ my heart stopping each time the phone rang! We were able to pickup DD from the hospital at 2 days old!

For our youngest DS2. Well lets say he wasn't even a blip on our radar screens. We totally didn't expect him. We were fostering for the agency (birth till placement). They called one day to ask us to network to find a family for a baby boy that they had w/ another foster family for a month already. He had been turned down twice by 2 families. The only request the Birthfamily asked was that he be placed w/ an africian american family or mixed race family. I jokingly said "we will take him!" We were in the car at the time so I filled DH in on the details. DH stopped at a grocery store to get something. While he was inside I was calling the agency back to find out how much it would be and get more details. LOL. We discussed it somemore. I left it as either we continue to foster or we adopt this little guy-- totally up to Dh. He told me to call the agency back and tell them that he was leaning towards yes but wanted the wkend to decided. The kids were bouncing crazy all wkend. DS9 kept wanting to call DH at work to see what he decided. On sunday am . DD6 jumped on our bed and asked DH - well are we having a baby?? . He said he had 1 more day to decide. Even at midnight he still wouldn't tell me his decision!! On Monday morning- DD6 was back on the bed to ask DH. He said what do you want. She went flying off the bed screaming "we're having a baby!!!!!!!!" Taking this all in . We were leaving for Disney in 3 days. The foster family said they would care for him till we got back. ( it was Aug and he was only 5 wks old- I didn't feel comfortable bring such a little baby w/ us) Of course we didn't visit bc there was no way we would leave him behind! He happily joined our family at 6 wks old- the day after we returned. The day before we left for disney I was going crazy getting ready for a baby! We had given everything away!

Now our adoptions all have Disney as a big play in a new baby coming into our home. On our trip to Disney w/ our youngest DS-- DS9 wanted to know if we were getting a new baby when we got back home!! I said no- we are done!

We are now in the process of finishing our homestudy for baby care (fostering). We love having a baby in the house!

Enjoy the wait for the baby. Has hard as it is - it is very special time to spend together. once the baby is home your life is never the same-- only better than it was!

happy waiting!