Adoption transparency measure passes hurdle in NYS Senate

DisneyDebbie

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Jul 1, 2007
Being the biological parent. Heck, there's a good chance the biological grandmother had a degree of influence (minimal to extreme) in the decision.




Once the child reaches 18, LEGALLY they don’t have to abide by any parents wishes. (Of course that’s assuming there are no disabilities)

Being a biological parent shouldn’t give you the option to control your child’s life forever ( the same goes for being an adoptive parent)
 
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gwynne

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Jan 1, 2012
Once the child reaches 18, LEGALLY they don’t have to abide by any parents wishes. (Of course that’s assuming there are no disabilities)

Being a biological parent shouldn’t give you the option to control your child’s life forever ( the same goes for being an adoptive parent)
As mentioned upthread, registries exist. All the new law will do is firmly discourage many pregnant women from even considering adoption.
And I don't see the adoption registry option as controlling a child's life forever. Goodness.
 

DisneyDebbie

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As mentioned upthread, registries exist. All the new law will do is firmly discourage many pregnant women from even considering adoption.
And I don't see the adoption registry option as controlling a child's life forever. Goodness.
Ummm, it absolutely is controlling the biological child’s life. The choice to know where they came from, enlightening medical issues, the right to know other adult family members. ALL of that is controlling to another adult.
 
  • PollyannaMom

    I was a click-clack champ!!
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    I'm happy for those who've had good outcomes, and I'm all for optional registries, but I really think the law is a bad idea. - There are times when adoption happens for a very good reason, and I think complicating so many people's lives is likely to do far more harm than good.

    If medical history is the real reason people want to know, couldn't adoption paperwork just include a form for all that, without names?

    Maybe I'd feel differently if I was personally affected by adoption, but I really don't think so.
     

    mjkacmom

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    I think in this day and age of DNA registries, I think it will be much easier to find out biological parents anyway, through relatives.
     

    aprilgail

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    Nov 10, 2001
    First and foremost, ALL human beings deserve compassion and empathy. In my experience adoptees are not out to harm or endanger anyone. Perhaps they have a bio parent that wishes for no contact, it is their prerogative and the adoptee should respect that decision. However, what if the Bio Grandmother, Aunt, or sibling has a different perspective and would like to conctact or form a relationship? What gives the Bio parent the right to choose for ALL of the adults in their family?
    Exactly- even if my birth mother did not want to know me why should my siblings and other relatives not have the option- why should the bio mothers right trump all the rights of the child. Growing up wondering where you came from and why you were not wanted is not a fun thing- I had the most awesome adoptive parents and my mom is still alive but it didn't stop me from wondering from the time I was little why I was not wanted at birth. I found out when I was in my early 30's and as soon as I found my answers I felt my life was more "at peace" and I was "whole".

    Just because a birth mother gives away a child and "ends that chapter of her life" it does not end it for the child- you just can't make another human being and expect your life to continue on as if that person does not exist. Those days are gone- thankfully with DNA there are no secrets that can not be found out, no more secrets!!
     
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  • ashley0139

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    Sep 24, 2009
    Exactly- even if my birth mother did not want to know me why should my siblings and other relatives not have the option- why should the bio mothers right trump all the rights of the child. Growing up wondering where you came from and why you were not wanted is not a fun thing- I had the most awesome adoptive parents and my mom is still alive but it didn't stop me from wondering from the time I was little why I was not wanted at birth. I found out when I was in my early 30's and as soon as I found my answers I felt my life was more "at peace" and I was "whole".

    Just because a birth mother gives away a child and "ends that chapter of her life" it does not end it for the child- you just can't make another human being and expect your life to continue on as if that person does not exist. Those days are gone- thankfully with DNA there are no secrets that can not be found out, no more secrets!!
    What if the pregnancy and child were the result of an extremely traumatic experience for the mother? What if the child were a product of rape or incest? Should the mother really not be able to put the baby up for adoption and then move on with her life? Really??? You seem to think there is only once situation in which women get pregnant, from their own carelessness.
     

    skyblue17

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    Nov 4, 2017
    Then you aren’t looking for the facts. There are MANY ways and MANY organizations that do help with monetarily. Many of which are church based.
    And there are many, many ways people who are not pro-choice show their true colors about how much they want to help struggling families who opt to keep their children as well. If people truly wanted to be pro-life, there would be no objection to, well, a lot of things people have objection to because it might affect their own life in some way. Which really means they just want to take choice away from women. Our society makes it very difficult to break the cycle, and you should not have to be involved in a church to do so.
     

    aprilgail

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    What if the pregnancy and child were the result of an extremely traumatic experience for the mother? What if the child were a product of rape or incest? Should the mother really not be able to put the baby up for adoption and then move on with her life? Really??? You seem to think there is only once situation in which women get pregnant, from their own carelessness.
    It is still NOT the fault of the child- Yes it would have been a terrible time for the mother but still not the fault of the child and the child should not have to pay the price for that.
     
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    Exactly- even if my birth mother did not want to know me why should my siblings and other relatives not have the option- why should the bio mothers right trump all the rights of the child. Growing up wondering where you came from and why you were not wanted is not a fun thing- I had the most awesome adoptive parents and my mom is still alive but it didn't stop me from wondering from the time I was little why I was not wanted at birth. I found out when I was in my early 30's and as soon as I found my answers I felt my life was more "at peace" and I was "whole".

    Just because a birth mother gives away a child and "ends that chapter of her life" it does not end it for the child- you just can't make another human being and expect your life to continue on as if that person does not exist. Those days are gone- thankfully with DNA there are no secrets that can not be found out, no more secrets!!
    You may have felt at peace, you may have felt whole but a bio mom may not necessarily feel that way if forced to have their identity known (generally speaking here).

    Medical history is understandable and I agree with a PP..if known that information should be noted and available but the actual identity if not wanted to be known? Not the same.

    You'd have to realize there are no true winners in an adoption situation. I think in your opinion you believe the adoptee should win out above all others. I think a lot of people side with the bio mom who made the decision in the first place to not disclose their identity. As with a lot of things we tend to go from one extreme to another.
     
  • LSUmiss

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    Sep 8, 2014
    You may have felt at peace, you may have felt whole but a bio mom may not necessarily feel that way if forced to have their identity known (generally speaking here).

    Medical history is understandable and I agree with a PP..if known that information should be noted and available but the actual identity if not wanted to be known? Not the same.

    You'd have to realize there are no true winners in an adoption situation. I think in your opinion you believe the adoptee should win out above all others. I think a lot of people side with the bio mom who made the decision in the first place to not disclose their identity. As with a lot of things we tend to go from one extreme to another.
    And more importantly, the bio mom then has the rules change on her! A lot of children are born into unfair situations that they don’t get it say about. That’s just the way it is. In the case of incest or rape, I don’t even see how that would be info and adoptee would even want to know. At least moving forward, women will know the circumstances before they make their decisions. But, I absolutely think more will choose not to have the child especially if it’s because of a “dirty little secret” like the pp called it.
     

    DisneyDebbie

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    I think in this day and age of DNA registries, I think it will be much easier to find out biological parents anyway, through relatives.
    I agree. DNA has allowed information to be found, and the search engines available today surpass what most people realize. NY opening up original birth certificates is just 1 area that is kind of superfluous at this point. I will be applying for my own. Not because I need the name of my mother, but I’m interested in finding out if I had a different name at birth. It is just the weirdest feeling to imagine what my ‘birth’ name is! Or maybe I was just called ‘Baby’ last name 🤷‍♀️

    Also NY isn’t the first state to be doing this. Other states have already had this process for years. I would be interested to see if abortion rates have skyrocketed as some of you predict.
     

    aprilgail

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    Not because I need the name of my mother, but I’m interested in finding out if I had a different name at birth. It is just the weirdest feeling to imagine what my ‘birth’ name is! Or maybe I was just called ‘Baby’ last name 🤷‍♀️
    Growing up I never liked my name- I used to tell my mom "I wish you named me suzanne- I like that name"- when I was older my mom showed me paperwork that had my original first name on them and it WAS Suzanne- she said it used to freak her out when I would say that without even knowing that it really was my name I was born with. I was adopted before I was 12 weeks old.
     

    kiddo76

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    Jan 14, 2008
    Exactly- even if my birth mother did not want to know me why should my siblings and other relatives not have the option- why should the bio mothers right trump all the rights of the child. Growing up wondering where you came from and why you were not wanted is not a fun thing- I had the most awesome adoptive parents and my mom is still alive but it didn't stop me from wondering from the time I was little why I was not wanted at birth. I found out when I was in my early 30's and as soon as I found my answers I felt my life was more "at peace" and I was "whole".

    Just because a birth mother gives away a child and "ends that chapter of her life" it does not end it for the child- you just can't make another human being and expect your life to continue on as if that person does not exist. Those days are gone- thankfully with DNA there are no secrets that can not be found out, no more secrets!!
    The bio mother gets to choose because she had to choose between adoption and abortion and that decision was made under certain conditions.

    I have a good friend that searched for her bio parents when she became an adult. She discovered her bio mother was a nun raped by a priest. This information has not brought her any peace and she wishes she never found out.

    My cousin also found out the identity of her bio family as an adult. She has a pleasant relationship with them. But it was a relationship that both parties sought out.
     

    Wishing on a star

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    Aug 7, 2002
    I think of every human being as a whole individual. Every human being.
    If there are those who have issues and feel less, or feel negative, then I really do think that is is on them.
    I don't think a birth certificate and geneology, etc, are necessary to be a whole individual.

    I know too many people, not just adoptees, who have some very real negative issues based on their background/parents. When somebody is a grown mature adult, and things are 'about their parents'. I see that as a problem. I beleive that at some point, it is always best to leave things that are negative, or have been buried in the past, behind.

    You can't go back and 'fix' the past.

    PS: I can't follow the argument that parents/mothers 'owe' their child(ren) anything like this, as a "human right", when many do not feel that a women owes the right to life.
     
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    marcyleecorgan

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    Feb 12, 2017
    I wish there was a compromise to this. I can see reasons for all sides. It is ridiculous that a long-form birth certificate is The Gold Standard of identifying paperwork. If you are an adoptee, a new BC should be created where the parental info is redacted. But medical history should be available!
     

    MrsPete

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    Feb 24, 2002
    I have a good friend that searched for her bio parents when she became an adult. She discovered her bio mother was a nun raped by a priest. This information has not brought her any peace and she wishes she never found out.
    If you do a DNA test, you'll be asked about 20 times, "Are you sure you want to know this information? Once you know, you can never un-know. This information can sometimes be uncomfortable." I get why they push the "Are you sure?" thing. What your friend learned was awful.
     

    mom2rtk

    Invented the term "Characterpalooza"
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    Aug 23, 2008
    I wish there was a compromise to this. I can see reasons for all sides. It is ridiculous that a long-form birth certificate is The Gold Standard of identifying paperwork. If you are an adoptee, a new BC should be created where the parental info is redacted. But medical history should be available!
    The compromise is what exists now. Registries that allow for an exchange of information when both sides want it.
     



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