Adoption Questions

[kimbac3]

My Dh and I would really love to adopt a baby. It's something that we have talked about for the past 5 years (when we found out I couldn't have anymore naturally). We'd really like to do a domestic adoption but from what I've been told it's easier to go with a foreign apdoption. Does anyone have any thought or experience with this?
Where should we start? It's all so overwhelming. Any advice or tips you could give me would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Kimba

 

[hucifer]

Check out this thread:
adoption updates

 

[Denine]

We went local. It took us 4 years form beginning the process till we brought home our angel. But, we wanted the healthy white infant. If you are not picky, it could take a lot less time.
I don't think foreign adoption is really any easier.

Good luck!

 

[Dan Murphy]

As an adoptive dad here, just wishing you much success. Wonderful experience.

 

[kimbac3]

We know we have a long road ahead of us. We are reading every bit of information we can get our hands on. Just trying to find an agency to work with is quite overwhelming. So many differences between them. Wish us luck that we make the right decision!!
Kimba

 

[ZachnElli]

My little adoption miracle just celebrated his 1st birthday yesterday! I don't think going foreign is easier. Try to find an agency that is having a general information meeting and attend that. That's what we did, our agency did all kinds of adoptions and talked about them all. It changed our minds about going with foreign. We thought foreign would be easier too. That meeting was Sept 30 2004, we were holding our new son March 18, 2005! We had to do the home study, take classes and be put on a list and in less than 6 months we had a baby! Some neighbors of ours, just followed the same timeline as we did (just a year later) and just got their baby March 1!

Domestic is different than foreign in that a birthmom may pick you and then change her mind and keep the baby. That did happen to us also in that short time frame. But if you aren't picky about race or gender you can get a baby very quickly. We weren't picky but still got a caucasian baby, same as my neighbors. You have to do some research and decide what you feel more comfortable with. My experience has been so great that I love to share it and hope for others to do the same. But I realize not everyone has the same experience that I had. Good luck, either way you go you will make the right decision!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Best of luck to you!!

One of my friends adopted her DD domestically. The birth mom is Hispanic and the birth dad is African American, my friend and her DH are Caucasian. It seemed like the whole process went VERY quickly for them. I can't recall the name of the agency - it is located somewhere in Texas. I'll try to remember to ask her.

Another friend and her DH are getting ready to go to China to get their DD. I don't know if they really looked into domestic adoption.

I know one of the big adoption agencies here has seminars for prospective parents ALL the time, so that is probably a good place to start. If you might be interested in an older child our local news features "Wednesday's Child" each week to try to place kids out of foster homes. Maybe there is a similar program in your area. You can look at ours at www.wfaa.com then click "Community" and "Wednesday's Child" to read some bios of kids they have featured. There is also a link for TX adoption resources.

 

[wuv tigger]

that will help you in making a decision of which agency to use for the adoption.

IF you need a good cry, check out the Steven Curtis Chapman website & see the video of "All I want for Christmas"


PS We have 2 adopted dd's

 

[AnaheimGirl]

We adopted domestically, and it was pretty easy. From what I've read, there seems to be more red tape involved in international adoption (two countries laws to consider, rather than just one), but for many people, it's more of a "sure thing", so that part might feel easier, not having to worry about a prospective birth mother deciding to parent her child at some point before the adoption has occured.

If you want to adopt domestically, I'd just suggest becoming very familiar with the laws of your state, so you know what to expect. Interview several agencies to find the one whose philosophy most closely matches your own. Ask them about how they treat potential birthparents, how much counseling is given to them. This was big for us. As much as we wanted a baby, we did not want one whose birthparents were not absolutely sure that they were making the right decision.

Our adoption took about a year and a half from starting the process to placement. 3 months or so for the homestudy and completing our profile. A little over a year of waiting until we were picked by a potential birthmom, then a couple of more months until our beautiful dd was born.

Good luck, and feel free to ask any questions... I love to talk about adoption.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Another happy adoptive mom here! Our adoption was with Catholic Services. They were so wonderful. We have an open adoption and are so glad that we can still see DD's wonderful birthmom. She even invited us to the hospital. It did take some time but I am so glad that it worked out the way it did. Everyday I am thankful for our special blessing!

Best wishes to you as you begin the process!

 

[loisg1]

DH and I adopted two DDs now 17 and almost 15 from Bogota, Colombia as infants. We started our adoption search through Latin American Parents Association. They're great girls and we feel very blessed to have them in our lives. Good luck in your search wherever it takes you!

 

[TheRatPack]

Anyone adopted older children? We've been looking at the post of pics on different groups and really would want children closer to our childrens age, not babies.....but have heard horror stories about the level of anger/tantrums in older children. I'm hoping that is toddler only experience, as we're looking for children around 6-11 age....but still it's scary thinking about that.

 

[mamajoan]

ok.. this is the third time I have tried to post.. but have hit the button and backed out...but it kept bugging me all day.. so I am gonna post it...

I am sure it was not intended to be meant in a derogatory way but

the statements about being ''PICKY" really stirred me up. You are picky if you want a caucasian infant??? That is assuming that other children are somehow less worthy?? Thus the white infant a premium....

If you define your wish to adopt a healthy, white, infant girl great! That is your choice. If you define your wish to adopt a bi racial, 3 year old boy with OCD and a cocaine addicted birthmom and a incarcerated birthfather.. great.
Both kids need different parents...

It has nothing to do with being picky.. it has to do with knowing what is best for you and your situation. It is important for you and your husband to really consider what you will be able to provide. No one can judge you on your needs, strengths, wants... in making your dreams of a family come true.



Adoption is not about finding a child for your family... it is about finding a family for a child.

Thanks......

 

[ZachnElli]

ok.. this is the third time I have tried to post.. but have hit the button and backed out...but it kept bugging me all day.. so I am gonna post it...

I am sure it was not intended to be meant in a derogatory way but

the statements about being ''PICKY" really stirred me up. You are picky if you want a caucasian infant??? That is assuming that other children are somehow less worthy?? Thus the white infant a premium....

If you define your wish to adopt a healthy, white, infant girl great! That is your choice. If you define your wish to adopt a bi racial, 3 year old boy with OCD and a cocaine addicted birthmom and a incarcerated birthfather.. great.
Both kids need different parents...

It has nothing to do with being picky.. it has to do with knowing what is best for you and your situation. It is important for you and your husband to really consider what you will be able to provide. No one can judge you on your needs, strengths, wants... in making your dreams of a family come true.



Adoption is not about finding a child for your family... it is about finding a family for a child.

Thanks......

Well, since I'm the one who used the word picky I'll respond. Yes, I think it's picky to say you only want a "healthy caucasian girl". That is my opinion and I AM entitled to it! If you say you want something from the human race no matter what race or health, that is not so picky and there is a whole lot of things inbetween, like healthy but any race, or medical problems but only certain races. I certainly don't think that makes a caucasian baby a "premium" in fact the total opposite! I don't think that adoption in any form is wrong. You can be very specific about what you will "accept" and that's fine with me. But it is being picky. If you are ok with your choice and with being very particular about your adoption, I don't know why it would bother you what someone else thinks? I don't care what others think about my decision to adopt.

 

[FreshTressa]

Well, since I'm the one who used the word picky I'll respond. Yes, I think it's picky to say you only want a "healthy caucasian girl". That is my opinion and I AM entitled to it! If you say you want something from the human race no matter what race or health, that is not so picky and there is a whole lot of things inbetween, like healthy but any race, or medical problems but only certain races. I certainly don't think that makes a caucasian baby a "premium" in fact the total opposite! I don't think that adoption in any form is wrong. You can be very specific about what you will "accept" and that's fine with me. But it is being picky. If you are ok with your choice and with being very particular about your adoption, I don't know why it would bother you what someone else thinks? I don't care what others think about my decision to adopt.

Yes, and it is much better to be honest with yourself about what will fit best with your family.

I imagine many people from many races would prefer to adopt someone of their own race as it decreases problems later. It does not mean that one is better than another...just a better fit.



We have been thinking of adopting also. I could have more biologically, but there are so many children that need homes that I would like to help out.

I probably would not go domestic, unless I went older, because domestic infant are likely to find homes. I would rather help someone out who other wise would not have a home.

I see lots of African American children I would love to adopt. I worry though that it might be difficult for them growing up with a white family in a white neighborhood. It might be confusing for them later. I also hear that lots of African Americans get angry when black kids get placed in white homes. I figure it is better than no home though.

 

[Tantorini]

Adoption is not about finding a child for your family... it is about finding a family for a child.

Actually, I fundamentally disagree with your statement. Just as there are several types of adoption, there are many kinds of adoptive parents. Some believe in 'saving' a child, and that's how I read your statement. Some believe their child is out there and just needs to be found.

It would be lovely if we were all altruistic enough to adopt regardless of size, shape, creed, race or health - but that is not the world we live in.

I guess there is no objective way to decide who is correct - but I certainly know which view I take.

My philosophy is:

Adoption is about building your family.

OP - sorry to derail your thread ... I wish you lots of luck..

 

[mamajoan]

OP... just wanted to add there are so many agencies it is hard to decide where to start. Informational meetings are often held by both private and public agencies at least once a quarter. I suggest picking a few within driving distance, make a few phone calls and attend the meetings with your husband. There are many options available, domestic, foriegn, open, private.
Once you start collecting information, you will be able to make the decision which is best for your situation.
Good Luck.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Adoption is about building your family.

Adoption is not about finding a child for your family... it is about finding a family for a child.

Well... I think both are correct, LOL.

From the adoptive parents point of view, adoption is about building your family. I don't think people should adopt just to "save a child", unless they really want another child in their family and won't make the child feel he must be grateful to them. I think this is rare though. For most people, providing a home for a child in need is just part of the decision to adopt, not the only factor, and that is just fine with me.

From the standpoint of adoption agencies, states, birth parents and children, though, it's about finding a family for a child (well, not all agencies, but ethical ones, anyway). It has to be, or else you end up with corruption. Most of the problems you hear about with adoptions today (countries where babies are bought to offer to foreigners for adoption; scam artists who get money out of hopeful adoptive parents when they have no intention of placing a child; agencies/attorneys who pressure expectant moms to place their infants when they'd prefer to raise them...) stem from practices that concentrate more on finding babies for parents, rather than finding homes for children.

Stepping down off my adoption soapbox, now. Sorry, that was more than I intended to say... but I'll leave it. OP, I hope you don't feel like your thread is being de-railed. When I was just starting out, I loved reading stuff like this, because it made me think and helped me form opinions, and I think that's very important for anyone considering adoption.

Again, good luck with it.

 

[TheRatPack]

Actually, I fundamentally disagree with your statement. Just as there are several types of adoption, there are many kinds of adoptive parents. Some believe in 'saving' a child, and that's how I read your statement. Some believe their child is out there and just needs to be found.

I have to agree, and maybe this isn't the best example....but. I foster dogs, Dachshunds to be exact. They are not a breed above all others by means of any great tricks or that they can speak english....etc. I'm not a dog racist by any means, but I have found that I like the mannerisms and size of Dachshunds, so I only foster and adopt out them.

Having said that, I do only foster and adopt out healthy Dachshunds. I have other foster friends that will foster (usually it's a permanent situation) blind Dachshunds, mixed breeds that might have some doxie in them, doxies that are on 10+ pills a day.....etc. They do this because they feel they are saving the dachshund and they have the physical and mental capabilities to handle those situations.

I think different people have different levels when it comes to children as well. Some people are saints and can handle the handicaps that many adoptive children possess, others are just normal people wanting fairly normal children to raise and call their own. You can't fault people for not having that 'save' them attitude. You should really admire the ones that do though, it's a very good trait and takes a strong person to take on a lot of those children.

 

[Tantorini]

From the adoptive parents point of view

I also speak from the perspective of an adoptive parent

I am not only and adopter, but I am married to an adoptee as well!