adoption dilemma

[Cindyluwho]

This was our first year hosting a child from Belarus. Belarus is the country where most of the radiation from Chernobyl fell 18 years ago and the people are still greatly affected by it. Every year the country sends thousands of children out of the area to spend 6 weeks in a radiation free environemt. For every 6 weeks a child is out of the radiation, it can add 5-10 years to their life.

Of the 50+ children that came in our local group, we rec'd the only one without parents. The family, her aunt and grandmother, have made it clear that she is welcome to come to stay with us full time. Has anyone else hosted and then adopted a child? This thought never crossed our mind before we hosted as we were under the assumption that adoption was not allowed from Belarus, now we know that's not the case. We have so many questions and lots of thinking to do. Obviously, the first question is - Is this even possible? We were totally and completely in love with her after those 6 weeks, she is 11 years old, just one year older than our daughter and they were inseperable the whole time she was here. It broke our hearts to send her back, but we will be able to host her again, every year until she turns 19 and we are completely willing to pay for her college here when it's time if adoption is not a possibility. It's a very strange dilemma; is it better to financially help her and her family back home or to bring her here and then possibly not have any left over resources to help her family from then on? Oh, please help, any comments would be appreciated.

 

[hipporina]

I would adopt her if at all possible. Of course, I am an adoptive mom of four, so I'm a little biased about adoption! I would think that her family would be happier to know that she would have a better life than they would be to have help for themselves. Of course, adoption is a huge commitment and not one to rush in lightly. Whatever you decide to do, I admire your willingness to host the children like that. It sounds like a wonderful thing that you are doing.

 

[4greatboys]

While I dont know anything about outside adoptions from that country, it seems like since it would be a private adoption from one family to another it should be allowed.
I think it sounds like your family would love to have the little girl and I would certainly look into adopting her.

 

[Serena]

I would ask her family. It sounds like they care more about her than themselves and would really hope you would adopt her, for her sake.
But I bet they would love pictures and videos and letters from her. Visits home if possible too.

But I'd do it in a second.

 

[Disney Doll]

Who else is in her family? Are they mostly older relatives? If so, then I think I'd probably look into adopting the little girl, as she would have the best "chance" of benefitting from a radiation-free environment. If all her other relatives are older, well...they've lived their lives, they been there all these years since Chernobyl, the damage to them is probably done and pretty irreparable at this point in terms of the radiation exposure. If they have already made it clear that they are wiling to give her up for her sake, then you have one hurdle cleared. Your family loves her, you have a second hurdle cleared. Your daughter and she get along nicvely, you have a third hurdle cleared. You have the financial means to adopt and support her, you have the fourth hurdle cleared.

However, I think you need to do some serious research into radiation exposure, to determine what you might be up against in the future as far as health issues are concerned. I'm not saying that what you find out would change your mind, but I hate to see people make decisions and later say "Gee, I had no idea it would be like this". If at all possible, find out where she was when Chernobyl happened, how close she was to the epiceneter etc, as that can be important information. It's hard for folks to understand the "concept" behind radiaiton exposure, because it is an "invisible" thing, but there are numerous, far-reaching difficulties associated with it, like tentacles on an octopus. At the very least, your reasearch will probably ney your info about what specialists in this country deal with radiation exposure cases, sooyu'll know where to turn if she should have health problems as a result of the exposure.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[BrerMom]

Originally posted by Cindyluwho
The family, her aunt and grandmother, have made it clear that she is welcome to come to stay with us full time. Has anyone else hosted and then adopted a child?

Did they mention the word adoption? They may have something more in mind like the agreement our neighbors had when I was growing up. The girls lived with the family and were treated like family, but they were never adopted and kept their own last names.

I agree about researching the health implications just so you know what to expect, but it sounds like it would be great for the little girl AND your family. Six weeks gave you a pretty good idea of what her personality is and how it would mesh with your family.

 

[Cindyluwho]

She was like part of our family from the second day she was here. And it only took that long because she slept the first 24 hours. She has two older brothers who are both now at the university so they no longer live at home. Her aunt is 43 and her Grandma is 80. I sent a letter yesterday, it will take a long while to get to her family, but I made it clear how much we loved her and that if there was anything they needed they just had to ask. They have NOT mentioned the word adoption at this point but Grandma said she was welcome to come to us anytime. They did make it clear in their letter that she is an orphan, but the language barrier is tough. I speak about 25 words of Russian and they speak no English, so everything is done through an interpreter. She was doing great understanding and even speaking English after 6 weeks and that's amazing because she came with only "yes", "no", and "thank you". As far as her health, she's had all of her thyroid tests done, thanks to some amazing doctor's here in our area who donated their time and equipment. They also did all the bloodwork and our dentist (my hero) did all her dental work - 2 extractions, 2 root canals and 4 fillings. There is no dentist near the village where she lives. Boy oh boy, life is an adventure!!!

 

[FroggyinArk]

no real advice just a thanks for caring for a child in need post as an adoptive dad of several kids that have been either abandoned or ignored by thier parents i love to see a child in need find her "real" family and be able to be a child and not a small adult.


so for all the kids that cant say it,, Thank you for caring.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Thank you Froggy, your support is awesome! We're going to do a lot of thinking on this one.

 

[my3kids]

What a blessing you are in the child's life.

 

[MICKEY88]

Although she got along great with your daughter I'd make sure that your daughter wants her there full time and understands, she will have to share your time as they get older and become involved in school activities,

other than that all I have to say is good luck, hope it works out for you, and this girl is truely blessed to have someone as caring as your family,


the world needs more people like you

 

[wuv tigger]

We are also adoptive parents, so would vote yes. We have a friend who adopted a little boy from Belarus, so it is very doable. Her agency was www.iagadoptions.org They do both Russia and Belarus. The rules are pretty specific/complex
http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption_belarus.html

So I would work with an agency to help you work through the paperwork issues and also the family issues and the real practicality.

Best wishes on your journey.

David

 

[miche61]

Cindyluwho,
We are also adoptive parents. We adopted our oldest, now 11, when she was an infant. Our other two came at ages 4 and 4. Our oldest was 7 when they came, younger than your daughter. It was a big change for our oldest, she had the harder time of adjusting to the addition of a bro and sis. There were times we thought her little head would explode because she wasn't the only child anymore. That being said, they are very close to each other now. They love each other immensely. Our oldest has changed so much, and all for the better. There are many benefits to adding to your family.

Our youngest two were adopted from Russia. They had been in an orphanage for most of their lives. It feels like we were just waiting to meet them, that they had been part of our family before we met, they fell into our lives so easily. I can recommend adoption. Our family is here because of it. Please, do check into the radiation effects. Also, our youngest two have learning difficulties, their English started off well, picking up words quickly. But their real understanding of the language isn't up to their vocabulary at times. Look into the ESL (English as a Second Language) programs in your district. We are moving our two to public school this year so they can take advantage of ESL. They will be in 1st and 3rd grades this year and as smart as can be.

Feel free to ask any questions. I love to share our story.

Good Luck in your decision.
Michelle

 

[Luckymommyx2]

We are also adoptive parents, although we adopted from Russia. I completely support you and your efforts. There is a good website frua.org for a lot of information on international adoption. I believe on board just for Belarus. Keep us posted on what you decide. It seems like there are a lot of us here with experience that will be able to help you out if needed! Good luck!!

 

[Cindyluwho]

Miche61, that is our number 1 concern - our 10 year old daughter. She really enjoys being an only child and as much as she loves our host child she has reservations about having a full time sibling. Her reasoning is that she sees all of her friends fight/bicker with their siblings and she hates the conflict. The two of them did not fight at all during the 6 weeks this summer but conflicts are bound to arise with two kids instead of one Our other major concern is now that she is still with family in Belaruse we are helping the WHOLE family; $$, clothing, etc. I don't know if we could financially swing that if we had the extra expense of another child here in our home. So much to think about....