Ackowledging Gifts

[tiggerlover]

I am curious how the majority feels about ackowledging gifts that you send or receive. I was brought up writing thank you notes and I have continued this practice with my DS. I personally feel if you give or send someone a gift it deserves to be ackowledged in some way. If a person is there when the gift is given a thank you in person is okay, unless it is a big event like a baby/bridal shower, party etc., then a written thank you is required. And always when a gift is received in the mail either a phone call, written thank you or email thanks is in order. What do you say?

I was getting ready to order gifts online for my nieces for Halloween when it dawned on me that in August I sent my niece a "Welcome to College" package and I hadn't heard from her at all. So I asked her mother and she said she is on her own now, she is tired of nagging about her writing thank you's, etc. I understand that, but I also told her that I decided not to send her daughter anything for Halloween because I put thought into my gifts and if she can't take the time to ackowledge receipt in some way than I wasn't going to send anything. Do you think I was wrong? All my niece had to do was jot a quick email to say hi, thanks for the package and I would have been happy with that. What do you think?

 

[wdwnutze]

I feel the same way you do about thank yous. I also have a son in college and know that he doesn't always take the time to acknowledge receiving things from people. Although there is no defense for not sending a thank you(even an email), college can be lonely or overwhelming. They seem to lose their good senses. My s-i-l sent packages and cards to my son a lot last year. After not receiving any acknowledgement for these things, she finally told him when he was home on break that she had been sending him things and wasn't sure if he was receiving them becasue he never let her know if he got them. "I'll keep sending things as long as I hear from you that they are arriving. He got the hint. I would give her a reminder and let her know that you won't send things if you're not sure it's getting to her.

 

[cinmell]

I feel the same way too. It doesn't take a lot of time to jot a quick thank you or note of acknowlegement of a gift. I make sure to always send them and I send thank yous from my daughter (she's 2) for gifts she receives for her birthday or for gifts people may just pick up because they thought she may enjoy them. I just think it's the polite thing to do.

 

[KathyFP]

I believe that they are very important. It seems like a lotof people have gotten away from writing thank yous.

I believe that it is basic respect.

 

[coliebird]

It seems common courtesy has just gone out the window. I make it a point to write a thank you note for any gift received for me, my husband and my daughter. Just last week, my daughter was moved up to the toddler class at her "school". I gave a gift to the two teachers in the infant room that had been taking care of her for so long to thank them for the job they have done. Neither one of them acknowledged it at all. It truly bothers me, but I don't want to bring it up. I wouldn't know what to say. Anyway, it just seems like people don't care about ettiquette (sp?) anymore.

 

[buzzlady]

I always make my DSs send thank yous. This past Aug. my DS11 had surgery on his knee. Many people sent him cards with money in them. I wrote out a basic note on paper so that he could copy it, but he had to write out each thank you card. I will usually write out thank yous for DS7 and have him sign his name. He's just not good at printing in a limited space.

 

[Allie322]

This is a huge pet peeve of mine! I take it personally when someone doesn't acknowledge a gift I've sent. I've tried to let it roll off my back but it just makes me crazy!
Last year I mailed my nephew a check for his 16th birthday in September. I know he received it because my MIL asked him. Not only did he never send a thank you (or call), he didn't cash the check until February!!!! So each month when I balanced my checkbook, I was reminded of how inconsiderate he was!
I still feel obligated to send him a gift each year as he is the only child of my husband's only sibling. So this year I sent a Best Buy gift card. And, no, I haven't gotten a thank you. I am assuming it arrived but at least there's no uncashed check to torment me!

 

[powellrj]

I always send out thank-you notes for gifts and I have taught my children to do the same thing, that said, I would never consider stop sending anyone a gift because they fail to thank me for it. The purpose of a gift is to give it to someone because you want to, not because you expect anything in return for it. Last year I gave out 20+ teachers gifts and not one person sent a note, Do I stop sending gift because people didn't reply??? Thats not why I did, I did it because I wanted to. I send several graduation checks out every year and this year not one person sent a thank-you, you just go on. I love to give gifts, but I do it because I want to do it, never because I expect anything (including a thank-you note) in return.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I was not made to write Thank You notes growing up. So I really never gave it a second thought until after I got married.

I find it hard to write Thank You's for gifts that were cash. It always seems like I should say more, but what do I say? LOL!

I am really trying to be better about it though. Hopefully the people around me have noticed.

 

[disykat]

I don't expect thank you notes when I give thank you gifts - like to teachers, party hostesses, etc. I do expect thank you notes when I give special occasion gifts. I think it's sad when people don't teach their children this.

My nieces and nephews never send thank you notes - ever. Evidently SIL doesn't get the hint when my kids send their thank you notes. I wonder sometimes if they are actually offended that we send them because we're family? However, I continue to send them because we never see them to thank them in person(they live across the country). I don't make my kids send thank you's to family if they have thanked them in person.

I consider it my job to teach my children this skill. My 8 year old fussed over sending thank you's after his birthday party this year. He has been put on notice that there will be no party next year unless he proves himself willing to write his Christmas thank you's without me forcing him.

No thank you note wouldn't stop me from sending gifts I wanted to give - but it would stop me from feeling obligated to give.

 

[Ranatra]

I posted this very same thread about a year ago.
It's a real pet peeve of mine. Not acknowledging a gift is rude.

 

[tiggerlover]

Originally posted by powellrj
I always send out thank-you notes for gifts and I have taught my children to do the same thing, that said, I would never consider stop sending anyone a gift because they fail to thank me for it. The purpose of a gift is to give it to someone because you want to, not because you expect anything in return for it. Last year I gave out 20+ teachers gifts and not one person sent a note, Do I stop sending gift because people didn't reply??? Thats not why I did, I did it because I wanted to. I send several graduation checks out every year and this year not one person sent a thank-you, you just go on. I love to give gifts, but I do it because I want to do it, never because I expect anything (including a thank-you note) in return.

I would never consider not giving gifts for specific ocassions (ie birthday, Christmas, graduation), but what I have decided to do after many non-ackowledgements from my niece is to stop the extra's. You are right that the purpose of a gift is to give because you want to and since I am since my thoughtfulness is so unimportant not to thank, I no longer want to give the extra gifts. My feelings are hurt.