ABC's, 123's and PTSD, ODD, ADHD

[ChrizJen]

I'm fighting back the tears right now because the day I've been dreading for 3.5 years is here. DD started Kindergarten this week, and it's already starting...

Notes from the teacher. A conference on the third day of school. A laundry list of the issues she's already having...She can't focus. She's fidgety and disruptive in class. She's rough with the other kids on the playground.

We've known about the PTSD since she came to us. We've learned ways to deal and cope with that. Then about 6 months ago, we were told by the psychiatrist that she would likely be diagnosed with ADHD, but that we would need to get her in school before it could be officially diagnosed. So we sort of saw that coming.

But here's the part that half horrifies me and half gives me relief...the psychiatrist now thinks she'll have to add Oppositional Defiant Disorder to her list of issues. I'm scared for obvious reasons, but also relieved that we might be able to put a name to the struggles we've had with her for the past 3.5 years. It's possible that we're not the worst parents on the planet, and that maybe there's a legitimate reason for the things she does! I can't count how many times we've been told that we just need to learn how to discipline and show her who's boss. *sigh*

Ok. That's my vent. I just wanted to commiserate with others who may know what we're going through. Being a parent is tough enough. But having special needs kids can break your heart and drive a girl to drink! I need a Disney vacation!! LOL

 

[stephie1012]

hugs! Its so hard to not think of yourself as the worse parent, i know. We always have peopple telling us we just need to discipline DS. I wish it was that easy. Hopefully once your DD gets adjusted to K it will be easier. DS starts K on the 27th and im honestly dreading it.

 

[lanejudy]

I can't offer much more than hugs and that many of us understand what you are going through. Prayers that she adjusts to school and that the diagnoses get her whatever help is needed.

 

[buffettgirl]

whatever happens, know that you're giving a little girl a better life than she ever would have had. You aren't a bad parent, quite the opposite. You're a FABULOUS parent. I'm not sure what circumstances brought her into your lives but whatever it was, it couldn't have been good. You're giving her a life. Just remember that.

 

[A MK Family]

My heart sank when I read your post. My DD4 starts school in Sept. I am terrified. We are still doing rounds with specialist but the general consensus so far is Anxiety with Sensory Processing Disorder. She has just started to be defiant and agressive and it is so maddening when people think it is a discipline issue.
Hang in there!

 

[babyberger]

The most important piece of advice I can offer is to always be her biggest advocate when it comes to school. Make yourself be heard. The schools have programs and services in place to make her (and your) life easier. Also, always trust your judgment even if it goes against a professional.

My DS(9) has Asperger's Syndrome and I knew something was wrong from when he was 3, I knew deep down he was on the Autism Spectrum somewhere but didn't know exactly where. A psychologist told me that DS would have to go to private school and could never function in a public school. Well, DS is now going into 4th grade and has been in a main stream classroom every year. It isn't always easy and he has services and accommodations, and I am overly nice to the right people at the school

Now as if that wasn't enough on my plate, DD(7) was a very strong willed toddler. I was waiting for her to out grow it, but last year a psychologist confirmed what I already knew, ADHD, ODD, and GAD. So trust me when I say I completely understand what your day is like. Once again I am working with the school to make sure she has the services and accommodations she needs.

Just know that you are not alone and always trust your judgment!!!

 

[Dawson's Mom]

Lots of Hugs!!! I am in the same boat! My DS 4 was diagnosed with ADHD two months ago, although last year in 3 year old preschool he was in trouble everyday. I had to stay after and have a "talk" with the teacher everyday, yes even the first day. His teacher made me feel like the worst parent in the world. I am dreading this next year, hopefully it will go better than last year, he'll have a different teacher and other kids with issues as well. I'm in agreement, a WDW vacation would be just what we all need! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one in the world with child with ADHD, everyone just thinks I'm a bad parent or that my DS is just one of those mean kids-ugh!

 

[cm8]

I'm fighting back the tears right now because the day I've been dreading for 3.5 years is here. DD started Kindergarten this week, and it's already starting...

Notes from the teacher. A conference on the third day of school. A laundry list of the issues she's already having...She can't focus. She's fidgety and disruptive in class. She's rough with the other kids on the playground.

We've known about the PTSD since she came to us. We've learned ways to deal and cope with that. Then about 6 months ago, we were told by the psychiatrist that she would likely be diagnosed with ADHD, but that we would need to get her in school before it could be officially diagnosed. So we sort of saw that coming.

But here's the part that half horrifies me and half gives me relief...the psychiatrist now thinks she'll have to add Oppositional Defiant Disorder to her list of issues. I'm scared for obvious reasons, but also relieved that we might be able to put a name to the struggles we've had with her for the past 3.5 years. It's possible that we're not the worst parents on the planet, and that maybe there's a legitimate reason for the things she does! I can't count how many times we've been told that we just need to learn how to discipline and show her who's boss. *sigh*

Ok. That's my vent. I just wanted to commiserate with others who may know what we're going through. Being a parent is tough enough. But having special needs kids can break your heart and drive a girl to drink! I need a Disney vacation!! LOL

Nothing but a big ole bear hug here

 

[ChrizJen]

The most important piece of advice I can offer is to always be her biggest advocate when it comes to school. Make yourself be heard. The schools have programs and services in place to make her (and your) life easier. Also, always trust your judgment even if it goes against a professional.

My DS(9) has Asperger's Syndrome and I knew something was wrong from when he was 3, I knew deep down he was on the Autism Spectrum somewhere but didn't know exactly where. A psychologist told me that DS would have to go to private school and could never function in a public school. Well, DS is now going into 4th grade and has been in a main stream classroom every year. It isn't always easy and he has services and accommodations, and I am overly nice to the right people at the school

Now as if that wasn't enough on my plate, DD(7) was a very strong willed toddler. I was waiting for her to out grow it, but last year a psychologist confirmed what I already knew, ADHD, ODD, and GAD. So trust me when I say I completely understand what your day is like. Once again I am working with the school to make sure she has the services and accommodations she needs.

Just know that you are not alone and always trust your judgment!!!

Thank you! To all of you for your kind comments and support! It's good to know there are others who know where we're coming from. Sometimes it feels so lonely being the parent of a special needs child.

As far as advocacy, we've become pros at that! We've been advocating for her since she came to us at 20 months. We quickly learned the ins and outs of getting her the services she needs through the state. We're just treading unfamiliar territory with the school system. Its a little overwhelming, and I'll admit that we should have looked into all if this before now. We'll learn though.

We had a meeting with the teacher and tried to briefly explain some of her issues (like social anxiety and sensory issues), and so far she's been very receptive and understanding. She also helped by pointing us in the right direction to get DD set up with the school psychologist so we can devise a plan.

I'm sure it'll all work out. Just one more bump in the road. thanks again for all of the support.

 

[LockShockBarrel]

I suppose you have to take the good with the bad, but remember that the really bad will make the good AMAZING and it'll be worth it when you have a happy healthy child, right?

 

[SueM in MN]

Since this is not about WDW, I am going to move it to the disABILITIES Community Board, where it will be more on topic.

 

[bookwormde]

How is her education evaluation under IDEA going and what did the child find evaluation show when she was 3 (assuming the schools followed the federal laws). Make sure they do the WPS SRS rater for both you and the teacher, since with PTSD social skills and societal interface is critical information, even for children who do not have autism genetics. Does she have an IEP in place
If you have information about her biological siblings, if any, since if her manifestations are significantly above the others then it is quite common for her to have a disability separate from the core PTSD from abuse and that is commonly the reason for the exceptional abuse.
A psychiatrist who keeps piling on "alphabet Soup" diagnosis's is of little value if he is not competent to discover the core issues, so you should be looking for a group that specializes in disabilities.
You are the best parents since you care enough to have made this child part of your family despite her challenges. Know your child's rights and read up on all the alphabet soups diagnosis since you are in the best place to identify which is the core element and which are just co morbid manifestations.

 

[Dismom55]

First I want to reach out and give you a big hug. Second I want to tell you that you can get thru this. I have a son who is now 20 yrs old was diagnosed with ADHD in K then ODD in 5th grade. There will be times he will be the sweetest thing on earth and times when I think I can not stand him in the house another minute. In our case, the school was of no help, they hindered his progress. So be prepared for the constant battle. Maybe in your case you will be more fortunate than I, I pray you will. One of the first things the therapist said to my husband and I was that the majority of parents with ODD kids get divorced, so be aware of this and work together to make sure this does not happen as they will pit you against one another. Until the day my husband died, we worked together to ensure it was us against the ODD, not our son, but the ODD.

The studies that I could find showed ODD kids come from substance abuse moms, this is not further from the truth in my case, I have never even smoked a regular cigarette or even been a little high on alcohol in my 57 yrs, we do not know what caused my son to transition to ODD, I suspect it was the constant bullies in school from day one in kindergarten, but no proof. One thing I learned was when you want an ODD kid to do something it is all how you tell them, you can not ever just tell them to do it, like go make your bed, you really need to say " I NEED you to help by making your bed, they NEED to feel NEEDED. The NEED to feel they are HELPFUL and accomplished. Our son is very talented, self taught in keyboards, guitar, can fix a car without manuals, whatever he puts his mind to, computer whiz, just hard for him to do the school thing because in school they demand he do things their way. He has problems with authority and authority at school will not learn they must treat kids as individuals.

OK, I will stop now, PM if you has specific questions and do not want to post them on the thread. I hope you have a better time of it than my son did, perhaps things will be better as I think there are more ODD kids coming than when my son went thru the system.

 

[irishsharon]

You are not alone.My ds10 has ADHD and has great anxiety and a learning disability in math.My son would see the social worker in small group twice a week at school.He was in a regular class room for kindergarden,first and second grade.He was then placed in a co-teaching class(regular ed teacher and special ed teacher)This is the best fit for my son.As others have said you know your child better than anyone and you need to teach others on the best way to help your littlr girl.