A wedding gift WWYD

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Op your gift is very thoughtful and generous. I would definitely give them the luggage and not give it another thought. Personally, if I received that demand for money disguised in a poem called a wedding invitation from anyone other than family I would certainly decline. Any demand for money so you can pay off that huge party you decided to "host" is the ultimate display of low class! Host what you can afford not what you think your guests can pay off for you. JMHO!

I don't know if it's a regional thing but I live near you just over the border in the next province and I have never received such an invitation. I also was married around the same time as you and I would have been mortified to give my guests an invitation like that! I'm with your dh on that one!

 

[DisneyFansInLINY]

Sadly, this is becoming the trend. I have been told quite a few times by the bride and groom what they expected for engagement presents, Bridal Shower presents, Wedding gifts as well as their over the top bachelor/bachelorette parties. It's rude and pathetic. Someone has to burst their bubble that they aren't the only couple in the whole world to ever get married and that universe does not revolve around their wedding.

I say give them the luggage. Plus write a note inside to say

"WE ARE GIFTING YOU THIS SET
AND HOPE YOU APPRECIATE ALL YOU GET.
AS TO SEND A GIFT WAS OUR INTENTION
AND IN MODESTY YOU DID MENTION
THAT YOU ALREADY HAD A KETTLE AND A TOASTER
CROCKERY, DINNER MATS AND COASTERS.
SO RATHER THAN SOMETHING YOU ALREADY GOT
WE KNEW LUGGAGE YOU HAD NOT.
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU LIKE OUR GIFT THE BEST."

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

I say give them the luggage. Plus write a note inside to say

"WE ARE GIFTING YOU THIS SET
AND HOPE YOU APPRECIATE ALL YOU GET.
AS TO SEND A GIFT WAS OUR INTENTION
AND IN MODESTY YOU DID MENTION
THAT YOU ALREADY HAD A KETTLE AND A TOASTER
CROCKERY, DINNER MATS AND COASTERS.
SO RATHER THAN SOMETHING YOU ALREADY GOT
WE KNEW LUGGAGE YOU HAD NOT.
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU LIKE OUR GIFT THE BEST."

LOL, that is sooooo awesome!!!!

In all seriousness....thanks to all who have posted so far. It is reassuring to know that others feel the same about the poem in the wedding invitation as we did. At least we aren't crazy! (well, I guess we still are a little crazy....but that is part of our charm and has nothing to do with this wedding ).

Seriously leaning towards just giving the luggage as planned, thanks to all your great support. And as some have suggested, we did plan on giving it to them a couple of weeks prior to the big day, so they would have it at their disposal as they packed for their honeymoon. I just hope I can shake the feeling like I need to apologize when we deliver it ....

Hi there, we are just stopping in to drop off your wedding gift. Its something you can use on your honeymoon, so we thought we would drop it by a little early. Congratulations to you both, and we wish you many happy years together. Sorry the gift is not the cash that you asked for, but we bought your present before we received your detailed instructions. Hope you still like it.

 

[smokeyblue]

I totally understand ummm . . . unpleasant brides. My cousin always hated me and bullied me as a child and teenager. I suspect it was because I was from a solid middle-class family and she grew up poor and had a miserable mother. When her wedding came around I can't say I was overjoyed. She had assigned seating at her ceremony for ALL guests. She purposely put my mother and I in the back row. It took all I had not to walk out the door; but I didn't want to miss out on seeing family that I only see every year or two so I made the wedding be about them. I also "forgot" to bring her gift to the reception; ooops! My parents now have a nice, new set of drinkware.

I'd just put a bow on the gift, say congratulations and be done with it. It isn't worth wasting your time thinking about.

 

[Disneylover99]

I say give them the luggage. Plus write a note inside to say

"WE ARE GIFTING YOU THIS SET
AND HOPE YOU APPRECIATE ALL YOU GET.
AS TO SEND A GIFT WAS OUR INTENTION
AND IN MODESTY YOU DID MENTION
THAT YOU ALREADY HAD A KETTLE AND A TOASTER
CROCKERY, DINNER MATS AND COASTERS.
SO RATHER THAN SOMETHING YOU ALREADY GOT
WE KNEW LUGGAGE YOU HAD NOT.
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU LIKE OUR GIFT THE BEST."

Love this!!!
Definitely give them the luggage and you don't need to explain anything to them.

 

[smiths02]

Sadly, this is becoming the trend. I have been told quite a few times by the bride and groom what they expected for engagement presents, Bridal Shower presents, Wedding gifts as well as their over the top bachelor/bachelorette parties. It's rude and pathetic. Someone has to burst their bubble that they aren't the only couple in the whole world to ever get married and that universe does not revolve around their wedding.

I say give them the luggage. Plus write a note inside to say

"WE ARE GIFTING YOU THIS SET
AND HOPE YOU APPRECIATE ALL YOU GET.
AS TO SEND A GIFT WAS OUR INTENTION
AND IN MODESTY YOU DID MENTION
THAT YOU ALREADY HAD A KETTLE AND A TOASTER
CROCKERY, DINNER MATS AND COASTERS.
SO RATHER THAN SOMETHING YOU ALREADY GOT
WE KNEW LUGGAGE YOU HAD NOT.
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU LIKE OUR GIFT THE BEST."

This is GREAT! I am dying over here.

 

[bumbershoot]

DH is disgusted that they came right out and asked for money. Old poops that we are (married 20 years ago), it certainly wasn't the norm in 1993 . Maybe that's changed and we need to move with the times.

Well, OK. Except all the weddings I went to in the 90s involved registry inserts in the invitations and half of the receptions involved money dances (where you pin money ONTO the bride's gown), so I'm not sure how this is so different.


I personally would focus on this part of the poem:

BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WE REQUEST
THAT YOU JOIN US AS OUR WEDDING GUEST.

They are probably being hammered from many sides with "what do you need, what do you want, make a registry, we want to know!" like I was, and came up with (or found) that poem to let people know that what's important is that they come, and that if you feel the need to give a gift, money would be the most helpful. I personally want to give people gifts that they want. I don't want to give someone something they don't like. If money is the most useful for a family in their situation, that's what I want to give.

As for luggage, if they aren't picky, go for it. If they are picky about things like that, though...I'd return it.

 

[RunDanceSkate]

LOL, that is sooooo awesome!!!!

Hi there, we are just stopping in to drop off your wedding gift. Its something you can use on your honeymoon, so we thought we would drop it by a little early. Congratulations to you both, and we wish you many happy years together. Sorry the gift is not the cash that you asked for, but we bought your present before we received your detailed instructions. Hope you still like it.

I was reading through this post quickly and read it as " before we received your ridiculous instructions" I thought that sounded funny so I reread it and saw it said detailed. I think I like ridiculous better.

 

[marthachick]

I would give the luggage a few weeks early & mention that I knew she needed some since she had borrowed yours. If she then decides to return it for the cash instead, when she needs some she can borrow someone else's.

 

[MAJPLO]

I think, especially if DH is annoyed that they asked for money, you should give the gift you already bought. You had good intentions and it seems an appropriate and thoughtful gift. No need to spend the time to return it.

 

[disykat]

I agree I would have been a bit surprised at the asking for cash part, but I have no problem with people asking for no gifts. I generally respect those requests, but if it's a sibling I think you get an automatic "right to give a gift regardless!"

The luggage sounds like a very thoughtful gift.

 

[reginaastralis]

I think your idea for a gift is great, personally.

I'm in the middle of planning my wedding, we're getting married next year and I think the thought of registries is hard. I'm not condoning the way she worded her "poem" but it's such a delicate balance. I've had friends ask for $300+ and one friend actually did a honey-moon registry, and it totaled $15k. My finance and I are a little "behind" our friends in terms of we're still in college, but all of our friends that got married recently and in the next year have been out of college less than 5 years. We're all in our early 30s, so it's not like we're all rolling in the dough. It's the sort of thing where you're damned if you do "Oh really, they need an $40 whiskey snifter" or damned if you don't, you get three toasters when you're already in an established household. It's maddening.

 

[OrangeCountyCommuter]

lol, not MY sister. She is my DHs sister. I am the outlaw....I mean, inlaw .

Sorry I just read it wrong.

So be the outlaw and don't give in to blackmail

If you don't want gifts you can always ask for donations to charity. That's what my friends did. They let folks know that our presence was the gift, but if we felt the urge to give then it should go to those who really needed something. She's a volunteer with the Girl Scouts so a bunch of us got together and gave a donation. By the time you have 10 people or so it's a nice size donation

And I am not above giving cash type gifts. My next door neighbor gets married this weekend. Small private event and I was not invited (not that I would have expected to be) but sitting on my table to deliver today is a congratulations card with a Target gift card inside. It's a gift I wanted to give and that's the difference!

 

[MrsPete]

Give the gift you'd planned to give.

They're incredibly rude for asking for money, even if it is done in a cute little poem.

 

[mjkacmom]

Most people here give cash, but you can't ask for cash! I think the luggage is a very thoughtful gift, especially since she borrowed yours, so you know she needs it.

 

[arihillfarm]

Your gift idea seems very thoughtful. Personally, I would proceed with the original plan and feel good about it.

I second this and I'm sure your sister in law will appreciate it also since she had to borrow yours last time.

-Astrid

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Thanks for the all the input, everyone. The various perspectives are much appreciated .

We are going to go ahead and give them the luggage set. Your reassurances helped immensely .

 

[RadioFanatic]

for the record, dh and my absolute favorite gift, which was not on our registry, came from one of my BM and given a couple of days before our wedding, was a set of luggage, used for our honeymoon and still used. a very thoughtful gift and well loved.

 

[1Princess1Prince2006]

I would give her the luggage and not even worry about the money. You already have it bought, there's no way of returning, so just go with what you have.

I don't think asking for money is an odd thing now. When my cousin got married a few years ago they did the same thing. They were already living together and had all the things needed, but with the money they got from their wedding they bought a dining room set. They let it be known before the wedding that that was already the plan and that all wedding money would be going towards it.

 

[DWGal210]

I'd either return the gift and give them nothing, or just give them the luggage. It seems like a nice gift.

They are super tacky.

Agree x 100; just ridiculous. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

I would give them the suitcases. It's a very nice and thoughtful gift.