I just received word that my dear friend Kathy has passed on this afternoon. Now, this last moment I had with her on Tuesday is even more special.
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Last night I went to see an old friend of mine that is nearing the end of her life. She has been battling a heart ailment for a few years and now her heart is failing.
We have been friends since College. Our paths first crossed as we shared committee duties and attended social functions. While I was often loud and busy, she was the calm in the midst of the storm. Even after graduation we both continued our service to our Alma Mater as well as our friendship.
Her husband also attended the same University with us and was part of our social scene. In his younger days he was the life of the party, a John Belushi type of guy. When he finally started dating his future wife, after graduation, she calmed his wild side just enough to make him a great husband and father to their two children.
My dear friend first got sick several years ago. Feeling an overwhelming tiredness she never imagined that the diagnosis would be a rare heart ailment. She was in her 30's, the mother of two young sons. She kept her spirits up, continued work and searched for a cure to her illness. Her search lead her to a clinical trial of a new treatment. With her life at stake she was willing to take the chance at this treatment, a longshot for sure but what was the alternative.
During her months of treatments she kept us updated on her progress and that of others. She was hopeful, even through the tough physical and emotional ups and downs. Her oldest son, who has known his own medical battles, helped his Mom through many of her visits to the hospital.
Then, last week, was the first call notifying us of the nearing end. Another friend left a brief and tearful message to say the last goodbyes. The time had come. The treatments were to stop. The end of life was near.
So, there I was, in a CCU so similar to the ones my Mom had been in off and on for years. The place was familiar but not the patient. This time it was my friend, a woman of my age, my peer. She was serene and calm among the tubes and wires that fed and monitored her. We sat and talked for a half hour. It was a talk filled with both sadness and laughter, the past and the future. She had refused to be hooked up to a machine that might extend her life. She was ready to die.
My friend expressed several wishes that were important to her. She wanted us to have a BBQ and celebrate after, to share time together not in sadness but to be thankful. She worried about her husband most of all, being alone and being forgotten once months have passed. He also has unresolved grief from all that has happened in their lives recently. Finally, she wished that people could enjoy the simple things in life and always be upbeat even in the face of death no matter how old they were. She told me the story of the elderly woman in the next room who wanted her lipstick, to feel and look pretty for the cute Doctors. The elderly woman passed on the next day.
Before my visit I was sad and filled with grief. After my visit I was so happy that I had that moment, maybe my last moment, with my friend. It was her acceptance of her fate that brought me peace. She was ready to let go and preparing us to move on. She will go home to hospice care to ease the transition. Her physical heart may be failing but her spiritual heart will live on.
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Last night I went to see an old friend of mine that is nearing the end of her life. She has been battling a heart ailment for a few years and now her heart is failing.
We have been friends since College. Our paths first crossed as we shared committee duties and attended social functions. While I was often loud and busy, she was the calm in the midst of the storm. Even after graduation we both continued our service to our Alma Mater as well as our friendship.
Her husband also attended the same University with us and was part of our social scene. In his younger days he was the life of the party, a John Belushi type of guy. When he finally started dating his future wife, after graduation, she calmed his wild side just enough to make him a great husband and father to their two children.
My dear friend first got sick several years ago. Feeling an overwhelming tiredness she never imagined that the diagnosis would be a rare heart ailment. She was in her 30's, the mother of two young sons. She kept her spirits up, continued work and searched for a cure to her illness. Her search lead her to a clinical trial of a new treatment. With her life at stake she was willing to take the chance at this treatment, a longshot for sure but what was the alternative.
During her months of treatments she kept us updated on her progress and that of others. She was hopeful, even through the tough physical and emotional ups and downs. Her oldest son, who has known his own medical battles, helped his Mom through many of her visits to the hospital.
Then, last week, was the first call notifying us of the nearing end. Another friend left a brief and tearful message to say the last goodbyes. The time had come. The treatments were to stop. The end of life was near.
So, there I was, in a CCU so similar to the ones my Mom had been in off and on for years. The place was familiar but not the patient. This time it was my friend, a woman of my age, my peer. She was serene and calm among the tubes and wires that fed and monitored her. We sat and talked for a half hour. It was a talk filled with both sadness and laughter, the past and the future. She had refused to be hooked up to a machine that might extend her life. She was ready to die.
My friend expressed several wishes that were important to her. She wanted us to have a BBQ and celebrate after, to share time together not in sadness but to be thankful. She worried about her husband most of all, being alone and being forgotten once months have passed. He also has unresolved grief from all that has happened in their lives recently. Finally, she wished that people could enjoy the simple things in life and always be upbeat even in the face of death no matter how old they were. She told me the story of the elderly woman in the next room who wanted her lipstick, to feel and look pretty for the cute Doctors. The elderly woman passed on the next day.
Before my visit I was sad and filled with grief. After my visit I was so happy that I had that moment, maybe my last moment, with my friend. It was her acceptance of her fate that brought me peace. She was ready to let go and preparing us to move on. She will go home to hospice care to ease the transition. Her physical heart may be failing but her spiritual heart will live on.
