- Joined
- Aug 23, 1999
- Messages
- 36,337
I have thought hard about whether and what to post here, but I feel like I have something to share from 2 perspectives.
Just a warning that there is some pretty graphic stuff in this post.
1) I worked as an RN in an inpatient Psych unit with children and adolescents.
Many of them were depressed and had attempted suicide several times. Some did what are called 'suicidal gestures' - things like taking a lot of pills and then calling someone to 'say goodbye' or threatening to jump. Those are desperate measures taken by someone who wants to be stopped and most of the 'gestures' are either things that are not particularly deadly or take time to be deadly. Other people may see these things as just attempts to get attention, but they are calls for help from someone who feels there is no way out of the pain they are in without doing something desperate. Some of the kids were doing it almost as a compulsion, as several posters mentioned. They were not thinking about what would happen, they just knew they were in pain and didn't know what else to do - I remember one girl told me that she just felt like the world was spinning around her dark pit and doing what she did was the only way she thought she could get help to stop it. People making suicidal gestures usually don't intend to die, but some do because of miscalculation (didn't know the pills would work so fast or were not able to reach the person they planned would 'save' them).
Then there are people who do intend to die and do something much more deadly. Some of those attempted suicides don't succeed because of things the person didn't take into account - like the guy who jumped off a 4 floor building intending to die, but didn't realize at that height, you might break your neck and end up a quadraplegic, paralyzed from the neck down. Or one who planned to shoot a bullet through his brain, but ended up shooting lower and shot off his jaw. Or another young guy who intended to kill himself by pouring gasoline on his body and starting himself on fire. He lived because bystanders put out the fire more quickly than he thought and ended up with 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 95% of his body.
Suicidal people are not capable of thinking clearly, so it's not possible for them to think of how the suicide will affect other people. If they are able to think about others, they often feel what they are doing is sparing their family from their suffering - sort of the opposite of being selfish.
One of the old sayings about suicide is that it is a "Permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Depression is a temporary problem that can seem endless to the person who is depressed. They may think mostly about how the world will be better off without them. They may think of what they have put family members and friends thru because of their depression and actually think that those people would be happier if they never had to deal with it again.
And, as strange as it sounds, many teens may be planning a suicide for Wednesday while also planning for a prom the next weekend. It sounds unbelievable, but they are just planning the suicide to end their pain, and not thinking about it ending their life too. I saw that over and over as a nurse; as we talked, I would have to remind patients that if they were dead on Wednesday, there was no way they would be at prom on Friday night. Or, that they would be dead and not able to see how sorry people who had mistreated them would be after they were dead. Strange as it seems, those things had just not occurred to them. Dead did not seem permanent.
2) My second perspective is as the aunt of a suicide victim.
My handsome, funny, smart nephew, my brother's only son, my parent's oldest grandchild, killed himself by putting a gun in his mouth and shooting it in November of 1997.
None of us saw it coming. None of us realized what pain he was going through that made him think suicide was the answer. I did not see his suicide note, but my mom did and I know the note was full of how sorry he was for what he would put everyone through by going through with his plans, but he saw no other way and thought we would all be better off without him. Until he died, we did not know how deeply depressed he had been after his grandfather died of Lymphoma several years before. They shared a name and he made comments after my dad's funeral that it was strange to sit there and hear my dad's name (and also his name) mentioned as the deceased. I hope that he is in heaven with my dad and that he found peace there that he could not on earth.
I don't know if my brother and my nephew's mom were angry. I don't think so; I think they were just feeling so shocked and helpless. I know my brother seldom talks about his son; in fact, this summer was the first time he ever shared memories of him with other family members.
I know our whole family was hurt and raw and sad, so sad that we had not seen what was happening and could not stop it. In retrospect, there were warning signs, but in the time, we didn't realize it. We knew that he was young and feeling that he had not found a purpose or a path for life. We did not know that he was planning a path for death. I know he did not plan for his father to be the one to find him, but that's what happened.
He attended his only sister's wedding as a table full of pictures. His sister memorialized him by using part of his name for her daughter. And, his sister studied Psychology so she could maybe spare some other sister from having a sibling who committed suicide.
My children have misty memories of him from cousin's New Year's Eve parties at our house when he was a little boy and they were little more than toddlers. Even this many years later, it hurts so much to think about him that I have had to stop several times for tears. I know I'm rambling and I apologize for that. It may be painful, but I can't feel he was selfish to kill himself. He had to have been in so much pain.
There is not one victim in suicide.
There is one who dies, but a part of every family member, every friend, every person who knew them goes out when that life is snuffed out.
My thoughts are with the people who are victims of suicide in your town and your school.
Just a warning that there is some pretty graphic stuff in this post.
1) I worked as an RN in an inpatient Psych unit with children and adolescents.
Many of them were depressed and had attempted suicide several times. Some did what are called 'suicidal gestures' - things like taking a lot of pills and then calling someone to 'say goodbye' or threatening to jump. Those are desperate measures taken by someone who wants to be stopped and most of the 'gestures' are either things that are not particularly deadly or take time to be deadly. Other people may see these things as just attempts to get attention, but they are calls for help from someone who feels there is no way out of the pain they are in without doing something desperate. Some of the kids were doing it almost as a compulsion, as several posters mentioned. They were not thinking about what would happen, they just knew they were in pain and didn't know what else to do - I remember one girl told me that she just felt like the world was spinning around her dark pit and doing what she did was the only way she thought she could get help to stop it. People making suicidal gestures usually don't intend to die, but some do because of miscalculation (didn't know the pills would work so fast or were not able to reach the person they planned would 'save' them).
Then there are people who do intend to die and do something much more deadly. Some of those attempted suicides don't succeed because of things the person didn't take into account - like the guy who jumped off a 4 floor building intending to die, but didn't realize at that height, you might break your neck and end up a quadraplegic, paralyzed from the neck down. Or one who planned to shoot a bullet through his brain, but ended up shooting lower and shot off his jaw. Or another young guy who intended to kill himself by pouring gasoline on his body and starting himself on fire. He lived because bystanders put out the fire more quickly than he thought and ended up with 2nd and 3rd degree burns on 95% of his body.
Suicidal people are not capable of thinking clearly, so it's not possible for them to think of how the suicide will affect other people. If they are able to think about others, they often feel what they are doing is sparing their family from their suffering - sort of the opposite of being selfish.
One of the old sayings about suicide is that it is a "Permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Depression is a temporary problem that can seem endless to the person who is depressed. They may think mostly about how the world will be better off without them. They may think of what they have put family members and friends thru because of their depression and actually think that those people would be happier if they never had to deal with it again.
And, as strange as it sounds, many teens may be planning a suicide for Wednesday while also planning for a prom the next weekend. It sounds unbelievable, but they are just planning the suicide to end their pain, and not thinking about it ending their life too. I saw that over and over as a nurse; as we talked, I would have to remind patients that if they were dead on Wednesday, there was no way they would be at prom on Friday night. Or, that they would be dead and not able to see how sorry people who had mistreated them would be after they were dead. Strange as it seems, those things had just not occurred to them. Dead did not seem permanent.
2) My second perspective is as the aunt of a suicide victim.
My handsome, funny, smart nephew, my brother's only son, my parent's oldest grandchild, killed himself by putting a gun in his mouth and shooting it in November of 1997.
None of us saw it coming. None of us realized what pain he was going through that made him think suicide was the answer. I did not see his suicide note, but my mom did and I know the note was full of how sorry he was for what he would put everyone through by going through with his plans, but he saw no other way and thought we would all be better off without him. Until he died, we did not know how deeply depressed he had been after his grandfather died of Lymphoma several years before. They shared a name and he made comments after my dad's funeral that it was strange to sit there and hear my dad's name (and also his name) mentioned as the deceased. I hope that he is in heaven with my dad and that he found peace there that he could not on earth.
I don't know if my brother and my nephew's mom were angry. I don't think so; I think they were just feeling so shocked and helpless. I know my brother seldom talks about his son; in fact, this summer was the first time he ever shared memories of him with other family members.
I know our whole family was hurt and raw and sad, so sad that we had not seen what was happening and could not stop it. In retrospect, there were warning signs, but in the time, we didn't realize it. We knew that he was young and feeling that he had not found a purpose or a path for life. We did not know that he was planning a path for death. I know he did not plan for his father to be the one to find him, but that's what happened.
He attended his only sister's wedding as a table full of pictures. His sister memorialized him by using part of his name for her daughter. And, his sister studied Psychology so she could maybe spare some other sister from having a sibling who committed suicide.
My children have misty memories of him from cousin's New Year's Eve parties at our house when he was a little boy and they were little more than toddlers. Even this many years later, it hurts so much to think about him that I have had to stop several times for tears. I know I'm rambling and I apologize for that. It may be painful, but I can't feel he was selfish to kill himself. He had to have been in so much pain.
There is not one victim in suicide.
There is one who dies, but a part of every family member, every friend, every person who knew them goes out when that life is snuffed out.
My thoughts are with the people who are victims of suicide in your town and your school.
