Pat,
I, too, am sending prayers for you and your family. All three of my babies were early - and perfect. I spent months in bed being bored and scared but it was so worth it. They are 19, 13, and 11 now. The advances in neonatology since then are miraculous! Try not to worry - I know that seems impossible. Everything is just as God intends it to be. "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you" Isaiah 66:13. Rely on your faith and take comfort in all the prayers being sent your way!
I was also treated to the horrendous "if this happens, we'll do this" senarios. I'm still angry about that to this day! Honestly, I did not need to know all of that stuff. If you can protect your wife from this it may be helpful. Unless she is demanding to know everything, maybe you can talk to the doctors without her.
Please keep us posted -
Audrey