A question for Moms

[LisaNJ25]

When kids #3 and #4 were born 12 months apart. I did work weekend till number 4 was a year but dh made more money working pt weekends so I stopped.


I went back to work FT when my first child was 3 weeks old. Always worked FT but having 2 in daycare and running around with 4 kids total was to much.

We need another incomes so I became the babysitter at my home. Money still isnt great but it buys the groceries.

 

[Tiana]

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[bunny]

I hate to tell you but my parents didn't send us into the world thousands of dollars in debt and my mother never worked a day in her life after she had kids.

NOw I don't begrudge anyone working if they want or need to, but please don't sit there and assume just because some of us choose or are lucky enough to stay home that we are sacrificing our kids. How presumptuous of you.

I didn't mean to imply that all SAHMs do that. Of course, there are some whose husbands make great livings. But I think there are some moms who would choose to live on food stamps rather than have someone else "raise" their children. I just want to remind the OP that as children get older their expenses increase. And a lot of times when you reenter the workplace after being out of it for a number of years you start at entry level.

 

[mom2aredhead]

Wow. It took 5 whole pages for the Mommy Wars to start.

Nice job ladies.

 

[mhsjax]

I didn't mean to imply that all SAHMs do that. Of course, there are some whose husbands make great livings. But I think there are some moms who would choose to live on food stamps rather than have someone else "raise" their children. I just want to remind the OP that as children get older their expenses increase. And a lot of times when you reenter the workplace after being out of it for a number of years you start at entry level.

YOu are right on that one. My daughter asked me why we weren't going on our cruise this summer, I told her we couldn't afford it she asked where the money went, I told her to go open her mouth and look in the mirror. lol
$4000.00 for braces. Bye Bye Cruise until next year.

And yes there are very few who can stay home and afford all the things necessary.

 

[mhsjax]

Wow. It took 5 whole pages for the Mommy Wars to start.

Nice job ladies.

Actually someone made a comment on about page 3, so we weren't the first to start, and if you read above we seem to be getting along just fine, thank you

 

[smschex]

And none of those things pay the mortgage or buy you health care. Nor can any replace being able to afford to give your child the gift of a college education. I don't understand why some people are so focused on not missing that first step but have no qualms about sending their adult children out into the world with thousands of dollars of debt.

Gosh, do you really think because we choose to stay home, we are all on welfare, food stamps, and don't bother to have health insurance, and let the bank take the house because we are sitting around holding the baby?

My kids are well taken care of and will have zero debt when they are launched in the world after a college education. We even own our home and have health insurance. But my kids will have had the gift of my time and knowing they were a priority in my life, demonstrated by actions and not just words.

I don't know you. I know nothing about your family, or your motivations, but the tone of your post turns me off because everything you mention relates to money and things, not the more intangibles that are IMO much more important.

Everyone should have the right to choose what they want or need to do. The working world would definitely grind to a halt without moms! It can't be one size fits all. And I know lots of working moms who manage to do it all quite well. You make your choices and I'll make mine.

 

[LaurenLC]

I didn't mean to imply that all SAHMs do that. Of course, there are some whose husbands make great livings. But I think there are some moms who would choose to live on food stamps rather than have someone else "raise" their children. I just want to remind the OP that as children get older their expenses increase. And a lot of times when you reenter the workplace after being out of it for a number of years you start at entry level.

1. If my husband and I couldn't afford for me to consider staying home then we wouldn't even talk about it. If we couldn't afford to care for the child we tried to have for over 10 months then we wouldn't be having one. However, there is nothing wrong with food stamps or government assistance if it is something that you NEED.
2. Having been a child not too terribly long ago, I am well aware of the 'expense' I was to my parents. I also know that both of my parents worked... A LOT. My father was a pilot and my mother a surgeon. I do not begrudge my parents their careers, especially when you consider that they had them before they had me. I attended great schools and had all the great things that my parent’s jobs provided. My brother and I also had a full time nanny that took us to and from that private school and extracurricular activities that their jobs paid for..... Everyone likes nice things, that doesn't mean they are all you should want.
3. As for re-entering the work force in an entry level position, that doesn't matter to me. This is the ONLY company I have every worked for. I started making 8.00 an hour in college and now have a senior executive title after 12 years... I have no issue working my way up, the only way you can appreciate something is if you work for it.

 

[LaurenLC]

Wow. It took 5 whole pages for the Mommy Wars to start.

Nice job ladies.

This was not the intent of asking this question.... I'm sorry.

 

[LaurenLC]

There are quite a few of us that can afford all those things and still be a stay at home parent.

I don't really understand why everyone thinks that being a SAHP means you HAVE to do without. We have top notch health insurance, pay all our bills, go on multiple vacations a year, have tons in TSP account, shop at Whole Foods, buy nice clothes, shoes, etc. How? We own a townhouse instead of a McMansion, share one car, make our own laundry detergent, homeschool until we have tuition for private school saved up, don't have cell phones, etc.

Also, some people really don't consider a free ride to college to be a neccessity. Everyone has different priorities. Just b/c we rank our priorities differently doesn't mean that one is better than the other. We all have to do what we feel is best for our families AND we all have to live with the decisions we make.

ETA: To the OP, I always knew I would be a SAHM. My mom was a SAHM. Growing up, I was usually the only one with a SAHM, when we lived in suburbia anyways I always felt bad for the kids who had to spend their after school hours and summers in daycare or camps. I experienced quite a few of those programs briefly when my mom went back to College and had occasional scheduling issues. I HATED them and would always have rathered to be home after a long day of school. I felt bad that kids would get sick and have to wait at school for HOURS until a parent could get off of work to get them. My mom could be there in 30 min. or less and I could go home, get in bed, and sleep. My classmates had to stay at school, BLECH! And OH how HORRIBLE it would have been for me to not get to spend those lazy, hazy summer days the way I did!! Soooo many fond memoires I shudder to think of those days being replaced by early mornings and daycare....

Also, the other day I watched a show about, you know "2012", hahaha. And I thought to myself, if the world REALLY was going to end in 2012, how would I spend the remainder of that time??? And I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I wouldn't change much I spend all the time I possibly can with DH and DS b/c of no daycare, plus we homeschool. And that would be my #1 priority; spend as much time as possible with my loved ones... We are all very active in the community, have tons of friends from all kinds of backgrounds, and have a pretty full life, so no regrets there. Plus, we're going back to Disney in 2011, so that base is covered I can honestly say that during that theoretical contemplation, never once did I think "OH, I wish I would have gone back to work!"

So, think of it that way, REALLY try to imagine that you only have 2 years left on the Earth... HOW WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE DURING THAT TIME? (And there is your answer)

I'm really hoping that whole 2012 thing isn't a reality... It's scheduled for the day before my birthday and that would just stink!

 

[Tiana]

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[Spoonful of Sugar]

I went back part time after my mat leave was up, which is 1 year here in Canada. I used to work full time, but now I do a max of 14 hours a week, and it's only during times that DH can watch DD. We really didn't want to do daycare, so we took the loss of income and we're happy we did. For us, it was the best choice. One reason it worked for us though, is that we already were a little bit poor. Not destitute, but we don't own a house, so we don't have a mortgage to worry about, which turned out to be a good thing in this situation. I don't mind if we end up having to move into a cheaper place because we can't pay our current rent, but I would certainly mind if we were losing a house! It sounds a little weird now that I'm writing it, but it's the truth. We don't have a high standard of living to keep up, so we're managing just fine on mostly DH's income and a little bit of mine.

 

[Acklander]

Gosh, do you really think because we choose to stay home, we are all on welfare, food stamps, and don't bother to have health insurance, and let the bank take the house because we are sitting around holding the baby?

My kids are well taken care of and will have zero debt when they are launched in the world after a college education. We even own our home and have health insurance. But my kids will have had the gift of my time and knowing they were a priority in my life, demonstrated by actions and not just words.

And do you really think because I work that my kids don't have time with me or weren't a priority in my life???

 

[golfgal]

There are quite a few of us that can afford all those things and still be a stay at home parent.

I don't really understand why everyone thinks that being a SAHP means you HAVE to do without. We have top notch health insurance, pay all our bills, go on multiple vacations a year, have tons in TSP account, shop at Whole Foods, buy nice clothes, shoes, etc. How? We own a townhouse instead of a McMansion, share one car, make our own laundry detergent, homeschool until we have tuition for private school saved up, don't have cell phones, etc.

Also, some people really don't consider a free ride to college to be a neccessity. Everyone has different priorities. Just b/c we rank our priorities differently doesn't mean that one is better than the other. We all have to do what we feel is best for our families AND we all have to live with the decisions we make.

ETA: To the OP, I always knew I would be a SAHM. My mom was a SAHM. Growing up, I was usually the only one with a SAHM, when we lived in suburbia anyways I always felt bad for the kids who had to spend their after school hours and summers in daycare or camps. I experienced quite a few of those programs briefly when my mom went back to College and had occasional scheduling issues. I HATED them and would always have rathered to be home after a long day of school. I felt bad that kids would get sick and have to wait at school for HOURS until a parent could get off of work to get them. My mom could be there in 30 min. or less and I could go home, get in bed, and sleep. My classmates had to stay at school, BLECH! And OH how HORRIBLE it would have been for me to not get to spend those lazy, hazy summer days the way I did!! Soooo many fond memoires I shudder to think of those days being replaced by early mornings and daycare....

Also, the other day I watched a show about, you know "2012", hahaha. And I thought to myself, if the world REALLY was going to end in 2012, how would I spend the remainder of that time??? And I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I wouldn't change much I spend all the time I possibly can with DH and DS b/c of no daycare, plus we homeschool. And that would be my #1 priority; spend as much time as possible with my loved ones... We are all very active in the community, have tons of friends from all kinds of backgrounds, and have a pretty full life, so no regrets there. Plus, we're going back to Disney in 2011, so that base is covered I can honestly say that during that theoretical contemplation, never once did I think "OH, I wish I would have gone back to work!"

So, think of it that way, REALLY try to imagine that you only have 2 years left on the Earth... HOW WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE DURING THAT TIME? (And there is your answer)

Then there are those of us that live in a nice house, have 2 cars (or more) have cell phones, buy laundry detergent and don't have to save to pay for private schools on one income too.

YOu are right on that one. My daughter asked me why we weren't going on our cruise this summer, I told her we couldn't afford it she asked where the money went, I told her to go open her mouth and look in the mirror. lol
$4000.00 for braces. Bye Bye Cruise until next year.

And yes there are very few who can stay home and afford all the things necessary.

Sorry, but I disagree, most of our friends have one parent stay home and they are far better off financially then the few friends we had that didn't have a SAHM or SAHD.

If your main focus is earning the most money you can but all means, do so. There are others that are able to provide a very comfortable life for their families AND be around for their kids all the time.