A Question... Am I over-reacting here?

[RitaZ.]

Cheerful Chickadee~ What a horrific story!


Years ago, there was woman in our city that left her baby napping at home while she went to school to pick up her other child. She was stopped by police on her way back home. What are the chances, right? She told the officer that she didn't have her license on her and asked to let her go because she had left her baby alone. I guess she was looking for sympathy. That's not what she got. The officer followed her home and the baby was indeed left alone in the house. The woman was arrested.

 

[DisneyBride'03]

OP**

Please post an update when you can

 

[ms.yt]

OP, not trying to be rude, but after reading all these posts (including the link to the breastfeeding thread) I have to ask. Are your brother & SIL on drugs and/or mentally disabled? I can't imagine that any person with a non impaired brain would have to be told not to leave their baby alone. You said your mom had a long talk with him and you think that's going to help???? Why would it? Do you think they honestly didn't know this wasn't acceptable before your mom told them? I teach high school and have 15 year old mothers in my classes with more sense than that!

I really, really hope you follow through with your plans to call CPS. Like everybody else has pointed out, this child's life depends on it, not to mention the fact that it sounds like your entire family are mandated reporters.

 

[MovieJunkie]

Yes, it is totally unacceptable to leave a child that young alone! I'd love to hear an update.

 

[hentob]

OP, not trying to be rude, but after reading all these posts (including the link to the breastfeeding thread) I have to ask. Are your brother & SIL on drugs and/or mentally disabled? .

I thought the same thing last year when I read the post where the brother would massage the SIL’s bare breasts in a public place

I thought maybe they were mentally slow, but I am leaning towards drugs with the new posts.

They are not normal, for sure.

 

[Skywalker]

I remember a case some years back about a baby who died dued to parental neglect.

Of course, when the information all came out it turned out none of it was just "out of the blue"...there were lots of warning signs and lots of people seemed to know something was not right but NOT ONE of them reported or said anything.

I remember people saying that they were "just as evil as the parents", but I guess in their minds, they were not evil - they just didn't want to rock the boat, get someone in trouble, etc.

Well, there are no second chances if something goes badly wrong one day. There are no do-overs.

You should have called already.

 

[Belle102498]

Alright, Mainly a vent here. Just need to get this week off my chest.

DH and I went to visit my parents this week and to see my Brother and SIL who were in town with my newly 1 yr old nephew. Now, I freely admit i don't have kids but my parents and I were more than taken aback at several things. My mother addresses the issues in one conversation with my brother, yet i feel compelled to get a general consensus about our feelings. Brother basically told us we are all being way too overprotective. Soooo... a couple incidents.

1) Baby Home alone: Nephew was napping last weekend when Bro and SIL decided to go to church. The leave nephew ALONE at the house, then call DH and I from their car to say "Just show up at the house before 5, he wakes up around then." We had not been asked to babysit, he called from the road to say the baby was alone and at that moment asked us to watch the kid. DH and I *flipped* and got to the house ASAP. Sure, baby was napping and OK.... but seriously, leaving a 1 yr old alone? Apparently Bro also left him napping alone later in the week to run errands with SIL, at which point my Mom had a long talk with Bro.

2) Allowing baby to crawl pretty much unsupervised around a pool and in a parking lot??? Bro and SIL set Baby G down on ground to crawl everywhere. At the parking lot I was picking him up from the street to not allow him to crawl there, of course nephew got upset and both parents admonished me to let him crawl in the parking lot, because he loves tires. At the pool they also set him down to crawl while they went to the hot tub. He crawls to the pool to play with water, and picked up bottle caps from the bushes to try to eat... Only myself and my father watching out for the kid.

My family and I don't mind watching nephew, we just wish they would TELL us when he needs to be watched. Instead they would just set him down to crawl or play anywhere, then expect other's to watch him.

3) We also got really sick of them ignoring him when he cried. Baby gets grumpy or upset. "Oh, he wants Auntie Duff! Oh he wants Grampa". Ummm. nooo. I have not seen Baby for 6 months, I am a virtual stranger to him. The child was reaching out for Momma, not ME. Yet SIL and my Bro refused to pick him and deal with him.

I just got frustrated when last night they again set him down to crawl at a party and did not bother to look at him for 4 hours. We tried to bring the baby back to both parents (like when he was hungry, or cranky) only to be told what a *perfect* opportunity this was for someone else to care for the little bundle of joy. I am not about to let my nephew suffer so of course I get the joy of feeding him dinner, consoling him when mom and dad let him tip over a tree, changing him into pajamas, and rocking him to sleep at a party.


I felt very put out by all this and felt like my brother and SIL were checking out as parents. Even when Baby G got a bump on his head at the party (see above mentioned tipped over decorative tree), Mom and dad were nowhere to be found. They had LEFT the party for a few minutes. He cried, i comforted him and dealt with him. I love him, but this is not MY responsibility.

I would not mind babysitting if they had come up to me earlier and asked me to. But instead they just dropped him on the ground at the party, talked about him having enough fun crawling, then didn't see him for 4-5 hours. Did not give him dinner when asked, or comfort him when he was grumpy. I told my brother i felt very put out by all of this, and was told I did not have to feed him or watch him at the party. That if he hurt himself "he would learn a lesson". That if i hadn't fed him, someone else would notice he was hungry and feed him. If he cried, then someone would pick him up and help him. Meanwhile I try to keep nephew from tipping others trees, and destroying wine bottles. GGrr, am i right to be angered by all this? Who the heck just does this crap? Are they THAT clueless? We tried to be direct and still they brushed the baby off.

It feels good to get that out.... Thanks for the venting session.

My husband and I are not able to have kids, and all I can think about is I wish we could rescue this baby, and love him and keep him safe. Your brother and SIL should be VERY careful. People have had their babies taken away for less. Leaving him alone in his crib is UNTHINKABLE! and as far as leaving him alone in any way...people like to kidnap children, and are able to do it in the blink of an eye, much less 4 hours!

Even if their behavior was because of vacation (and I doubt it was) it is disrespectful to you and your family. I know if it were my brother doing that to my nephew I would have a long talk with him...after rescuing the baby. I know I would seriously have to control myself in my brother's presence. Abuse and neglect of a baby is not something that you can take a wait and see approach to. They left the baby alone to go to church, and to go to the store.These are the times that you know about. They probably only told you about it in case you were to show up unexpectedly. They were scared to get caught. This means they have done it before, and know it's wrong.

It is not a shameful thing for you to call CPS. You are saving that baby. Do you know how many people in this world would LOVE to have a child as sweet and inquisitive as your nephew? I know I would.This hurts my heart. Please save him...soon.

 

[EthansMom]

OP! I just wanted to say that you are totally doing the right thing by calling CPS. Your nephew's well-being is the most important thing.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm not even going to bother to read the other replies because I'm far too angry..

What you have described is unfit parents, child neglect, and endangering the welfare of a child.. I would have been on the telephone to Child Protective Services..

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Reminds me of a similar case. Two years ago, we had a severely autistic child in my special ed preschool class. One day, he started scratching at his back and even lifted his shirt to rub his back on the carpet. We looked and saw that he was developing quite a rash on his back. This boy was basically non-verbal so he couldn't tell us what he was feeling. We called his mom and asked her to pick him up right away. The teacher told her he should see a doctor to get it diagnosed and treated and he would need a note when he returned saying he wasn't (or was no longer) contagious.

So the mom responds by saying the baby (6 months old at the time) was taking his nap and she couldn't wake him up. The teacher said the boy really needed to be picked up and was miserable with all the itching. Mom explained that nap time was her only quiet time of the day and if she woke up the baby her time would be over! Teacher asked if she could get a neighbor to come and sit in the house. Mom finally said she would figure something out. She asked if we would bring the boy out to the curb when we saw her van. We said sure.

So she pulls up to the curb and I walked her son out. I noticed the baby wasn't in the van and I said, "Oh good! You got someone to stay with the baby." She said, "No, actually I left my cell phone next to him in his crib and my husband is listening on his phone from work!" I was shocked! I went back and told the teacher and we went straight to the principal. The consensus was that I should call CPS since I was the direct witness to what she said.

CPS said they would need to catch her in the act and that it would be my word against hers if she denied it. They didn't even take a report. So a few days later, the other aide took the boy out to the car afterschool and noticed that the baby wasn't in his seat. She innocently said, "Oh, where's the baby?" Mom held up her phone and said, "This is my extended baby moniter. I left the phone next to him so I can hear if he wakes up." Yeah and what if you hear choking sounds and you're 10 minutes away? What if you hear a stranger in the house? What if the phone cuts off because the house is on fire? Uggg!

This time we talked to our vice principal. She said she would call our school community relations officer (a cop in uniform). He ended up paying her a little visit at her house and said, "We've had reports that you're leaving your baby home alone. You can't do that anymore." She was apparently scared to death and said, "OK." A few days later, she told us all about how she had hired a nanny to watch the baby while she took the older one to school and to his various therapy appointments. She had to know it was us who reported her. But we didn't care!

OP: Someone needs to call CPS and report these incidents. At least you'll feel better that you did something for the poor little guy. Good luck!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

OP: I'm sorry for all that you and your family are going through. It's easy for us to sit behind our computers with family members who would never dream of doing that and flame you for not calling right away. It's very different when you are in the situation yourself. I can understand why you would be unsure of what to do as it sounds like you don't have kids yourself and were worried you were overreacting.

Now that you know you weren't, I hope you made that call like you said you would. Maybe print out the news articles people linked to to give your brother and SIL a wake up call. It sounds like they are simply immature parents with very "unusual" ideas on what it means to be a parent. It sounds like they desperately need a wake up call and hopefully this will be it.

Please let us know how this turns out. Good luck.

 

[rie'smom]

Wow. The next time they leave the baby alone in the house and then call you, I'd call the cops and then drive over to meet them at the door. This is a disaster just waiting to happen. Did they want to have a child?

Your brother's and SIL's attitude towards their baby is appalling.

 

[DisneyBride'03]

came back looking/hoping for an update.....

Please come back OP...so many ..ok..all of us....are thinking of this little one, as I know you are too

 

[MoniqueU]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1956151&referrerid=93883

So I take it this is the same SIL? The one that loved to breastfeed/pump milk in public?

Is this the brother that massaged her breasts in public (at a "central table") while she pumped?

The one that would wait until the check came and declare that she had to feed her baby that very minute so everyone could see her ta-tas?


Now they don't even look at their baby for FOUR hours? Now they don't feed their baby and leave it alone in a house or at a party? And allow him to enter life ending activities in public parking lots?

Wow. Just wow.

I wouldn't just be calling CPS with this new info I would be filing for custody. Brother or not those people are not fit parents and have no concept of what is or isn't acceptable in society and likely never will. The stuff they did to that poor baby just while you were there was unthinkable, I would have had a hard time letting them take him home with them, but knowing their past history you had to have an inkling that these people related or not are off there rocker. Shocking as it was to see what you witnessed knowing how nuts they are/were on some level you had to know everything was not right. I hope you have made the call and it is taken seriously, the totality of events is gravely endangering.

 

[N&B'smom]

OP - what's the status of this situation??

 

[Tantor]

I am hoping you have made the call.......

 

[hentob]

OP - what's the status of this situation??

I was wondering too.

 

[brockash]

OMG!!! First 2 things absolutely nuts. The first is illegal, and both are neglect. The thing about baby crying and mom/dad not picking him up, doesn't bother me in the least bit, sometimes babies cry, and no they're not going to get everything they want at every second, there are times that I've let my kiddos cry at that age, and I think that's okay, the other things are just dangerous and nuts!!

 

[N&B'smom]

I'm quite concerned that there hasn't been an update.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Perhaps if the OP made the call she and her family are now caring for the child or are involved with getting the investigators the information they need (maybe paperwork and stuff?) so she hasn't had time to update. I hope the lack of update means that they have been too busy getting things in order since they made the call.