A man walks into a bar....

[Born 2 Fish]

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

 

[Born 2 Fish]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

 

[Tnbob]

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "do you have any grapes?"
The bartender says "This is a bar we don't serve grapes"
the duck leaves
the next day the duck comes back to the bar and asks the bartender "do you have any grapes?" The bartender says "no, I told you yesterday this is a bar and we don't serve grapes" so the duck leaves
The next day the duck goes into the bar and asks the bartender "do you have any grapes?" and the bartender says "I told you yesterday and I told you the day before and I am tell you today that this is a bar and we don't serve grapes and if you come in again and ask for grapes I'll nail your beek to the bar" so the duck leaves.
The next day the duck comes into the bar and asks the bartender "do you have any nails?" and the bartender says "no!" so the ducks says "then do you have grapes?"

 

[BRDof3]

I couldn't resist...


A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is. "Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." "Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes" he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but i don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" "From my nose," the drunk replied.

 

[Rhonda]

You guys are killing me!!

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

 

[PolynesianPixie]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

 

[Born 2 Fish]

A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer........and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

 

[Born 2 Fish]

A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

 

[RvUsa]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] A guy walks into a bar with a dog. He claims the dog can talk. "Give me a beer and I'll show you." The bartender slides a beer to him and the man asks the dog, "Fido, what is that above our heads?" The dog says, "Roof!" The irritated bartender says, "That's not talking, he sounds like any other dog." The man says, "OK, how about this - Fido, who was the best baseball player of all time?" The dog says, "Ruth!" The bartender throws the man and the dog out of the bar. Fido says to the man, "Ya think I shouldda said DiMaggio?"[/FONT]

 

[RvUsa]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A man from North Carolina goes into a bar in New England. He asks the bartender, "Did you go to Harvard?" The bartender says, "Yale." The North Carolinan says, "DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?" [/FONT]

 

[RvUsa]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, you can get this guy off my butt!"[/FONT]

 

[RvUsa]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wanna hear a good joke?" The corn stalk says, "I'm all ears!"[/FONT]

 

[McRed]

A Skeleton walks into a bar....he orders a Beer, and a Bucket!

 

[mamaloya]

A man one told me he had bad luck with both of his wives. The first one left him, and the second one didn't.

 

[3gr8kids]

Two guys are out hunting. As they're walking, they come to a fork in the road with a sign that says "Bear left". So they turned around and went home.

 

[ftwildernessguy]

These jokes stink so bad I had to spray my computer with deodorant.

 

[RocklandRVers]

Wanna know how to catch a polar bear? Go out on a frozen lake and cut a big round hole and leave a fish at the edge. When the polar bear comes to eat the fish sneak up behind him and kick him in the ICE HOLE!

 

[BRDof3]

These jokes stink so bad I had to spray my computer with deodorant.

Oh sure, blame it on the computer.

 

[Rhonda]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A man from North Carolina goes into a bar in New England. He asks the bartender, "Did you go to Harvard?" The bartender says, "Yale." The North Carolinan says, "DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?" [/FONT]

 

[RvUsa]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you want to play a game? See those two rib-eyes nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit one, you get to take them home and I'll give you a free drink." The man says, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."[/FONT]