A Major Life Isn't Fair

[honeymom]

2 weeks ago, my handsome 40 year old cousin was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. He is already in terrible shape and probably won't make it for very long.

He is not a smoker. He is not a drinker. He never got married because he was too busy taking care of his mother and brother. His mother passed a couple of years ago. While she was sick, he would carry her from place to place (she was not small) and care for her. He visited her everyday when she was in the hospital.

His brother is mentally unstable. He smokes 2 packs a day. His teeth are stained yellow from the smoking. He works at McDonalds and only eats McDonalds or takeout Chinese food. He doesn't know how to cook or drive. He is already near 50. He has done some not so nice things in his life.

So why is it that the younger one, who is a wonderful person and religious, too - was in the armed services years ago and still is very fit, is the sick and dying one?

Sorry, I needed to vent and this seems to be the place.

 

[winniedapooh]

 

[SwedishMeatball]

 

[CTPinkPrincess]

 

[mommasita]

God only takes the best.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I'm so sorry. There is no answer as to why. Your cousin, and you and your family, are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Hedy]

 

[DAISY DUCK FAN!]

So very sorry.

 

[Tinkerbell_Girl]

 

[lulugirl]

What heartbreaking news, I'm very sorry.

 

[BuckNaked]

Pancreatic cancer is a horrible, horrible disease and I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. 40 years old is quite young for the diagnosis as well.

My FIL was diagnosed at 59 and died 6 months later, which was 3 months longer than the doctors expected.

I *highly* recommend the pancreatic cancer discussion board at the Johns Hopkins University web site. The posters there are all either dealing with pancreatic cancer themselves, or are family members and friends of pancreatic cancer victims.

Another good resource for information is the PanCAN site - PanCAN is an advocacy group for pancreatic cancer, and there is tons of good information there.

Currently, pancreatic cancer is the #4 cancer killer, with more around 98% of it's victims dead within 5 years. While not as common as other cancers, the dearth of effective treatments means that it kills just about everyone that gets it.

My prayers are with your family.

 

[honeymom]

Thank you everybody for your support. TY BN for the info. I have actually been given a name of the top pancreatic cancer pathology specialist at John Hopkins that I would like to doublecheck the diagnosis. It really doesn't look good though based on the symptoms that he has and continued rapid decline despite the start of chemo. Unfortunately, besides the rarity of his age for the cancer, it is also a pancreatic tail cancer (only 10% of them are) which tends to move very quickly.

A week ago, the doctor was saying it might be as little as 2-3 weeks.

I do comfort myself with the thoughts of his parents and his grandparents waiting for him with open arms in heaven. That is about the only positive thought I can have right now.

 

[Hoops&YoYo]

 

[BuckNaked]

Thank you everybody for your support. TY BN for the info. I have actually been given a name of the top pancreatic cancer pathology specialist at John Hopkins that I would like to doublecheck the diagnosis. It really doesn't look good though based on the symptoms that he has and continued rapid decline despite the start of chemo. Unfortunately, besides the rarity of his age for the cancer, it is also a pancreatic tail cancer (only 10% of them are) which tends to move very quickly.

Ugh. FIL's was in the tail also.

A week ago, the doctor was saying it might be as little as 2-3 weeks.

I know you said that he's having chemo, but how are they handling his pain on a continual basis? We found that pain management made all the difference in the world for FIL. They started him on morphine patches, then he had a small needle (not a full port) in the skin on his stomach. By the beginning of October, he was begging to die. When we convinced him to at least try having a port put in, it made a world of difference, in his comfort, in his quality of life and in his willingness to go on. He had a little bag that he carried with him for the morphine, and hospice came out every few days to replenish his supply. Thanks to the pain relief, he was pretty mobile right up until a week or so before he passed.

Just so you understand, I'm not trying to tell you guys what he should do, but I did want you to know about some of the things we learned the hard way.

 

[Christine]

I'm sorry, that is just truly, truly awful.

 

[honeymom]

Ugh. FIL's was in the tail also.



I know you said that he's having chemo, but how are they handling his pain on a continual basis? We found that pain management made all the difference in the world for FIL. They started him on morphine patches, then he had a small needle (not a full port) in the skin on his stomach. By the beginning of October, he was begging to die. When we convinced him to at least try having a port put in, it made a world of difference, in his comfort, in his quality of life and in his willingness to go on. He had a little bag that he carried with him for the morphine, and hospice came out every few days to replenish his supply. Thanks to the pain relief, he was pretty mobile right up until a week or so before he passed.

Just so you understand, I'm not trying to tell you guys what he should do, but I did want you to know about some of the things we learned the hard way.

He has morphine by IV. He is too sick to be out of the hospital. He has a ton of fluid in his abdomen that they keep having to remove. They had to put a tube in his nose yesterday to help remove it because he started to vomit a lot. We don't think that the nausea is from the chemo, because he has only had one course and it was a week ago. Really, it seems that he is already in the end stages of the cancer even though he did not even know he was sick with anything until about a month ago. I guess it is better for him to go quickly, I just wish he didn't have to suffer.