A little personal but help needed

[Deedee]

We have spent yet another day in A&E with 82yr old FIL Basically he is an alcholic who keeps drinking whiskey he buys it from different places and has been seen on park benches or down alley ways drinking it. We all know he is doing it but until he admits he has a problem no one we have spoken to can help. He has been taken to hospital by ambulance so many times in the last few months having "collapsed" it is a total waste of their time and the doctors who have to treat him. We are so angry with him my DH refused to go in to see him today and waited in the waiting area. i am wondering if any one else has been in this situation and could give us some advise as we are really at the end of our tether. i don't mind if you pm me with advise as i know this is a delicate and private matter. Thanks

Dee

 

[jns]

there is help out there for the familys
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

 

[jjpenguin]

So sorry to hear that, unfortunately the only person that can help him is himself. My dad also had an alcohol problem after my mum died, not as bad as you describe but he also did not admit it.

I'd see what can be done for you as family, but until your FIL admits his problem he cannot be helped.

 

[Pinky166]

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but wanted to offer you a big hug.

 

[Netty]

Dee,it must be such a strain on you and your family,as said if he admits he has a problem then your half way there,you need help from alco anon or you could go to your gp, i,m not an expert in anything like this but i do know what its like to have a parent like this when i was growing up. please feel free to pm me anytime.
there are people out there that can help so keep pushing and make sure they give it to you.

 

[Disneynutinlondon]

Sorry nothing to offer except Hope it helps in some small way.

 

[jen_uk]

Just wanted to offer you a hug

 

[natalielongstaff]

im so sorry to hear you are going through this x x

 

[jjk]

sorry no advice just sending a

 

[Deedee]

Thanks for all the hugs and advise

 

[aaronandterri]

my MIL is the same hubbys dad died 5 years ago and she has been that way ever since on and off, theres not a lot you can do if they dont want the help, its so hard to watch the destuctive behaviour, aarons mum doesnt even know about her new grandaughter or any of her problems, we just give her a wide birth now as it was putting too much of a strain on us dealing with her, maybe one day shell change? who knows, but she hasnt seemed to want to up till now.

 

[Deedee]

my MIL is the same hubbys dad died 5 years ago and she has been that way ever since on and off, theres not a lot you can do if they dont want the help, its so hard to watch the destuctive behaviour, aarons mum doesnt even know about her new grandaughter or any of her problems, we just give her a wide birth now as it was putting too much of a strain on us dealing with her, maybe one day shell change? who knows, but she hasnt seemed to want to up till now.

That is so sad especially as she doesn't know about the baby she is missing out on so much through her selfishness. The little one is adorable btw.
I haven't rung to see how things are yet i really can't be bothered does that sound awfull?

 

[irongirlof12]

try not to judge alcoholics too hard - any addiction is tough and hard to watch and hard to understand.

 

[Deedee]

Its still very hard not to judge when you can see the heartache and trouble they are causing the people close to them, especially when they know and are refusing to get help.
Hopefully he has agreed to go to a meeting after someone else had a go at him yesterday.

 

[Netty]

Its still very hard not to judge when you can see the heartache and trouble they are causing the people close to them, especially when they know and are refusing to get help.
Hopefully he has agreed to go to a meeting after someone else had a go at him yesterday.

hopefully they will get to the route of the problem as to why he needs to lose himself in a bottle of whisky.
Dee you have to for your own sake just concentrate on you and your own family, its tough i know -i've been there.

 

[aaronandterri]

That is so sad especially as she doesn't know about the baby she is missing out on so much through her selfishness. The little one is adorable btw.
I haven't rung to see how things are yet i really can't be bothered does that sound awfull?

I dont think it sounds auful, his mum went through a phase of keep calling ambulances for herself just to discharge herself after being at the hospital an hour, terrible wasting ambulances on poeple like her maybe someone who rearly needed it couldnt *** of her, she didnt go through with an op she needed and lied to us all saying they cancelled and she told her own mother (who is old and sick) she had had a heartattack, the list goes on, ithink as the partners and not being directly related it makes it even harder for us to go through, we feel it all for our partners as well but dont have that emotional connection like they do, its his mum you know and hes already lost his dad that must be so hard for him.

i think that it doesnt sound auful at all just makes you human! theres only so much you can help someone.....who desnt want to help there self.

 

[Deedee]

hopefully they will get to the route of the problem as to why he needs to lose himself in a bottle of whisky.
Dee you have to for your own sake just concentrate on you and your own family, its tough i know -i've been there.

Its very difficult as we are a close family and DH is the only child so his mom relys on him for help but i have to admit DH is close to not having anything to do with him unless he gets help.

 

[aaronandterri]

thats what were like with my MIL now, theres noothing we could do and it was affecting everyone including the kids so we called it a day ,its been year now and shes still drinking so she cant be that bothered.

His sister still ocassionly goes round there so we still get reports on how she is, ad i do her shopping online for her but thats it, nothing else.