a little confused

[mrsv98]

I wish this were true. But no he's dead serious. He and I have been discussing what to get his son for Christmas. We've come up with several ideas and we have made plans to go shopping together to pick these things up. EVERY TIME the moment arrives to do the shopping, something comes up and he can't go. BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me. Fortunately, I have told him no, and the planning process starts all over again to make time to go shopping.

Lunchtime phone call went like this;

H: Hi, want to go to dinner tonight?

M: No I have stuff to do.

H: Okay I will see you tomorrow. What do you want to do over the weekend? There are some good movies out.

M: I think I'm going to spend sometime with friends this weekend. Plus I need sometime to myself.

H: This doesn't sound good.

M: Seriously? I really don't think you and I are going to work out.

H: What?!? I have deep affection for you! I want to spend the holidays with you! I want us to be together for a long time!

M: I'm having trouble believing that since you just say stuff. You've really blown my trust with that statement.

H: Yeah I can see that. Well take some time and when you want to get together again let me know. Bye

I think I dodged a bullet with this one!

I would consider finding this out early my Christmas present! Did you guys go out at all? Have you ever been shopping? I wonder if he has agoraphobia or some kind of social anxiety that he is trying to hide. It doesn't excuse his attitude but it might help explain some of it.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

so it comes down to, is he good enough in bed to overlook the fact that he is going to let you down, time after time?

You missed the last phone convo!!! She's out!

 

[hucifer]

I wish this were true. But no he's dead serious. He and I have been discussing what to get his son for Christmas. We've come up with several ideas and we have made plans to go shopping together to pick these things up. EVERY TIME the moment arrives to do the shopping, something comes up and he can't go. BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me. Fortunately, I have told him no, and the planning process starts all over again to make time to go shopping.

Lunchtime phone call went like this;

H: Hi, want to go to dinner tonight?

M: No I have stuff to do.

H: Okay I will see you tomorrow. What do you want to do over the weekend? There are some good movies out.

M: I think I'm going to spend sometime with friends this weekend. Plus I need sometime to myself.

H: This doesn't sound good.

M: Seriously? I really don't think you and I are going to work out.

H: What?!? I have deep affection for you! I want to spend the holidays with you! I want us to be together for a long time!

M: I'm having trouble believing that since you just say stuff. You've really blown my trust with that statement.

H: Yeah I can see that. Well take some time and when you want to get together again let me know. Bye

I think I dodged a bullet with this one!

Purely based on what you've written, I see nothing but warning flags about this guy.

He has deep affection for you, sees you two together long-term, yet doesn't know you well enough to buy you a gift? That doesn't make any sense to me. And this:

BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me.

Makes me think "yikes!"

I hope you make a decision that is best for you. Good luck!

 

[fraggle551]

something is definitely whacko with him. He wants you to be together for a long time, and when you say you're out, he's like oh yeah, no problem? If he wanted you to be together so bad he should be falling over your feet!

 

[ols386]

I'm sorry, OP.

It's doubly tough around Christmas time when something like this happens.

 

[DisneyScraps]

I give gifts because I want to and I am not concerned with what I get in return.

I would give him the gift.

Are you sure he wasn't kidding you? He most certinaly knows you well enough to pick out a basic gift.


Lisa

 

[RainbowBrite]

I give gifts because I want to and I am not concerned with what I get in return.

I would give him the gift.

Are you sure he wasn't kidding you? He most certinaly knows you well enough to pick out a basic gift.


Lisa

The big issue here was not what the OP would get in return. This guy was playing mind games with her. I'm assuming you didn't read any of the replies but the OP ended things because the guy ended up being a real jerk

 

[Donaldswife]

I wish this were true. But no he's dead serious. He and I have been discussing what to get his son for Christmas. We've come up with several ideas and we have made plans to go shopping together to pick these things up. EVERY TIME the moment arrives to do the shopping, something comes up and he can't go. BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me. Fortunately, I have told him no, and the planning process starts all over again to make time to go shopping.

Lunchtime phone call went like this;

H: Hi, want to go to dinner tonight?

M: No I have stuff to do.

H: Okay I will see you tomorrow. What do you want to do over the weekend? There are some good movies out.

M: I think I'm going to spend sometime with friends this weekend. Plus I need sometime to myself.

H: This doesn't sound good.

M: Seriously? I really don't think you and I are going to work out.

H: What?!? I have deep affection for you! I want to spend the holidays with you! I want us to be together for a long time!

M: I'm having trouble believing that since you just say stuff. You've really blown my trust with that statement.

H: Yeah I can see that. Well take some time and when you want to get together again let me know. Bye

I think I dodged a bullet with this one!

Wow, he sure didn't argue too hard for someone who has "deep affection." I'm sorry he didn't turn out to be what he seemed, but I am glad you found out before you were even more emotionally invested in him. I hope you return his gift this weekend and get yourself something awesome! Have a great Christmas, hopefully the new year will bring someone better into your life.

 

[krcit]

I'm sorry OP. Better you found out now than later.

 

[Straitlover]

JMO, but I think he wanted to break up but wasn't man enough to do it, so he started acting like a jerk so you'd do it for him. That way, he doens't ahve to be the bad guy. What a child!

Op, you did indeed dodge a bullet. Don't let him suck you back in!

 

[Magic Mom]

I give gifts because I want to and I am not concerned with what I get in return.

I would give him the gift.

Are you sure he wasn't kidding you? He most certinaly knows you well enough to pick out a basic gift.


Lisa

That wasn't the OP's issue. The issue was his mixed messages and thoughtless behavior.

 

[canopynut66]

yes I'm a diser using an alias.

I have been dating a man for 3 months. Talk on the phone 2-3 times a day, dinners duriing the week, spending the weekends together, movies, sporting events, concerts, the normal dating activities. Since our second date he will say to me " I know what I am getting you for Christmas. It has ranged from a ring he thought I would like, to a watch I really want, to a radar detection unit for my car. So the other night we are having dinner and here is the conversation we have


Him: So are we exchanging Christmas gifts?

Me: Of course

H: Oh

M: Why what's up?

H: Well, I just don't feel that I know you well enough to be buying you a gift.

M: Ummm okay. But I've all ready bought you something that I really want to give you. I hope you don't mind.

H:No that's okay.

And that's the way we left it. I'm hurt and confused and frankly, it's kind of put a damper on things. I don't quite know what to say to him without sounding like a brat that wants or needs a gift.

VERY confusing after the statement he made to you. Now speaking for myself (call it shallow if you want) would return the gift and really surprise him. Then take a good look at the relationship as like others have said this is red light for the future.

 

[hegsag]

Ha! He sounds like a real loser....doesn't want to go out in the cold. Tell him that is what the internet is for - shopping in the comfort of your own home!

 

[blahx3]

OKay, this may come across really pointed... but are you sure he and baby momma were actually split up? He's sounds like a real scheister!

His son is an adult. The ex-wife lives half way across the country and is married to someone else. I have seen her wedding picture in the son's home.

I would consider finding this out early my Christmas present! Did you guys go out at all? Have you ever been shopping? I wonder if he has agoraphobia or some kind of social anxiety that he is trying to hide. It doesn't excuse his attitude but it might help explain some of it.

No he is not agoraphobic. We went out alot. Movies, sporting events, concerts, parties. When it is something fun, he can head out in any weather. But when it is something mundane, obviously it is too cold.

 

[pearlieq]

Sorry it didn't work out, OP, but I think you're right that you probably dodged a bullet with this one! He seems like an odd duck.

Hopefully it's on to bigger and better things for you soon!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I wish this were true. But no he's dead serious. He and I have been discussing what to get his son for Christmas. We've come up with several ideas and we have made plans to go shopping together to pick these things up. EVERY TIME the moment arrives to do the shopping, something comes up and he can't go. BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me. Fortunately, I have told him no, and the planning process starts all over again to make time to go shopping.

Lunchtime phone call went like this;

H: Hi, want to go to dinner tonight?

M: No I have stuff to do.

H: Okay I will see you tomorrow. What do you want to do over the weekend? There are some good movies out.

M: I think I'm going to spend sometime with friends this weekend. Plus I need sometime to myself.

H: This doesn't sound good.

M: Seriously? I really don't think you and I are going to work out.

H: What?!? I have deep affection for you! I want to spend the holidays with you! I want us to be together for a long time!

M: I'm having trouble believing that since you just say stuff. You've really blown my trust with that statement.

H: Yeah I can see that. Well take some time and when you want to get together again let me know. Bye

I think I dodged a bullet with this one!

WTH?!

Yeah, I say walk away and don't look back.

 

[horseshowmom]

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

uhhhh yeah, I don't think so. Because remember "He just says stuff"

I wish this were true. But no he's dead serious. He and I have been discussing what to get his son for Christmas. We've come up with several ideas and we have made plans to go shopping together to pick these things up. EVERY TIME the moment arrives to do the shopping, something comes up and he can't go. BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me. Fortunately, I have told him no, and the planning process starts all over again to make time to go shopping.

Lunchtime phone call went like this;

H: Hi, want to go to dinner tonight?

M: No I have stuff to do.

H: Okay I will see you tomorrow. What do you want to do over the weekend? There are some good movies out.

M: I think I'm going to spend sometime with friends this weekend. Plus I need sometime to myself.

H: This doesn't sound good.

M: Seriously? I really don't think you and I are going to work out.

H: What?!? I have deep affection for you! I want to spend the holidays with you! I want us to be together for a long time!

M: I'm having trouble believing that since you just say stuff. You've really blown my trust with that statement.

H: Yeah I can see that. Well take some time and when you want to get together again let me know. Bye

I think I dodged a bullet with this one!

I think you are being very wise. Hooray for you for not trying to find excuses for why he "might" be acting like this and for what you think he "might" be feeling. You're using some plain old common sense. You'd have to be as big a nut job as he is to stay with him after his "I just say things, you'll get used to it" comment. Thank goodness you're not!

I suspect you would have been waiting a long time for your reimbursement on the son's gift too...

something is definitely whacko with him.

I think it's called "using" somebody. He said all the right things but apparently didn't actually mean any of them. The guy is a first class jerk - no doubt about it.

OP, I'll bet you his ex-wife could tell you some stories that would curl your hair.

 

[fraggle551]

I think you are being very wise. Hooray for you for not trying to find excuses for why he "might" be acting like this and for what you think he "might" be feeling. You're using some plain old common sense. You'd have to be as big a nut job as he is to stay with him after his "I just say things, you'll get used to it" comment. Thank goodness you're not!

I suspect you would have been waiting a long time for your reimbursement on the son's gift too...



I think it's called "using" somebody. He said all the right things but apparently didn't actually mean any of them. The guy is a first class jerk - no doubt about it.

OP, I'll bet you his ex-wife could tell you some stories that would curl your hair.

That's why one of my favorite quotes is "actions speak louder than words"! I want to make business cards and hand them out to people with it!

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I think it's called "using" somebody. He said all the right things but apparently didn't actually mean any of them. The guy is a first class jerk - no doubt about it.

I've been following this thread and trying to wrap my tiny little brain around it. I don't deal well with people who aren't genuine.

I completely agree that ending the relationship was in the OP's best interests, if for no other reason than she'd wind up being confused most of the time. LOL. But it seems like they both enjoyed each other's company and did a lot of stuff together. And she never actually did buy the stuff for his son.... so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I disagree about the "using" part. Unless she was the one who paid for everything when they did stuff together. I don't think the lack of sincerity is necessarily the same thing as taking advantage.

Just my own thought on a rather convoluted situation!

Buy yourself something nice, OP!

 

[bellebud]

I sincerely think he's just an @$$... move on and don't look back.

On the first page, I honestly thought you guys might be late teens w/ what you wrote he said.