a little confused

[Kika]

"Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

Oh boy. Eye opening indeed.

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

Sorry to hear this, OP. I hoped it was just a case of him trying to throw you off about your gift, but at least now you see his true colors sooner than later and can move on. Hope you saved the receipt for the gift.

 

[loganpaulsmom]

WOW.. I guess this was an eye opener for you.. I know men sometimes say things but what he originally said to you and what he is saying to you now is why I would be concerned..
Also, for PP's who said 3 months is too early for a ring.. I don't agree.. My guy and I were looking at engagement rings before 3 months (I didn't realize he bought the ring then, and 3 months later we were engaged).. This coming April we will be married 11 years and together for 13...

 

[Frantasmic]

If you ever do stay with him again, I'd layer yourself in flannel. Lots and lots of flannel.

 

[mrsv98]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

Why is the song "Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more no more no more no more..." playing in my head. A relationship means effort on both sides and he clearly isn't up to making an effort for anything. Sorry, but better to find out now before you have invested anymore in him.

 

[anniemae]

Oh dear, that was an odd response........he "just says stuff???" What about if he says he loves you? Is it real or is he "just saying stuff?" I don't think I would persue this relationship. Maybe a weekend or two apart will make things clearer.

 

[Heidict]

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

uhhhh yeah, I don't think so. Because remember "He just says stuff"

That is the part that really kills me. He just says stuff and you will get used to it? Seriously? So, you never know when he is being serious or just "saying stuff"?

Sheds light on possible reasons for his first marriage ending.

The whole "don't like to go out in the cold" crap is stupid. Since he has his groceries delivered then I assume that he is familiar with how to use a computer. If he really wanted to, he could order something online to be delivered.

It doesn't sound like he wants to make an effort to make you happy and I would seriously consider the longevity of this relationship. Sorry it had to happen right before Christmas.

 

[brockash]

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

uhhhh yeah, I don't think so. Because remember "He just says stuff"

Yes, this. You are absolutely correct. It's refreshing to see someone in this kind of relationship, that sees a person for who they are, not for who you'd like them to be. You know he's not going to change, do yourself a favor and get rid of the situation now. I wouldn't even wait for Christmas at this point. I'd just break it off now, and be done with it. Good luck, I know it's not fun.

 

[rie'smom]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

So it's ok for you to go out "in the cold" to meet him for a weekend booty call but he can't go into the cold to buy you a gift after telling you for weeks that he had already bought one? Bye, bye loser and this may give you an idea of why he is divorced. If "he just says stuff", how can you believe anything he says? Move on

 

[Carnie]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

EWWWW JUST EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

No gifts, but still looking for the boo-tay.

YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DWGal210]

I completely agree! What a putz!! Keep on walkin', sister, and don't look back!!

The nerve of some people....

What a jerk! He's basically telling you that you are good enough to come over and sleep with him, but not worthy enough for him to go out in the cold to go to a store and buy you a gift???

You deserve SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

his first response was "well really i don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but i guess that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, i can shop and buy you something then." and then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that i have to understand that "he just says stuff" and that well, i'll get used to it.

Kook alert! Kook alert!

 

[pearlieq]

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

That's kind of hard to believe, given that you're apparently not even "together" now!

What load of horse hockey! Time for you to figure out what you want from him. Are you looking for a relationship or FWB?

If it's the former, you know what you need to do. If it's the latter, is he a decent "friend"? Is he good company? Does he contribute equally when you hang out? Are the "benefits" satisfactory for you?

Would you prefer a real relationship and, if so, does continuing to invest time and energy in him get in the way of pursuing that?

If he's a decent FWB, and that's enough for you at this point, you might decide to keep seeing him, but with the understanding that that's absolutely it. He's just a pleasantish way to pass the time.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[SC Minnie]

Has this dude ever heard of the internet??? No need to go out in the cold or into the stores. They will deliver whatever you want right to your house just like your groceries. Loser.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

First, he has not been honest with you. Can you trust that he ever will be?

Second, he has toyed with your emotions. Suggesting that he is ready to buy you expensive gifts is a form of deliberate manipulation if he doesn't have the means to do so. He is either trying to pretend that he is something that he is not (financially), or he is pretending to have feelings that he does not have.

Third, he is unapologetic about it AND he expects you to get used to it.


If you stay knowing these things, you are setting yourself for more heartache.

 

[castmemberb4]

I have only read two pages of replies and am running out of time, so forgive me if someone has already mentioned this.

I think "I know what I'm getting you for Christmas" is a phrase he uses for "I think you need this" or "I think you'll like that" Especially since he's told you what the items are, if he really intended them as gifts he wouldn't have told you. Being a man he's too dense to realize that you've taken it literally, and now he really does mean "Are we exchanging gifts?" He's made no correlation between the two, and he's just as confused as you are.

I agree with the man who posted on the first page, I tend to say things outright, and would have said "but you've been telling me all along you know what you're getting me" But I've learned that straightfowardness from 18 years of marriage. I understand your confusion at this early stage. I agree that you should wait and see what happens.
HTH and hope you can give us a happy update.

 

[ols386]

Wait a second....was he kidding when he said he doesn't like to go out in the cold to stores? That's an odd thing to say. It almost sounds like he is joking/kidding with some of the things he says. If he's not joking with some of this stuff he says, then I'd say he's a jerk.

OP, are you sure that maybe he isn't trying to be funny, and either you are mis-interpreting him, or he is intending to be humorous, but it's not coming across in a humorous way?

 

[hucifer]

First, he has not been honest with you. Can you trust that he ever will be?

Second, he has toyed with your emotions. Suggesting that he is ready to buy you expensive gifts is a form of deliberate manipulation if he doesn't have the means to do so. He is either trying to pretend that he is something that he is not (financially), or he is pretending to have feelings that he does not have.

Third, he is unapologetic about it AND he expects you to get used to it.


If you stay knowing these things, you are setting yourself for more heartache.

Well said.

 

[blahx3]

Wait a second....was he kidding when he said he doesn't like to go out in the cold to stores? That's an odd thing to say. It almost sounds like he is joking/kidding with some of the things he says. If he's not joking with some of this stuff he says, then I'd say he's a jerk.

OP, are you sure that maybe he isn't trying to be funny, and either you are mis-interpreting him, or he is intending to be humorous, but it's not coming across in a humorous way?

I wish this were true. But no he's dead serious. He and I have been discussing what to get his son for Christmas. We've come up with several ideas and we have made plans to go shopping together to pick these things up. EVERY TIME the moment arrives to do the shopping, something comes up and he can't go. BUT he will tell me to go ahead and buy what I think his son will like and he will reimburse me. Fortunately, I have told him no, and the planning process starts all over again to make time to go shopping.

Lunchtime phone call went like this;

H: Hi, want to go to dinner tonight?

M: No I have stuff to do.

H: Okay I will see you tomorrow. What do you want to do over the weekend? There are some good movies out.

M: I think I'm going to spend sometime with friends this weekend. Plus I need sometime to myself.

H: This doesn't sound good.

M: Seriously? I really don't think you and I are going to work out.

H: What?!? I have deep affection for you! I want to spend the holidays with you! I want us to be together for a long time!

M: I'm having trouble believing that since you just say stuff. You've really blown my trust with that statement.

H: Yeah I can see that. Well take some time and when you want to get together again let me know. Bye

I think I dodged a bullet with this one!

 

[kirbsam]

BTW since you've asked a couple of times, yes we are sleeping together.

so it comes down to, is he good enough in bed to overlook the fact that he is going to let you down, time after time?

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

OKay, this may come across really pointed... but are you sure he and baby momma were actually split up? He's sounds like a real scheister!