a little confused

[Nancyg56]

Have a gift ready but save your receipt.

This!

 

[Hillbeans]

Good luck with your talk tonight. When I first read this post I wanted to ask what your plans are for the Holiday next week. I think that could be more of a deciding factor of relationship strength than the gift perhaps - if you are planning on spending Christmas Eve/Day together, meeting any family or friends of his, etc.

 

[N&B'smom]

Keep us posted!!

 

[lisateaches]

Sounds to me like a whackadoo that was showing you expensive things to see if you would go out and buy HIM a few expensive things too!

Curb. Kick him to it.

My friend had a guy this to her. Just to be on the safe side, wrap the gift, save the receipt, keep it on hand- if he gives you a gift, you know he was tricking you . If he doesn't, kick him to the curb. Move on to the next guy!

 

[daisy2]

Yes want to know what is happening keep us posted!

 

[Suellen]

Wow there are some cynical people here.

First off ~ I don't think 3 months for a ring is way off.... hubs and I started dating in February and were engaged by July. Happily married and two kids. So... short doesn't always mean too quick.

Secondly ~ I would lean more towards he gave you so many ideas of what he was going to buy he is now throwing you off.

Third ~ If you are seriously bummed out about the conversation I would agree that it is time to woman up and TELL him you have problem with it. Trust me ~ I've been married a while now and they can NEVER GUESS what you are thinking... no matter how blatantly obvious you think it is.

I say having the talk is the best thing you can do. Relationships thrive on honest conversation. At least mine does.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Wow there are some cynical people here.

First off ~ I don't think 3 months for a ring is way off.... hubs and I started dating in February and were engaged by July. Happily married and two kids. So... short doesn't always mean too quick.

But did your now DH hedge back and forth so much and make you question everything?

 

[Suellen]

As far as we know they only thing he "maybe" back-peddled on was a Christmas gift. AND we don't know the answer to that yet as Christmas hasn't come yet!

No one knows for sure if it was even a for real statement or a diversion.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Middle-aged is too old to be playing these kinds of games. When he said he didn't know you well enough to get you a gift, you should have definitely asked what he meant by that and why did he bother to show you the ring and watch? If he is serious, I would back out of the relationship now.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I don't get why everyone assumes all rings are engagement rings. I own about 20 rings, only one of them is an engagement ring and yes, some of them were gifts from DH prior to our engagement.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I don't get why everyone assumes all rings are engagement rings. I own about 20 rings, only one of them is an engagement ring and yes, some of them were gifts from DH prior to our engagement.

I was the one who said that 3 months is too early for a ring of any kind. I still think it is.

To me, jewelry when given as a gift, is a very personal thing. I can't imagine anyone knowing someone well enough to give them jewlery after 3 months... of any kind. Especially when OP is having second, third, and fourth thoughts about a conversation she had with her "friend".

I may be in the minority here, but jewlery is a personal gift. It's not like going on eBay to find a person's favorite teen/childhood TV series that's been out of production for years or finding pretty scarf or hat that you think match their eyes. I just think that for a person to start saying something to the effect of "I want to buy you x, y, and z" (all expensive gifts mind you) after the second date... it's a red flag. Okay, maybe a yellow flag, but still!

I think guys nowadays are all to quick to assume that women only want gifts, and if they buy gifts, then we'll respond positively. Heck, my SIL found a good guy, and within a month, he was dropping hundreds on Coach purses for her. She wouldn't take them because she didn't feel comfortable with him spending that much on her, especially since they weren't seriously dating. It makes things awkward IMO.

[and don't worry Suellen... DH and I were married a year after we got together and engaged at 6 months too - we are both special cases so I get it : doesn't stop me from thinking that jewelry at 3 months is too much!]

 

[Magic Mom]

yes I'm a diser using an alias.

I have been dating a man for 3 months. Talk on the phone 2-3 times a day, dinners duriing the week, spending the weekends together, movies, sporting events, concerts, the normal dating activities. Since our second date he will say to me " I know what I am getting you for Christmas. It has ranged from a ring he thought I would like, to a watch I really want, to a radar detection unit for my car. So the other night we are having dinner and here is the conversation we have


Him: So are we exchanging Christmas gifts?

Me: Of course

H: Oh

M: Why what's up?

H: Well, I just don't feel that I know you well enough to be buying you a gift.

M: Ummm okay. But I've all ready bought you something that I really want to give you. I hope you don't mind.

H:No that's okay.

And that's the way we left it. I'm hurt and confused and frankly, it's kind of put a damper on things. I don't quite know what to say to him without sounding like a brat that wants or needs a gift.

Maybe he is just trying to throw you off and then surprise you?

If not, then it seems really flakey and send up some red flags for me. First he goes on and on about christmas, and then acts like you are expecting too much or moving too fast because you mentioned Christmas gifts. If he is going to play games about something as simple as a gift, how is he going to act as the relationship gets more serious. If it were me, I would probably slow things way down with this guy. I want normal, simple and honest, not head games.

 

[blahx3]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

Oh my...honey, I think it's time to say sayonara on this one. Doesn't sound like a real prize of a guy. He doesn't like to go out in the cold? Gimme a break. Move on, you deserve someone better.

 

[Magic Mom]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

I'm sorry. I know you must be disappointed in his answer. But at least you know what he is like now instead of later. That kind of thoughtless behavior isn't going to change. I think his idea of what the relationship is (the usual weekend hook-up) and your idea of what the relationship is, are very different.

 

[Nennie]

What a jerk! He's basically telling you that you are good enough to come over and sleep with him, but not worthy enough for him to go out in the cold to go to a store and buy you a gift???

You deserve SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[blahx3]

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

uhhhh yeah, I don't think so. Because remember "He just says stuff"

 

[LuLuO]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

I'm so sorry but like PP said, better to find this out now. I remember seeing Maya Angelou on Oprah once and she said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." This guy has shown you who he is and it is time for you to move on. You deserve so much more than he is able to give.

 

[Magic Mom]

I forgot the best part!!! He told me that next Christmas will be really special for us, since we will have been together for so long.

uhhhh yeah, I don't think so. Because remember "He just says stuff"

Yeah, it's time to return his present and buy yourself a big prize for figuring out what an *** he is before you invested anymore time.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Well dinner was certainly an eye opener. I asked him straight out what was going on with the gift thing, stressing that it's not about the gift but after months of hearing about what he was getting me and then being told he doesn't know me well enough to buy anything that I was a little confused. His first response was "Well really I don't like going out in the cold and going to the stores, but I GUESS that instead of having my groceries delivered next week, I can shop and buy you something then." And then he tells me that yes he knows that he was talking about rings and watches etc but that I have to understand that "He just says stuff" And that well, I'll get used to it.

I was pretty speechless at this point and we had a very quiet dinner. As he walked me to my car he asked if I was coming by Friday night as usual for the weekend. I told him I would have to let him know.

Op, I think you were really smart to ask him directly about this. I saw several pp that said "just wait and see." I don't get that mentality. If something is unclear in a relationship, better to get it out and know what you are dealing with.

Sounds like you know where you stand in his priorities.

As for the part I bolded, I would have told him, "No, it's too cold"