A little Christmas vent!

[girli565]

This is my husband. He waits until the last minute to buy my gift, spends more than the amount we agreed upon, and still gets me less, lol! I shop around and find deals to be able to get him awesome stuff (several items, not just one) for our $100 budget and I end up getting a coach purse from the outlet. Oh well, I should be happy he at least gets me that, lol!

Oh and asking him to take out the christmas decorations from the shed outside is like pulling teeth! I'm pregnant so I can't lug the stuff out myself or I would have just to not hear his mouth. he normally puts the lights on the tree but it's a huge argument every year.

I buy all the gifts for his family and wrap them. He is even so lazy that the gifts he buys me he will get my mom to wrap for him (she lives with us). Epic Fail!

 

[Ginny Favers]

Ah! THis is my husband! I just spend a week wrapping about 100 presents, all of which I bought, I put up the tree, I got all the stuff ready for the holiday parties, I'm doing the baking... and he complained about sticking a light-up snowman on our front stoop!

My presents (which I bought for myself) were sitting there for so long, and I insisted he wrap them. Finally, he did. They look scary, like they were wrapped by someone who was blind and lacking thumbs.

 

[Shea&Van]

Hey y'all,

OMG. I read this post and seriously, I could have written it. My thoughts and feelings exactly OP!

I do it all and work full-time outside the home and take care of just about everything else that must be done (homework, baths for the kiddos, paying the bills, kissing the boo-boos, etc.). When I grow up I want to find a wife!

After 10 years, this is the first time I've actually done something about my situation. I bought myself several NICE presents and wrapped them and put them under the tree. I decorated the tree, baked the cookes, did a rock star job buying for my kids, etc.

I also spent considerably less time (and effort) getting the DH's stuff. I didn't argue about his lack of excitement. I just let it ride.

The one thing I did find myself getting angry about was the boxes. The single responsiblity he has for the holidays is bringing up the tree/decor from the basement and taking the empty boxes back down. This year, I decided not to be a nag. As a reward for my excellent behavior, the boxes are still in the foyer. It's driving me crazy, but I will not do this myself. I say let his parents come over and ask questions about the darn boxes. I will not let this get to me!!!!

Okay, I'm off my soapbox. I try to be mindful of the wonderful blessings I have in my life, but dang it's hard not to feel unappreciated at times.

Wishing all my wonderful DisPals a safe, happy, and healthly holiday season

 

[lovesmurfs]

Add me to the list. We've been married 23 years, and only once have we shopped together for Christmas presents. I decorate, inside and outside (even the 2-story ladder), shop, wrap, cook, and clean.

He's a college professor, so early to mid December, he's knee deep in grades, etc. so it's somewhat understandable. However, it does get to be a bit much, particularly since I leave at 5:15 a.m. every morning for work and don't get home until after 6:00 p.m.

I've generally accepted it -- and I do like seeing his surprise at the kids gifts as well as his family's and his own!

Last night, I had to leave before I lost it, though. I had a work conference call at 7:00 p.m. DD wanted to go to Toys 'r Us for a stuffed animal for her friend (we had planned to go tonight, but I didn't want to deal with it, with the anticipated snow). WHY HE couldn't have taken her, I don't know. I came down at 9:30 p.m. when the call ended (whole 'nuther thread ). He was playing a game on his computer, and DD was playing XBox. Took her to the store, got home at 10:30, and I had to get up at 4:30. Bleah.

Heaven forbid anyone should take the initiative without my playing "Julie the Cruise Director."

 

[csharpwv]

Something to remember about the holidays:

With so much going on, so much to be done - it is SO easy to forget why we do it all.

It doesn't matter if it 'all' gets done, It doesn't matter who does it, what matters is WHY you do it, and who you do it for.

Christmas is by and large one of the largest 'keeping up with the Jones' times of the year. It doesn't matter.

Remember WHY you buy and give holiday gifts!

Christmas has become very commercial, but it is only as commercial as we make it in our homes and lives.

Don't get all caught up in the fuss of the holidays season and forget WHY there is a holiday season!

 

[DisneyMomma81]

I don't want gifts and I don't want to buy anything for my Dh either. I'd rather spend the money on the kids. My Dh doesn't do a ton. He did the tree this year but he also works and I stay home so I think it makes sense that I do all the shopping etc. I make a bid deal out of the thoughtfulness of my gifts. That is what is the most time consuming for me.

Regarding working outside the home and working in the home *depending on his job ~ I'd say your "job" is more difficult *although much more rewarding. Raising little ones is taxing at times. Give yourself some praise

Adding ~ I have a new, fairly serious boyfriend who loves to shop/spend money and he has it to spend, I've been a mom for so long it's hard to spend money on myself *rather spend it on my kids.

His tree is awesome - stuffed with decorations *mine is humble, as tall as me cause we put it on a table

 

[girli565]

Something to remember about the holidays:

With so much going on, so much to be done - it is SO easy to forget why we do it all.

It doesn't matter if it 'all' gets done, It doesn't matter who does it, what matters is WHY you do it, and who you do it for.

Christmas is by and large one of the largest 'keeping up with the Jones' times of the year. It doesn't matter.

Remember WHY you buy and give holiday gifts!

Christmas has become very commercial, but it is only as commercial as we make it in our homes and lives.

Don't get all caught up in the fuss of the holidays season and forget WHY there is a holiday season!

I don't think we forget the reason for the holiday but I think it's that we all feel kind of underappreciated by our significant others who just take for granted all the things we do for the holidays without a thank you or acknowledgment of what we do.

 

[diznee25]

I can't believe how many spouses don't help out with Christmas. That's terrible!

This makes me feel very lucky to have a DH who loves Christmas as much as I do. He doesn't even think of it as "helping"....he gets excited about all of it; hanging lights on house, gift shopping, decorating the Christmas tree, you name it.

I don't think I could even be married to someone who's a scrooge during this time of year! We would NOT be compatible!

 

[eliza61]

My guy wasn't a big Christmas doer but he did love to shop!! Usually we coordinated our list to make it easier. He hated putting up lights but then again that is a pain in the backside.

 

[eliza61]

I can't believe how many spouses don't help out with Christmas. That's terrible!

This makes me feel very lucky to have a DH who loves Christmas as much as I do. He doesn't even think of it as "helping"....he gets excited about all of it; hanging lights on house, gift shopping, decorating the Christmas tree, you name it.

I don't think I could even be married to someone who's a scrooge during this time of year! We would NOT be compatible!

Probably because i picked my spouse on other qualities. Things like love, compassion, empathy, kindness to others. I can't believe how many people say they could not marry someone for what seems to me very superficial reasons like whether or not they like Disney. I always ask does that extend to other things like sports teams?

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Um, have you guys not seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?! A perfect example of what happens when men are involved!

I'm kidding, but my DH is only as involved as I ask him to be. I LOVE Christmas and everything that comes with it (but I can imagine it's much more tiring when you have children!). This is our 3rd Christmas living together (but our first as a married couple). I do all the shopping/wrapping for his family and mine. We usually don't exchange Christmas presents, but since I bought him a trip to Colorado in January with his brother he asked if he could take money out of our account to buy me something. We don't do much decorating as we just got back from 10 days in Disney and last December we went for 2 weeks and I know it would be all on me and I just really don't want to go through all the effort for a week or two.

He's not really into Christmas movies/shows, but will indulge me once a week for a night of Christmas activities (going to look at lights) or movies.

The best part about him, though? Even though he is not involved in planning, buying, wrapping, or baking, he does clean the kitchen when I'm done!

 

[okeydokey]

Not here. DH does most of the decorating.

I do most of the cooking and cleaning.

We both shop and wrap. We are a team so we share the work.

When we first got married and were ready to write out thank you cards for gifts, I gave him his pile and I did mine. Right from the start he knew he was just as responsible for those things as I am.

 

[ssawka]

DH tells me not to buy him anything. I usually do anyway but he says he really doesn't anything...Since you're the resident man in the thread I have to ask if this is normal?!

I think it is pretty common among men, I'm usually not that way, but many men are. I think it generally means one of two things; either he has no idea what he wants or he thinks that you should know him well enough to pick out something he would like. That's my biggest beef with gifts from DW. I would like her to just put more thought into them. If I have to give her a complete list, what's the point, I might as well just go shop for myself.

 

[Anastasia]

Wow - I have to go give my husband a hug. He takes care of the outside decorating, and we do all of the indoor decorating together. I usually do most of the shopping, wrapping, cards and cooking, but I truly don't mind. He takes care of his family's gifts, and definitley has some input with the kids gifts. He also takes care of the stocking stuffers, and when my kids were younger, he would take care of the letter from Santa.

I can't believe some of the husbands who don't help with anything, but then have the nerve to complain about how things are done. That would not go over well in our house!

 

[usnuzuloose]

My ex husband was a real downer. I was only allowed to purchase one gift for the kids, no stockings. And since I was a SAHM , I was told , how can you buy me something you don't make money. I never really enjoyed the christmas season.

 

[Jedana]

I have dragged my DH into the holidays with unrelenting force.

His childhood memories are not the greatest--neglect (not abuse--just lack of caring of/for).

His birthday is tomorrow, and he'd get his birthday presents on Christmas. And if he got 10 presents for bday/Christmas, his two siblings would get 10 presents for Christmas. He's never had a birthday party; can count the number of birthday cakes as a child on one hand.

So, his thoughts of Christmas were always negative. Until our DD was 2 1/2 (my oldest DD is from a previous marriage; and while DH has been a dad to her since she was 2, he doesn't have a full connection with her--I think he held himself back from that, so she could have that with her own father), he was so BAH HUMBUG.

And then he saw DD#2's face when she saw a baby doll under the tree for her. He got it then.

Ever since, he's been willingly a participant in the insanity. We get the tree as a family, he does the lights and the kids the ornaments (DS loves it now that he is the only one left at home---gets to do it all himself!). He'll go shopping if I ask, but that is nothing different than the rest of the year--hates shopping. He does get each child (including DD#1) a present just from him, that he picks out and buys on his own.

He would even cook if I asked him. Though I'd rather he not bake....

 

[sk!mom]

I realized the expectations I was putting on myself (and him) were too demanding--which was causing my own stress because I wanted HIM to be doing all kinds of stuff--that was really so I could have things the way I wanted them. The Christmas season has been much calmer than any of the 9Christmas seasons we have spent together. And I've actually enjoyed not doing all of that stuff and just enjoying our family.

DH also will do whatever I ask, but only if I ask. I just quit nagging about it. It only makes things worse. If it doesn't get done (like gifts for his mother), I have quit enabling him and let it fall on him. He is a grown man and I have quit treating him like a child. If it is something I want and he hasn't done it after I ask him, I evaluate if it's something I really want--and then I'll do it if it is. I figure that I want to be blessed with a 60 year marriage like both sets of my grandparents--and to get to that point, I am going to have to adjust my attitude about certain things. Just my perspective--I know this doesn't work for everyone. Don't get me wrong--I have some things that I will press him about--but I really evaluate those things now. It's not worth my time or energy to control things I cannot change about him.

This! I realized this many years ago, as well.

I think the problem is that many people want their partner to decorate, shop, celebrate to their standard. If there are gifts that you want your partner to buy, then don't buy them for him! If they don't get bought then he'll learn that he better get organized next year.

We decorate together but we only do the amount of decorating that can be accomplished in one Saturday morning while drinking mimosas because that's the perfect amount for us. The house looks festive, we have an enjoyable morning, and no one is stressed. In that time we can do a tree, set up the nativity, and set out the Snow globe and Nutcracker collections. He then traditionally "surprises" me with a few beautiful poinsettias and our decorating is done.

I do 98% of the shopping for our family all year around- not just at Christmas. I like to buy gifts and he's happy to let me. He does occassionally go with me. He shops for me and this is the first Christmas that he sadly no longer has parents to shop for. When he did, he would take care of sending them some type of edible gift- a turkey, a ham.

In general, if your stressing then cut back to the amount you can accomplish without stressing.

 

[FLmomof6]

I think it is pretty common among men, I'm usually not that way, but many men are. I think it generally means one of two things; either he has no idea what he wants or he thinks that you should know him well enough to pick out something he would like. That's my biggest beef with gifts from DW. I would like her to just put more thought into them. If I have to give her a complete list, what's the point, I might as well just go shop for myself.

I told hubby not to tell me anything he wants this year.....that I would figure it out myself. He does some woodworking as a hobby, so I got him a nice scroll saw. I can't wait for Christmas morning...... He will be absolutely shocked that I bought that, since I know very little about his tools.

As far as the other posts. I am very fortunate. My husband doesn't just help, but does at least half the work of Christmas. I don't have to ask him to do it, it just happens. He decorates the outside of the house, brings all the decorations down from the attic, buys our tree and puts it in the stand, helps hang ornaments and manage kids hanging their hallmarks. We chose almost all of our kids gifts together. In fact, we both look forward to Dec. date nights (dinner and Christmas shopping). He takes a few days off in Dec. to go to the Disney parks with me and the kids because he loves the ambiance of Disney at Christmas as much as we do. Mostly, after 20 years of marriage, we have a routine and things just get done (he decorates outside, I bake, he buys the tree and gets it up, I wrap presents, etc.)

Not to offend anybody, but how many of the women complaining that their spouse doesn't help out at Christmas...... but really, he doesn't do his fair share all year long and it is more obvious during the busy holidays? Many of these guys probably don't have a clue that you want help and you need to have an honest conversation with him. This is especially true if he grew up in a home where mom did it all. I stay home with our kids and homeschool 4 of them, but my husband still does plenty around the house. We do different chores, but we both do our fair share all year long. If I need him to help out, I ask (not nag, as most men will tune us out the second you begin to complain). I would suggest having a heart to heart conversation with the person you married, explaining how important Christmas is to you (and your children) and how much his help would be appreciated. When (IF) he has a change of heart and chips in, do not criticize him (we all do things differently, just accept that he may not do it all your way, but the fact that he IS trying is what matters.) I assure you, taking a positive approach to this will make some of you ladies much happier in the long run. If this approach doesn't work, just do what you can to make the holidays happy in your home and remember all the other good qualities that attracted you to this man to begin with.

 

[Mamakop]

not here. Dh does most of the decorating.

I do most of the cooking and cleaning.

We both shop and wrap. We are a team so we share the work.

When we first got married and were ready to write out thank you cards for gifts, i gave him his pile and i did mine. Right from the start he knew he was just as responsible for those things as i am.

this!

 

[Mamakop]

As far as the other posts. I am very fortunate. My husband doesn't just help, but does at least half the work of Christmas. I don't have to ask him to do it, it just happens. He decorates the outside of the house, brings all the decorations down from the attic, buys our tree and puts it in the stand, helps hang ornaments and manage kids hanging their hallmarks. We chose almost all of our kids gifts together. In fact, we both look forward to Dec. date nights (dinner and Christmas shopping). He takes a few days off in Dec. to go to the Disney parks with me and the kids because he loves the ambiance of Disney at Christmas as much as we do. Mostly, after 20 years of marriage, we have a routine and things just get done (he decorates outside, I bake, he buys the tree and gets it up, I wrap presents, etc.)

Not to offend anybody, but how many of the women complaining that their spouse doesn't help out at Christmas...... but really, he doesn't do his fair share all year long and it is more obvious during the busy holidays? Many of these guys probably don't have a clue that you want help and you need to have an honest conversation with him. This is especially true if he grew up in a home where mom did it all. I stay home with our kids and homeschool 4 of them, but my husband still does plenty around the house. We do different chores, but we both do our fair share all year long. If I need him to help out, I ask (not nag, as most men will tune us out the second you begin to complain). I would suggest having a heart to heart conversation with the person you married, explaining how important Christmas is to you (and your children) and how much his help would be appreciated. When (IF) he has a change of heart and chips in, do not criticize him (we all do things differently, just accept that he may not do it all your way, but the fact that he IS trying is what matters.) I assure you, taking a positive approach to this will make some of you ladies much happier in the long run. If this approach doesn't work, just do what you can to make the holidays happy in your home and remember all the other good qualities that attracted you to this man to begin with.

I was thinking the same thing. I too am a SAHM and my husband and I both share responsibilities with housework. We are a team!