A little Christmas vent!

[danielle79]

So does anyone elses husband do nothing for Christmas? I'm sorry I know I should be grateful this time of year but seriously! We have three kids, he does no shopping or wrapping for them, he doesn't decorate inside or out, he doesn't buy gifts for me( I really would rather buy for myself) and he literally trew a mini fit this year about buying a $50 Christmas tree and putting it in the stand by himself! And as i sit here and type this he should be shopping for his mom and dad and brother, he is sitting on the couch watching tv!!!!!!! Augh!!!!!!

 

[jeepgirl30]

My DH is scroodge! He walks around saying he hates Christmas. I don't even mention anything to him about it anymore. I wait until he is out of the house to do all the decorating and baking.

I tell him every year my present is he shuts up and lets me do what i want for the kids! Every year he whines and complains about it being too commericalized and just an excuse to spend money. Yet almost every Christmas eve as he watches me wrap he will say "that is ALL you bought the kids? why didn't you get them X, Y and Z?"

He does not buy any of the gifts for his family either, i do. I swear every year i'm not doing it but i know we'd have a major blow up Christmas morning if i don't. Again I get the why is this all you did.

It is just the way he is, i get it and am over it! I just ignore him when he starts his complaining.

My DS10 has always wanted to have more decorations so this year he helped me and we did outside lights and all. Every night he will go out and plug all the lights in.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

That's always been the norm in our house, DH only does what I ask him to do. This year I asked him to bring the tree in the house from the shed for me (I put it up) and I asked him to hang the lights outside so that's all he did. He also shops for me, I like to be surprised.

That's pretty much how we do everything, if I ask he does it, if I don't ask he doesn't do it. It's kind of frustrating to constantly have to ask, and he cooperates when I do, but I do a lot more just because I don't feel like asking.

 

[mimmi]

My husband still has to get over the fact that we're giving our daughter flight tickets to Paris for a Disneyland visit. We agreed on that days ago but for some reason he realised it just today and started babbling incoherent sentences (he doesn't like Disney parks and we are already doing a Disney cruise and a Disneyland Anaheim trip in 2013), he sounded a if he had a stroke .

At least he will pick up the turkey and the tree (we put our trees up on the 24th) and usually gets awesome presents for me, I do all the rest, that's much better for our marriage .

 

[kkandaj]

My DH does nothing for Christmas. I do the cleaning, cooking, shopping, decorating, wrapping. He did bring the tree up from storage and put on the tree topper and Kobe Bryant ornamanet he has. The kids and I did the rest. So--your situation is like many American households.

I have come to the point that things like this don't bother me anymore. After the past year we have had--and at times when I see other families struggle so much financially and emotionally, I am grateful we are still a family. I am serious--because as of a year ago, I questioned if we would be.

I don't decorate the house as much, I don't cook as many Christmas cookies, I don't shop as much and buy as much, therefore have less to wrap. I realized the expectations I was putting on myself (and him) were too demanding--which was causing my own stress because I wanted HIM to be doing all kinds of stuff--that was really so I could have things the way I wanted them. The Christmas season has been much calmer than any of the 9Christmas seasons we have spent together. And I've actually enjoyed not doing all of that stuff and just enjoying our family.

DH also will do whatever I ask, but only if I ask. I just quit nagging about it. It only makes things worse. If it doesn't get done (like gifts for his mother), I have quit enabling him and let it fall on him. He is a grown man and I have quit treating him like a child. If it is something I want and he hasn't done it after I ask him, I evaluate if it's something I really want--and then I'll do it if it is. I figure that I want to be blessed with a 60 year marriage like both sets of my grandparents--and to get to that point, I am going to have to adjust my attitude about certain things. Just my perspective--I know this doesn't work for everyone. Don't get me wrong--I have some things that I will press him about--but I really evaluate those things now. It's not worth my time or energy to control things I cannot change about him.

 

[richmond282]

I'm with you, sister. I do all of the decorating, shopping, wrapping, etc. at our house too. I INSIST that he buy my presents by himself (I do give him a wish list) and that he actually wraps them. If I didn't, I would receive a gift in a Walmart bag or nothing at all. Mind you, even with a list he sucks at picking out gifts, but I make him do it anyway. He doesn't dare complain about anything I purchase though, b/c he knows I'll tell him to do it instead. He invited his entire extended family over the weekend after Christmas, he better help with cleaning the house and cooking or he might find himself a single man again.

 

[msdaisy]

My husband and I have a deal as far as the decorating goes. He pulls the tree out of the attic and puts it up. He also gets down all of the boxes of decorations. I then swoop in and decorate. We learned this system after we had been married a couple of years, and it works for us. We have had some of our best fights on Christmas Eve while he puts gifts together!

 

[kkmcan]

My dh helps put up the tree and does all the outside decorations. He enjoys doing that! I don't mind too much that he doesn't shop or wrap. He works hard and I get to stay home even though my kids are older so I am willing to do all the holiday work or cleaning or whatever.

 

[needtoplan]

What is so weird is that I was ranting to my mother this morning about this very thing. It's a wonder that I don't have to tell my husband to breathe, but seriously not just Christmas, throughout the year, if I want it done I have to ask and even then it is a crap shoot as to whether or not it gets done.

It's very frustrating for me right now as I am early pregnant and very, very sick. I am usually the one that shops, wraps, decorates, cooks, cleans, sends cards, everything. I can't right now- my house looks like it has been hit by a tornado (I have a four year old) and if my husband unloads the dishwasher he thinks he has helped and deserves the congressional medal of honor. I'm about to go nuts- not only with feeling really bad, but not being able to create order before Christmas.

 

[mrssmith06]

What DH does -
1. Puts the outside lights up
2. Only buys for me, and that is like pulling teeth. He hates shopping/spending any money at all.
3. Only wraps or puts together the kids presents that I tell him to.
4. Sometimes on Christmas morning he will help me cook breakfast.

What I do -
1. Put up FOUR trees and decorate all of them. (2 small ones are the kids' trees)
2. Decorate the entire house and some of the outside.
3. Cook all the food for any and all parties.
4. Buy ALL the gifts for him, the kids, for my entire family and his entire family, our friends and any other gift exchanges like for the kids schools and stuff. (And yes it bothers me that my gifts are always WAY more thoughtful than his - I actually put effort into it, he just grabs whatever cheap stuff he can in 10 minutes...)
5. Wrap 95% of the gifts all on my own, I may get fed up and ask him to help me with a few at some point every year.
6. Plan all activities and outings and take the kids out to things, with or without him.
7. Budget for all of our spending (this is normal but especially around the holidays this can be a lot to do) and make sure everything gets paid, etc.
8. AND EVERYTHING ELSE that I can't think of right now... I know there is a lot more to add to this list!!!!!


So anyway, I do most of the holiday prep and planning and what have ya.... and he does a few forced tasks.
In some ways I don't mind doing all of the shopping but it would be nice if he at least had some input or seemed interested at all in helping me pick out things. He would rather just ignore the fact that we are spending any money on anyone!!

 

[lvillotta1]

I am glad I chose to stay single!!!!

 

[nikkistevej]

Mine brings the tree up from the basement, and also carries the bins of xmas stuff up and down from the attic. He will only shop for me if I guilt him to do it, and the stuff he gets sometimes...... But I get him fantastic thoughtful gifts. His bday is also 2 weeks before xmas, mine is 2 weeks after, so usually I do get a good bday gift, because he feels guilty about the good stuff I got for him. LOL He is a great hubby otherwise, so there is only so much I can ask for.

 

[shellyfive]

If you want to know the truth, it has to do with genetic mapping on that Y chromosome......

Wasn't that a commercial a long time ago.....Bringing home the bacon, frying up in a pan.....washing the pan, the kids and the house, planning birthdays, holidays and every school function

Women in general should go straight to heaven!!

Happy Holidays !!!

 

[4littleones]

I don't want gifts and I don't want to buy anything for my Dh either. I'd rather spend the money on the kids. My Dh doesn't do a ton. He did the tree this year but he also works and I stay home so I think it makes sense that I do all the shopping etc. I make a bid deal out of the thoughtfulness of my gifts. That is what is the most time consuming for me.

 

[mjkacmom]

DH puts the lights/garland outside, brings in the Christmas tree, and puts light on it. He's just as surprised as all of the kids on Christmas morning to see what santa has brought! He hasn't bought a gift for his parents since we started dating 20+ years ago. Every now and then, I'll scare him, telling him that it's his mom's birthday, did he send a gift and card? Of course, the gift and card were mailed earlier that week, with his name signed by me.

It is what it is.

 

[njcarita]

my husband does ALL the decorating..outside and in....tree..lights villages etc etc........i dont evern put up a bulb and he takes everything down............ i do all the shopping and most of the wrapping.............usually christmas eve he helps with whatever wrapping i havent gotten to...but this yr i have enlisted the 3 kids with wrapping details.................. i do all the cooking.......but he usually does all the dishes and clean up.....so as he states often " we are a good team'.....................and he works full time and right now I am a stay at home wife/mom

 

[mjkacmom]

That's pretty much how we do everything, if I ask he does it, if I don't ask he doesn't do it. It's kind of frustrating to constantly have to ask, and he cooperates when I do, but I do a lot more just because I don't feel like asking.

I sometimes think of his as my robot. He WILL do anything I ask (I might have to let him know WHAT and WHEN...). If I don't ask, he doesn't do. Right now he's driving to dance class because dd forgot her shorts - 1/2 hour round trip. As soon as he got that phone call, he knew he was the one going out!

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Mine does nothing either. I posted about a couple of things he has done on the Christmas rant thread on the Community Board.

I did get him to pick up a couple of extra gifts for his father and step MIL who he said yes to when they invited themselves to christmas at our house (they live out of state) because he told me he wanted me to buy them so they wouldn't feel left out when we open gifts. I told him if he wanted them to have more than just the one each that I bought them he had to buy them. And he did after some huffing and puffing about how he was too busy for that stuff.

And when he told me he needed 3 dozen cookies for the next day that he didn't tell me about in advance, I told him to go to Publix and buy them so he did.

I still don't know when the inlaws will be arriving or how long they are staying. He never asked and says it would be rude to ask now. They are retired and driving so they never think about letting people know that stuff.

Last year I told him he has to do his own Christmas cards from then on. He sends them to everybody and their brother - I only send to relatives and a handful of friends. He still hasn't done his this year so I guess he's not doing them. I don't care - I didn't buy any Christmas stamps this year so if he does them, I'm sure I'll hear about the lack of Christmas stamps.

I think I'll be doing more of the telling him he has to do it requests in future years because I'm tired of doing it all.

My son put out the blow up penguin and 3 little lighted christmas trees this year. My son also brought down the Christmas tree from the attic. I put up lighted garland on the front porch. My husband couldn't be bothered to put lights on the house so that won't be done.

You ought to check out the Christmas rant thread - you aren't alone.

 

[Mamakop]

We do all the decorating, inside and outside, together as a family. We also, bake the cookies together while watching a Christmas movie. We love this time of year! My husband buys my 'list' lol and a few extra surprises plus he stuffs my stocking. I couldn't handle it if he were a Scrooge and vise versa

 

[ceecee]

My dh helps put up the tree and does all the outside decorations. He enjoys doing that! I don't mind too much that he doesn't shop or wrap. He works hard and I get to stay home even though my kids are older so I am willing to do all the holiday work or cleaning or whatever.

Same here! I only work 2 days a week so I can do things easier than he can. He does do the tree and lights and some outside as well. He also shops for himself pretty well!