A lady was mean to my 4 year old today..

[RadioNate]

If the only seat available in McD's was by a woman with a little kid, I'd take my food to go.

I'm not fond of most people's little kids. I had two of my own and I have 5 wonderful grandchildren. I'm fond of them, ha ha! They are mine and I love them dearly. Other people's kids? Nope, not so much.

In restaurants if the hostess is going to seat us near someone with a baby or young child I will ask to be seated somewhere else.

If, for some reason, I did have to sit down at McD's next to a woman with a little kid I would be annoyed if the kid bugged me. If he messed with my purse and his mother told him no, that should be the end of it. He shouldn't continue to be annoying. Tapping on/kicking the seat would be a huge annoyance and I'd probably just give him "the look", hoping he would stop.

I don't think I would ever have the nerve to actually say anything to him, but would be eating in a hurry so I could get out of there.

I think a lot of older people (and I'm in that category myself) have less tolerance for little ones than they did when they were younger. If the OP's son messed with her purse, then was tapping on the seat, then tried to talk to the woman he was obviously bothering her and it needed to be stopped.

I don't think it is just older people. I'm not that old and while I love *my* kids, I'm not to crazy about other people's children. Heck, I don't even like many of my friend's kids.

While I think the woman could have been a little more tactful, why was he touching her things and talking to her in the 1st place? I appreciate the OP told him not to touch her stuff but I too would have been annoyed by the seat jiggling. It shakes the entire booth if the person behind you is doing it. I recently had a miserable dinner out because the adult behind me shook his leg (foot tapping not anything medical) the entire meal.

Maybe she was just reinforcing the 'don't talk to strangers' thing?

Sometimes people just want to be left alone.

I agree she probably shouldn't have sat next to you but even a 4 year old can learn not to bother strangers.

 

[Missy1961]

If someone wants to be left alone then maybe they should stay at home where they can be alone.

But what if she had no choice to be out? We don't know. Maybe she could have said it nicer, but she really doesn't have to answer this kid's questions.

 

[dumboiu]

If someone wants to be left alone then maybe they should stay at home where they can be alone.

Or maybe she was in route and needed to get something to eat and this was a fast stop. Maybe she didn't even live in town. Maybe she had a lot of stressful things on her mind. Maybe she was just a crotchety old woman. You have NO idea of the circumstances. You are getting one biased side of the very biased story.

 

[allison443]

Me and DS went shopping today and went to McD's for lunch. We sit down and an old lady sits next to us. We're eating and I notice he gave the lady's handbag a flick with his finger. I told him how its rude to touch people's things. I know he's expecting this old lady to smile at him or something.HE then taps on the bench next to his leg. The lady says to him rather meanly can you stop that it's annoying. Now my DS asks her what her name is. She tells him it's none of your business. Poor DS looked so shocked. I was thinking not so nice things but didn't say anything. After he finished I took him to the pet store where the poor barking puppies took his mind off the rudeness.

It sounds like she was sitting pretty close to you if he was able to touch her handbag. Maybe she heard you tell him it was rude and she was expecting him (or you) to say sorry?

Maybe once she asked him to stop tapping the bench, she was embarassed when he tried to engage her in pleasant conversation?

 

[crashbb]

Be prepared though, if this thread is like some in the past there will be those that think what your son did was on par with Kristallnacht or, even worse, crying in Walmart.

And those that think that what the woman did was on par with Kristallnacht.

DIS sure loves to blow things our of proportion

 

[Mermaid02]

That is somewhat uncharitable.

I don't see why it's okay to call the old lady names but if someone called the kid an annoying brat, I'm sure people here would be up in arms about it.

She was the adult reacting to a 4 year old. I think she was uncharitable.

 

[Mermaid02]

I don't think it is just older people. I'm not that old and while I love *my* kids, I'm not to crazy about other people's children. Heck, I don't even like many of my friend's kids.

While I think the woman could have been a little more tactful, why was he touching her things and talking to her in the 1st place? I appreciate the OP told him not to touch her stuff but I too would have been annoyed by the seat jiggling. It shakes the entire booth if the person behind you is doing it. I recently had a miserable dinner out because the adult behind me shook his leg (foot tapping not anything medical) the entire meal.

Maybe she was just reinforcing the 'don't talk to strangers' thing?

Sometimes people just want to be left alone.

I agree she probably shouldn't have sat next to you but even a 4 year old can learn not to bother strangers.

That's a shame.

 

[cabanafrau]

When it's a four year old versus an adult? Yes, I have higher expectations of the adult. Especially when the mother was teaching her son not to be annoying.

No matter what calamaties have befallen you that day, it really is possible to respond with grace, rather than rudeness. In fact, I consider how one behaves under stress to be a sign of one's character.

It's easy to be pleasant when things are going your way. But how do we respond when we're having a tough time?

I'm not saying the lady was wrong to feel annoyed. But the way she handled it was unnecessary and perhaps indicative of her underlying character.

Wow, no matter what has calamities have befallen someone that day, it's indicative of a person's underlying character to respond as this woman reportedly did? Sometimes life has a way of handing us situations that go beyond merely writing it off as a "tough time." The fact that she sat down next to the OP & her son & wasn't welcoming of his charms makes me think she was distracted, possibly by something very heavy on her mind.

I don't find this woman's reaction exceedingly rude & I'd certainly hope & pray I'm never supremely tested with one of life's worst moments, let alone have a mirror held up to my reactions & have every miniscule action on my part scrutinized as to my underlying character -- particularly over such a non-event.

 

[Jennasis]

Went out to eat at IHOP on Sunday night and the family who was seated behind us had tow little girls. One was in high chair and the other was a crabby looking 4 year old. The older girl was very obviously in a mood, and had a scowl on her face the whole time. I discerned pretty quick that she was hungry and annoyed that the food wasn't coming fast enough for her liking (I agree!).

She kept standing on her bench and turning around and staring murderously at us. Her Dad would snatch her up, spin her around and yank her down in the seat. But the kiddo kept getting up and staring at us. It was super creepy...like Children of the Corn style staring. DH and I found it quite hilarious...and disturbing. Each time, I'd smile at her, and get a "I will KILL you" glare in return.

Finally, on the 5th or so stare-down, I met her hateful gaze and gave her a scowl all of my own. Her eyes got real big/panicky and she spun back around and plopped back in her seat, never to get up again.

Mom was shooting daggers at me the rest of our meal. She couldn't see the look her daughter had been giving us. All she saw was my eventual glare back at her. I'm sure mom thought Dad was handling the situation each time she got up, but apparently he was ineffectual.

To that mom, on a message board somewhere, I am "That grumpy witch at IHOP".

 

[luvmy3]

Or maybe she was in route and needed to get something to eat and this was a fast stop. Maybe she didn't even live in town. Maybe she had a lot of stressful things on her mind. Maybe she was just a crotchety old woman. You have NO idea of the circumstances. You are getting one biased side of the very biased story.

True, but if someone is having such a bad day for whatever reason and they want to be left alone, then they should find a way to make sure they are alone. Find a less crowded restaurant, go through the drive-through, eat on a bench, go back home or to your hotel room etc.....
She picked a McDs at lunch time and sat next to a child, her choice then she needs to deal with it. I have no sympathy for adults who can't control their emotions especially when they are expecting a 4 year old to control themself. These threads always amaze me when the adult who should know better gets a pass because of the *what ifs* yet the child is a demon because they dare do something they shouldn't. (not saying you feel that way, just an overall observation in these types of threads).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

While I would agree that the child needs to keep his hands to himself, the parent did correct the child. It's not like she told the grump to suck it up. The child was corrected and was then trying to be polite and make conversation. The grump needed some correcting. I would have felt compelled to let her know that I would be correcting her bad behavior too and if she didn't pull it together there would be no toy in her happy meal.

 

[glitterkittyy]

Went out to eat at IHOP on Sunday night and the family who was seated behind us had tow little girls. One was in high chair and the other was a crabby looking 4 year old. The older girl was very obviously in a mood, and had a scowl on her face the whole time. I discerned pretty quick that she was hungry and annoyed that the food wasn't coming fast enough for her liking (I agree!).

She kept standing on her bench and turning around and staring murderously at us. Her Dad would snatch her up, spin her around and yank her down in the seat. But the kiddo kept getting up and staring at us. It was super creepy...like Children of the Corn style staring. DH and I found it quite hilarious...and disturbing. Each time, I'd smile at her, and get a "I will KILL you" glare in return.

Finally, on the 5th or so stare-down, I met her hateful gaze and gave her a scowl all of my own. Her eyes got real big/panicky and she spun back around and plopped back in her seat, never to get up again.

Mom was shooting daggers at me the rest of our meal. She couldn't see the look her daughter had been giving us. All she saw was my eventual glare back at her. I'm sure mom thought Dad was handling the situation each time she got up, but apparently he was ineffectual.

To that mom, on a message board somewhere, I am "That grumpy witch at IHOP".

Been there, done that!

I didn't think the lady did anything all that bad. And by the way, tapping on a bench IS super annoying. When parents don't make kids stop, I've been known to ask the child to stop. I'm a grumpy ole witch too, I guess.

 

[pearlieq]

I don't see what the big deal is. For all you know she was on the way home from moving her spouse to a nursing home or was diagnosed w/ cancer. Maybe she wandered into McDonald's because she just needed a break & couldn't face heading home yet. Maybe she's not four, but perhaps she was carrying a really heavy load at that moment & didn't have time to make it all about some little kid who was being annoying.

IMO it's not such a bad thing for kids, even four year olds, to learn life isn't filled w/ Disney days & everybody around them may not find them precious. It's not like she physically attacked him or threatened to turn his puppy into a fur coat. Consider it a teachable moment & move on.

Well put! The lady didn't do anything wrong at all.

Some kid touches her handbag and taps on the seat next to hear and she's supposed to smile indulgently and engage in converstaion with him??? If she wanted to, fine, but she's certainly under no obligation to.

Not everyone has to like or appreciate your kids. That doesn't make them mean or bad people.

 

[luvmy3]

Been there, done that!

I didn't think the lady did anything all that bad. And by the way, tapping on a bench IS super annoying. When parents don't make kids stop, I've been known to ask the child to stop. I'm a grumpy ole witch too, I guess.

Lady- "Excuse me son, could you please stop tapping it makes it hard to enjoy my meal"
Littl boy _What's your name?
Lady- "Well, I don't normally tell my name to strangers so I think I will keep it to myself"

Grumpy witch- "Stop doing that its annoying"
Little boy- Whats you name?"
Grumpy Witch- "none of your business"

It really depends on how you would have handled it

 

[glitterkittyy]

Lady- "Excuse me son, could you please stop tapping it makes it hard to enjoy my meal"
Littl boy _What's your name?
Lady- "Well, I don't normally tell my name to strangers so I think I will keep it to myself"

Grumpy witch- "Stop doing that its annoying"
Little boy- Whats you name?"
Grumpy Witch- "none of your business"

It really depends on how you would have handled it

Well, with me, it'd likely go like this:

Me: Would you mind not tapping on the seat?
Kid: What's your name?
Me: John Wayne, ask me again, I'll tell you the same.

And if he asks again, he'd get the same. lol

 

[VillageMama]

No matter what calamaties have befallen you that day, it really is possible to respond with grace, rather than rudeness.

I don't think you have enough experience to make this blanket statement.

Oh, honey. Half my life is over. I think I've got enough experience to make that blanket statement.

Just by way of example, last year my child nearly died. He spent the entire summer in the hospital and received Last Rites three times. There were times that I wanted to respond rudely to people but I dug deep and at least faked basic civility.

When someone wants to be left alone and they are not, why is the onus on them to be graceful?

Because that's life. We're all sharing this small blue marble together and we are brought together at times we'd rather be alone. World peace begins with our daily interactions with other people. We should "man up" and be decent to one another, even if we don't feel like it.

 

[MichelleVW]

Went out to eat at IHOP on Sunday night and the family who was seated behind us had tow little girls. One was in high chair and the other was a crabby looking 4 year old. The older girl was very obviously in a mood, and had a scowl on her face the whole time. I discerned pretty quick that she was hungry and annoyed that the food wasn't coming fast enough for her liking (I agree!).

She kept standing on her bench and turning around and staring murderously at us. Her Dad would snatch her up, spin her around and yank her down in the seat. But the kiddo kept getting up and staring at us. It was super creepy...like Children of the Corn style staring. DH and I found it quite hilarious...and disturbing. Each time, I'd smile at her, and get a "I will KILL you" glare in return.

Finally, on the 5th or so stare-down, I met her hateful gaze and gave her a scowl all of my own. Her eyes got real big/panicky and she spun back around and plopped back in her seat, never to get up again.

Mom was shooting daggers at me the rest of our meal. She couldn't see the look her daughter had been giving us. All she saw was my eventual glare back at her. I'm sure mom thought Dad was handling the situation each time she got up, but apparently he was ineffectual.

To that mom, on a message board somewhere, I am "That grumpy witch at IHOP".

omg...that is hysterical!!

True, but if someone is having such a bad day for whatever reason and they want to be left alone, then they should find a way to make sure they are alone. Find a less crowded restaurant, go through the drive-through, eat on a bench, go back home or to your hotel room etc.....
She picked a McDs at lunch time and sat next to a child, her choice then she needs to deal with it. I have no sympathy for adults who can't control their emotions especially when they are expecting a 4 year old to control themself. These threads always amaze me when the adult who should know better gets a pass because of the *what ifs* yet the child is a demon because they dare do something they shouldn't. (not saying you feel that way, just an overall observation in these types of threads).

You know...sometimes even though you want to be alone, it's not possible.

One summer I was at the airport putting my small children on the plane to go away for the summer to visit their father. The flight attendant comes to get the girls and we all are sobbing messes. Then after the girls board the plane I am trying to go in the bathroom and cry and this man keeps asking me why they got to board first? I answered a question or two then I just got sick of answering his rude questions and just walked away and went in the bathroom to cry. I'm sure he probably thought I was rude...but it was obvious that I was emotionally upset and didn't want to answer his stupid questions..

Another time I was in public when I really wanted to be alone was flying home after I got the call that "you dad probably won't make it through the night". So I flew from Alaska to Ohio not knowing anything, so trust me. Thankfully no one asked me the reason for my trip, and I didn't sit by any small kids that wanted to talk...but I don't know how pleasant I would have been.

You just don't know how that lady's day was, and to judge her because she didn't entertain your 4 year old is just crazy to me...

 

[dumboiu]

She picked a McDs at lunch time and sat next to a child, her choice then she needs to deal with it. I have no sympathy for adults who can't control their emotions especially when they are expecting a 4 year old to control themself. These threads always amaze me when the adult who should know better gets a pass because of the *what ifs* yet the child is a demon because they dare do something they shouldn't. (not saying you feel that way, just an overall observation in these types of threads).

Maybe she was hungry and McDonald's was in her price range. When my children were 4, they did a lot of things, but bothering people in public was not one of them.

Bottom line: People should be allowed to frequent whatever place they want and not have to worry about being bothered by a child. It is the parents responsibility to make sure their child is behaving and not bothering other people. A lot of us parents actually do that! What a concept!

 

[RadioNate]

That's a shame.

You've never met them.

I'm not rude to them. But I'm not their friend. I don't want text messages from them. Don't want to have 'girl time' with them. I'll be nice, polite and welcome them into my home (despite the holes in the walls and broken items) but I don't need to be buddy buddy with them.

-------

We all have different tolerances. I actually don't see this lady as being terribly mean to the child. She asked him to stop jiggling the seat and then didn't want to engage him in a conversation with him when he asked her name. Why does she have too?

Did she scream and yell at him to shut up and leave her alone? Call him a brat?

 

[VillageMama]

I'd certainly hope & pray I'm never supremely tested with one of life's worst moments, let alone have a mirror held up to my reactions & have every miniscule action on my part scrutinized as to my underlying character -- particularly over such a non-event.

I actually agree with you, Cabanafrau. It's not fair to determine this lady's character based on this one interaction or this one interpretation of the event.

I understand that we all have moments in which our true selves don't shine forth. This may have been one of those moments for her. When I encounter someone not at their best, I try so hard not to judge but to pray for them.

But I'm sure you'll admit, there are some folks out there who just don't try hard enough to be kind. On any given day they just won't make the effort to stifle their negative thoughts and rise above them. I certainly can't say whether this woman is one of those Negative Nellies... but I do know they exist.

We should try to "kill them with kindness".