A guy thing???

[DoeWDW]

So I switched to a new cubicle at work. Now I (a 40-ish female who minds my own business) am in an area with all guys. They've never had a female sitting in this area before.

They'll be having a non-work conversation that I am NOT involved in and one of them will say "I bet Doreen knows about that" or some such comment. Then they all wait to see if I'll chime in, I guess to find out if I'm listening to them or not.

So far I haven't taken the bait. Either I truly am NOT listening or I've heard bits and pieces but it's not my conversation so I'm staying out of it.

Do you think the guys are just trying to see if I'm a busy-body? Maybe they want to make sure they can still talk about "guy stuff" even though I'm now here?

 

[Tigger_Magic]

Maybe they are trying to make you feel welcome to the new "neighborhood." It could be a non-intrusive way of trying to invite you to join the "water cooler chat" without calling you out, so to speak. I don't look at it as trying to "bait" you. Try to look at it from a positive perspective.

 

[DoeWDW]

Excellent point, although that's not always the vibe I'm getting.

I'll try to put it in a more positive context.

Thanks!

 

[malibuconlee]

I think as well that they're trying to bring you into the conversation. (Remember, guys at work tend not to be as catty as women from my experience anyway).

It's rude to not respond. If you don't know what they're talking about because you haven't been paying attention, or couldn't hear most of it. Reply lightly. "Sure thing. What it is I know?" or a "What's that?"

Oh, and football season is coming up. They WILL talk about it. (it never fails to amaze me how grown men who didn't play football in college will talk about games 15 years after being out of college like it's a life or death matter)

 

[Tigger_Magic]

Oh, and football season is coming up. They WILL talk about it. (it never fails to amaze me how grown men who didn't play football in college will talk about games 15 years after being out of college like it's a life or death matter)

It's genetic!

 

[DoeWDW]

Well, I learned about NASCAR racing and the drivers so I wouldn't be a Sunday afternoon widow. Does this mean I have to learn about football too???

 

[SC Minnie]

You will learn about sports wether you want or not. I used to be the only female in our dept and when we would have a vendor in they were usually male. The conversations ALWAYS turned to sports at some point.

 

[SherryNC]

Maybe they are trying to make you feel welcome to the new "neighborhood." It could be a non-intrusive way of trying to invite you to join the "water cooler chat" without calling you out, so to speak. I don't look at it as trying to "bait" you. Try to look at it from a positive perspective.

Yeah, that's how I would look at it as well. I'll bet once you get to goofin with them, you are gonna have a lot of fun.

 

[Missy1961]

You will learn about sports wether you want or not. I used to be the only female in our dept and when we would have a vendor in they were usually male. The conversations ALWAYS turned to sports at some point.

I'm a female who loves most sports--which is always an advantage at meetings when there are more males than females. I think it's one reason my boss used to ask me to go to certain meetings.

 

[tnhillbilly]

Could this be there way of "talking" to you as a group, and it could not be misstaken as flurting. Then they may include you more in one on one.

 

[DoeWDW]

Thanks, all, for your many perspectives and for your words of encouragement.

I really don't want to be "one of the guys" but I don't want to be left out totally either. Guess I'm still trying to find my way in this new situation.

 

[Tigger_Magic]

It's always hard when you are the "new kid on the block." I'd suggest just jumping into the next water cooler conversation, even if you don't know/understand what they are talking about. Smile, nod occasionally, laugh when they do (even if you don't get the joke)... pretty soon you will feel more comfortable with them and they'll feel more at ease around you. Everyone's just trying to get used to each other and truth be told they are probably as nervous about it as you are. Once you break the ice, you may just have a great time with them.

 

[diznygirl]

I agree that it's probably just their way of trying to include you in the conversation. I grew up with brothers and their friends, was a sportswriter from college on.... I have given DH advice on what to do with the guys he works with!

Jump into the conversation - they won't expect anything serious. When they say "I bet Doreen knows all about that" you say "yup, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt." They'll laugh, you'll laugh, and you'll be one of the guys. Good luck!

 

[SC Minnie]

I'm a female who loves most sports--which is always an advantage at meetings when there are more males than females. I think it's one reason my boss used to ask me to go to certain meetings.

I enjoy sports but it is not the only thing in the world!!! I did have to at least keep up with what was going on and I would watch SportsCenter with DH just so I wouldn't be left out of the conversation.

To the OP the guys you work with may be trying to 'feel you out' in that they want to know what kind of personality you have. Can they joke around a little or are you easily offended and they have to watch every word they say. I would casually join in when they called my name just to show them you want to be part of the 'team' so to speak.