A "going off to prison" gift

[ckay87]

Oh man this oughta be good.

Would you chip in on a gift card for a BIL who is heading off to jail for his 3rd (or more) DUI conviction?

MIL, who is, take note, the sweetest lady in the world is organizing this little collection for her son who's off to jail again just after the holidays. Apparantly, while in the slammer, you can only make purchases from the jail store. So rather than get him gifts, we're going to chip in on a gift card to the place.

He's a real mess, obviously, and his crime is inexcusable. I'd give him ZIP if it were up to me. But everyone else in the family is making the contribution and she is so sweet and I know this breaks her heart that he gets in all this trouble.

Would you do it for the sake of family harmony or would you refuse to do it on principal?

 

[lulugirl]

I would refuse to contribute.

 

[mrFDNY]

perhap's 2 gift card's might be nice,one to enterprise rent a car and the second to the local liquior store.

actually maybe,everyone makes mistakes.i guess it would depend of the type of person he is.even if i could not stand drunken drivers.

 

[mickeyboat]

You are joking, right?

No, really. I agree, if it was up to me I would not contribute. But I also don't know that I would be willing to take a stand on this one, especially with such a sweet MIL spearheading the effort.

Denae

 

[chesirechik]

If it were me, I would just chip in. It wouldn't be worth it to me to upset the mother.

 

[Louise-Montreal]

I guess for family harmony I would chip in. God love your mother-in-law- she sounds like a sweetheart

 

[chrissyk]

First of all, I am astonished that you can buy gift cards to the prison store Second, no way would I contribute!! My grandmother is a doll too, but her freeloading creep of a son has swindled more money out of my relatives that I care to remember. Guess what? He's STILL a loser, he's nearly 60, and his mommy still doesn't get it. My family is done "contributing" when it comes to him!!

 

[Shugardrawers]

While I think most convicted persons deserve a second chance, he's blown his 2nd and 3rd. A gift card to me would be enabling him. Prison is supposed to be hard for a reason. I feel so bad for his mother though. She has my best wishes.

 

[Free4Life11]

Maybe instead of a gift card the family should chip in and get him some treatment when he comes out of prison. He obviously has a drinking problem if this is his 3rd DUI conviction.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't chip in a dime, and politely tell your MIL why.

 

[Shannon G]

No way!!!!! As someone who watched her husband & his siblings bury their dad after he killed himself by drinking & driving, and who is now divorcing her husband because I'm tired of watching him go down the same path, the last thing I would do is say oh, I feel bad for him going to prison, let's get him a gift. TOUGH!!! In prison, he'll be fed & clothed - if he can't afford to buy anything from the prison store, too bad - he's there as punishment!!!

I'm all for tough love - he's got to deal with the consequences of his actions. I know it may be tough to say no to her request - my husband's grandmother was the same way with his dad (who was her youngest child). She acknowledged that he had a problem, but continually made excuses for him. While it may be tough for your MIL to see him going to jail, I saw how tough it was for my husband's grandmother to bury her "baby" at the age of 53, because he never straightened himself out.

 

[Sparx]

I wouldn't. If you do something once, its an accident. Twice its bad. Three times its a habbit and you have a problem. If it was his first time, yes I MIGHT contribute just a little. Third? No way.

 

[ckay87]

You are joking, right?

Me? Oh I'm not kidding at all, unfortunately. He's a fun one to have in the family

 

[Honeibee]

Well, you know, I've never come up against this one, but I'm kinda thinking no.

 

[WishingOnAStar]

Well, after I finished laughing, I think I'd leave it to dh - let HIM try to convince his mother how ridiculous that whole thing is!

 

[jenks0718]

I would do it. I have an uncle for has been in and out of prison forever. Petty theft, drugs, stealing cars. He really is a loser, but I love him and so does my mom. She cries every time he is carted away, but deep down she breaths a sigh of relief that he is gone and off the streets.

I know that they make them buy everything in prison now. From underwear to socks. If you need it, you buy it. I would contribute. Not because I condone what he has done, but for my family and my mom's heart. Period. It isnt worth it to hurt her to make a point just so my uncle cant have a new t-shirt once in a while.

 

[Shannon G]

I know that they make them buy everything in prison now. From underwear to socks. If you need it, you buy it.

So what happens if they can't buy these things? They make them walk around barefoot? Or do they have to work in the prison to earn money, which then pays for these items? Because if it's the latter, then I still wouldn't do it - let him earn the money, and I simply can't imagine that it's the former.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I would not contribute. Its time for him to pay up. Why make prison life easier for him - let him work for 4 cents an hour to earn his privileges. If he is leaving a family behind while in the big house - I'd give something to them, why should they suffer?

 

[jenks0718]

I can tell you that I asked my mom that very same question and she told me that my uncle told her (now he isnt the most trustworthy person) that they have special programs for people like that. Some people do not have family to come and put cash on their "books". I honestly do not know how it works, but they do have these "stores". Once he is in there for so long he may be able to work in certain areas (washing dishes, serving on the line, book distribution) but I think you have to be in there a while before you get preference. My uncle wasnt allowed to use the money in house that he earned anyway. They cut him a check when he is released and it is mailed to the place you will be staying.

I still dont think it is worth the headache it would cause for the mother in law. Its not even about the prisoner. He screwed up (several times). Its about choosing your battles wisely IMO

 

[Disney Doll]

I would do it. I have an uncle for has been in and out of prison forever. Petty theft, drugs, stealing cars. He really is a loser, but I love him and so does my mom. She cries every time he is carted away, but deep down she breaths a sigh of relief that he is gone and off the streets.

I know that they make them buy everything in prison now. From underwear to socks. If you need it, you buy it. I would contribute. Not because I condone what he has done, but for my family and my mom's heart. Period. It isnt worth it to hurt her to make a point just so my uncle cant have a new t-shirt once in a while.

I kind fo agree with this train of thought.

I can't imagione what it must be like to be his mother. Her heart must be broken. I'd probably contribute for her sake. And I'd be angry at him for putting his mother into this terrible predicament. I'd probably also make it clear to Mama though that this was it.