A ? for non-drinkers

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I am a non-drinker. Other then a taste or two here or there I don't drink and never have. There are a few reasons for it. I have alcoolism in my family and while I know that doesn't mean I would be, I know my personality. I have a bit of an addictive personality. I don't like things, I love them. I can't do something half way, I have to go all out. Most things that is great, but drinking wouldn't be. Also, this is more rescent, but I take medication that doesn't mix well with alcohol. Also, I really just don't like the taste. With the exception of the Wallaby Darned at Outback that I think is very yummy, I have never aquired a taste for it.

I don't judge people for drinking, in fact I am a bit envious of those who can enjoy wine tasting or just a drink out with friends, it just isn't for me. My DH isn't much of a drinker either. He will have a beer while watching the game or a rum and Coke after a long day. But drinking for the purpose of getting drunk isn't something he has done since his early Army years. He too comes from a family of alcoholics, no good memories there.

I have never had an issue with anyone respecting my choices. Even in high school when friends would offer me a drink and I decined, no one ever made jokes or in any other way were disrespectful of my choice. Lately though with adults my age I have seem to run into some issues. A few have been people at a party offering to refil my Diet Coke and adding something to it, as if I am not going to notice? Trying to bribe me to drink with them, repeatedly offering it and sort of making me the joke when I decline again. For some of these people I have never been asked flat out why, for others I have or have offered it, but I always think, what if it ws because I was a recovering alcoholic and tey gave me a drink. I mean, that just seems so wrong.

I was at a party the other night (new people I didn't know well, parents of a friend of my daughter's) And they were drinking and I was drinking a Diet Pepsi. The one guy asked me "do you and your DH drink, like drink, drink, you know drinking." (His words.) I said ot really, me not at all, hubby not too much. I would have answered if I was asked, but I don't know them well so I just left it at that. He said so you are a hard core Diet Pepsi person, huh? I said yeah, more like Diet Coke but yeah. He said, so the hard stuff is regular, I said pretty much and kind of laughed, didn't think anything of it. But after that the few of them were talking amongst themselves, really kind of ignorning me. It was fine, I found other people to talk to, but here is my question...

I have never had this happen before, you would have tought it would have sooner, not in my mid-thirties? Did I just stumble on a few weird moments recently or what? I don't understand it. I mean, I feel like a teenager saying "I can still be fun and not drink!!" BTW, none of these are good friends or people I will be hanging out with on a regular basis, my friends don't care. But it got me wondering if others run into this?

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Non-drinking adult here also. (must admit I did drink like the best of them before getting married) I also have made the decision due to alcoholism in our families and what I want my children to be exposed to. My family totally ignores DH and I at parties because they all drink and we don't. My family and friends are more kind than DH's, but we always get the questions over and over again.

To answer your question, when I was younger we would have never said or pushed the issue on a friend or family member who was not drinking, and would most likely be grateful for the designated driver. As I get older, I find that the people are set in their ways and are more pushy and insistant that we join along. I guess they no longer care about the designated driver.

After this lovely novel, just wanted you to know you are not alone.

 

[rodeo65]

Very light drinker here and DH is a non drinker. We've never had an issue at a party or family gathering, maybe because I have the occassional one and just say DH is driving. Plus all of our friends and family know DH does not drink.

I do think, though that those who will push and push and then make fun of anyone who chooses not to indulge are probably people with a drinking issue themselves and feel if you are not drinking you are judging them. THAT I have seen before.

Having said that, in the neighbourhood we lived in before moving three months age, I noticed all the guys would stand around drinking beer on the street on the weekends and then would often move to one yard or another. We often did not get included in those situations. If not for our kids who had been playing with the other kids I could not have cared less. I think, again it was insecurity knowing they were going to get smashed and that was the goal and we were not.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Wow, thanks so much for answering, I am go glad I asked. I really am just seeing this since about summer and it was kind of strange to me. I only had one other instance of someone doing this and it was such a rediculious situation I kind of ignored it and forgot about it till you mentioned family. I don't have much family and DH has a large step family but they have cut ties, but years ago when I was 19 and pregnant with our first DD we were at dinner after the funeral for DH's only brother. I am sure he orderedd a drink, I don't remember, but I didn't. (Remember I was pregnant and under age.) His one aunt started making fun of me, asking if I thought I was better then them and stuff. DH said, well, she can't be served she's a minor and there is this little baby in here. She said she drank though all her pregnancies and was fine. We were newly married so I didn't say anything and let him handle it.

Anyway, talk about writing novels... thanks for letting me know it sin't just me.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I do think, though that those who will push and push and then make fun of anyone who chooses not to indulge are probably people with a drinking issue themselves and feel if you are not drinking you are judging them. THAT I have seen before.

Interesting, never thought about that.

 

[NMAmy]

BTW, none of these are good friends or people I will be hanging out with on a regular basis, my friends don't care.

If these aren't good friends, then I'd just ignore it. It's pretty immature behavior.

DH doesn't drink at all and I've never heard anyone give him a hard time about it. He doesn't make a big deal about it--he'll order coffee and if someone asks if he's not drinking, he just replies, No. Works for him.

I'm not a big drinker myself--a beer or margarita occasionally--and I've also never run into anyone like that. I'd limit my time with anyone who gave either of us a difficult time.

 

[Deb in IA]

I don't drink. Neither does my husband.

I was never a big drinker, and never drank before 21. At most, I had maybe a glass of wine 1 to 2 times a week. Never got used to the taste of beer, and never drank hard liquor.

DH did like to drink, but never had a problem with it. He only got plastered drunk once when he was in college. He liked wine, dark beer (espcially Sam Adams), gin martinis and bourbon. He stopped when our daughter went through the DARE program, and then asked if it was hypocritical that we were telling her to avoid alcohol while Daddy had his Maker's Mark bourbon on the rocks. That was it. Stopped right then and there.

Now he orders Roy Rodgers when we go out to eat. And our restaurant tabs are a lot cheaper!!

We've not experienced much pressure or were ostracised because we don't drink. We don't make a big deal about it, and most people leave us alone.

 

[Magpie]

I don't drink and I get this sort of thing from my mother all the time. She grew up in an era where she saw drinking as a sign of sophistication. I think she's embarrassed that I don't drink.

At Christmas dinner a couple of years ago, she even started apologizing to the waiter for me, because I declined a glass of wine! Now THAT was embarrassing - even the waiter looked uncomfortable.

The thing is, I know it's not my problem. It's her problem. So I deal with it pretty much the same way you do - I laugh it off, and don't let it bug me. In your case, I'd just decide these weren't obviously weren't my kind of people and move on.

What annoys me more is people insisting on an explanation for why I don't drink. I usually tell people right up front that I don't have any problem with anyone else drinking, I just prefer not to. But as for why? I don't see why that's their business at all. But if I'm really pressed, I'll tell them I don't like the way it makes me feel. I tried it a few times in university and that was enough for me, thanks.

My mother's lately decided I must be allergic to the stuff...

 

[5lilfish]

I've been in that situation too. DH and I rarely drink. If we do drink, it's one drink. I'd guess that I have, maybe, 3-5 alcoholic drinks a year. My Dh probably has about 10 drinks a year (usually fruity-tropical drinks while on vacation). I also have alcoholism in my family (a grandparent on both sides). I have an addictive personality too...although I do keep myself in check (I LOVE things but have pretty good self control when I need to). I have a huge distaste for being around drunk people. I cannot stand their touchy/feely and loud behavior. I have absolutely no bad feeling toward people enjoying alcohol. I buy beer/wine for company (we almost always end up throwing some out every year). I even don't mind the fact that people get drunk if the setting is approriate...even though I'd rather not be hanging out with someone who is drunk.

This past year we were at an away tournament for my 12 yr old DD's softball team. I could not believe how drunk some of the parents got. They were at a hotel, out-of-town, with their kids. The kids were left to hang out and wander while Mom and Dad were toasted. There was some obvious drunk driving going on too. Blew my mind.... It was not all of the parents, but I think we were the only ones that did not drink at all. It was definitely noted in conversation that we were not drinking.

I also have a friend that is a huge wine drinker. I've been outside with her in the early evening and she has been quite buzzed. The kids are still outside playing. That pushed the envelope for me too. If it were an hour later and the kids were inside settling in for the night, I would feel differently. Plus, she becomes very very touchy (like drapping herself on you) and that makes me nuts.

Jess

 

[Monte Cristo]

I drink like a fish...I'll have a beer after work, especailly if it's nice and hot out. Then I'll have another beer at dinner. If there's Monday night football on, I'll have another beer or 2. On the weekends, during the summer, I'll go through a 12 pack over the course of a weekend. My wife will have a margarita about once a week, and will have sips here and there of my beer....The last time I got drunk was at ESPN on the Boardwalk wathching a Patriots game with a couple who offered to share their booth with us probably 10 years ago.

We have friends who drink like us, and have friends who don't drink at all. I would never think of making fun of them. Like someone else said, sounds childish.

If these were people you didn't know well, I would just blow it off. I wouldn't care less what they said.

 

[DawnM]

DH won't touch any alcohol and I drink a glass of wine every few months. We don't keep it in the house at all. I only drink at a dinner party and even then it is one glass at most.

A person like you are describing wouldn't even be in any group that I would be a part of, so if it happened I would be stunned and would probably have a few choice words to explain to him what I thought of his behavior.

Dawn

 

[Becky2005]

I'm a non-drinker myself & luckily have never really run into the situation. I think I would just ignore them. It's annoying but what else is new with people. I know I've read many threads on here how it's so rude not to provide alcohol for people at parties, etc... and I guess I'm rude but it's never been an issue. Probably because 90% of my family doesn't drink. I have friends that drink and have all sorts of alcohol available at their parties, they don't think twice about me drinking my Pepsi. I think if I actually picked up a beer or something they would all go into shock and probably want to make sure I wasn't ill.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I hope I didn't make it sound like I was worried about this or these people, it isn't that. Like I said, they aren't friends, friends have not been that way or they propbably wouldn't be friends. However, sometimes in life you do have to go out with people who aren't friends and this is the couple times this has come up. I won't be going out with them on a regular basis, but will have to be at events with them from time to time be it with work, friends of our kids, etc.

The only time it really "bothered" me or maybe I gave it more thought was when a bunch of the women at a get together put it in my drink, and it wasn't that it bothered me, a sip won't kill me, but I was thinking about people who are in a new situation like this and are recovering alcoholics. They shouldn't have to explain themselves and shouldn't be tricked, it is very childish. It was once so maybe it's far from common (thankfully.)

No, I am not harping on this or them for sure, I was however curious if this is a normal thing and it seems that it isn't unheard of for sure.

 

[Gretchen]

I am a non drinker too, and get the 'oh come on, just have a glass of wine' all the time. ALL the time. Then I get the 'oh. you don't drink? at all? really?' all the time. Every single time I go somewhere. It doesn't really bother me--I just find it really interesting that people find it interesting that I don't drink. No one really treats me any different, I chalk it up to curiosity. I must say that I used to enjoy grown up beverages, and don't have a problem with responsible drinking of wine, beer, booze, etc. I really hate being around drunk people though. I would love to have a couple glasses of wine, a magarita, Manhattan, etc, but I get nasty headaches and it's just not worth it. I do make an occasional exception for a nice cold Guinness though...

 

[lovin diz]

dh and i dont drink. I really never liked the taste of it, and he was an addict. He cant handle it. I grew up like a previous poster. It is a proper thing to do--having social drinks with friends...It was a big deal me marrying an addict, and us not drinking.

I dont care what other people do, that is their business, but i have been given weird looks, and treated differently for not drinking. When very close friends ask, i dont hesitate to tell them why we dont drink--My marriage / family is more important than taking a chance on a drink..

 

[Becky2005]

The only time it really "bothered" me or maybe I gave it more thought was when a bunch of the women at a get together put it in my drink, and it wasn't that it bothered me, a sip won't kill me, but I was thinking about people who are in a new situation like this and are recovering alcoholics. They shouldn't have to explain themselves and shouldn't be tricked, it is very childish. It was once so maybe it's far from common (thankfully.)

THAT would have pushed me over the edge. I don't care if others drink but don't mess with my non-alcoholic beverage. Really, what if there had been a medical issue and that one sip WOULD have caused problems? I'm assuming there are people allergic to alcohol too or as the one poster said it gives her headaches. That was just totally rude & as you said childish. That would definitely be the last time I hung out with them if there was any way possible.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

THAT would have pushed me over the edge. I don't care if others drink but don't mess with my non-alcoholic beverage. Really, what if there had been a medical issue and that one sip WOULD have caused problems? I'm assuming there are people allergic to alcohol too or as the one poster said it gives her headaches. That was just totally rude & as you said childish. That would definitely be the last time I hung out with them if there was any way possible.

See, you gave even more reasons, for me it was thinking of alcoholics, what if that one sip was enough to put them over the edge. I mean, I don't know, I think it's possible. It was a one time thing but I have to say it made me realize you never put your guard down with people you don't know well and in fact I used it to remind my oldest DD about just that. Never set a drink down at a party or whatever cause you just don't know what people might put in it. For me it was harmless but for someone else it could have been a problem and it worse situations it can be a drug or something.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I think peer pressure now that I hit 40 is hundreds of times worse than when I was a teen. Whether it's drinking, or cheating, or beliefs, or diet, or child rearing, the world has completely lost it's mind. No such thing as tolerance of difference if the thing that makes you different is that you just want to keep to yourself and color within the lines.

These days the straight and narrow is the new sub-culture

 

[indimom]

Dh and I are only occasional drinkers (maybe one or two a year - He might have a beer with dinner out or I might have a brandy slush at Christmas. Yum!). We just aren't that interested in it. I think most alcohol tastes nasty and he really only likes beer.
BUT, we live in a "drinking town" (for lack of a better word). Around here it is Very Unusual to not drink. Even the church festivals include beer gardens...it's just a way of life.
My extended family always have drinks at family parties and routinely offer drinks, then offer again, then offer again. They don't really laugh or make fun, but we don't really fit in with them. I think they are uncomfortable with us not drinking. I guess they may think we are judging them, but I find that kind of silly since we were raised in this town where drinking is the norm. Duh!

My sister has it a little worse. Her hubby is a musician and he performs in local bars/restaurants ect. where drinking IS the occasion. She drinks less than I do, maybe one every four or five years... Definitely makes those folks uncomfortable and drives her NUTS, but she deals for her hubby's sake.

So, no, you are not alone.

And, by the way, Monte Cristo, I wouldn't call that drinking like a fish. Around here, to get that title, you would have to start with breakfast...

 

[Explodo]

Non-Drinker here also. I choose to not drink. I Like beer. I Like A cocktail or two. But for the past few years I haven't touched a drop. Beleive it or not my life is much more peaceful.

When people ask me why I'm not drinking, I tell them I'm allergic to alcohol. Everytime I drink I break out in Handcuffs, and promptly get infested with lawyers.

TBH, no one really cares that much. I think they just like having a sober cab around.