A dating question :)

[Becky2005]

I guess I'm a weird one as I never took age into consideration.

I did end up marrying someone 6 years older than me. I dated an older guy when I was in HS. Then broke up with him and dated a guy who was 6 months younger than me for several years.

I never really looked at the age number but considering I'm HORRIBLE with guessing ages, I probably wouldn't even know how old the person was until after a date or two. Then again I have limited dating experience.

 

[ilovejack02]

I probably should have thought about that ahead of time.

It is ok F.D. You young boys don't always think before you speak, it is a maturity thing, you will learn one day I am sure .

; )

 

[novajeanjellybean]

My personal preference is 5 yrs either way (I'm 27). My BF is 13 months older than me.

My FIL and I just had a semi argument about this the other night. He's recently widowed (about 3 moths ago) and asked me how would I feel about him seeing someone 21 years old. He's 48. It made me sick to my stomach. I wasnt the person to ask at all.

 

[*JoGo*]

Yeah, I couldn't date someone younger than my kids. That's creepy.

But I'm a woman, and apparently young men don't like old women anyway.

 

[disneychrista]

I am generally more attracted to guys 5 years or so younger than me. My EX was 2 years older. I have dated up to I think 6 years younger (and he acted like it).

To me I think it is more important that the couple have similar values & interests then age.

 

[Imzadi]

I can't imagine being in a relationship with them. They just lack life experience, and are still learning the life lessons I learned 20 or 30 years ago*.

I really need to date someone my own age, I'd say 3-4 years either way but the closer the better and if he's older the better (but that's just a personal preference). I've noticed in being friends with people (and I need to be friends with someone I seriously date) that when there's too big of an age difference, it can affect a lot, at least I notice it. And while that's OK with a friend, it's not OK with someone I date.

I don't want to play babysitter to a man, and I don't want a man who was legal when I wasn't even in my double digits yet.

I myself would not settle with anyone anymore than 2-4 years difference just because I find you are just to different in your life situation and long term goals.

I could have written all three of the above. I am only interested in someone a couple years difference in either direction. I've done a lot of internal work on myself. I can't imagine being with someone young enough that I have to babysit, or try to explain stuff that they just won't get because they lack life experience of their own. I also don't want someone old enough that in 10 years, I'm going to have to change his adult diapers.

I want someone who has found himself, knows what he wants, and is established within himself. Meaning, he's gone though his experimenting phase, his acquiring phase, his mid-life crisis because all he acquired and experimented with really doesn't fulfill him after all. I want someone who is on the other side of that. That when he says he knows what he wants now, what's important to him in life, he really does know.

I did date one guy 10 years older then me for a short period of time . Oh boy was he not my type!! LOL, don't think it had anything to do with being 10 years older then me...

When I was in my mid-twenties, I dated a couple guys who were 10+ years older than me. I thought it was because I was very mature for my age. I didn't realize, no, men in their 30's & 40's want a gal in her 20's because she doesn't know enough to require more from a relationship with them. I was basically the trophy 20-something, step up from a booty call girlfriend.

 

[NHdisneylover]

15-20 years.

Older woman with younger man is just absurd.

Men age more gracefully than women. Wasn't Sean Connery named the sexiest man when he was in his 60s.

Well I think DH is aging nicely (we are nowhere near 60 though--late 30s only) but it has happened 5 or 6 times recently that someone has mistaken me for his daughter. At least twice it was absolutely geuniune with us having a bit of trouble clearing things up when it became apparent they thought I was the teen I ABSOLUTELY do not think I look that young and have no idea why, but there it is (BTW I am 2 months OLDER than DH).

Besides, if your attitude is all about the looks you are not someone most women would want anything to do with anyway. Looks can be a nice part of the bargain--but I would drop a guy in a heartbeat if he was calculating if I would age well enough to be worth something to him later on

Well, put your money where you mouth is. Post a recent picture and let us guess

Okay--to answer the OP: DH and I have been together since we were teens and we kind of "grew up" together (not as kids, but that growing up you do as young adults off in college learning how to really take care of yourselves) and I love that about us. However, if something tragic happened and I had to start all over now, I guess just as I have friends of all ages and look more for personalities I like than age (really I never consider that in a friendship) I would likely do the same thing for dating. Keep it legal, and if things started to get more serious it would just mean a few more issues to think about (like you should always see if both partners are on the same page about having kids and whatnot and I guess that is a little ore likely to be off when the age difference is really big).

My dad's last two girlfriends were 19 and 22. It sceeves me out a little bit when he visits with someone technically young enough to be MY daughter--but both the girls and he know exactly what they are in it for and are happy with those decisions so who am I to judge? I will admit though that I do tell my kids to please not follow their grandfather's example

 

[dejr_8]

\

So it's OK for a man to date a woman 15-20 years younger but an older woman should not be with a younger man....you appear to be a man.....lol



Really? You have clearly not seen a photo of me, you would never guess I'm the age that I am.



Well for me, it's not about Edward and Jacob the actors, it's about vampires and werewolves and werewolves always win in my book. LOL DBF said to me the other day "so pale and skinny always loses over tan and buff?" I said "no silly, it's vamps and weres, you have nothing to worry about my pale skinny lover" LOL

OP I am 5 years older than my DBF, we are quite happy together and the age "thing" never comes up. I almost didn't date him because of the age difference but I'm glad I did. My BFF married a man 9 years younger then her, she almost didn't date him either but boy is she glad she did. I would say that 10 years younger and 5 years older would be my limits, but you never really know. If you're asking for yourself then take the chance, you'll never know until you try. If you're asking for a friend, same advice, take the chance, you never know....

Just look at Hollywood. Men can be romantic leads in movies well into their 50s. Most Woman are done being the romantic lead by their mid 30s. At that point, they move into "Mom" roles.

Of course there are exceptions and if you post a picture we can decide.

If the goal of marriage is procreation, men remain fertile throughout life whereas a woman's fertility is essentially over by the mid 30s (risk for genetic issues increases after that).

 

[plutotek]

I have an acquaintance that married a man 33 yrs her senior, which was amusing at the wedding when comments were made about him being older than her father. She's widowed now, but has been in a relationship for 5-6 yrs now w/a boy-man 15 yrs younger (still trying to hold onto his Animal House days). I understand the comment made about younger man/older woman as he is a poster child of a generation where manners/etiquette are more difficult to find.

 

[Mom21]

Just look at Hollywood. Men can be romantic leads in movies well into their 50s. Most Woman are done being the romantic lead by their mid 30s. At that point, they move into "Mom" roles.

Hollywood isn't real life. I'm 44. My ex-bf and I were (and still are for that matter) madly in love. He is 10 years younger. We were perfectly made for one another. He knew what I was saying and thinking using only 1 word. I have a dry type wit. Guys my own age stare at me and know they are supposed to "get it" but they just don't. I think if someone is right for you then they are right for you. No one guessed we were that different in age. If his company hadn't moved him out of the country in Dec 2008 I imagine we would be married by now. He still writes me, calls me, and always says he misses his "beautiful, sexy love." He was model material. He always got stared at on the street. Not like he was some dork that couldn't get any better. He was extremely intelligent and wonderful.

BTW I am a mother of a 13yo and I am beautiful and sexy. Being a mom does not have to equal frumpy or unsexy. And so what if it does? Not all guys are so shallow that they need the hottest young thing on their arm. Some actually look below the surface to see what the woman has to offer other than a hard body. I think you need an attitude adjustment to real life, not Hollywood.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

I am 25 seeing someone who is 40. I don't have a problem with it and he does not either. Some friends are horrified by it lol

 

[Jeanne B]

I'm 41, been single for a year and a half, I've been told I look great for my age (and in spite of FireDancers remark everything is still in the proper place) and the two men I've been most involved with are both 38. I've been on a few dates with men that were between 45 and 48 but I've found I'm most interested in men that are within a few years of my age, either younger or older.

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm 8 years older than my DH. As for men growing old more gracefully I get carded more than he does!! (FTR I think anyone carding me is just plain silly, but it happens )

My BFF just married someone 14 years younger than her and I thought she was crazy at first, but they are so good together, and it's not like she looks like his mom.

I met DH when I was 36 and he was 28, and I think that makes a big difference. If I had met him when he was 21 or 23 I'm certain I wouldn't have dated him then. I wouldn't want to date someone older than me, men my age just look too old!!

 

[Darsa]

Reading through this thread, the one thing that came to the forefront of my mind was "Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore". I certainly wouldn't call THAT absurd! More likely I'd give Demi a big ol' high 5!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Married 37 yr old girl here, but if I were single, I would prob be good with 10 years older or younger.

I don't think I could date anyone younger than about 27 , not sure why that is the magic age but it is lol.

My best girlfriend is 41 and doesn't look near her age, most guess she is early 30's . Most of the men that hit on her are early to mid 20's and then 50 + . We can't figure what is happening with that 30 yr old group lol. The young guys adore her , she has been seeing a 24 yr old for about 10 months now. Sweet kid, but lacking social graces. My hubby and I just spent a weekend with them in NOLA and it was hysterical to watch my hubby shake his head all weekend at him. I guess she isn't really interested in his social graces though, so it is working out well for both.

I get the same age group hitting on me. I don't know where the 30 yo group is. From my experience, they're all married or they're losers expecting mom & dad or the "little woman" to support them. The others that hit on me are the gangsta wannabe's immigrants that can barely speak a word of English.

To me I think it is more important that the couple have similar values & interests then age.

Exactly!

Also, some people are actually older than their numeric age and other are younger than their age.
In many ways, my bff is much older than me, yet in years, she's younger than me.

So age really is just a number.

If the goal of marriage is procreation, men remain fertile throughout life whereas a woman's fertility is essentially over by the mid 30s (risk for genetic issues increases after that).

So women over 35 should never marry?

 

[NeverlandClub23]

How much younger of a person would you date? A couple years? 5? 10? 15?
Do you think it makes a difference if it's an older man/younger woman vs older woman/younger man?

Just curious, having a debate with a few friends and thought I'd see what other people thought.

I wouldn't date someone younger than I am. I prefer guys that are about 5-8 years older than I am but I've noticed as I get older a lot of these guys are a)happy being single and are looking for a friends with benefits package, b)have children/ex-wife drama, or c)want to get married a week after meeting.

I figure if you get an older guy, he'll die first leaving you to have some peace and quiet for a few years .

 

[Gwendolyn]

Take the age of the eldest in the relation ship. Devide that persons age in 2. And then add 7.

Most of the times thats the lowest acceptable age for the youngest partner to be in a relationship with that older person.

That means if a guy is 19 devide that by 2 = 10 (always round up when its not a whole number) and then add 7 makes 17. So for a 19 year old guy its ok to date a 17 year old. But a 16 year old would be a no-no

But if the eldest person is 60 than the minimum age for the partner without to many weird looks is 37 (60/2 +7)

That formula is what most people find acceptable.

 

[tasha99]

Yeah, I couldn't date someone younger than my kids. That's creepy.

But I'm a woman, and apparently young men don't like old women anyway.

Au contraire. I've been using a dating site called OKCupid. I'm 43 and kept getting messages from guys as young as my oldest son who wanted the experience of an older woman. Ick.

I've changed my profile to be mostly anonymous now because I'm pretty steadily dating someone I met there (he's 50), but even without a picture and with a description that includes such appealing traits as "dropped out of high school" and "drinks desperately," I kept getting emails from young guys in their late teens/early twenties. I know it's cougar hunting, but I prefer to call it the Mrs. Robinson Effect. So now my profile flatly says do not email me for any reason --I'm just here for the quizzes and I'm 89 years old. So far, that's worked!

 

[indimom]

Well, at 37, I'd have to say that if I was looking it would be less about AGE as where they are in their life. A 10yr difference isn't that much when your my age, BUT what if that 27yo guy wanted kids????? Or that 47yo guy was looking forward to early retirement when I've got decades to go??? I'm just not sure how well that would work for me, KWIM??

 

[NHdisneylover]

Take the age of the eldest in the relation ship. Devide that persons age in 2. And then add 7.

Most of the times thats the lowest acceptable age for the youngest partner to be in a relationship with that older person.

That means if a guy is 19 devide that by 2 = 10 (always round up when its not a whole number) and then add 7 makes 17. So for a 19 year old guy its ok to date a 17 year old. But a 16 year old would be a no-no

But if the eldest person is 60 than the minimum age for the partner without to many weird looks is 37 (60/2 +7)

That formula is what most people find acceptable.

Okay this is the second post about half the age plus 7. I have NEVER heard of it before. Do you know where it came from?