A conundrum,tell me what you think.

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you everyone for your advise.My wife and I met for lunch today and talked about this.We both came to a agreement that we both need to sit and talk to both of them and set some boundries or rules.I told her if we don't its gonna split us up and she agreed.We love each other to much to let that happen..

Before you sit and talk with them, you and your wife have to sit and talk about the boundaries and agree with each other first.

The problem is not THEM it is YOU.

Once you start enforcing your agreements on them they will be pressuring the both of you to break. That is the hard part.

 

[donaldduck352]

Before you sit and talk with them, you and your wife have to sit and talk about the boundaries and agree with each other first.

The problem is not THEM it is YOU.

Once you start enforcing your agreements on them they will be pressuring the both of you to break. That is the hard part.

You are correct.Undoing a problem we caused.The wife and I are on the same page about this now and we both know we got to stick to what we tell them.

 

[usnuzuloose]

How should he do that?

I guess he could deny access to money for his wife (his paycheck). He could set up an account to put his paycheck in and not let her have access to that.

Also he would need to take over bill paying and all finances if he does not do that already.

That will certainly cut off the cash well out of his paycheck.

That is why I said move out. Really that is tongue in cheek but it does save a lot of fighting and gets your point across quick.

To tackle this issue head on is ugly and sometimes aggravates the situation. Spouse might get a credit card and start charging stuff to get revenge or to buy what she feels because spouse is now controlling the money.

OP, how do you want to solve this? That is really the question.

I am talking about the young man she is engaged to. He needs to understand that he needs to provide for the woman he is engaged to and his baby that is on the way. I dont break up anyones marriage that is not an answer to solve the issue. I was mearly suggesting that his wife needs to understand that by supplying them with stuff will not help the situation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You are correct.Undoing a problem we caused.The wife and I are on the same page about this now and we both know we got to stick to what we tell them.

It is not going to be easy. They are going to beg, throw tantrums, use guilt, get mad at you, etc... so prepare yourself.

Now, I will tell you this so you can prepare yourself mentally. The support can also be used as a "control" method on your end.

Meaning you want things a "certain way" for your kids and they know it. So that is their ace in the hole.

And we all do that to a certain extent, I suppose. You want your kids not to suffer "hardship". It is a habit that you have to break.

Good Luck!