A bit of Ex advice please

[MazdaUK]

My friend's unckle married a "young lady" from Bangkok and lets just say he got a terrible shock! (soundls like a limmeric, doesn't it!)

Anyway, that's beside the point! I think you are entirely sensible in the way you're handling this - whoever split up the relationship it would be as wrong to ask Callum to take sides as it would have been to take sides when you and ex split up. Ex should also consider he's not giving a very good example for handling relationships - people are not expendable!

Good luck!

 

[carolfoy]

R and I had a good chat last night, he says he's afraid that N won't want to know Callum in a few years time so that'll hurt Callum more(?) my reply was that as Callum gets older he'll be relying less on family and more on his friends for a social life so he'll either see N or not when it suits him, not the other way round. I also added that I beleive that teenagers go through such crap as they're getting older and they tend not to talk about issues with their parents so if N turns out to be the one person he feels he can talk to or seek advice from then thats good.
The conversation ended with me agreeing that Callum wouldn't stay overnight but allowing Callum to decide if and when he wants to see N

 

[ely3857]

At least an agreements been reached that you are all happy with, seems like R had a genuine reason however much he put his feelings before Callum's initialy.

What the h*** about the 'lady' from Bangkok



Jodie

 

[mozzman]

Sorry if this goes on a bit.
My Ex (Lets call him 'R') and I split up when Callum was about 18 months old, after a couple of months he was seeing a lady (I'll call her 'N') and they moved in witheach other. Fair enough, They were married after about 4 years together but split up in march of this year. R didn't mention anything about it to me at all it was only Callum who told me. He has become very close to N over the years and she has treated him like one of her own. R is now refusing to let Callum see N and doesn't seem to think that N needs Callum in her life (she has been a second mother to him for practically 8 years and Callum doesn't know of a life without her) Callum has been very upset about this so I 'engineered' a meeting last weekend whereby we were shopping in Exeter and 'happened' to bump into N, went for lunch together , had a chat etc. N is very keen on keeping in touch with Callum and misses him like mad so she asked if it was possible for Callum to stay a couple of days with her in half term. This is fine by me but I didn't want to sneak around behind Rs back so I asked him last night.
He's furious and says that N should just bog off out of Callums life and leave him be but Callums really keen on seeing his stepmother.
Now the question..
If R really puts his foot down and refuses to let Callum see N should I go ahead anyway? he's being really unreasonable as far as I can see. I certainly don't remeber him having any consideration for my feelings when we split up and he was taking my (then) small son around 'this other womans' house a lot. N agrees with me but I don't want Callum becoming a weapon between the two of them.

i had a exact same problem,i was with a woman for 5 years and then we split she wanted to see my children of a previous marriage,i have to say i was not happy with the idea and also cut her off.i did not want too many people involved regulary in their lives what about any new woman i dated that would be 3 then the next 4 it seems harsh but i think it was for the best,they dont remember really now.its a real tough call but personally i think i made the right decision for them and me.