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[Pembo]

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[Buttercup26]

I am involved in Girl Scouts and I have to tell you that a leader that cannot control 4 boys, should not be a leader. While he may be a nice person he is not a good scout leader. You or your husband should volunteer to be a co-leader and get him to switch nights.

If that's not possible, call your local Boy Scout council office and explain the situation to them. They need to know what is going on at the den meetings, they may have a mentoring program (we do at our local council) and can send a more experienced leader out to work with him until he can manage the boys on his own.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

they are playing "let's exclude the outsider" and that shouldn't be allowed.

Who Charters the Pack?

Is there another Den that contains boys your son goes to school or church with that he would feel more included in?

I would begin by talking with the Pack Leader and expressing your concerns.

 

[Pam]

Toby's Friend beat me to it. Call your Scout Council and ask what other Dens are in your area. If it were me, I'd switch to another Den. Your son is going to want to quit Scouts if there can't be a resolution and that's a real shame because once he hits Boy Scouts, the fun events really start. (Can ya tell I'm a very proud Mom of an Eagle Scout, who is now 17 and still active in his Troop, as well as being the Lodge Chief of his Order of the Arrow Lodge?? )

Another thing, is it just the one Dad at the meetings? BSA requires two-deep adult supervisor, meaning that another adult should be at ALL meetings, campouts, field trips and activities.

Your son is being picked on because he's outside their "clique" group. I was a Den Leader 5 years. We didn't allow any of that -- I had at one time 10 very active boys in my Den. I required at least two other parents to help me out. It's a real shame that the Dad is allowing himself to be walked all over by the other boys.

Another thought, you can at any time also start up another Den of your own and maybe your son could recruit some of his friends from his school/Church to join. Just ask your Council about it. I won't lie, there's some work involved to being a leader -- but the rewards of seeing the boys grow and advance are so worth it.

 

[CajunDixie]

Like Pam stated BSA requires 2 Deep Leadership....it's not optional EVER! Who/where is the other leader? And why are they meeting at a persons home? That's a big no-no too. We were taught in our training that leaders should not have meetings in their homes and should not be driving scouts to and from den & pack meetings other than their own children. It's different when they are driving to a specific event like camp where you fill out a trip permit and have more than one leader going to the same destination.

Meetings should be held in a public building, park or church. Not in a home.

 

[KellyLynn]

I was the committee cahirperson for our pack, I made it a point to go to one meeting for each den and intorduce myself to the parents and the boys. If you are having a problem i think you should attend a comittee meeting and ask them to address it.
Also I to must stree the 2 deep leadership, If all dens are only 1 deep and council finds out about it there will be problems.

If the leader is not addressing this situation, and it does happen all the time kids pick on the "outsider" it becomes a gang like mentality if someone dosen't do it too then they fear they will be the outsider next. Address it NOW! If the leader is not willing to take a stand and address the issue then he should not be a leader. JMHO.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would change Dens. I know nothing of Boy Scouts but I do know this sounds like an uncomfortable den for your ds.
I would make it a point to search out one that meets you and your son's needs. Also having just one leader there is "odd" and I wouldn't let my kid go, jmho.

 

[Pembo]

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[LoveWDW]

When my oldest was in a den, some of the past den leaders said it was the best time of their lives. I thought about it and volunteered to be den leader for my youngest. It was truly a fine time. We had about 8 in our den, and I asked the parents to plan something one time during the summer and to talk to or invite the boys to their place of work. The parents were very supportive. They took the boys to pool parties, hikes, bike rides, picnics, and so forth. We visited local businesses of some of the parents. We even made a little band- each boy playing whatever instrument he was taking in school, or playing triangle or other percussive instrument if there were no school instruments. We played for the Blue and Gold banquet. It was a great time. I recommend being den leader.

 

[Pembo]

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[KellyLynn]

So what should I do...call up the current den leader and say "Hey, you are doing a crappy job, I want to be the den leader." ? I don't think he really wanted to do this. He was forced into it right before we joined the pack bc the current den leader wanted out. (That guy has since left the scouts).

I told dh I want to "HomeScout".

Half the fun of scouting is having the fun with other boys and reaching a goal as a group and most of all team work.

It is a hard choice to make . Because of the way that the Cubmaster and committe is allowing the den to be run, violating Scouting Rules, I would approach the committee and raise your concerns with them regarding the 2 deep leadership, having the meetings at a private home .

I would approachthe leader with the way the meetings are being run and the apparent lack of leadership and structure.


I mean you would not have 4 boys over to your home to play and have one be the victim of their harsh words and teasing .



If you need information to bring to the committee regarding the use of privat homes and the lack of 2 deep leadership let me know.

This is supposed to be a fun time for your son, you don'twant to turn him off something that he wants to to but you need to address what is going on in the pack and see if it can be resolved, it not then it is time to move on. Visit your local council office see what other packs are offered in your area, it does not even have to be in your town as long as it is part of your council.

Visit other ones so your son can see what is different , what they do and how the dens operate.

Good luck

 

[daisyduck123]

If a scout leader can't control 4 nine-year old boys...it's time to find a new leader or get him a co-leader....that's ridiculous. He should have layed down the law from Day 1. Teachers tell student teachers they have to be strict from Day 1 or they will not have any control over their class.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Originally Posted by Pembo
So what should I do...call up the current den leader and say "Hey, you are doing a crappy job, I want to be the den leader." ? I don't think he really wanted to do this. He was forced into it right before we joined the pack bc the current den leader wanted out. (That guy has since left the scouts).

I told dh I want to "HomeScout".

who was that actress in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle that pulled the school bully aside and threatened to beat the crap out of 'em if she didn't quit picking on the other kids?

Rent the Movie, Study up!

no seriously, I'd point out to the Den Leader what is going on and see if it gets better, then I'd move if it continues. Youth activity volunteers are often drafted unwillingly and sometimes you can really get a Dud.

 

[Pembo]

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[Pam]

Do you think that if you took over the Den that your son is currently in that you could curb the nasty behavior of the other boys?

I personally would find another Den or start up my own and have your son recruit some of his friends. Over the years my son recruited 5 of his friends to join Scouts, both Cub and Boy.

A Pack might be big, but they only meet once a month. Try to find a Den that's around 4-8 boys.

I had to at your HomeScout comment that you made to your husband. There actually is a BSA Lone Scout program, but it's for Scouts who live in the backcountry.

 

[Pembo]

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[Pam]

Pembo,
Sounds as though the Leader wants the title of Den Leader, wants to complain that he can't handle the boys, wants to permit the other Scouts to run around and pick on your son but when psuh comes to shove, doesn't want anyone stepping in to help him.

I would definitely call Council tomorrow and inquire about other Dens and also ask if the Leader is BSA and has his clearances. I would tell them about the lack of 2-deep leadership.

Now, if your DH takes the boys swimming, he MUST file a trip permit with Council 2 weeks in advance. There is a special form which can be obtained from Council. You will need at least 2 Adults along and one must have the Youth Protection training. (Go to www.scouting.org - you can take the training online.)

A break over holidays?? What a joke! I'm with you - my Scouts always rang the bell for the Salvation Army, went Christmas Caroling at the nursing homes, adopted a family and were Secret Santas. Also, they should be working on their advancements as they usually earn their next rank during the months of Feb. or March.

I think that you and your DH would do a terrific job as Den Leaders. Your husband is a pastor, right? Did you know that the Scouts can earn their God and Me and God and Family religious awards as Cub Scouts.

Good Luck and anytime I can help you, just ask me.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Barb, You and Mark would make wonderful den leaders! Alex was in Cub Scouts for about a year but there was absolutely no discipline. It seemed to me there were alot of kids with emotional problems that were being dumped at the meetings with no parental supervision and for the leaders to deal with. I wish the leaders could have had a 3 strikes, you're out, policy for the troublemakers.

TC

 

[Disney Hot Mama]

I am a den leader for 5th grade boys. I have 4 in my den - though they are all in the same class this year. 2 are a handful, one is OK and then my son is good but when the other 2 get out of control he does the same. At our meeting tonight they kept talking, woulnd't listen to me and I just said fine when you are ready to listen I will talk until them the meeting is over. I had to repear this several times throughout the night and we made it through the night. I run a tight ship at my meetings. I don't allow much 'fun' or 'playing. The meetings are only 1 hour and I expect these boys to behave for this one hour and get their activities completed. I also require the parents to remain during the meetings so hopefully when the behavior gets crazy they can take their boys home from the meeting.

Good luck. I would do at the other posters have said contact the committee about the lack of 2 deep leadership. I would also make sure I attended the next meeting and see what is up OR simple change dens and possibly packs.

 

[the kabuki]

At our den meetings all parents are there. We've occasionally met at a scout's home, but again all parents are there. I don't care for your situation of the 4 boys' meeting with only the one den leader present. Not trying to insinuate anything, but someone else should definetely be there. Not only to protect the boys' but also the den leader. Accusations could be made,true or not and your den leader is just putting himself and the boys in a not so good situation. Plus, what if one of the boys got hurt? I know I wouldn't want that kind of responsibility alone.

I would try to look for a new pack. We have 77 kids in our pack and while it's large the individual dens are pretty small ,mostly 6 boys or less.