8yo with $175 purse??? -- How do you teach your kids the value of a dollar??

[Laurajean1014]

My son DS10 works in the summer for our business. My DH is an electrical contractor and he works cleaning the job sites, the vans and learns a few things about safety and job ethics. It brings my son and husband closer and it teaches my son the value of hard work. We pay him and he saved up for a new bike this summer. He treats that bike better than anything else he owns. Why? I guess because he earned it.

I do buy things for my son when he gets really good grades (95 or better). But nothing in that price range. More like a t-shirt or a ball cap.

Only Santa can give gifts for being good.

 

[disneyfan67]

My son DS10 works in the summer for our business. My DH is an electrical contractor and he works cleaning the job sites, the vans and learns a few things about safety and job ethics. It brings my son and husband closer and it teaches my son the value of hard work. We pay him and he saved up for a new bike this summer. He treats that bike better than anything else he owns. Why? I guess because he earned it.

I do buy things for my son when he gets really good grades (95 or better). But nothing in that price range. More like a t-shirt or a ball cap.

Only Santa can give gifts for being good.

I like what you're doing and not only does your son get the ethic of hard work instilled into him, he can get to make choices were that money goes. If he buys for example, a expensive video game and then has no money left for the week, then he learns to prioritize what is important to him. He learns the difference between a want and a need. I did the same thing when I bought a real expensive BMX bike in the early 80's and I worked my butt off for it. It finally took about 15 months of part time work, but I earned it and I was proud of it. My parents had the means to buy it but wouldn't think of spending that kind of money on a bike. I took damn good care of that bike once I got it all paid for and put together, if I remember correctly.

 

[TinkNH]

I guess you missed the part where I said at the appropriate age when they can understand the value. I do not believe in going into debt for such things. Presents are paid for in CASH (well actually credit card for my Disney Rewards, but promptly paid off).

I saw..i was confused and thought you were agreeing that the child in question would know the value of such things.
I have no issue either with people like yourself ..obviously responsible and capable of providing yourself with 'luxury' items without going into debt. I think however that you are probably the exception..and that most people are probably more like my SIL and it is all a matter of keeping up with the jonses..all status and materialisim..and puttingthemselves into debt in the process, as well as not teaching their child (my neice is 4!) the value of money. The culture we live in that propagates this sort of lifestyle where ppl will get themselves into debt all for the sake of outward appearance bothers me...I just think there is a lot more important stuff in this world than the label you are carrying around. (this is not directed at YOU btw miss jasmine, .,..I just got on the soapbox and didnt know when to stop apparently.... I am seeing this type of thing put my brother and sil into deep debt, and causing issues in their marrage..so I guess it just hit home..you know?)

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Tink, glad we got that all cleared up. Yes debt can cause many problems in marriages. That was one of the problems with DH and his ex-wife. he likes that I am not a spender (seriously ). She is the one that buys the kids everything without teaching them the value of it, so really I do know both sides.

 

[JunieJay]

I can't imagine what 8 year old would even want a $175 purse.

I could see buying an expensive purse for my 12 year old, given a special ocassion as Miss Jasmine said. I don't see the difference between an X-Box and an expensive purse, both are materialistic gifts meant to give the owner a certain pleasure from owning it.

 

[Tiffer]

I can't imagine what 8 year old would even want a $175 purse.

I could see buying an expensive purse for my 12 year old, given a special ocassion as Miss Jasmine said. I don't see the difference between an X-Box and an expensive purse, both are materialistic gifts meant to give the owner a certain pleasure from owning it.

AGree. Or the difference with and expensive purse and expensive sneakers, or abercromie clothes, or Ipods, or PSP's...etc.

 

[georgina]

I'm also pretty careful about how I respond to requests for things I am not willing to purchase/do. We are blessed with a good income, so most things that she could ask for are things we can technically "afford", but we choose not to do all of them. I never say, "We can't afford it". I always answer, "We don't choose to spend our money that way". I want her to understand that it's about choices, and that choosing to say no to something you can afford because you'd rather spend that money some other way (or save it) is a responsible way to live.

I think this is important too. My kids know I can afford to buy whatever I/they want, but that I choose not to. We live in a very modest house, keep our cars for 10 years, don't eat out much, don't buy many clothes, and they see that. I am trying to impress upon them the idea that things do not make you happy. That being said, DS does have an Xbox 360 (he paid half) and oldest DD has a couple of Vera Bradley bags (she works in the summers and I made her buy her Coach purse herself). Youngest DD in 6th grade is agitating for a Vera Bradley purse since all the other middle school girls have one - she will have to wait and get it for a Christmas present. I refuse to get her a cell phone until she hits high school. A lot of these things are personal decisions, but learning to save and delayed gratification are so important.

 

[FreshTressa]

I buy my kids designer clothes and $100 sneakers...but it is more for me than for them, lol. I love quality things and have a budget that can handle it.

I enjoy dressing my kids nicely. It gives me pleasure to see them all decked out. They are starting to get into it too.

We talk about quality, not just name brand. In fact, DS won't wear stuff with obvious branding.

I get insulted by people for doing this...called dumb.."the will just outgrow it" etc.

It is not a waste to me, though. I look back at them as babies in their little 'costumes' and love it. I love seeing old pictures of my daughter in her little Ralph Lauren or Baby Lulu print dresses and matching diaper covers. Or the little hanna super soft baby sweater.

As for the value of the dollar, we don't talk about money so much as working hard. I teach my kids to work hard, at school, at chores etc. I think if they know how to work hard, they won't be spoiled and money will come. Does that make sense?

 

[dixipixi]

I would not buy an expensive purse for an 8 y/o. I would buy nice clothes (I don't necessarily mean designer) for school, church, social occasions, but not for play.

When my daughter was old enough to understand the COST/VALUE of it, then I would consider it. But only as a Christmas/ Birthday/ Graduation gift.

If I would buy a $300 game system for my son, then why not an expensive purse for my daughter? If she wanted to blow her entire amount at Christmas on a purse, then that would be what she got.

Personally, I have had one D&B purse that I eventually gave to my housekeeper because she liked it and I didn't. I have a nice Coach bag (that I have had for years), a few that cost between $50-$100, and a lot of bags that cost less than $25 (most of them from WalMart and Target). My favorites are the cheap ones.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Um, no. No way would I ever spend that kind of money for a purse for a 8 y/o.

Now, tonight, my DS9 and I just went out to Dicks Sporting Goods and bought a pair of Nikes for him that cost $100. He'll get at least a few months wear out of them. I can justify this. However, I cannot justify a $175 purse for an 8 year old.

My 11 y/o DD is content to borrow my purses for now b/c I am a complete purse freak! I love my Pradas, Coaches, Louis, Dooneys....I already picked a Coach out for Xmas when we were in Atlanta a couple of weeks ago. I think DH would go into heart failure if DD became a purse addict like me!

 

[Linzybrooke]

I won't buy myself a 175 dollar purse! I just got a Harvey Seatbelt Purse and I bought it on ebay for less since they are about 80! It was the first time I bought a purse that was more than 30!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I can't imagine what 8 year old would even want a $175 purse.

I could see buying an expensive purse for my 12 year old, given a special ocassion as Miss Jasmine said. I don't see the difference between an X-Box and an expensive purse, both are materialistic gifts meant to give the owner a certain pleasure from owning it.

I agree with you also.

As far as teaching monetary value, we have recently begun discussing with DD why Daddy has to go to work. We discuss bills in general terms like food, clothes, house, dance lessons, etc, and how we need money to pay for these things. She asks for things (toys) and we say put it on your Christmas/Birthday list. In the end not a lot ends up on the list.

She doesn't understand the concept of savings yet because, frankly, there is nothing she needs to save up for. She really doesn't need more things so we just put the birthday money into the piggy bank and she forgets about it.

As far as spending money on my kids well, recently I went to the store and came out with 3 pairs of shoes for DD. None were tennis shoes (she already had those). Did she need them? No. Do I like to buy them for her? Of course. Will she never learn the value of a $1 because Mommy buys her lots of shoes? Well, that's up to DH and I to find that balance. So far, so good.

 

[Cool-Beans]

I think this is a really important discussion to have and thank the OP for sharing her opinion. I don't think, though, you can say that it's okay for adults to indulge in lavish items but not their children because the two are very much connected. As most of the literature on parenting will say, children learn primarily by example. So if Mom is buying $200 purses at boutiques but telling her daughter that she gets a $10 handbag from the mall, what kind of message is that sending? The "do as I say but not as I do" school of parenting usually fails.

It doesn't matter to me how hard someone works, that still doesn't entitle them to live a lavish lifestyle while other people in this world suffer. I don't care how old you are, there is no need to own a $125 purse or $150 pair of running shoes. Think of where that money could be better used.

Take your kids to a soup kitchen for the day to donate time and money or to a breakfast program for street people or to the local chapter of the AIDS coaltion. Those are the real lessons to teach your children.

And I know that there will be people inevitably who will respond to this saying that it's none of my business how your family chooses to spend their money and I don't intend to dictate that to you. I just wanted to provide some food for thought to those of us lucky enough to have food AND thought.

If you are all that worked up about that $125 that wasn't donated to charity, I would suggest that you give up your internet access and donate YOUR money. In your own words, "think of where that money could be better used."

I was raised to judge people based on the content of their character...not which kind of purse they carry. And I have raised my children to do the same. But thanks for telling me what the "real lessons" I should be teaching them are.

I AM entitled to do what I want with my money. I'll buy whatever I please for whomever I please.

 

[Beca]

If you are all that worked up about that $125 that wasn't donated to charity, I would suggest that you give up your internet access and donate YOUR money. In your own words, "think of where that money could be better used."

I was raised to judge people based on the content of their character...not which kind of purse they carry. And I have raised my children to do the same. But thanks for telling me what the "real lessons" I should be teaching them are.

I really LOVED Enchanted Tiki's post , but to Cool-Beans, I also have to say Bingo!!! I agree that we are raising a generation of spoiled, self-centered young people, but NOT because we give them a $175 purse. If any of you want to learn some really interesting facts about the way our society really works....I suggest you read Freakenomics. Example: The best way to teach your children to be lifelong readers is NOT to read to them, to make them read for a minimum of 30 min. per day, and it is not to have many books in your house. The best way to raise lifelong readers is to allow your children to see YOU reading!!! That fact is interesting in a whole lot of ways. Using that logic, the way to teach your children to "value" money (a totally weird concept to me anyway), is for you to not buy YOURSELF that $175 purse. What we do makes a much stronger statement than what we say. I totally believe that, if Mom has a Coach, and tells her daughter that she is not old enough to have one, she is dangling the proverbial "forbidden fruit" above the child's head, and thereby actually INCREASING the desire for materialism.

I was raised in a below poverty household. I began working year-round when I was 13...I lied and forged documents to work. I think being so poor made me MORE materialistic. I always felt everyone was "better" than me, and felt like I needed to "prove" my worth. Well, by all standards...I was successful. I have a graduate degree, and my dh makes more money in one year, than my mom made in 15 years. We are wealthy...even by American standards. My lesson learned...I am not any "better" now than I was when I was poor. And, I do not WANT my dd to feel like she is not as good as someone because she doesn't have what some other kids do, and I don't want her to feel better than other kids because she has more. My dd is 4, and by global standards....INCREDIBLY spoiled (but, by global standards ALL American kids are incredibly spoiled). However, she is already learning that stuff is just "stuff"....something no one ever could've convinced me of, because I never had the "stuff".

Now, dh and I do most, if not all of our clothes shopping at Walmart (only his casual clothes...dress clothes come from $$$ places). Why? They're just clothes...I don't care!! However, it has taken me MANY years to get that way. I do have a thing for Brighton, so my purses, sunglasses, and watches are all Brighton. My wedding ring is...well, it just is. Why, because I LOVE diamonds!!! However, my car has 110,000 miles on it and I hope to put 60,000 more on it before we sell it. Why? It doesn't matter to me....i.e., it brings me no joy to have a new car rather than my old one...I really like my old one!!!

My point is this...EVERY choice I/we make is teaching my dd about values. Sure, I buy her a lot of stuff, but more importantly, we make time as a family to watch and/or participate in her activities. She likes gymnastics...so, we do group and private lessons. She likes ice skating, so we take time out to go EVERY weekend as a family, in addition to her lessons. We also listen to her and enroll her in other activities that she feels passionately about. And, whenever possible, we BOTH try to attend her activities. Why? Because what she achieves is more important than anything we could buy....and, I wouldn't risk missing out on seeing her do something for the first time for anything in the world!

Also, as a family, we decide what charities, community service groups we will support with our time and money. This is a big part of "keeping her in check". I feel that it is not what you give your kids that spoils them, but rather what your family's values are. If you are a "keeping up with the Jones' type of family, you're probably going to be in some trouble, but if you are a family that makes choices based on your TRUE interests...I don't see a problem. Helping your child find ways to give to others, and achieve things they never thought they could will help them feel so much better about themselves, and then whether or not they have a designer purse becomes a much smaller issue...it's just a purse!!! And frankly, I'd rather my dd get her purse, and go to a physical activity, than give her a video game so her butt stays glued in a chair all day...but, that is just me!!!

But, in an attempt bring some sanity back into this thread....any American who calls another American "materialistic" needs a SERIOUS reality check!!! We Americans are 8% of the world's population, and consume 25% of the world's resources. Such a statement would be so hypocritical that "Pot, your kettle is calling" cannot even begin to describe it!!

Sometimes, I think if we all decided to a better job raising our own kids, instead of complaining about how others raise their kids...we'd be a LOT better off!!

One of my favorites:

'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world.

'If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish ... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity.'

'Also ... If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the millions who will not even survive this week because of their afflictions.

If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of, or the pangs of hunger and starvation ... you are spared of the agony of 700 million people in the world who are less fortunate.'

'If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, or death... you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world.'

'If your parents are still alive and still happily married ... you are very rare and very fortunate.'

'If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to the millions who are in doubt and who live in despair.'


Seriously...it's not about a purse...

 

[FreshTressa]

If you are all that worked up about that $125 that wasn't donated to charity, I would suggest that you give up your internet access and donate YOUR money. In your own words, "think of where that money could be better used."

I was raised to judge people based on the content of their character...not which kind of purse they carry. And I have raised my children to do the same. But thanks for telling me what the "real lessons" I should be teaching them are.

I AM entitled to do what I want with my money. I'll buy whatever I please for whomever I please.

See, this is how I feel....having nice things does not make a child spoiled. Having poor character and a poor work ethic do.

I teach my kids fortitude, hard work and respect. To me, that is more important than being judgemental about other people's belongings.

My kids have very nice things. They never ask/beg for them. They don't destroy them and take good care of them. They know how to work hard when it is needed.

Nice things does not mean that the child does not have good values.

 

[noodleknitter]

Awww. But teaching them that a "name-brand" is what makes quality is what I have issue with. That is what I am speaking of when I talk about training little materialists. i'd rather my children garner attention by being good kids, rather than having "cool stuff."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

For one thing I don't buy purses that cost that much & we do not have that kind of money for a purse.
My dd's see the price tag on a D&B purse and we look and admire but then we toodle off to Hot Topic where she got a purse that she liked just as much for much less.

Now that may not be a stellar education on money but I think it instills something inside, like stay within your means.
Shop around and find something that is satisfying but afforable.
As far as I am concerned that pretty much sums up buying goods.

 

[GeorgeG]

When a purse or any such item costs that much, the value of money is warped, at best. When a designer label is valued more than the actual product we've lost our grip on life.

 

[TinkNH]

I enjoy dressing my kids nicely.

If you have the budget to purchase designer clothes for your children..thats great. I have no problem with ppl who can afford to buying their children whatever. But please remember that even those of us on a budget who cannot afford to buy designer label clothes still like to dress our kids nicely. I think my DD looks adorable in her $12 outfit from Target:

It was within MY budget, and fact of the matter is she will outgrow the outfit long before it is worn out..even though it was less expensive and lesser quality than a designer label. We all have the same goal just different budgets

 

[Cool-Beans]

Awww. But teaching them that a "name-brand" is what makes quality is what I have issue with. That is what I am speaking of when I talk about training little materialists. i'd rather my children garner attention by being good kids, rather than having "cool stuff."

Just for the record, Coach and Liz Claiborne and all the rest are knock-offs of real "designer" purses. So are the cheaper, $20 purses. So, people who spend $20 or $200 are both buying their kids knock-off purses. IMHO, there is no more prestige to carrying a D&B purse than there is to carrying a Fossil or K-Mart one.

I don't go into debt to buy the $200 purse, just like others aren't going into debt to buy the $20 purse. We live within our means, just like everyone else.

Children become spoiled when parents start buying them things because they whine, cry, or demand it. If DD did that, she'd get no purse. But as long as she is behaving well, there is no reason not to get her a purse. And how I spend on it is, honestly, nobody else's business.