Andrew DEREK UK
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2004
- Messages
- 29,143
Quickly saying hello, see you all later
Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...
MESS TEST:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST:
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST:
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more new ones and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the assistant to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest grocery store. Go to HR and arrange for your wages to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to cause havoc. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
Hi guys just wanted to pop in and say thanks for missing me. I have been disguised by Enna in her 12 step program and am masquerading as a homeschoolteacher in an undisclosed location....remember new grade level....
Maybe I am not supposed to break the secret but to anyone who wants to know who THeresa is.....she is my homeschool buddy DIALADY.
Spent most of yesterday on computer booking .......drum roll.........
FREEDOM OF THE SEAS for 3 weeks from now......YEAH!!!!! Anyone wanta go?
Gotta go shower. See ya later.
Funny thing is, Angelina said she really isn't all that interested in driving just yet, but thought it would be a good idea to have her license incase she and Hazel are out, and Hazel doesn't feel like driving home. Hazel had a little fender bender accident the other day, nothing serious, but she is really starting to worry me with her driving, back in June she had totaled our new car, only had it six months at the time.
Hazel was in her 30's before she got her driver's license.
Oh well, got to grab some lunch, be back soon.![]()
Okay, what happened to the reasonable pace I can keep up with? I'm gone from 2pm yesterday to 7am this morning - a mear 17 hours - and there are 50new pages to read!!!
Don't you people have lives?!?!?![]()
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Overview:
Heavy snow and wind will cause travel problems for mountain areas along and west of the Continental Divide today, and bursts of heavy snow may hit us locally this afternoon and tonight...
Hello. My happy pill is Lexapro.![]()
Hello everyone ...First let me say THANK YOU for all the well wishes , Its great to know in a internet world like this that people can come together and share.
Things went well , and for me was probably one of the hardest things I have had to do in what I consider still my young life ..LOL But I am back home in Vegas after making my peace and do feel that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have to be honest , the whole viewing thing was way creepy for me and I really didnt handle that well, but did make it through and couldnt wait to get back to hold my kids. I wish this man would have gotten to get to know his grandkids, but as I said I have made my peace and have forgiven him ...
I will be around a little today I still have MIL in town , but I at least wanted to write and say thank you all for being here and your nice wishes and prayers ...
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Okay, figured out how to get the BCC field to show up whenever you start a new email message - at least if you're using MSWord as your editor.On mine the CC shows up on the line under the email address and if you click that- it shows the box with all the email addys on the contact list and gives the choice of sending to email, CC or BCC there. I haven't figured out how to get BCC to actually show right there on the email "form" so to speak.
A simple question........Chocolate or Vanilla?
Me: Chocolate!
I paid $126 every 6 months for insurance in the late '80s as a secondary driver on my parents' cars. I think it was $400/year in '91 when I was out of college & had my own new car.
I know it was one rare instance and suicidal pilots or terrorists are far from the top of my list of travel worries. It's the rushed maintenance I worry about -- they are given too little time to do their jobs and under enormous cost pressure.
Seriously?!?!![]()
Does flying bother you? DMom loves to fly...but hates takeoff, landing and turbulance!I thought we were going to have to sedate her once
whereas I'm more apt to fall asleep before wheels-up!
Too much time spent in flight testing
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'93?I had my last kid in '93.. ok I am offically old.. back to work for me .. see ya all later
Does flying bother me........well I hate it, I detest it to the very core of my being. I'd rather pluck my eyeballs out of their sockets and yank every hair out of my head. I'd rather visit the Gynecologist, I rather have a colonoscopy........Yeah, I think I have a problem with flying![]()
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