7 months pregnant and in-laws tell me to sleep on floor

[IV Little Monsters]

This is EXACTLY what I'll do next week when I see the Dr. Thanks! Problem solved!

And... to defend my husband - even though he knows his parents would be "offended" that we'd get a hotel... he said we would get one if they didn't have a bed for us. Also, he is pushing for everyone to come to our place for Christmas. He knows that I won't want to travel.

And yes, the in-laws do treat us like children... wanting everyone there for Christmas ON Christmas day. It annoys me. At least they're starting to get used to the idea that their oldest daughter (who has young kids of her own) does not come on Christmas until the evening. They don't like that she does that... but tough.... they're grandparents now, they need to act the part of Grandparents. They just think their younger kids (8 and 11) ought to have the big "family Christmas" that they deserve. Too bad, so sad.

I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being selfish by saying "I don't want to travel or sleep on the floor." I don't know what it's like to be 7 months pregnant... so I don't know what to expect. You have all confirmed that it will be agony.

My decision is made... I'm staying home for Christmas, and if they want to pay us a visit here - feel free!

I hope your dh told his parents about staying home and not you. What about next Christmas when the baby will be here, will all three of you have to sleep on the floor?

Selfish is one thing you can be w/o out feeling guilty right now. Being pregnant is difficult espcially in the later stages. And you are especially fragile w/ your condition.

You need to do your best to take care of your baby before birth and after. YOUR familiy (dh, yourself, and baby) come first now. Don't feel guilty. The ones who should feel guilty are your inlaws.

I'm sure you will have a spectacular holiday season!

 

[GoofieRuthie]

If it's high risk no need to even discuss the issue. Stay home or demand a bed or even a couch.

However, when I was 8 months pregnant, my Stepdad was in a very bad wreck and in ICU. We camped out in a corner of the waiting room and I slept on the floor several nights. I just made it as comfy as I could (for sleeping on the floor) with lots of blankets. I wasn't high risk though. If I had been at someone's house, I wouldn't have expected to sleep on the floor though.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Maybe his family's trying to re-enact the whole "No room at the Inn" Christmas story?

Oh Tag Fairy

Well, some people called me selfish for saying that I put my needs first - this is a perfect example. I won't let my or my dh's extended family steamroll us into situations using guilt as their only tool.

Will we do things we're not crazy about - absolutely. But, would I sacrifice myself to the extent the OP's inlaws expect her to? The phrase "bite me" comes into my head.

Not one person in that family can give up their bed?

Talk about selfish - I haven't read through all the posts - but it seems like the OP is opting to stay home, and that's good. It will be fun for you to start your own Christmas traditions for your family. It will be fun. Get one of thos Christmas journals where you can write down memories of your Christmas and traditions you've started, new ornaments, etc. You'll especially treasure the journal as the baby grows older.

 

[becjlek]

This thread has given me a great idea. I wonder if I could fake a pregnancy at my age just so I wouldn't have to go to my IL's for Christmas?

 

[WillowPuff]

I put this update in my first post, but thought I'd post it here as well for those of you still following my saga.

Edited to add: Just updating, that we plan on staying home for Christmas. And... I don't want to "bash" my in-laws, but to give you a taste of the way they think... MIL gave birth to all 5 of her kids at home. She thinks she's one tough cookie for doing this, and so does FIL. Well, good for her, nothing wrong with that. They don't believe that Dr's do any good, so they do everything naturally. However, they are mocking me for being a "high risk" pregnancy. They seem to think that term is a joke. I told them that I may have travel restrictions later on, and FIL comes back and says "okay then, why don't you just go on complete bed rest right now, have your husband do everything for you, and don't have any fun." What the heck!? I was just saying I MIGHT not be able to travel later on in the pregnancy.

Also mentioning... that NO they haven't flat out told me that I'll have to sleep on the floor. But they seem to think any pregnant woman can do everything a "non-pregnant" person can do... they are pretty egotistical since MIL was able to survive 5 births at home - therefore, anybody should be able to do that.

 

[shortbun]

I have lots of friends like your in-laws. Always doing things 'natural' and expecting others to follow them. Fine for them but they need to accept that they make their choices and we make ours. That's what keeps the world interesting, all kinds of perspectives. I think I would tell them , the next time you get one of those comments, that you totally respect their choices and celebrate their successes adding that you hope they can share the same kind of respect for your choices and successes. Smile and have joy and love in your sweet voice when you say it ending with a huge hug. They'll never know what hit em and since you live 500 miles away, it will never need to come up.

 

[Disney Doll]

Good decision not to go anywhere too far away from your own home, hospital and MD in month 7 of a high risk pregnancy.

Congratulate your MIL for being "one tough cookie"(although one oculd argue that such a "tough cookie" shouldn't have a problem travelling "so far", so she should be able to come to your house this year ) and stay home and enjoy Christmas in the comfort of your own home.

 

[yeartolate]

It has been my experience that tough cookies leave a trail of crumbs that you have to clean up after.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It has been my experience that tough cookies leave a trail of crumbs that you have to clean up after.

Oh and they are dry so you have to drink A LOT of your choice of beverage to be around them.

 

[JoBird]

MIL gave birth to all 5 of her kids at home. She thinks she's one tough cookie for doing this, and so does FIL. Well, good for her, nothing wrong with that. They don't believe that Dr's do any good, so they do everything naturally.
However, they are mocking me for being a "high risk" pregnancy. They seem to think that term is a joke. I told them that I may have travel restrictions later on, and FIL comes back and says "okay then, why don't you just go on complete bed rest right now, have your husband do everything for you, and don't have any fun."

Well, Sir!!!!!!!

If that's how they feel about themselves, I believe I would make it known that as soon as they dusted off their Wonder Woman and Superman capes, they would be welcome to fly in to see their Grandchild.

Until then, they can keep their snide comments to themselves and look at you all in pictures.

Tough cookie, indeed.

Jo

 

[linda0706]

It has been my experience that tough cookies leave a trail of crumbs that you have to clean up after.

That was funny!

If you're looking for ideas for future holidays, it works in our family w/ both sets of inlaws to alternate holidays -- one Christmas at home, next Christmas w/ out-of-town family. One side of family is local so we visit them on Christmas day on the years we stay home. (We sleep at home but have dinner together either at sister's house or our house.) We try to alternate visits at Thanksgiving so we do see the out-of-town family every year for one or the other holiday.

Every family dynamic is different, but that's what works for us.

 

[SC Minnie]

With the further history given, I would not be traveling for Christmas this year nor any future year.

Your MIL wants her younger kids to have the big family Christmas under THEIR tree on Christmas morning etc etc etc. What about YOUR child having Christmas under YOUR tree. This very thing happened with DH's family. One SIL always wanted her children at their home on Christmas and everyone else to travel there. We did it for a couple of years and then I put my foot down. Nope, not doing it any more. Our small family unit's Christmas traditions are important too.

We go see them other times of the year but not Christmas.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I put this update in my first post, but thought I'd post it here as well for those of you still following my saga.

Edited to add: Just updating, that we plan on staying home for Christmas. And... I don't want to "bash" my in-laws, but to give you a taste of the way they think... MIL gave birth to all 5 of her kids at home. She thinks she's one tough cookie for doing this, and so does FIL. Well, good for her, nothing wrong with that. They don't believe that Dr's do any good, so they do everything naturally. However, they are mocking me for being a "high risk" pregnancy. They seem to think that term is a joke. I told them that I may have travel restrictions later on, and FIL comes back and says "okay then, why don't you just go on complete bed rest right now, have your husband do everything for you, and don't have any fun." What the heck!? I was just saying I MIGHT not be able to travel later on in the pregnancy.

Also mentioning... that NO they haven't flat out told me that I'll have to sleep on the floor. But they seem to think any pregnant woman can do everything a "non-pregnant" person can do... they are pretty egotistical since MIL was able to survive 5 births at home - therefore, anybody should be able to do that.

After reading this, I have to repeat, yet again, my earlier advice.

You had better learn to establish some personal boundaries NOW or there will be huge problems in your future.

There is one area where maybe you should learn to be one tough cookie. And that is at protecting yourself, your baby, and your marriage from these peoples unreasonalbe expectations.

Your inlaws think that they can impose their unreasonable expectations on others. Just wait until they start expecting your precioius little-one to tough it out. When this started to happen with my little DS, that was when I drew the line and it was OVER. You don't have to wait for that to happen. You will looking back, like I did, thinking 'why did I take so long to wake up?? Why did I let this affect what should have been the best years of my marriage and my life."

Here is what you need to do.

1. Do not discuss any of these issues or personal matters with them at all. They have shown zero respect for you. They think that they can mock or chastise you. That is NOT acceptable. Remember, information is power. The more they know, the more ammo that gives them. You should not personally speak of any of these personal issues with your inlaws. They have no right to the information. They have no right to interject their negative input.

2. Establish your own personal boundaries. These are YOUR boundaries. Nobody elses. They do not have to be subject to approval, discussion, or argument. For example: I will not travel unless I have my own room. Not with a baby or young child. I, and my baby, need some space and privacy and downtime. These are my needs. These are my boundaries. (Shouldn't matter at all what anyone else's opinion may be.)

3. Speak with your husband and let him know that you need him to put you and the baby first, above his parents opinions and feelings. I am afraid that this is your biggest problem. If your husband truly feels that waking up on Christmas morning at mommie and daddies house is so important to him, then I think that speaks volumes. He is an adult who how has a job and a wife and a home 500 miles away. Mommie and Daddie should be the absolute bottom of his list. If meeting Mommie and Daddies expectations is important to your husband, then that is a problem. (what about his wife's needs and expectatons?) If he acutally personally wants to be at their house for Christmas morning, at the expense of a safe and comfortable Christmas with his wife and baby, then that is even worse.

Instead of focusing on how unreasonable your inlaws can be. I would be focusing on the fact that your husband needs to cut the umbilical cord, ASAP.

 

[Banshee]

I put this update in my first post, but thought I'd post it here as well for those of you still following my saga.

Edited to add: Just updating, that we plan on staying home for Christmas. And... I don't want to "bash" my in-laws, but to give you a taste of the way they think... MIL gave birth to all 5 of her kids at home. She thinks she's one tough cookie for doing this, and so does FIL. Well, good for her, nothing wrong with that. They don't believe that Dr's do any good, so they do everything naturally. However, they are mocking me for being a "high risk" pregnancy. They seem to think that term is a joke. I told them that I may have travel restrictions later on, and FIL comes back and says "okay then, why don't you just go on complete bed rest right now, have your husband do everything for you, and don't have any fun." What the heck!? I was just saying I MIGHT not be able to travel later on in the pregnancy.

Also mentioning... that NO they haven't flat out told me that I'll have to sleep on the floor. But they seem to think any pregnant woman can do everything a "non-pregnant" person can do... they are pretty egotistical since MIL was able to survive 5 births at home - therefore, anybody should be able to do that.

Wow if my FIL talked to me like that he would have gotten told what he could with himself. Not only by me but by DH too.

 

[Wishing on a star]

My FIL did actually speak to me like that. (DH didn't even seem to notice)

That is why I am posting from personal experience.

OP: You can't live your life trying to meet self-righteous and controlling peoples expectations.

If your husband still gives any weight to this parents wishes and expectations, then this is your problem. These are never inlaw issues. These are marriage issues.

The title to your thread should have not be 'inlaws want me to sleep on the floor', But "My husband wants us to go to his parents, when I will be 7 months pregnant, and they may not even have a bed for us."

 

[flipflop]

I'm glad you've decided to stay home. I had a high risk pregnancy and I agree with everyone else who said with such a pregnancy you should not be travelling at 7 months, regardless of the sleeping conditions.

I was happy to see that you have discussed your future Christmas traditions with DH. It's important for you to both be on the page and that HE be the one to set boundaries with his parents. We have a huge party on Christmas Eve and we don't travel on Christmas day..period. Our kids wake up in their own beds in our house with our tree. Anyone who would like to stop by can and if not we get together another day. That's what works for us. MIL hated our policy but my DH put his foot down and told her we would not be at her house every year for Christmas dinner as she expected. She pouts about it but that's tough noogies. Although your IL's still have young children, they are going to have to learn that in relation to YOUR little family, they now play the role of grandparents and that may mean everyone is not in their house on Christmas morning.

Get your husband on board and have him set the boundaries with his parents. It will only get worse once your child arrives.

I hope you have a very healthy, safe and happy pregnancy.

 

[Mkrop]

Willowpuff-

My MIL is a nurse and she thinks that all pregnancies should be like hers were, quick (very DH was almost born in the hospital elevator) and painless. Both of hers she had two labor pains or so and barely made it to the hosiptal.
Well good for you, lady, mine were nothing like that!

Both times I had no labor pains but once my water broke, I had the labor pains.
I was in serveral hours of labor and my second was much harder than my first until the lovely epidural . Then after I gave birth to DS4 she came down to "help", and I was having some cramping and she looked at me like I had 3 heads and said "I never had anything like that happen to me" Ugh cmon you are a nurse, can you muster up ANY compassion and realize that everyone is different.

So I hope your pregancy is uncomplicated and an easy birth but I really cant stand people like our ILs who think everyone will have the same experience.

We too had to change Christmas traditions once our kids were born, MIL stills is not happy that she doesnt have her Christmas eve traditional dinner and likes to throw it in our face once in awhile but that is too bad, and at least one of her kids shows up at all, unlike her other son.

 

[Nancyg56]

I put this update in my first post, but thought I'd post it here as well for those of you still following my saga.

Edited to add: Just updating, that we plan on staying home for Christmas. And... I don't want to "bash" my in-laws, but to give you a taste of the way they think... MIL gave birth to all 5 of her kids at home. She thinks she's one tough cookie for doing this, and so does FIL. Well, good for her, nothing wrong with that. They don't believe that Dr's do any good, so they do everything naturally. However, they are mocking me for being a "high risk" pregnancy. They seem to think that term is a joke. I told them that I may have travel restrictions later on, and FIL comes back and says "okay then, why don't you just go on complete bed rest right now, have your husband do everything for you, and don't have any fun." What the heck!? I was just saying I MIGHT not be able to travel later on in the pregnancy.

Also mentioning... that NO they haven't flat out told me that I'll have to sleep on the floor. But they seem to think any pregnant woman can do everything a "non-pregnant" person can do... they are pretty egotistical since MIL was able to survive 5 births at home - therefore, anybody should be able to do that.

I have been reading this thread and have had a hard time understanding why they would even think you would be coming until now.

The tough cookie and her DH are going to be ridiculing all of the decisions you make for your family if they do not mirror their own, I'm afraid. There is nothing superior about chancing home births IMO, but to each their own.

Since you have decided to celebrate Christmas at home you will find out now how they react to your new traditions and I am willing to bet that it won't be pretty. I am a MIL and I cannot understand how any mother would ask her adult children to continue to behave like children after they have established their own families. Once grandchildren enter the picture it is even more troubling. No one should have to choose between risking a Mother's wrath over a visit and that of honoring a spouse, and that is what those two are asking of your DH. I imagine that they will also disregard your children's wishes to be home in order to fulfill some crazy idea that the family all goes home to Momma for holidays and then conveniently forget that they are Mom and Dad anymore, they are GM and GD and Mom and Dad now reside in their own home with their own family.

Best wishes to you and I hope that the rest of your pregnancy is peaceful and uneventful.

 

[Jennasis]

Certainly not defending anyone here, BUT since The in-laws have under-age children CURRENTLY living at home, I can very much see why they desire having the older (and married) children in the house on Christmas morning to be ther with their siblings. The younger kids are still at the age where everyone being there Christmas morning matters to them. I very much remember the first Christmas that we had where my adult sister was in her own place and I was married and in my own place. My under-age sister was actually quite distraught that we weren't there at the crack of dawn to open gifts. So I DO see why the in-l;aws are still expecting everyone to be there. They aren't in grnadma and grandpa mode yet...they are still mommy and daddy to two young kids!

HOWEVER, I totally agree that you need to set boundaries now and to establish your own traditions now as it will be way harder to cut their cord later. Obviously you sleeping on the floor isn't even remotely a possibility. I bet you guys will really love having a nice quiet Christmas this year!

 

[Conservative Hippie]

There is nothing superior about chancing home births IMO, but to each their own.

And there is nothing righteous in a hospital birth, either.


Less than 3% of births by healthy women have complications that are unforseen. Complications will happen whether you are in a hospital or 2 hours away from one.